Thursday, December 27, 2007

Starting to realize...
I'm starting to think/realize that it's not his fault, but mine entirely. The thought occurred to me in a nanosecond and then left on the 24th when I "wrote" that letter to him (meaning, it was just a way for me to get out my feelings; I have NO intention of sending it). And yesterday with what I wrote in here, I realized it again. So I thought about it today, and I'm still not exactly sure on it, but I AM starting to really think now that it's not his fault at all.

I need to write about it in my super-secret blog and work it out for myself. I'll let you know then.

I found a loophole in the system, though. By checking his (or anyone's) page on facebook and looking at their AIM handle, I can tell whether they're on. -_-; There went my idea. The only way I can console myself is to remember that he still can't actually IM me (when I took him off, I "blocked" him, b/c only those on my b/l can IM me). I mean, I can't even say, "oh, he's busy" because facebook frickin' TELLS you, whether their away message is up or not. X__x;; I guess it's just back to sheer willpower.

I'm also still SORELY tempted to look at his lj "in case" he left a message for me, but I'm trying to justify that with, "If he can't bother to tell me directly, then it's not worth it. Say it to my face, damn it!" I guess, then, I also refuse to metaphorically wait by the phone for him to call. I won't let him control my life.

And I guess... then it's not fair for me to bait him, either. Like, I changed my facebook status the other night to, "X1, X2, X4, X5, X6 - the song tracks of my life." and of course he didn't notice. So, yeah, that's hardly fair. (Actually, Van commented -- wrong person. XD)

And I was good tonight. There were so many things I wanted to make reference to, but each of them were very long, and sort of telling. And I like to plan out my statuses if I'm going to do something like that. So right now it says, "Roxie is a slew of various facebook statuses that are both telling and rash. ARGH!!!!"

I'm going to change it, though, to something else. Give me a minute...

Okay, it says: Roxie has decided on, "Nos vieux fantômes, I want to go home" sheerly b/c it's stuck in my head. On that note, who writes "virus autonome" in a song?

I probably won't write anymore about this whole thing in here, until I figure it out. So, when I do, I'll post the good news. Which hopefully will involve it being my fault, and me not being annoyed and hurt by him. XD


Oh! I also forgot to mention that I thought of him today when I went to see National Treasure. There was a preview for the next Narnia movie, which we had talked about when we saw Golden Compass.

National Treasure was really good! Sequels usually suck, but this one was quite good. I thought it was really cool with all the clues, and the way they snuck into Buckingham palace AND kidnapped the president. XD It was really good. Gee, I kinda of like the president in that movie. Wish ours was like that. XD

They also left a cool opening for a third movie. I really hope it's as good as the first & second, and not shitty. lol.