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myOtaku.com: MistressRoxie
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Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Roxie feels nothing
This is the facebook status I want to put up, but I'm afraid he's reading them, so I won't put it up.
Besides, it's pretty emo.
It's just so... boring, being at home. Stupid thoughts come into my head, I become emo. >_<;; It sucks.
Already I'm starting to forget the way it felt. And all I want is to feel it again; to feel good. To laugh like crazy when his roommate walks in. That scene doesn't even make sense, now, because I can't feel it.
And all of this has made me realize again, but this time confirm, that I've never LOVED anyone. I've never wanted to spend my whole life with anyone, I've never been head over heels crazy for someone, and I'm afraid I never will. I'm afraid I'll never find someone like that.
But... I think I'm afraid for all the wrong reasons. For me, I'm okay if I never marry anyone (just as long as I can adopt). Thinking about that situation, I can still imagine myself being perfectly happy and content.
I'm only afraid because I won't be normal. If I run in an election, people won't vote for me because I'm not normal. My mom and my dad will be disappointed that I never had a wedding, and that they don't have grandchildren, so I'm afraid of letting them down, too.
I hate how my desire to always "fit in" pretty much dictates my life.
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