Thursday, November 6, 2008

You'd think I would learn by now...
No, but honestly, you'd think I would learn.

The reason I had a crush on French boy in high school (and for the record, no I have not completely gotten over him - first loves always seem to be that way) was because were randomly partnered up for chemistry lab. Back then I was so uptight (yeah, you think I am now, imagine back then. ;) ), and he was so obstinant, but when we switched lab partners, I found that I really missed him. And that's when I realized I had a crush on him.

It's not because he was funny or charming or wonderful - he was none of that. But it was the "close contact" factor, I believe. In other words, the longer you are exposed to something, the more it "grows" on you, so to speak. And I feel that happening with me now, again, though I wish it wouldn't.

There's this boy in statistics class that I sit next to, and sit next to when we work on the computers -- so I have lab next to him every Thursday for three hours. And he's kind of a boring character, a bit of a jerk, and he's also Republican, but I find myself liking him anyway (a Republican - goodness, what is this world coming to?). And I feel like it's the same thing as when I had chem lab with French boy.

I wonder if I'll miss him next semester? I hope not. And I don't mean it that way, I just meant that it will be easier for me, and for my heart if I don't miss him. Until then, I can only wonder how I'll feel, and try my hardest not to like him any more than I do.


AND THEN, there's "intelligence boy," I shall name him. Who is very unattractive overall, a bit awkward (okay, but who am I to be calling people awkward, hello?), but has this cadence and rhythm to his voice that's just... wow. And he's just very smart. Very, very smart. And I find intelligence attractive. But I don't find him.

I think it's a really weird situation. I like him, but then I don't like him at all, at the same time. ??? =/


I also missed my window of opportunity (was it ever actually there?) with Austrian boy, whom I see hanging out with all these other girls that I've never seen before. The backstory on him is that he just broke up with his girlfriend (who is missing out on something terribly special -- she doesn't appreciate him enough), and is staying here another semester. So I thought about him for a while, but then uh, yeah, I see him with all these other girls. Missed out on that one. >_<;;


There's ska boy who doesn't know I exist (briefly contemplated going to see him swim at the match -- under other pretenses, of course), and Final Fantasy boy who confused the heck out of me but I think he just wants to be friends. Oh, and Spanish boy who can go take a hike, seriously - ewww. There were a couple more, but they're so far off the radar, I don't even really think about it anymore.


I *almost* wish I was sick again (I was sick on Monday, Tues, and Wed), just so I wouldn't have the mental capacity to think about all of this, because it makes me very sad to know that no one out there likes me *that* way. =(