Wednesday, February 23, 2005

If you bought me, I'd burn all the money to ashes.

I am worth $2,016,038.00 on HumanForSale.com
Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

lostless

A little taste of what my new site Tony's working on is going to look like. Like it?
Comments (4) | Permalink

Monday, February 21, 2005

sxsa

a long time it is
since have i had
days to myself
an entire day
which can i hold in my hand
a long time it is
when it goes
how long must i wait
again?

day each is wasted
on inane, useless, petty
things
day each is wasted
too long have i
let this happen. . .
but is there nothing
i can do?

no, answers us all
tired through we drill away
every now and then
our ears they are screaming
i need reconciliation
i need kisses and it's all rights

monday, they call the beginning
tuesday call they the next
so and so and forth
but this day, not monday it is
it is my day
i own it
would what you say of tomorrow?
i would rather today
Comments (0) | Permalink

i wish i wish

i wish i wish
words ran with me
and held me
they dreamed me
i wish i wish
words were me
and owned me
i wish i wish
these words would work
they were magic

i wish and wish
i wish i wish
each word i say
each syllable
i wish and wish
for them to cling
for them to get inside
everyone, everything
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, February 20, 2005

it is the brave

science, you are
it is the brave

at night
this knight
leaves the protective castle:
the society

his armor
it is truth
shimmering, glowing, lustrous
truth

this is knowing:
knowledge, objective
this is a knight
whose sword at his side
sheathed
has the power
to annihilate
ignorance

so look from your watchtower
you guards of this castle
he goes in haste on horse
the gallop of hooves,
the neighing and breath
he is off
to slay a fat, stupid, blind
dragon

he arrives
leashes the horse
dismounts

from within the recesses
of the darkest cave
heavy breaths, snores, wheezes
the dragon sleeps tonight

sword is unsheathed
a flame lit
from a thick branch

into the bowels
to the dragon
called belief
called lies

there he lies
fat off his gain
scaly and slimy

with a stab
the blood of the ignorant
wets the cave

a loud yelp
and the fat slob
opens his eyes

hot, burning flame:
the flame of the accused
of the sin
of hell
hits the brave
the knight

his armor
protects

the brave knight
stabs him
again, again, again
a large scream of death
echoes off walls

the dragon is dead
the faith is gone
and the knight
he smiles

the carcass
will rot
and only
a skeleton remain

so he leaves
the hero, the answer
full of skepticism
full of humility
Comments (0) | Permalink

notice

Anyone noticed these new ads on My O that make this annoying drilling sound? I hate them.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Iwantyoutobreakme. Iwantyoutotakeme. Iwantyoutobreakme. Iwantyoutothrowmeaway

i push the accelerator harshly
i drive annoyed
leaves blow by
fallen dreams from fallen trees
this engine will die
this car is not mine
the road leads nowhere
but i lead myself everywhere

death to the roads
and life to me

Comments (0) | Permalink

every now and then, life makes you bleed from every pore of you

I am fucked. Fucked. Fucked.

As I backed out, there stood destiny, amongst the rubble of the sky.

As I backed out, there stood fate, blowing me kisses, asking for sex, wanting me to die over and over and over again and again and again.

I am fucked. Fucked. Fucked.

There was the sound of metal rubbing on metal. Force from mass with inertia.

There was the orgasm of fate, blushing, rubbing itself against me, my car, his car.

I put her in D. I drove back into the parking spot. I got out.

I am fucked. Fucked. Fucked.

There was little damage on his car, plenty on mine. I stared to the ground. . .I almost cried. . .I wanted to cry. . .I wanted it to not have happened. But there was fate, and once she stole your virginity, once that moment in time happened, it could not be undone.

I was shivering. My jaw rattled. My arms shuddered. Goosebumps dimpled my skin.

Chris Kuntz, Mike Skorick, Kate, her brother Seth, stood out there with me. Stood in the cold. The freezing over. It was surreal. A dream, a dream I had always had in my head. One that I didn't want to happen, ever.

But it happened. . .

We went in and called the license plate number over the intercom. Eventually, they came. Eventually the lone cop car came, ushering in my doom.

The officer was a young fellow, he was nice about it.

The owner of the vehicle was an old, skinny man.

The officer filled out my doom for a long time. When he came out, he talked to the victim. Then the old, skinny man, and his friend who was smoking a cig, were free to go. He said he was sorry to me. That was nice to hear. . .but it did not undo it. Didn't make it go away.

It stayed.

The officer gave me back my license, registration, insurance information. Gave me my $50 citation. My doom was in these papers. A mark that wouldn't go away.

I am fucked. Fucked. Fucked.

I came home with the damage taped up. I sat in my car. I didn't want to go and tell my dad. I wanted this to be a dream.

I unlocked the garage side door. I stepped in. From the door into the house's window, I could see our dining room table. My dad sat inside, in his reclining chair, watching TV, oblivious. I felt like crying again, I stood there until I gathered myself together. I just wanted to stand there forever. I just wanted time to stop going.

My father was amiable as I stepped in. "What's the word?" he asked. I sniffled, almost cried again. He turned on the lamp and saw me. "I'm screwed," I said.

Then I told him what happened. Then he scolded me. "You're careless." And I was. And I am.

We were almost to the garage. He was still berating me. "I don't need your diatribe," I told him. I had already said this to myself over and over and over again in my head until it had driven me mad.

"Jesus Christ" he said, as I stepped out.

There stood my bold red car, with the duct tape on it, with the mark of doom.

He shook his head. He walked back to go inside. "Park your car in the garage."

So I did. I went back in. We found out how much the deductible will cost. . .$1,000. Around how much I have in the bank from working at the Steak Buffet for $5.65 an hour. I wondered how many hours that was. . .and I didn't want to know. Then I'll have to sell the car. . .

"I won't be able to drive to work tomorrow," I told him. He said I would. I said I didn't want to anyway. This was the end of me and the car. It was no longer mine. . .it had never been mine really. The bank's.

I am fucked. Fucked. Fucked.

Why my brain asks, and because it answers. . .because you are careless. . .because you didn't pay attention as you backed out. . .because it was fate. . .because, because, because.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, February 18, 2005

fi uoy koto hte mtie ot cdeoed htsi ti usmt eb ovle

I
Dry as
sand
sifting
through
f i n g e r s
i am itself
roving in a desert
in a dusty buggy
with round round wheels
spinning and spinning

II
vultures circle overhead
if i die now i fall
my body their nourish
seems it does so easy
to just let my legs weaken
and hit this ground
alas something holds me up
alas i don't know what it is

III
i am determined
i am dead
i drift along the burning sands
till it blinds my eyes
i see not where i am lead
i only see the burning sun
crisping my body to red
Comments (0) | Permalink

Oceansize - Long Forgotten

These are the secrets you will share
These are the words you cannot bare
This is the sight you'll never see
And that you have forgotten me
The voice that tempted you away
The deepest hole in which I stay
I miss you most my darkest hour
I'm wondering where the hell you are

Too late to tell you you were wrong
Another word to dwell upon
You could have waited for me
Like I was waiting just for you

The fuse is flicker in his eye
Her touch to blow me open wide
I could have run a million times
But I was waiting for you

And did you ever stop to think
About how low that you could sink
And down the low, our deepest sigh
Within yourself you cannot hide

Do photographs and faces lie?
Why did I never wonder why?
Why I was waiting for you
Why I was waiting for you

---

Amazing song.

Comments (1) | Permalink