Friday, October 20, 2006

Kill Me Kiss Me
I really don't know what's wrong with me. He said he couldn't hang out at the diner, and I felt so incredibly bad. Depressed about it, really.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Gin (that’s his name) has a girlfriend. He wanted me to see a movie with him (though both he asked and I answered in a really supreme round about way), but he asked after he told me he had a girlfriend. And I said to him, hey! *not* a date. You already have a girlfriend.

Oh, I'm just going to dig out the conversation because I'm too lazy to paraphrase & narrate it both.

Gin: woo date
Me: >O
Me: date?
Gin: ^-^
Me: don't to that to your g/f. :/
Me: *punches you*
Gin: whowho
Me: *gestures to picture*. (edit: she's his avatar) seriously, don't do that to her
Gin: she did it to meh
Gin: lol
Me: and you're still going out with her? *raises eyebrow*
Gin: yup
Gin: i dun know why
Gin: -0-;;
Gin: should i brake out w her?
Gin: she live far away too

(He moved here from a place that's 30 min away... if you drive 80 mph on the highway. lol)

A while later in the convo:
Me: Look, I don't have a problem if you want to go out with me, but not if you have a girl friend. I don't want to be used as an item to "get back" at her. Be good to her - stay with her, or break up with her.
Gin: >_<
Gin: aww
Me: sorry.
Gin: wat
Gin: wat for
Me: yeah, well with that face you made me feel like a jerk. lol.
Me: be good to her. I'm sure she's a nice girl.
Gin: '-'
Me: what? I'm sure she is, or you wouldn't be going out with her.


The thing is, I really don't want him to break up with her. Even if she did cheat on him it's not okay to do the same. It's not okay to get involved with a guy like that. And I don't even think it's okay for him to break up with her so he can go on a date with me.

I honestly, truly believe it's not about me. It's about her, and being good to her. *Be good to her* - that's what I feel is the most important thing in this situation.


I know that if I keep talking to him, and getting closer to him, I'll be leading him on. But then I get depressed when he can't go to the diner to hang out in a group (w/ a bunch of my friends).

So, it's not fair for me to get closer to him, but I feel depressed that I can't hang out with him.

I feel really bad about a lot of things right now. I feel bad he can't hang out, and I feel bad about getting closer to him, and I feel paranoid of all things - what if he's only pretending too? I feel as though we're playing games with each other. -Which is absurd to think, but that's the paranoia that I feel.

I also feel pretty guilty about bothering AJ with it. He’s been my agony aunt through the whole thing. I love you, AJ! ;_;

If anybody has any advice for me, *please* send me a PM. I’m completely lost, and I feel out of touch with reality because of all this. Any (appropriate – don’t send me nasty, mean things ^^) advice or insight would be much appreciated.