Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Choke

http://www.xeron.org/cosas/bowman/bowmanf.html

I've been wasting my time playing this game. It's quite fun.

Well, once this e-bay auction's over and I know I've won this Playstation memory card, it's to bed. There's work tomorrow, and it's 2:48 a.m.

I'm also trying to win a copy of Choke, which is by that Chuck Palunicskjdskdhsaoi;hdsafd guy (I can't spell his last name for the death of me). You know, he wrote Fight Club. You know who that is. Well, I've been wanting to read his books.

Here's my chance.

That ends in an hour or so, and I still might get outbidded, but whatever. I can't stay up another hour.
Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Jim Morrison - Celebration of the Lizard

Lions in the street and roaming
Dogs in heat, rabid, foaming
A beast caged in the heart of a city
The body of his mother
Rotting in the summer ground
He fled the town

He went down South and crossed the border
Left the chaos and disorder
Back there over his shoulder

One morning he awoke in a green hotel
With a strange creature groaning beside him
Sweat oozed from its shiny skin

Is everybody in?
The ceremony is about to begin

Wake up!
You can't remember where it was
Had this dream stopped?
The snake was pale gold
Glazed and shrunken
We were afraid to touch it
The sheets were hot dead prisons

Now, run to the mirror in the bathroom
Look!
I can't live through each slow century of her moving
I let my cheek slide down
The cool smooth tile
Feel the good cold stinging blood
The smooth hissing snakes of rain . . .

Once I had, a little game
I liked to crawl back into my brain
I think you know the game I mean
I mean the game called 'go insane'
Now you should try this little game
Just close your eyes forget your name
Forget the world forget the people
And we'll erect a different steeple
This little game is fun to do
Just close your eyes no way to lose
And I'm right there I'm going too
Release control we're breaking through

Way back deep into the brain
Back where there's never any pain
And the rain falls gently on the town
And in the labyrinth of streams
Beneath, the quiet unearthly presence of
Nervous hill dwellers in the gentle hills around
Reptiles abounding
Fossils, caves, cool air heights

Each house repeats a mold
Windows rolled
Beast car locked in against morning
All now sleeping
Rugs silent, mirrors vacant
Dust blind under the beds of lawful couples
Wound in sheets
And daughters, smug
With semen eyes in their nipples

Wait
There's been a slaughter here

(Don't stop to speak or look around
Your gloves and fan are on the ground
We're getting out of town
We're going on the run
And you're the one I want to come

Not to touch the earth
Not to see the sun
Nothing left to do, but
Run, run, run
Let's run
House upon the hill
Moon is lying still
Shadows of the trees
Witnessing the wild breeze
C'mon baby run with me
Let's run
Run with me
Run with me
Run with me
Let's run

The mansion is warm, at the top of the hill
Rich are the rooms and the comforts there
Red are the arms of luxuriant chairs
And you won't know a thing till you get inside
Dead president's corpse in the driver's car
The engine runs on glue and tar
C'mon along, we're not going very far
To the East to meet the Czar

Some outlaws lived by the side of the lake
The minister's daughter's in love with the snake
Who lives in a well by the side of the road
Wake up, girl! We're almost home
Sun, sun, sun
Burn, burn, burn
Soon, soon, soon
Moon, moon, moon
I will get you
Soon!, Soon!, Soon!

Let the carnival bells ring
Let the serpent sing
Let everything

We came down
The rivers and highways
We came down from
Forests and falls

We came down from
Carson and Springfield
We came down from
Phoenix enthralled
And I can tell you
The names of the Kingdom
I can tell you
The things that you know
Listening for a fistful of silence
Climbing valleys into the shade

I am the Lizard King
I can do anything
I can make the earth stop in its tracks
I made the blue cars go away

For seven years I dwelt
In the loose palace of exile
Playing strange games
With the girls of the island
Now I have come again
To the land of the fair, and the strong, and the wise
Brothers and sisters of the pale forest
O Children of Night
Who among you will run with the hunt?
Now Night arrives with her purple legion
Retire now to your tents and to your dreams
Tomorrow we enter the town of my birth
I want to be ready'
Comments (0) | Permalink

⌡$◄$4D)ê◄)

Crushing hand/ It's tough to stand on both feet isn't it?/ Don't fall/ Stay away from the ground/ You'll just fall down/ Feet are made for walking/ Mouths are made for talking/ My love is made for stalking/ Hearts break the blood is red/ Your knees are knobs/ I'd like to open that door/ Your legs look sore/ But you can't give up/ Walk this path with me/ This isn't some yellow brick road/ This is the path least traveled/ And our foots are prints that will never be forgotten/ This path is full of lies/ Deeper into you than this/ Right beside the thighs/ You've got to get bruised some of the time/ Just keep walking away/ One breath closer death/ One leg closer to life/ It's gaining breadth/ Don't stray from the path/ Over there to the distance is your epithet/ The epilogue speaks/ The whore's lips? Did they touch your sacred body? Desecrate your design?/ Violator will make you away/ The red apple that fell from the tree/ It'll keep you occupied/ Just keep walking/ There's nothing left to do but run run run/ It's all lying still
Comments (0) | Permalink

Mitch forces himself to write a poem and is not happy with the results.

In the Thickness of the Dark
I went walking, you walked with me
It was stark - fancy - we were free
The blackness carried the breeze
Falling down and putting its fingers on the trees
Going between the branches' knees
I felt the crunch of those falling leaves
The darker you go the darker you please
But pleasure doesn't do what it seems
Somewhere it takes you where it leads
But to forget is a deeper, darker need
Wood is hollow your breath a dream
I would like to take you with me
Your wood is hollow, your breath a dream
Your veins full of blood, an endless stream

We're just trees
We need to grow
Don't you ask me I don't know
I'd like to stand still

We're just trees
We can feel the breeze
We are bent by its hand
I'd like to stand still
But I can't
Everything tells me to feel
But all I feel is you

I remember a far off time
In a far off land
When Fate put my seed
My parents were full of lust & greed
Their love consummated me
And one at a time, I grew
And one at a time, I knew

My roots go deeper than you know
My roots are wicked
My roots are gnarled on you
I feel left out, done and through
Every day there is a night
In the night there is a day
Let us carry away

Water me in your rain
Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, August 9, 2004

Love Song

I'm on my two days off from work now, and then after that, it's work on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Saturday.

The last few days I worked at work were hell. It's the weekend, so the place is as busy as all hell. But I made it through it, and gladly I have these two days off.

But when I work next week, there's one day where I work from 10 AM in the morning all the way till 10 PM. That's just going to be fun, so fun I can barely wait.

Also, another day I work 5 PM to close. Apparently, I might be starting to get trained to be a dishwasher. You see, they've got this machine that washes the dishes there. . .and that's how they dishwash.

I should be able to make it through it next week. Hopefully.

I get my first paycheck tomorrow. I'm supposed to go up there sometime after 2, and then I'll get it.

I've worked it out and it'll only be about $150. And once I've got it, $60 of it goes to my dad for my car insurance, so that leaves $90 left over.

I think I probably won't even save it, at least not this time. I'll buy some stuff with it probably. But I don't know. It's pretty hard-earned money, and I'll probably need it more sometime else.

Oh well, I'm pretty sure next paycheck will be more, especially considering next week I'll be working nearly 40 hours, even though I had only told them I wanted 25-30 hours.

Right now I feel pretty tired. Don't know why, either.
Comments (2) | Permalink

The Returners

So I've started posting in Otaku Lounge again. Don't ask me why, just have.

Basically, all I post in there is sarcastic. Most of the time I don't even care what I'm saying, so I make something up, and I say controversial and quirky and eccentric things just to liven things up.

I really hope I get banned. The way I'm going, it wouldn't be surprising.

Why do I say this? Well, you're a detective, do the work yourself, Sherlock. I mean, no shit Sherlock, being a detective and all, you should know that.

Man, it's good to be back in the rotting stench-filled pile that is Otaku Lounge. Boy, does it need some work, as well.

I'm such a sarcastic jackass. Hee-hah. (It's supposed to be the sound of a donkey, which reminds me, Donkey Kong.)

Hey, there's an interesting thing. Why's he called Donkey Kong? He doesn't even have any attributes of a donkey. I guess they took it because King Kong was taken. . .

Well, I just call him Donkey Schlong when I'm playing Mario Kart and he's being a pissant.

And I take it that since no one replied to my last post, that it was a success. Good enough for me.

I really enjoyed writing that one. And I'm sure you all enjoyed reading it.
Comments (5) | Permalink

Sunday, August 8, 2004

Nothing left to do but run run run

So here's to all the system slavers, those who slave away for this society each day, for those who work their hearts and their hearts are left bruised.

It feels selfish, hubrant, egotistical to say that work was hard for me today, because it was hard for all of us who slave. It's not just me today who worked. It's all of us here in this Capitalisitic society.

And I'm not talking about those bigwigs, those overseerers. Those slave drivers. Although their life is hard, ours is harder. Because you see, I'm talking about those at the bottom, way down the line, with the minimum wage jobs, who do all the real work.

I'm even talking about those who have medium jobs, who are with a College education and somewhat higher up, but not really. They also work hard, for their families if they have them, which most do.

And really, it's the middle class of American society that keeps it alive. Without it, there would be no bountiful, beautiful Capitialistic United States. It just wouldn't work without them.

We all worked hard today, some harder than others, and I hear all your voices, out there, in misery, sick and tired of this drib, dull, existence we live in, but without enough confidence to say what you really think.

Well, I want your voice to be heard. I want you to speak out. For, we are the workingmen, and women, of the United States, and of other Capitialisitic socities; we slave our entire lives--some with easier jobs than others, some with jobs a little higher up--for that one thing, called money.

Why, I never used to believe in a God. I never did. You'd never catch me dead saying I believed in God. But, since the inception of the job I've recently had the wonderful chance to have, I've found God. I've found what once I thought was merely a lie, was merely impossible.

I've found the lust, I've found the greed, in my eyes there's dollar signs, in my heart there's green, there's an endless abundance of envy, of want, of desire for what in reality is just paper.

This minted paper is worth to me more than my entire life, more than any person I could get on this earth. It matters to me above all else because it is the key which unlocks my survival.

Under the green paper's watch, I am given the ability to live, and it's money's god-given right that lets me live off of it. Who cares if you have the right to live, because in this society it's the natural selection--it's the who's best will be the best, and who's the weakest will fall like nothing before. Because money is power. It is power.

It is more power than any person. It is more power than anything you've ever seen before. It's so powerful, it's what life is. It's the endless worship of money. This is the essence, the breath of life. It allows you to breathe. Allows you to live. Allows you to survive, it is indespensable. You cannot get rid of it. Without money, there is nothing.

We all--the workingclass of America--work each and every day, and while we slave away, others are benefitting from it. These are those with power--with the faith of God--all over them, so much all over them that the stench drives me bloody mad. It makes me want, want, want--desire, lust--wish for, need to have. Their smell drives me mad.

No, I did not ever think I'd believe in God, nor did I think I would find him. But I have.

Money is God. It's as simple and elementary as that.

Without money, there is no life. With money, there is life.

Money creates everything. It builds roads. It builds houses. It builds intellect. It builds brawn. It builds beauty. It builds love. It builds life. Money is the alpha, it is the omega--it is the first, it is the last--it is everything and nothing--it is the beginning, and it is the end.

Without it, us, the working class, is nothing. Without it there is no power. Without it we are weak and powerless. We have nothing left to gain or do.

This is all we know. This is what it is. It's tough it's rough, but it's what we do. No one gives us a big pat on the shoulder for doing this. No one realizes we've wasted our lives for this money, for this God.

We are the Jesus Christs. We are being crucified on the cross of our own making. We were born into the cross line, we go in single file, and slowly we come to the cross as we near the right age. And then we're put onto it to hang for the rest of our lives, our eyes afire with desire for money, for power, for a want which can never be satisfied.

We get bruised, we clutch, we feel blood rushing all around us--the blood of our blood money pooling around us, filling us, becoming all we know, becoming what feels us when we're empty. We bleed we suffer we pain for money, all for it.

We save it, we conserve it. And when we die, our money is what buries us. When we die, our money is what kills us. We are the slaves, we work and work, and that is all we know. We forgot long ago what it meant to be alive, what it meant to have a feeling to change the world.

When I die, don't bury me in a cemetary. Why, where I died is in the bank. That is where I died. Bury me there, hold my funeral service there. The money is what killed me. It was a cancer. It infected me. It's all I knew my whole life, till the day I died. It was malignant. Wouldn't stop. All I knew.

When I die, don't waste my hard earned blood money on what I meant for it to be. Let's do some irony. When I die, would you burn that mother fucker for me? Would you burn all of it for me? All of the mother fucker? That plague? That cancer? That disease? That virus? That death?

Would you burn all my money? All of that mother fucker?

There's something beautiful I see about that burning ash of my money, all of it that I've slaved away to earn. It's like taking off these chains finally. Unshakle me, let me be, let's be free.

This is a salute to you all. A passing memoir to you all.

Can't we revolt? We could overthrow it all. We could change it all. Yet we lie dormant dead. We do nothing. Can't you do something? Can't we give up our God?

Here's to the mother fucker called money. Here's to the mother fucker and how it fucked up the whole world.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, August 7, 2004

Corpus Dei

Here's a thought for you, that I've had for a long time.

Since when is there just one God? To me, the probability that there'd be multiple Gods makes much more sense to me. I don't think, if I were to try and take a subjective standpoint on everyone's monotheistic beliefs, that one entinty, or being, or whatever the hell you want to call it, could've engineered the entire universe, and all contained therein.

Multiple Gods seems more likely to me, more probable--it seems like it might actually be possible, perhaps.

I mean, how'd this one God standpoint become so wide-spread and seen as the truth in most religions these days?

When you think about it, we're no better than the Romans, or the Greeks. Our so-called book which has "the words of God" (which in fact it doesn't: they are not words that God wrote, merely words that humans such as you and I wrote) is basically a mythology.

I mean, Adam and Eve. What's the likeliness of that? You can't put aside Evolution and its theories, we have proof. We have skeletons of us as we've evolved to where we are now. Going to this, two humans in the beginning that just magically appeared from God?

Or how about the Earth being fully created in a matter of days?

I think it applies to our Western culture. Our Western culture is all about numero uno. We're taught to put ourselves first, and during earlier times this was even more put forth--you know, "The Gilded Age," as Mark Twain put it; that point in America's time where the youth were coming in full of greed and envy and lust and desire for just themselves.

Another good point. I read some of Mark Twain's Letters from the Earth.

God puts forth all these basic principles for us. You know, the ten commandments. Well, he breaks them in the bible.

When Adam and Eve are tempted with that apple, he's the one doing it. It's his creations he's fucking with. And when they take what they're tempted for, he punishes them--he punishes them for something he put forth for them.

I mean, absolute belief in a God, or Gods, is just absurd to me. You cannot and will not know how we got here within your lifetime, nor is the reason to devote one's entire life to it.

Why live to die? Why live hoping you'll end up on some haven, some paradise, like most Americans seem to do? I'm not saying all Christains really live with Heaven always in foresight, but what I'm saying is it's just ridiculous that so many people follow religions like that one, and others.

In the end, God is like a mythology to me, and everything in the Bible's like that, too. And the Bible shows what a human is at the core. It shows that we try and act like we have set rules and all these pure and good things about us, we try to outwardly express ourselves as One thing--just like our One God--and we try all prescribe to have morals as the Bible puts them forth.

I mean, what's the big deal with sex before marriage? Sex is something you think about, it's your nature, why fight it? It's perfectly fine if you have sex before marriage.

As far as I see it, I'd rather not have marriage anyway.

We sit here and act like we're such good-mannered little people. We wear clothes, we are polite to people who give a shit less about, we say killing is wrong yet we start wars and kill and kill and kill. Behind our urbane appearances, we are truly out of control. But we hold that control inward and act as One to this entire world, this Society, and act as it dictates to us. We in essence become a slave to what we're shown because it's all put upon as us children and it's ingrained in our minds that things can be no other way than they are.

Well, when I am walking, I sometimes imagine what it'd be like say if there were no roads no cars no sidewalks no blinking ads no streetlamps no houses no anything but the open sun and this earth as it's naturally meant to be. And it's hard to imagine that, I'm so used to being around at least some form of civilization.

To each one of us the real thing that matters above all else is ourselves. Our God we so-supposedly claim to be real and absolute and all-powerful and all-knowing shows this. Looking at the Bible and what it shows us is like shoving a mirror in each one of our faces and letting us look and bore our eyes into to it until the clarity is so distorted you're not quite sure what it is you're looking at, but you're sure enough.

if hell. if it. then rot. rot. and never came
and if heaven i will ride that jet plane. . .
if blackness and nothing. if it. then gone. gone. and left my mark.
and if heaven i will ride that jet plane. . .
and i will set the controls of it to crash.

---

everyone has their own opinion for everything. everyone thinks their opinion is right. -gasp-

My reply: I don't think my opinion is absolutely right, I simply don't have a set opinion about religion and God, because to me I cannot have an opinion on something unless I know it exists and I know it's real and I can see it and I've actually seen it for real.

All I have is that at this point it doesn't matter, I'll find out when I die or sometime else. I don't see a reason to jump the gun and say I know for sure about God or whatnot else--that's faith and faith is based on fictitous knowing, it is putting belief in something when that belief may turn out to be a reality and a fact, or it might turn the other way. . .

There's a difference between knowing and fact, and fiction and belief. And I don't prescribe to faith nor belief, but I prescribe to fact and knowing.

Science. The base of the word comes from the Latin Scire, which means to know. Science is the study of facts, of reality, of truth. And that is something faith is not. And it's something I can learn real truths from, not what might turn out to be lies. And so that is where I stand more sternly than in believing in religion and its mythologies and what it has to say.
Comments (1) | Permalink

One-winged Angel.

I guess no one cares about Parasite Eve. Oh well.

Last night I did not get to sleep till about 4 AM or so. The reason being was that my mom came home from her usual drinking and so on at about 3 AM or so, so there was this incessant hustle and bustle going on upstairs, which made it so I couldn't sleep. This, coupled with the fact that I wasn't really tired.

I had wanted to go up there and tell them, "You know, someone has to work around here tomorrow," or something, but I didn't.

Eventually I heard my dog Buttons at my door and I let her in, and so she slept with me.

My mom's still at her usual antics, although she doesn't seem to go out every night. I still don't know any of her friends. And also, while I was away in Dickinson, she was gone one day. The night following this entire day she was gone she didn't come home of course, and didn't even tell my dad where she went.

She was gone from the house two days or so. Staying at some friend's or some other thing. While she was there she was very "depressed."

Apparently also there's this guy my grandma's said she finds attractive, named Shannon. This guy lives with his mother and is an alcoholic, and yet my mom seems to like him. He also has a bad temper when he gets drunk from what I've heard. Perhaps my mom was with this guy that night? Who the hell knows. And at this point I don't care.

While in Dickinson I wrote my mom a letter and sent it to her. I might post the letter up on here. . .we'll see. I don't like how that letter turned out, depending on my mood, but anyway.

In this letter I told her she needs to put her family first, she needs to stop drinking every night and going out every night, she needs to stop smoking, she needs to introduce our family to her friends, and she needs to be a mother--because what she's being right now isn't one, although she's made some steps to be one.
Comments (4) | Permalink

Friday, August 6, 2004

Mitochondria [Pictures Added]

I went to the mall today. Sitting there on the used games shelf was Xenogears.

I've wanted this game for a while. A lot of people have said a lot of good things about the game, so I've always wanted to play it.

Well, now I will get to play it.

This reminded me of Parasite Eve. So when I got home, I went and checked out some reviews of Parasite Eve. From what I've read, people are way too harsh on this game.

You probably haven't played Parasite Eve. Well, it was a game released by Square for the PS about three or so years ago. When I went to Target one day, they had copies of the game on sale for $15, so I bought it, and I've owned it ever since.

I keep coming back to this game. Basically, the game is an RPG, but it has action-oriented gameplay mixed in. It also has a lot of cinematics, which has led Square to dub it as "The Cinematic RPG."

The game has really good music. Yesterday, I was scouring the internet for a place where I could get the Parasite Eve OST for free. I couldn't find it, so I'll be buying it with money I suppose.

The game itself is one of my favorite games I've played. Many people have said it's "Final Fantasy VII meets Resident Evil" which I suppose is somewhat true. . .but to me, those two games never crossed my mind when I played it.



This game's just really different, and I like that. It's a horror game, sort of, but it's also an action game, sort of, and it's also an RPG, sort of. It's mix of a lot of great elements from a lot of genres into one completely original, creative, innovative package.

In the game you play Aya Brea, a cop in New York city. In the opening of the game, it's Christmas, 1997, and a cinematic scene opens, and we come to Aya standing outside Caranagie Hall, going on a date to the opera.





When she gets into the opera, another cinematic starts. It's this beautiful woman singing, in that opera way, but then, suddenly, things start on fire around her. The curtains go aflame--people start aflame--it all starts burning. But Aya is somehow immune to what is going on.

Eventually, you approach this opera singer, and then you get into a boss fight with Eve. Click here for a picture of Eve.

From there, the game spans 6 days, where Aya must save New York.

The game has a very good graphical look for it being just a PS title, the music is good, the battle system is different--you have PE points (magic) and you can use that, and you move around open-endedly during battles, and attack once your AT gauge is full--it has an interesting weapon system, where you can make your own weapons and add special abilities to them, the same with armor.

The game takes about 15 hours to beat, but then you can play an EX game, and also there's the Chrysler Building. This thing you can only enter after you've done an EX game, but it's about 100 floors of hell, on each 20 or whatever floor, there's a boss. And of course, there's the last boss, which after beating you get a new cinematic which I've never seen because I've never made it through the whole goddamned thing--it's so hardcore.



Plus, it's really hard in the Chrysler Building. You have to play through the game a few more times before you stand a chance. And the Chrysler Building is also really frustrating--the floors are randomly generated, and are full of dead ends. It's a veritable maze, and takes a lot of patience to get through every floor--but it's a nice added feature.

From the reviews I read, people seem to think the game is short. Well, then there's the Chrysler Building, plus there's the fact that this game is so great that I don't care about going through it all again--it's that goddamned fun to me. So basically, these reviewers were too harsh on this game.

This game has nice production values. A different, interesting splicing of many genres all put together. It has amazing music. It has horror elements. It has hard bosses. (Click here to see one) It's moderately difficult. The graphics are good for a pre-PS2 game. The characters sparkle with characterization, and you actually care for them. The weapons system--how you can use weapons and customize them--is very fun. It has the Chrysler Building, 100 floors of hell. It has the EX game. It has beautiful cinematics. It has an interesting story.

And yet reviewers don't seem to see what I'm seeing. Ah well.

If you can find it anywhere, get this game. E-bay whatever. It's worth it, trust me, if you give it the chance. And if you don't like it as much as me, at least you'll somewhat be fond of it.

I think this is a game that is heavily underrated, that needs to get into people's hearts like some other games do. . .well, at least that's what it's like for me. Perhaps I just have something for this game, but it's definitely stayed with me for a while.

There's also Parasite Eve II for the PS, as well. I'm planning on getting a copy of that if I can eventually, with the money I make from my job. I've wanted to play that for a while, and from what reviews I've read it improves on what people thought was wrong with the original PE.



Also, read a review of PE here.
Comments (0) | Permalink