Sunday, January 4, 2004

Sleep Thee Who Art Awake.

Sleep time.

I've decided not to vote in the awards. Who knows why--I just want Shy, or whoever takes this personally, to know that it's nothing to do with them. I just don't feel that I'm all-knowledgable of who is the best of whatever at OB. I don't think anyone does, really, but I just don't feel like voting, lol.

Hm. We'll see if I get writer of the year this year. I think Solo deserves it more. And anyway, it's just awards: it's a popularity contest, in some fashion, anyway. I'm not in knots about it at all.

I need to get a job. I need to get a job. I need to get a job. I need ned get a job.

Bleh. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh.

Tomorrow is the last day of freedom. Then it's back to school.

Okay, I'm going to sleep. At least then I won't have to worry about anything. Yay for sleep.
Comments (1) | Permalink

I'm in a Slump.

nurse with the care
i came to my bed
the lonely night going on
there i pushed back the covers.

my pillow—captured in the sheets—
fell.
i felt the found pillow; it was warm—
a warm kind of cold.
for in that moment
i realized something
a most screaming something.

when i felt that pillow
an image appeared within my head.
spun round me, vivid shown.

a woman's black hair
her decayed flesh
decadent, and the stench.
i felt she had layed on my pillow
in the most odd of images i have seen.

she imagined me
and i imagined her
would we once lie together in our bed?
would we kiss another on the lips?
that we would.

that we would indeed.
for she—
she is in me.
i am most certain.

she would idle me in that bed one day
her kissing me, feeling my hair.
twirling round the bed as we lie.

we would be lovers—
her and i.
lovers as we lie in bed.
she would end all my pain
would kill all i had.
she would rape me till i was lost.
and left to wander lone.
she would end all my pain
would kill all i had.
she would rape me till i was lost.
and left to wander where no one knows.

she is a thin lady, in us all.
most thin, petite,
her skull is sometimes shown
through her wilted skin.
she wears little clothes—
only teathers.
little clothes, only teathers.

and her and i—we would lie in our bed
she would penetrate me,
violate me.

she would take it all away
through her kisses
much too cold to be embrace.
with her tongue in my mouth
she would taste.

she is beautiful
she is most serene.
she is the lover of all beings.

will i meet her one day?
it is most certain
and most grave.

for the nurse of life
shall kiss me all away.

stop my brain—
then my heart—
then my body shall waste and rot.
she shall kiss me
all away.
nourish me, feed me,
she'll rot it all away.

she'll rot it all away—
that nurse with the care.

the one with death black hair.

one by one
when the planets hit the sun
when it was built—one by one—
the insanity of who did it,
the insanity of it all.
who would do it, or did it?
i will fall.

i will fall back down
the hole.
the deepest reaches
the deepest wall.

when the planets hit the sun—
when rendered was i one by one
there i found
breathing harder
through my lung.
and there was i rendered
one-by-one.

pressure and time
pressure and time,
a rock is held in my hand.
that a thing that cannot think
is tougher than me is a fallacy;
but is true, and that must i see.

deep in fire
deep in ash;
magma, lava,
burning rash.
deep in time,
chasms past
rendered, built, fashioned fast.
that is where this rock
was built.

obsidian dream
within my palm.
i crush it.
it does not break
it does not mend.

but my palm
now bleeds
a fresh wound.

deep in fire
deep in ash;
magma, lava
burning rash.
deep in time,
chasms past
rendered, built, fashioned fast.
the rock was built there—and from it
it shall last.

but i—
i was not made by pressure and time
i was made by two bleeding hearts,
a duet of rose.
i was fashioned from an ovaries' woes.
deep in blood, with no gashes to show.

pressure and time
does now jade me.
it now scrapes and plays me.

and like this rock—
this strong, hard thing.
that is what i will be.
but much more frail than it seems.
for it is tough—and it is sharp.
but with time comes dull's incessant tarp.
a tarp built wide over my eyes.
and wide over me.
forever hiding
what once breathed.

there i find, as i may
that this rock is harder, and may stay.
but pressure and time shall break me.
shall take me in its depths.

will i be a rock when i die?
it's not the question, nor where it lies.
for i accept my fragmented belie.
i accept pressure and time.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, January 3, 2004

Here We Stand in Mud.

Bought Diablo Battlechest today. It has Diablo, Diablo II, Diablo II strategy guide, and Diablo II: Lord of Destruction (Diablo II's expansion). Also purchased a 24-pack of AA Batteries, for my .mp3 player, as well as the 2-CD & DVD collection of Coldplay Live.

NOw taken, I have no Christmas money left.

Ah well, what can you do. I have plenty of games to play now, plenty of time to detract and distract myself from reality.

Amen.

I went with my Mom and did stuff today--we went to do some of her errands first, then Wal-Mart. Bought all my stuff at Wal-Mart.

It was nice doing something, as well as getting out with my Mom for once. I never do anything with her anymore. Hm.

Been posting in her less...again, I'm sort of reluctant to do any "real" or "in-depth" posts. I think most of them are angsty, even as much thought as they may provide. Who knows.

Went to Ryan's a bit earlier. We were playing Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King on PS2, and then all of the sudden Ryan got an upset stomach. He eventually puked in his bathroom, supposedly all over his clothes, as well as other places.

Stupid stomach flu, or whatever it is. -.-

Wow, I used an e-emoticon! Amazing!

Amazing!

Okay, this post is done. Carry on.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

A Few H.P. Lovecraft stories to read, if so you wish.

Three stories. I liked "Beyond the Wall of Sleep" the best I think.

"Beyond the Wall of Sleep."


"The Outsider."

"The Tomb."

Comments (0) | Permalink

Silent Hill Plot Analysises

I might write my own someday. Once I play all the games, that is.

Bought Silent Hill 2 yesterday. Been playing Silent Hill today.

Here's some sites to visit:

http://www.angelfire.com/ok3/silenthill/rumors.html

http://slowbeef.com/SH/

http://bitterisataste.com/shtheory.html

These especially:

http://db.gamefaqs.com/console/psx/file/silent_hill_plot.txt

http://db.gamefaqs.com/console/psx/file/silent_hill_plot_a.txt
Comments (0) | Permalink

Rush-"2112"

I've posted this in here before.

And I post it again.

I love Rush. Great band.

"2112"

'I lie awake, staring out at the bleakness of Megadon. City and sky become one, merging
into a single plane, a vast sea of unbroken grey. The Twin Moons, just two pale orbs as
they trace their way across the steely sky. I used to think I had a pretty good life here,
just plugging into my machine for the day, then watching Templevision or reading a Temple
Paper in the evening.

'My friend Jon always said it was nicer here than under the atmospheric domes of the Outer
Planets. We have had peace since 2062, when the surviving planets were banded together under
the Red Star of the Solar Federation. The less fortunate gave us a few new moons.
I believed what I was told. I thought it was a good life, I thought I was happy. Then I found
something that changed it all...'

[I. Overture]

And the meek shall inherit the earth...

[II. Temples of Syrinx]

...'The massive grey walls of the Temples rise from the heart of every Federation city. I
have always been awed by them, to think that every single facet of every life is regulated
and directed from within! Our books, our music, our work and play are all looked after by
the benevolent wisdom of the priests...'

We've taken care of everything
The words you hear, the songs you sing
The pictures that give pleasure to your eyes
It's one for all and all for one
We work together, common sons
Never need to wonder how or why

We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls
We are the Priests, of the Temples of Syrinx
All the gifts of life are held within our walls

Look around at this world we've made
Equality our stock in trade
Come and join the Brotherhood of Man
Oh, what a nice, contented world
Let the banners be unfurled
Hold the Red Star proudly high in hand

We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls
We are the Priests, of the Temples of Syrinx
All the gifts of life are held within our walls

[III. Discovery]

'...Behind my beloved waterfall, in the little room that was hidden beneath the cave, I
found it. I brushed away the dust of the years, and picked it up, holding it reverently in
my hands. I had no idea what it might be, but it was beautiful...'

'...I learned to lay my fingers across the wires, and to turn the keys to make them sound
differently. As I struck the wires with my other hand, I produced my first harmonious sounds
and soon my own music! How different it could be from the music of the Temples! I can't wait
to tell the priests about it!...'

What can this strange device be?
When I touch it, it gives forth a sound
It's got wires that vibrate and give music
What can this thing be that I found?

See how it sings like a sad heart
And joyously screams out its pain
Sounds that build high like a mountain
Or notes that fall gently like rain

I can't wait to share this new wonder
The people will all see its light
Let them all make their own music
The Priests praise my name on this night

[IV. Presentation]

'...In the sudden silence as I finished playing, I looked up to a circle of grim,
expressionless faces. Father Brown rose to his feet, and his somnolent voice echoed
throughout the silent Temple Hall...'

'...Instead of the grateful joy that I expected, they were words of quiet rejection!
Instead of praise, sullen dismissal. I watched in shock and horror as Father Brown ground
my precious instrument to splinters beneath his feet...'

I know it's most unusual
To come before you so
But I've found an ancient miracle
I thought that you should know
Listen to my music
And hear what it can do
There's something here as strong as life
I know that it will reach you

Yes, we know, it's nothing new
It's just a waste of time
We have no need for ancient ways
The world is doing fine
Another toy will help destroy
The elder race of man
Forget about your silly whim
It doesn't fit the plan

I can't believe you're saying
These things just can't be true
Our world could use this beauty
Just think what we might do
Listen to my music
And hear what it can do
There's something here as strong as life
I know that it will reach you

Don't annoy us further!
We have our work to do
Just think about the average
What use have they for you?
Another toy will help destroy
The elder race of man
Forget about your silly whim
It doesn't fit the Plan!

[V. Oracle: The Dream]

'...I guess it was a dream, but even now it all seems so vivid to me. Clearly yet I see
the beckoning hand of the oracle as he stood at the summit of the staircase...'

'...I see still the incredible beauty of the sculptured cities and the pure spirit of man
revealed in the lives and works of this world. I was overwhelmed by both wonder and
understanding as I saw a completely different way to life, a way that had been crushed
by the Federation long ago. I saw now how meaningless life had become with the loss of
all these things...'

I wandered home though the silent streets
And fell into a fitful sleep
Escape to realms beyond the night
Dream can't you show me the light?

I stand atop a spiral stair
An oracle confronts me there
He leads me on light years away
Through astral nights, galactic days
I see the works of gifted hands
That grace this strange and wondrous land
I see the hand of man arise
With hungry mind and open eyes

They left the planet long ago
The elder race still learn and grow
Their power grows with purpose strong
To claim the home where they belong
Home to tear the Temples down...
Home to change!

[VI. Soliloquy]

'...I have not left this cave for days now, it has become my last refuge in my total
despair. I have only the music of the waterfall to comfort me now. I can no longer live
under the control of the Federation, but there is no other place to go. My last hope is
that with my death I may pass into the world of my dream, and know peace at last.'

The sleep is still in my eyes
The dream is still in my head
I heave a sigh and sadly smile
And lie a while in bed
I wish that it might come to pass
Not fade like all my dreams...

Just think of what my life might be
In a world like I have seen!
I don't think I can carry on
Carry on this cold and empty life

My spirits are low in the depths of despair
My lifeblood...
...Spills over...

[VII. The Grand Finale]

Attention all Planets of the Solar Federation
Attention all Planets of the Solar Federation
Attention all Planets of the Solar Federation
We have assumed control
We have assumed control
We have assumed control
Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

May Here These Words Ring True and Feel Into You.

True sadness is true happiness. To know enough to know, and go on. Sad is he who knows. Sad is he who is truly happy. Sad is he who knows.

The discipline to apply oneself is quite never found any longer. We live in an age in which we are a sluggish people. We are lazy. We do not know the true feelings any longer, we only serve these feelings, and leave them where they be. We no longer speak, no longer try, no longer suffer in ways sufferable. Once conceived, and once alive, we begin to die. Slowly we die, as slowly we tread. As a flower blooms, blossoms, wilts, so do we. Exposed to the world, we are enbittered. Set out before us is a set path—a set guideline—a set endeavor.

We go to school. Learn of humanly created things, perceptions, afflictions, impediments, sophistications, all that are inset in us. We learn of math—cold calculation, numbers, symbols. We learn of science—reasoning, understanding, answering. We learn of words—expressions, definitions, dictions. Most of all we learn sadness. A sadness in knowing. Of learning. Of holding. We are multi-faceted—placed to learn many a thing, most of which we hold of little use but of its basics. And therein inside us all there is that one thing we feel we must do—that one notion which we feel as one in—that we feel we can apply ourselves in—that we feel we can discipline in, grow in, become great in. That one thing that seems set for us to conquer. That we feel a thing for.

But still, knowing some purpose, and what to do, we are held back. Interdicted, we are forced to learn that which we care not, where we would rather be learning and applying ourselves wholly to that one thing we feel we belong to. And there are those among us who encourage our one skill we hold dear, our one reason we give. Yet others there are that feel this one skill should be melded, beaten, bruised, in some way. That all that is or be is never to be changed from how it does its work in its core. The normal is often the perception of many, and when one comes along who can exceed the normal, he is often unseen, unknown, unheard. He is only seen by a select few who understand where he comes from, and understands what he sets out to do. He who does what he wants and what he feels—that person is their own genius, their own discipliner. He is his own individual, his own creation.

The set rights and wrongs before us are merely perception. There is no right and there is no wrong—there is only perception. Right being a perception, as well as wrong being a perception. When one hates they perceive with their own accord. When one loves, they perceive with their own accord. When one chooses they perceive, they choose one thing over others. They take their stand in what they hold dear or contempt. There is no right and wrong. Wrong is as right as wrong. Right is as wrong as right. No man can be wrong in his choosings, for each and every has his reasons, and he who does not is a fool, and ignorant. He who follows blindly, he is a fool. But he who sees, he is a perceiver of his own creation—of his own reasonings—of his own devices. He who questions seeks answers, and he who finds answers in himself is the most knowing. For answers are all within us, gathered from the physicalties which we have understood and infused with our conscious memory.

A man need not exceed when he can fail. A man need not work when he be able to stand aloft and do nothing. A man need do nothing if there is no passion for what he is doing in his heart. For without passion there is not art, and without art there is no soul, nor is there feeling. And without feeling there is a void, a place of ineffable conscription not beset by the man himself, but by what others tell of him. One who is one alone and sees what he sees alone is one pompous. But one who accepts what others believe, and inaddeneds and absorbs all that is seen to his eyes, he is gracious, and he is confident, as well as a kinder man than one who does not. For understanding empathy is where truth lies. For there be no truth nor falsifications nor fallacies but where one perceives them. All is about perception, all is about how one processes what is set and given. One cannot be cold and calculating as math, but he must be human. He must pool together both emotion and reason's logic into one understanding singularity.

In this world today a man can slack. In this world today there is no discipline. And all is vanity, all is vain. For one works for nothing but himself—and if one feels that he should not be doing what he is doing, then he is sad, and truly happy. For he has seen truth in his eyes, destroying his optimism in the processes. For optimistics are but hope—and there is no hope but what one perceives—and we all, as humans, as mortals, perceive death. Death is a hope. And when one asks how one died, one must answer with how one lived. For living is dying. When one is conceived one begins the process which is death. There is not hope but where you see it—and in society there is no hope—in organized religion there is not hope—there is only hope in you. And in what you choose to believe. But still one must accept the way things are, and thus be ladened with sadness, and be happy in knowing as much of a truth as one can perceive.

If one feels doubt in what they perceive, may that make them stronger. For questioning should not be held within. Humans be quizzical creatures, ponderous by nature and curiosity. Question everything as much as you can, and derive as much as you can on all sides of what you question. Look to what your do not perceive as well as what you do perceive for answers—understand the other side's perceivation. For then you shall more understand yours, as well as be wise. For one who is wise is one who sees all with one's own self. The wise look to themselves and their experiences for support—they crutch on thought, and on summing all their parts to create something which is otherwise undefinable. When you see enemies, you see friends, and when you see friends, you see enemies. So it is with us as one person.

If life is hopeless, let this be your hope. The hope that you have no hope shall push you on, shall make you live in the most ironically cold ways. But it is not far from the truth you see. For in truth there is cold perception—there is seeing things as simple as they be. And as simple as it can be, life is living, then dying. Losing all you gain is gaining all you lose. One who feels he has much has much even when he has little.

In this world today we wear tidy habiliments, we visage ourselves in outfits which we wear in interred pride. One should not be so pride-ridden. One should not do something they feel they should not be doing. But one is always forced, so one must accept, while on the side, they must do what they feel is right—that one thing which the forever hold dear, the one thing they love, the one thing which is their discipline. Which calms them. Which they devote themselves to. They must remain strong in this their whole lives—or else they shall lose something they may be remembered by more than a few for.

All deserve to be remembered—but few are. Let those few be the all.

When you feel to cry, cry if it is you. If it is not, and you feel there is no reason to cry, for you have never felt the horrendousness that is the worst of things, then do not cry, but cry inside, and lock away the lushous sadness away, and articulate it in what you were born to do, and let no one stop you. For passion should not be wasted—it should be reticenced. It should be held within, and let to drivel out like rain coming down in torrents. And let all the people you hold dear know of your passion, for knowing of passion makes one feel it.

And always know that true happiness is true sadness. That working all your life in a preordained, preset society with its morals will never make you happy. The human destination is not of control, but it is of understanding. It is of being free, and with those that are free, free. But liberty is a privilege, as is freedom. And even in the freest free there is no freedom but what you seek to see and perceive. Only in death is one unsuffered, freed, left to live as one always wanted. In death all makes sense, in all pain we thrive. Let this be our catalyst, let it catalyst us to reason. Let pain seethe in us, and let it bury us, and let it sadden and sullen us until we are bruised within.

Do not let yourself believe for one moment that how you live is how you should live. How one should live is as trees blow in the wind. As Nature has prebeautied. When you walk within streets, imagine those streets were once gone; that once there there stood trees, and wild grasses, and feral things most serene and eloquentially feeling.

One can only find happiness in what created him. And Nature is what creates. It has created wind. It has created air. It has created breathing thriving living organisms. It has created, and all in the same sweep, it destroys. Do not look on destruction as destruction, but look on it as creation. For destruction is the evener of creation, and creation the evener of destruction. Without one there would not be the other. For if things were only created, they would eventually not be able to sustain all that multiplied—for for there to be creation there need be destruction, there need be the losing of something for the gaining of another.

And as we sit here in this day and age, technology has begun its hold. We have created and created as we have taken and taken from nature. We unbalance nature. We destroy its beauty its serenity. All things man-made are in turn created by a different nature which is governed, that is of mankinds' own devise. We are ungrateful. We destroy what nature has given us. We drain away the planet and kill it while it can do nothing.

Fear is the universal appropriation of man and of any creature. And when a creature is impeded with intelligence, he is able to create his own devices out of fear to destroy this fear. We fear death. We fear working. We fear doing much. We fear living. So we create machines, we create technology. We seek to drown that which is a nature, which is a fear. Fear is the highest thing we feel the most. And it shall never die as much as we try—for fighting fear only leads to deviation of more fear, and more fear leads to still more fear. It is an endless abodely circle. It has no discipline. Man has no discipline.

He seeks to give reasons to his actions when the reasons for his actions are fear. Why does a man go and get education? For he fears one day that he may not get a job, and may then not be able to feed himself, thereby living. Why does man enter into war? For he fears conflicts without resolves. He fears conflicts that have never been set straight, and in nature he turns his fear into valor, trying as he might to effuse what conflicts him with brave courage which is foundationed in fear. War is the horridest of all things. It is a sickly thing, a sullen thing. And it is raw emotion outbursted into a globally physical entity. It seeks to conceive rights and wrongs when there are none but what each side perceives. It is a dying reason to fight. For no one is ever right nor wrong, each thing a man says has some validity to it. Every concept has something which can be gleaned and thus taken in.

Yet few can do this. Few can see both sides to one given situation as well as many. Man is gilded, he is decrepit. And only when he destroys himself shall he truly no longer live in fear. And only when he sees his own perdition will he finally see past all that he has done.

One can only live as it is told to them. And in today's age we are to learn—and by learning we are saddened with intelligence. for with intelligence comes a need for discipline, just as a man greatly powerful in physical nature must inhold his powers. Once one knows they are happy and see as much truth as they can. Once they see this they become lost, uncertain, blown in too many directions.

The physical is what festers as well as fosters the mental. Our entire mental capacities and images are encaptured in physical understandings. We see everything as we see from our eyes. And this shall never change. And it is only those who see through the eyes of others that actually see, and actually foster their mental intelligences in the right manner. And if one fosters this side of themselves long enough, they shall find that they are sad in what they know.

Sad is he who knows. Knowing is he who knows, and by it he lives. Sad as it be and sad as it is, all one can do is live, or kill oneself as one stands. May man heed words which are spoken true. And may they die by them.

Comments (5) | Permalink

Monday, December 29, 2003

Stabbing Westward-Save Yourself

I know your life is empty
And you hate to face this world alone
So you're searching for an angel
Someone who can make you whole
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as fucked as you
I am just as fucked as you
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me

My life has been a nightmare
My soul is fractured to the bone
And if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone
I think I'd rather be alone

You can not save me
You can't even save yourself
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
Save yourself
So just save yourself
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, December 28, 2003

Sickened Health for a Sickened Mind.

I've felt like I was ran over by a large, bulking, menancing truck all day.

Last night, as I was talking to Erin about 12 in the night, she mentioned that she felt nauseous, and that's also what happened to me.

I got offline about one as my father kicked me off, and I ended up reading some H.P. Lovecraft stuff from the books I got that day. I read "The Outsider," as well as introduction notes about him.

"The Outsider" was pretty good--but it was the ending that made it work. After reading that story, I started reading "The Tomb," but I couldn't read. I started feeling nauseous.

I ended up staying up until about four in the morning, making me very tired because the night before I hadn't slept until seven in the morning. I just couldn't sleep at all--I wanted to sleep--I even went in bed earlier, but then I started feeling nauseous.

That day I had only eaten a Subway sandwich as well as some chips. So I went up to get something to eat--thinking that was what was wrong with me--that that was the reason why I was feeling so out of it, and as if I was going to barf.

My Dad wouldn't let me eat anything though. I felt honestly hungry. So I ended up going down to bed. Didn't sleep until four in the morning.

I awoke today about twelve in the afternoon, feeling just as bad as I had before. I went upstairs, thinking I should eat something, but thinking better of it; I didn't think my stomach could handle it. So I ended up just searching for something to drink. I decided upon drinking some milk. A stupid choice--dairy products are hard to digest, they only make your stomach feel worse. I just wasn't thinking though. I drank a whole big glass, then soon after decided I need a shower--my whole body was aching.

In the shower I felt even worse. I felt like I was dying--it's the only way to explain it, even though it may be over-bearing. I felt like as I stood in the shower, the warm water splashing upon my back, that I would faint there, collapse. Either that or barf.

I didn't want to leave the shower. But I began to feel so bad and woozy that I decided to get out. I quickly dried myself with a towel--not even all the way--and ran downstairs. There at the sink I sat burping lightly, and then eventually my mouth began to salivate. I then barfed up all the milk I had drank, feeling that horrid sensation that is puking.

I think the flu is a sad trick. When you are hungry, and have not eaten much, it expunges all that you eat. It ruins the pleasure of eating--one doesn't even want to think of food at all. The idea that food is good and nourishes seems badly wrong--as if it were never good at all, and had always been the worst thing to think. The entire feel of food on your mouth as your stomach feels unsettled, telling you, and conjugating to you that you are going to puke, is quite the most sickening thought--it drives you insane, knowing that feeling of food soon to be gone from your stomach, of your stomach feeling so unsettled.

After barfing that time, I have not barfed all day. I felt immediately better after barfing up all the milk I drank, and soon after I decided to try and eat something. I was hungry but not all at once--but I needed to force myself to eat, for I felt insufficent, I felt a need to feed my body so that it does not feel as tired as it has all day.

I ended up eating two pieces of buttered toast, one piece of buttered bread, and two of those pastries we call toaster stroodle, which I cannot spell, nor care to spell it correct.


I managed to keep that all in--and I drowned it with a few glases of nice juice. After this I went down to my room, lying in bed, getting a little sleep in, but not being able to sleep much.

I cannot sleep in the day, and seems in the night I cannot sleep in its day. There is something with me that feels as if day is when work should be done--that I should busy myself with some task, like a prisoner taking his mind off the mundanity and insanity of his everyday existence. So I could not sleep long, and soon after lying in my bed, comfy under the covers, I awoke again.

Time passed like the tedius meticulum of a pendulum swinging hypnotically on its grandfather clock. The thing that is time tick-tocked its swing all about me, me too slow, too much of a bruised blur to encapture what was enpassing. All the same it passed slow, but in the same sweep, at is fulcrum and its arc, it went faster as it went slower.

I played The Sims on my computer for a while. Busied myself away from the one fact that I might have the flu.

I made my own character on that game--I named him Huck Hairyjohns. He lived while I ached. I watched as his neighbors came over, and I spotted the two of them--husband and wife. Huck, in my head, in a dream, told me that the man's wife was hot. So we decided to to amuse her by way of a puppet. Huck went up to her, took out a puppet, put it on his hand, and he spoke in the loud, low-voiced medium that is boisterous hilarity transferred to the lifeless puppet. But no--no, the woman we sought to endear, she did not like it. Negative signs appeared above Huck and her's head as the puppeteering ended. I sighed for Huck, and took him to compliment the fine woman--try to steal her heart again.

Huck spoke in his little Sims garble, "Du da do dah de der da," and just like that, positive, green signs appeared above Huck and hers head--Huck, my child, had succeeded in some accord. For this I was glad.

Soon thereafter humor clamored again--like a church piano not singing of God, but of life. The husband of the fine maiden, whom Huck I had ordered to endear, came up to Huck, stern, angry, and the onomatapeia which escaped hit upon Huck as well as me--the boom, snap, crack, bang, wish, wang, blang--it hit with funny circumstance. The man had slapped me--slapped me for trying to steal his wife.

For this Huck as well as I would repay the fool in heighty debt. I ordered Huck to see the man off of our house premises by way of a kiss on a cheek--to perhaps enquestion this fool of Huck's sexual preference, thereby extinguishing the angry tier that had been formed by Huck and I's instigation of his wife.

But Huck was stuck--he sat in a chair, in our dinning room--and he could not move from his chair. The kiss on the cheek never happened, as sad as it be.

Huck I eventually enrolled in the military. He was promoted once--getting $350 dollars a day. I soon stopped playing The Sims as my interest in it waned.

My brother then wanted to go on my computer, for he had gotten Sims games for the computer for Christmas--expansions to the plain The Sims I already had. I first went online, deciding to attend to some e-mails. But before this I played Silent Hill.

I purchased the game yesterday for 14 bucks. Well worth the pay. I was in the school, in the alternate one that was grotesqued more than the original school. I soon got through the school--battled a lizard, killing it with a shotgun, pondering over how easily I had killed the boss. After that it was to the church, for in the town of Silent Hill the church bell was chiming.

I shut it off soon thereafter though, tired with it, feeling very tired and drained myself.

I attended to my e-mails, then allowed my brother on.

I lay in my bed soon after, but first I decided upon playing more Silent Hill. I got all the way to the hospital--but became stuck, needing to look at my FAQ on my computer, but my brother being on sated this. So I decided, for the first time in a few months, to watch that little thing we call TV.

I immediately came upon a movie I hold very dear--The Shawshank Redemption. It is a movie taken from a Stephen King novel, a quite different thing the story is for Stephen King to have done. It is not horror at all. Instead, it focuses mostly on a man named Andy Dufrane, wrongly placed in the Shawshank prison, innocently boisted and accused for the murder of his wife tha the never did.

That's the gist of it. But it's quite amazing--I recommend it to anyone that wants a good movie that will make you think, and has good characterization.

I just ate some chicken noodle soup a bit ago. It didn't rest with me well at first, and my entire body aches, but I've managed to reticence my chicken noodle soup. I felt as if I was going to barf as I lied in bed feeling the affects of the soup--but none such thing happened, luckily.

And now here I am typing my post. I plan to now go play some Starcraft for a bit, then sleep, and sleep well, hopefully. I am quite tired--my entire body aches--and I hope there is rest for the weary.

Today has been okay, but in reality, I would say it was horrible. Luckily I feel an intuition that I shall feel better tomorrow.

May that intuition be set.



Comments (2) | Permalink

Saturday, December 27, 2003

Read My Lips.

machineofbones (3:19:02 AM): Ti red.
OtakuMimmi (3:19:17 AM): you must be at this late/early hour
machineofbones (3:19:29 AM): machineofbones (3:19:02 AM)
machineofbones (3:19:33 AM): That is the time here.
OtakuMimmi (3:19:43 AM): alrighty
OtakuMimmi (3:20:31 AM): *puts him to bed and wraps a warm fuzzy blanket around him*
machineofbones (3:20:47 AM): First I must crit some more poems.
machineofbones (3:20:51 AM): I just did three on LJ.
machineofbones (3:20:55 AM): Good crits too.
machineofbones (3:20:57 AM): Or so I hope.
OtakuMimmi (3:21:06 AM): will read those *nods*
machineofbones (3:21:20 AM): Well, they're in my friends on there heh.
machineofbones (3:21:22 AM): On livejournal.
machineofbones (3:21:33 AM): From the poetry communities I joiined.
machineofbones (3:21:34 AM): *joined
OtakuMimmi (3:21:45 AM): mkay
machineofbones (3:23:30 AM): I can link to some if you'd like.
OtakuMimmi (3:23:40 AM): that'd be good
machineofbones (3:24:12 AM): Okay.
machineofbones (3:24:15 AM): *goes off to find*
machineofbones (3:24:35 AM): I wrote ten poems in rapid succesion.
machineofbones (3:24:43 AM): I don't know if they're any good...some of them are bleh.
machineofbones (3:24:44 AM): http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=35359
machineofbones (3:25:31 AM): Here's one.
machineofbones (3:25:32 AM): http://www.livejournal.com/community/a_poetry_club/520669.html
machineofbones (3:26:08 AM): Here's two.
machineofbones (3:26:09 AM): http://www.livejournal.com/community/a_poetry_club/520669.html
machineofbones (3:26:16 AM): Hm,.
machineofbones (3:26:28 AM): Same links. O.o
OtakuMimmi (3:26:31 AM): I will read them all
machineofbones (3:26:33 AM): *copies over*'
OtakuMimmi (3:26:40 AM): *starts of with ob-poems*
machineofbones (3:26:49 AM): http://www.livejournal.com/community/a_poetry_club/520338.html
machineofbones (3:26:50 AM): There,.
machineofbones (3:26:58 AM): That's the right one--the second one.
OtakuMimmi (3:27:05 AM): *notes*
machineofbones (3:27:07 AM): Be sure to read this last one.
machineofbones (3:27:12 AM): I thought it was pretty great.
OtakuMimmi (3:27:19 AM): sounds promising
machineofbones (3:27:21 AM): http://www.livejournal.com/community/a_poetry_club/520067.html
machineofbones (3:27:50 AM): And that's all the poems right there I critiqued so far.
OtakuMimmi (3:31:51 AM): the first ones on ob I-V are really, really good.
I'm reading the rest, right now. trying to feel what I think.
machineofbones (3:32:13 AM): I got kind of drained through the last few.
OtakuMimmi (3:32:24 AM): it feels that way, yes
OtakuMimmi (3:33:52 AM): "just as butterflies are most serene
and the trees growning are most pristine
so are we but we are not so green
for we take to our devices cold and hard
the technology that has been made.

what has been made cannot be unmade
but only sheltered and effused
drawn back and held to hard
and something made makes things eased
but too much goes to the point of no need."
This I thought stood out from the rest. like a spotlight.
machineofbones (3:34:42 AM): I thought so rather subconciously as well.
OtakuMimmi (3:35:28 AM): some of the latter parts of the poetry is rather... drained.
but there are many highlights hidden within them.
machineofbones (3:35:45 AM): Just tell me the blunt truth. It doesn't hurt.
OtakuMimmi (3:35:51 AM): that's what I am doing
machineofbones (3:35:53 AM): I felt that the last few poems were really nothing.
OtakuMimmi (3:36:06 AM): ah, but there was stuff there
OtakuMimmi (3:36:14 AM): that called out from under its stones
machineofbones (3:36:43 AM): That one piece of poem you cited--that poem was just a jerk at "Song for Myself" by...bleh. My mind is so dead I can't remember.
machineofbones (3:36:50 AM): Walt Whitman. That's it.
machineofbones (3:37:22 AM): Let me tell you, "Song for Myself" is one long poem.
machineofbones (3:37:29 AM): I didn't even read it all.
machineofbones (3:37:31 AM): I got sick of it.
OtakuMimmi (3:37:42 AM): that's common
machineofbones (3:37:45 AM): It's all about how life is happy, whee.
machineofbones (3:37:52 AM): That poem stabbed it sort of.
machineofbones (3:37:55 AM): Mine.
machineofbones (3:37:58 AM): Did, I mean.
OtakuMimmi (3:38:06 AM): yeah
OtakuMimmi (3:38:59 AM): IX and X did nothing for me, but in all the others I could find strands of gold.
machineofbones (3:39:15 AM): Nine and Ten was me just wanting to get over with it already lol.
machineofbones (3:39:29 AM): But I told myself, "Mitch, you're writing ten poems, right now."
OtakuMimmi (3:39:31 AM): then they served their purpose
machineofbones (3:39:32 AM): "Work!"
machineofbones (3:40:04 AM): Sort of to make up for lost days where I didn't write at least one poem, I guess.
OtakuMimmi (3:40:19 AM): but the days that you do not create...
machineofbones (3:40:33 AM): Tony says well what life is going to be like: Work and die. That about covers it.
OtakuMimmi (3:40:35 AM): are the moments that lay the base for those sparkling greater poems
OtakuMimmi (3:41:21 AM): that is one standpoint, freed of thought, but never the less, a standpoint
machineofbones (3:41:39 AM): Well, it's the cold truth, mostly.
machineofbones (3:41:45 AM): As much as I'd point otherwhere.
machineofbones (3:41:56 AM): Elsewhere.
OtakuMimmi (3:42:21 AM): mm, well. we all have different outakes on what life is/can be
OtakuMimmi (3:42:31 AM): you are entitled to yours
machineofbones (3:43:01 AM): Well, it is the truth. We are forced to get a job and work until retirement. And then soon after, we die.
machineofbones (3:43:08 AM): Sure, there is love life in there, and other things.
machineofbones (3:43:14 AM): But broadly, that about covers it.
OtakuMimmi (3:43:19 AM): it does
OtakuMimmi (3:44:08 AM): but that feels to me, as though one says "that painting consists of red, blue and some black". instead of looking at what it is and so on.
then again, that's me.
machineofbones (3:44:44 AM): Well, if you look at what life is, it isn't too beautiful either. Not to me at least.
OtakuMimmi (3:44:56 AM): I'm not saying one has to find beauty
machineofbones (3:45:01 AM): I'm more of a naturalist deep down than anything--
machineofbones (3:45:09 AM): I see the negative side in all things more than the positive.
machineofbones (3:45:15 AM): I feel that life is bad more than good.
machineofbones (3:45:20 AM): And most of the time it's always bad.
OtakuMimmi (3:45:21 AM): well, then you're looking.
machineofbones (3:45:42 AM): This is how I feel deep down, but I avert to a more Realistic standpoint most of the time--that life is both good and bad.
OtakuMimmi (3:48:01 AM): I've not looked at life for a while, so I'm not sure what it does to me
machineofbones (3:48:20 AM): Yes.
machineofbones (3:48:40 AM): Perhaps life is what drove you to what happened? Or maybe not. It's just something to think about, anyway.
OtakuMimmi (3:49:25 AM): in a way, yes. then again, no. it's difficult to say for certain.
OtakuMimmi (3:49:48 AM): it will be thought about and analyzed, but a conclusion might never be in reach.
OtakuMimmi (3:50:06 AM): but so I have grown, so I have moved
OtakuMimmi (3:50:13 AM): and life goes its way
machineofbones (3:50:17 AM): It's just what I do. Look at the past too much.
machineofbones (3:50:30 AM): Use it as some comparison ground.
OtakuMimmi (3:50:36 AM): sure
OtakuMimmi (3:50:50 AM): it's the only ground we can learn from
OtakuMimmi (3:51:11 AM): and so it's easy to cling to and use
machineofbones (3:51:28 AM): I think it's much better just to live in the moment of life though.
machineofbones (3:51:30 AM): But that is hard.
OtakuMimmi (3:51:47 AM): it can be done, although as you say, it's hard
machineofbones (3:51:50 AM): People fret over the future, and the past.
OtakuMimmi (3:52:34 AM): the minute I try to live for the moment, I am thrown back in some direction. be it future or past.
OtakuMimmi (3:52:34 AM): sometimes I do the throwing, sometimes not
OtakuMimmi (3:53:03 AM): and as soon as I live in the moment, it has turned into past in some way.
OtakuMimmi (3:53:35 AM): it's like catching a rainbow, or a wave, or sunlight.....
OtakuMimmi (3:53:56 AM): it's only there for that moment. and then what ?
machineofbones wants to directly connect (3:54:02 AM).
machineofbones cancels request; no connection was made. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.) (3:54:24 AM).
machineofbones (3:54:31 AM): http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=35349&pagenumber=2
machineofbones (3:54:37 AM): PT and his nice posts.
OtakuMimmi (3:54:45 AM): *reads*
machineofbones (3:54:55 AM): He actually says truth.
machineofbones (3:55:12 AM): He just doesn't understand that he doesn't need to take everything I say so far to the point where he does.
machineofbones (3:56:08 AM): He seems like a much more optimistic fellow,.
machineofbones (3:56:14 AM): And this is where we seem to clash.
OtakuMimmi (3:57:08 AM): where you go serious, he goes play
when he comes to play, you withdraw the board....so it feels anyway
machineofbones (3:57:22 AM): I'm not going to say anything.
machineofbones (3:57:32 AM): I'm leaving him to win whatever he sets out to win.
machineofbones (3:57:34 AM): I don't care any longer.
machineofbones (3:57:54 AM): I didn't mean structure to the point he took it.
machineofbones (3:58:06 AM): I merely mean that writing should be what THAT PERSON wants it to be.
machineofbones (3:58:12 AM): If they want to not use sentences, let them.
machineofbones (3:58:22 AM): If they want to not use certain grammatical devices, let them.
machineofbones (3:58:47 AM): If they want to not do something that is seemingly labeled as "a grammatical and english rule" then let them.
machineofbones (3:58:57 AM): And I said that if I get published, I would do what my publisher wants.
machineofbones (3:59:03 AM): I would change these things for readablitiy.
machineofbones (3:59:11 AM): But of course, he doesn't understand this for some reason.
machineofbones (3:59:21 AM): When it's sitting him right in the face.
machineofbones (3:59:34 AM): He's just tearing me apart because he think he's greater than me.
machineofbones (3:59:41 AM): And if he wants to do that, then I guess let him.
OtakuMimmi (4:00:26 AM): I guess he's trying, in his own way, to instill something in/to you.... but maybe he goes about it the wrong way. and clearly it isn't working
machineofbones (4:00:35 AM): Obviously so.
machineofbones (4:00:45 AM): I know what he's saying. I need to lighten up, and so on.
machineofbones (4:00:51 AM): I hear the truth in what he's saying.
machineofbones (4:00:58 AM): But the confrontantial way he says it doesn't help at all.
machineofbones (4:01:03 AM): Why can't I have my opinions?
OtakuMimmi (4:01:04 AM): I see that
machineofbones (4:01:05 AM): They are mine.
machineofbones (4:01:08 AM): Let me have them.
machineofbones (4:01:13 AM): He's not going to take them from me.
machineofbones (4:01:16 AM): Why so anything>?
machineofbones (4:01:26 AM): *say
OtakuMimmi (4:01:59 AM): this reminds me of a teacher I had, back when I was 10 or so.
OtakuMimmi (4:02:07 AM): he would always spite me
OtakuMimmi (4:02:14 AM): and I would hate him with fury
OtakuMimmi (4:02:27 AM): but in some warped way
machineofbones (4:02:28 AM): Why do I know I'm going to hate teaching?
machineofbones (4:02:33 AM): Because it's something that I don't want to do.
machineofbones (4:02:36 AM): I have to do it so I can live.
machineofbones (4:02:39 AM): That is why I do it.
machineofbones (4:02:41 AM): Not because I love it.
machineofbones (4:02:44 AM): I don't love it like he does.
machineofbones (4:02:58 AM): I can believe what I want--and I believe that our educational system is useless.
OtakuMimmi (4:03:38 AM): is your intention on becoming a teacher, a means to change things or simply go about your life ?
machineofbones (4:03:46 AM): Go about my life.
machineofbones (4:03:55 AM): Since I want to be a writer, I shall major in English.
machineofbones (4:03:59 AM): Writing is what I know I was meant to do.
machineofbones (4:04:05 AM): It is what I am talented at.
machineofbones (4:04:08 AM): So that is where I will go.
machineofbones (4:04:14 AM): And by going there, I will have to be a teacher most likely.'
OtakuMimmi (4:04:23 AM): no
machineofbones (4:04:23 AM): Because people shall not just magically publish my writing.
machineofbones (4:04:35 AM): And thus pay me for it.
machineofbones (4:04:39 AM): I may end up being a journalist.
machineofbones (4:04:43 AM): I may end up copy editting,.
machineofbones (4:04:45 AM): Who knows.
machineofbones (4:04:51 AM): All I know is that teaching is the most likely.
machineofbones (4:05:41 AM): No what?
OtakuMimmi (4:05:55 AM): why teach when it is most likely to .... or will you be using it to your "advantage" ? use it as fuel to your fire ?
machineofbones (4:06:35 AM): To live in this world you must work. I am guessing that by majoring in English, this is the most likely form of work I can find by my diploma as an english major.
OtakuMimmi (4:06:45 AM): most likely to destroy you and possible others as you do it
machineofbones (4:06:52 AM): No.
machineofbones (4:06:58 AM): I'll do it, even if I may not want to.
machineofbones (4:07:04 AM): You can't have what you want in life.
machineofbones (4:07:32 AM): If I want to get money, and live, I shall teach when I get my diploma if that is the only job opportunity which arises.
machineofbones (4:08:00 AM): This is the way the world is. I shall accept it and do what I have to to live.
OtakuMimmi (4:08:16 AM): you will fold ?
machineofbones (4:08:27 AM): No.
machineofbones (4:08:31 AM): I shall work like I have to.
OtakuMimmi (4:09:59 AM): won't your writing suffer from that ? or will it, like I tried to say earlier, aid you ?
OtakuMimmi (4:10:18 AM): are you consiously setting your scene ?
OtakuMimmi (4:10:34 AM): consciously*
machineofbones (4:14:25 AM): There's not much I can do, Mimmi.
machineofbones (4:14:42 AM): I am not going to be just magically published, and given large sums of money, or even enough sums of money.
machineofbones (4:14:50 AM): I will have to get a job on the side that pays well enough.
machineofbones (4:15:02 AM): And thusly I shall end up doing something as close to writing as I can go.
machineofbones (4:15:08 AM): Whether it be teaching, or whatnot.
machineofbones (4:15:25 AM): Whatever the case, I'll do it so I can have money, and thus a home and food on the table.
OtakuMimmi (4:16:34 AM): as long as you don't drown, that is your prerogative.
it's just my overly-emotional me speaking, really. I know all of what you say, and it's brave of you to face this "predicament".
OtakuMimmi (4:16:50 AM): you do not dodge
machineofbones (4:17:21 AM): Everyone faces it.
machineofbones (4:17:23 AM): I think.
machineofbones (4:17:27 AM): Of course I shall still write.
machineofbones (4:17:35 AM): Writing is what I feel I was meant to do, not matter what anyone says.
OtakuMimmi (4:17:51 AM): thus you will live, in some way
machineofbones (4:19:36 AM): Rather uselessly.
machineofbones (4:19:38 AM): Yes.
OtakuMimmi (4:20:13 AM): I need food to live and so I shall have breakfast now.....
OtakuMimmi (4:20:40 AM): take care, sweetness.
OtakuMimmi (4:20:55 AM): I shall try to review your poetry later in the day
machineofbones (4:21:02 AM): Bye.
machineofbones (4:21:07 AM): I am responding to his post.
machineofbones (4:21:08 AM): I guess.
OtakuMimmi (4:21:14 AM): as you please
OtakuMimmi signed off at 4:21:25 AM.
OtakuMimmi signed on at 4:42:20 AM.
machineofbones (4:43:16 AM): Download Gary Jules-Mad World.
machineofbones (4:43:25 AM): Do it for me, please. I love this song--it means a lot to me.'
OtakuMimmi (4:43:53 AM): I shall then, but only because I like you :p
machineofbones (4:44:14 AM): Okay.
machineofbones (4:44:25 AM): All around me are familiar places,
worn out places,
worn out faces.
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere.
The tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, No tomorrow.

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way every child should
Sit and listen, sit and lsiten
Went to school and i was very nervous
No one knew me, no knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world
Mad world
OtakuMimmi (4:45:50 AM): what was that place again.. kazaa ?
machineofbones (4:45:57 AM): Yeah.
machineofbones (4:46:14 AM): My post to PT is also finished.
machineofbones (4:46:25 AM): http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&goto=lastpost&forumid=4
machineofbones (4:49:44 AM): Heh. He has "Not Kevin?" in his sig, linking to my sarcastic post to him.
machineofbones (4:49:52 AM): I'm not Kevin at all.
machineofbones (4:49:59 AM): Charles could well attest to that fact.
machineofbones (4:50:08 AM): You probably have no clue who Kevin is.
OtakuMimmi (4:50:36 AM): mhm
machineofbones (4:50:46 AM): He owned AE boards.
machineofbones (4:50:52 AM): Those boards were a lot like OB.
OtakuMimmi (4:51:05 AM): owned ? so he doesn't own it anymore ?
machineofbones (4:51:10 AM): And there he spited OB and James--because James had done something or other to him, I can't remember.
machineofbones (4:51:14 AM): Yeah. It's gone.
machineofbones (4:51:17 AM): He gave up on it.
machineofbones (4:51:25 AM): If you go to the site, he ended it.
machineofbones (4:51:34 AM): The guy used to be an anime mod here at OB.
machineofbones (4:51:40 AM): And he spited OB again and again.
machineofbones (4:51:43 AM): And other things.
OtakuMimmi (4:51:47 AM): aha
machineofbones (4:51:52 AM): I'm not as terrible as him at all.
machineofbones (4:51:58 AM): And Alex has compared me to him before.
OtakuMimmi (4:52:08 AM): hm :-\
machineofbones (4:52:08 AM): Charles has readily agreed with me--I'm no Kevin.
machineofbones (4:52:21 AM): You know I'm no Kevin.
machineofbones (4:52:27 AM): Or so I think anyway.
machineofbones (4:52:40 AM): It's just Alex again trying to tear me apart and see things his way as always.
machineofbones (4:53:29 AM): So how was my post to PT?
machineofbones (4:53:32 AM): Still reading?
OtakuMimmi (4:54:37 AM): sorry, my dad was interrupting me. *goes to read*
OtakuMimmi (4:58:46 AM): now I see things more clearly
machineofbones (4:58:52 AM): Good.
machineofbones (4:58:56 AM): Do you see what I said?
OtakuMimmi (4:59:00 AM): indeed
machineofbones (4:59:04 AM): See how he took things farther than he should?
machineofbones (4:59:10 AM): See how he should let me think what I want to?
machineofbones (4:59:15 AM): That was what that post set out to do.
OtakuMimmi (4:59:27 AM): I'm inclined to agree
machineofbones (4:59:38 AM): I mean, I agree with what he was saying.
machineofbones (4:59:44 AM): But it doesn't apply to what I think--nor what I said.
machineofbones (5:00:10 AM): I'm glad you agree. It's always nicer when someone agrees with you, most certainly.
machineofbones (5:00:18 AM): Perhaps he'll see it too.
machineofbones (5:00:24 AM): Probably not though.
OtakuMimmi (5:00:25 AM): well, I know where you're coming from. to a degree
OtakuMimmi (5:00:33 AM): so that makes it easier
machineofbones (5:00:34 AM): And that's all that matters.
machineofbones (5:00:48 AM): As long as he can see that, then he can see everything's gist.
OtakuMimmi (5:02:18 AM): *tries to figure out how kazaa is working* *confused*
machineofbones (5:02:25 AM): O.o
OtakuMimmi (5:02:43 AM): I am so blonde
OtakuMimmi (5:02:52 AM): *hangs head in shame*
machineofbones (5:02:59 AM): It's okay.
machineofbones (5:03:05 AM): I still love thee in some fashion I wear.
OtakuMimmi (5:03:20 AM): *brightens up*
machineofbones (5:03:49 AM): I'm tired and feeling lonely. So I guess I'm open wide, so take that well, usually I'm cold as hell.
machineofbones (5:03:52 AM): But today I was happy.
OtakuMimmi (5:04:39 AM): I felt like burning every mistle-toe in the world today.. and yesterday.. and the days before that... nevermind
machineofbones (5:04:50 AM): I felt the same.
machineofbones (5:04:55 AM): People are too damn happy on holidays.
machineofbones (5:05:00 AM): It makes me end up being sad.
OtakuMimmi (5:05:18 AM): same here. more so than usual
machineofbones (5:05:38 AM): Sad...hm. More like apathetical--uncaring.
OtakuMimmi (5:05:52 AM): angry
machineofbones (5:05:56 AM): When someone seems to give so much point to something I see as stupid, I usually end up like that.
machineofbones (5:06:11 AM): It goes for that with school..
machineofbones (5:06:26 AM): It goes for that with people like Alex, whose intentions are good, but not the way I see things.
machineofbones (5:07:37 AM): I don't get mad easily.'
OtakuMimmi (5:07:48 AM): I have a poem going on stuff I've felt, but it might be to blunt and harsh to share with the people who've been so nice to me... don't like slapping friendly people in the face when they feed my loneliness
machineofbones (5:08:01 AM): If I am feeling passionate, I'm more likely to make myself into a tantrum over nothing.
machineofbones (5:08:04 AM): Pff.
machineofbones (5:08:07 AM): The world is cold.
machineofbones (5:08:09 AM): Be cold back.
OtakuMimmi (5:08:18 AM): *is encouraged*
machineofbones (5:08:25 AM): Speak what you want to say even if it's harsh.
machineofbones (5:08:34 AM): That's what my last post to PT was.
machineofbones (5:08:44 AM): It was harsh. It was apathetical--nihilisitc.
machineofbones (5:08:47 AM): *nihilisitc
machineofbones (5:08:49 AM): Bleh.
machineofbones (5:08:55 AM): Screw you spelling.
OtakuMimmi (5:09:01 AM): *nods*
machineofbones (5:09:05 AM): Be unvirginized.
OtakuMimmi (5:09:32 AM): I already am *lol*....hrm... anyway...
machineofbones (5:09:40 AM): I was speaking to spelling.
machineofbones (5:09:45 AM): And damn, you're lucky.
machineofbones (5:09:55 AM): The chicks don't come to me like crazy, sadly.
machineofbones (5:09:58 AM): I'm too reserved.
OtakuMimmi (5:10:17 AM): if you only knew how enticint that is *sighs*
OtakuMimmi (5:10:22 AM): *enticing*
machineofbones (5:10:39 AM): Although some things have happened recently where women seem to slowly be doing...something with me.
machineofbones (5:10:49 AM): I'm sure you read my post about McLauryn.
machineofbones (5:10:52 AM): Or maybe not.
machineofbones (5:10:54 AM): Who knows.
OtakuMimmi (5:10:56 AM): yeah
machineofbones (5:11:08 AM): I'm stupid in those situations--I don't know how to act.
machineofbones (5:11:16 AM): I'm not prone to emotion in front of so many people.
machineofbones (5:11:21 AM): Or someone I barely know.
machineofbones (5:12:03 AM): The internet is different that that though.
OtakuMimmi (5:12:05 AM): well... the few times I've been the recipient (sp?) of someone's attention, I've blushed like mad and legged it
OtakuMimmi (5:12:10 AM): very mature, huh ? ~_^
machineofbones (5:12:16 AM): Honestly, if I met you in real life, I wouldn't know what to say.
machineofbones (5:12:19 AM): Or do.
machineofbones (5:12:23 AM): Or so on.
OtakuMimmi (5:12:31 AM): that goes for me to
OtakuMimmi (5:12:48 AM): I'd know what I'd like to do... but doing it is something entirely diffferent
machineofbones (5:12:56 AM): I suppose if I don't find some girl that's for me, I'm going to be some lonely guy, I guess.
machineofbones (5:13:06 AM): Ah well.
machineofbones (5:13:12 AM): No big deal. Just live with it.
OtakuMimmi (5:13:32 AM): I have
machineofbones (5:13:32 AM): I'll accept things, nothing else I can do, other than try to change them.
OtakuMimmi (5:13:37 AM): or at least, tried
OtakuMimmi (5:13:57 AM): I deny to accept and cowar to change
machineofbones (5:14:01 AM): I'm not some great orator. I speak better when my writing speaks in someone's head.
machineofbones (5:14:21 AM): As I told you before, I'm not that great.
machineofbones (5:14:32 AM): I'm just some other person on the Earth out of 6 billion.
OtakuMimmi (5:14:57 AM): that just made me feel very lonely....
machineofbones (5:15:12 AM): But feeling lonely does feel good.
machineofbones (5:15:17 AM): I won't lie to myself there.
machineofbones (5:15:32 AM): I find embrace and showing emotion openly to people that are shwoing me emotion to feel quite corny.
machineofbones (5:15:34 AM): In some sense.
machineofbones (5:15:43 AM): It depends on the person.
machineofbones (5:15:53 AM): If I know some person a lot, it'd be totally different.
OtakuMimmi (5:16:33 AM): the thing is, i chose to be lonely when I didn't need to...
OtakuMimmi (5:16:51 AM): and now that I choose to be with people, I feel even more lonely
machineofbones (5:16:53 AM): But there's the kink in it all--how am I to get to know someone when I can't show them emotion until I get to know them, when to get to know them I'd have to show emotion.
OtakuMimmi (5:16:54 AM): it's frustrating
machineofbones (5:17:10 AM): Life sucks. Then you die. That's the facts.
machineofbones (5:17:19 AM): We can avert ourselves to love. To other things.
machineofbones (5:17:25 AM): But still what's there is there.
OtakuMimmi (5:17:29 AM): you can still get to know people without emotion
machineofbones (5:17:39 AM): Ehm. Not in some intimate way.
machineofbones (5:17:46 AM): It's harder without emotion.
OtakuMimmi (5:17:54 AM): maybe not as deeply, but that takes time anyway
OtakuMimmi (5:17:54 AM): feed the yearning mitch, feed it ~_^
machineofbones (5:18:05 AM): It's possible to know them intimately, but it takes more time without that emotion first-off.
machineofbones (5:18:18 AM): Of course, there's always chemistry, and sparks.
machineofbones (5:18:21 AM): I've felt that at times.
machineofbones (5:18:33 AM): Chelsea in my newspaper class seems to laugh at what I say. She seems to like me.
machineofbones (5:18:42 AM): But then again, it's just probably some stupid assumption.
machineofbones (5:18:51 AM): But I'm stupid not to take that assumption and test it.
machineofbones (5:18:56 AM): But I'm too shy to do it.
machineofbones (5:19:30 AM): It's just so funny being tired. Tha'ts all I know. All your thoughts are there like a big gaping hole and you can look in it so easily.
machineofbones (5:20:08 AM): I'm such a night person.'
OtakuMimmi (5:20:09 AM): it's because you're letting go ..
OtakuMimmi (5:20:15 AM): things always comes easier then
OtakuMimmi (5:20:26 AM): *come
machineofbones (5:20:49 AM): Why aren't verbs plural when nouns and adjectives are?
machineofbones (5:20:51 AM): Messed up language.
OtakuMimmi (5:20:59 AM): I have no idea
machineofbones (5:21:16 AM): I find it amazing how easy language is for me--well, english.
machineofbones (5:21:21 AM): And how hard it is to learn some other language at times.
machineofbones (5:21:27 AM): Since I just want to think in english.
machineofbones (5:21:42 AM): Latin is all over.
machineofbones (5:21:50 AM): The verb is usually at the end of the sentence.
machineofbones (5:22:01 AM): So you have to jump to the end of the sentence, then back, then back and forth.
OtakuMimmi (5:22:11 AM): sounds like german
machineofbones (5:22:22 AM): I'm so set on how I percieve language--via english--that it helps me as much as it doesn't.
machineofbones (5:22:41 AM): How they speak like that I can't see lol.
machineofbones (5:22:47 AM): And then there's all these cases.
OtakuMimmi (5:22:49 AM): hehe
machineofbones (5:22:54 AM): And so many of them have the same endings.
machineofbones (5:23:00 AM): One ending is plural in the singluar.
machineofbones (5:23:07 AM): Another is plural in the plural.
machineofbones (5:23:10 AM): It's so confusing.
machineofbones (5:23:34 AM): And you know, it just doesn't make sense, because you've never spoke like this.
machineofbones (5:23:46 AM): Logically, the things you are writing, they mean nothing just as they are.
machineofbones (5:23:52 AM): You use some memorization tool to remember them.
machineofbones (5:24:04 AM): Like appropinquat.
machineofbones (5:24:07 AM): It sounds like approach.
machineofbones (5:24:16 AM): Or some other word.
OtakuMimmi (5:24:25 AM): *lol*
machineofbones (5:24:30 AM): When you think about it, language really is hard.
machineofbones (5:24:37 AM): And yet English is so damn easy for me.
machineofbones (5:24:51 AM): Since it's what I've been pounded with since I was first born.
OtakuMimmi (5:24:58 AM): yeah
machineofbones (5:25:04 AM): The words in english will always mean more to me than any other language because of this.
machineofbones (5:25:10 AM): Is Swedish the same way for you>
machineofbones (5:25:11 AM): ?
machineofbones (5:25:17 AM): Or maybe it isn't.
machineofbones (5:25:19 AM): Who knows.
machineofbones (5:25:26 AM): Please so english you like better. :-(
machineofbones (5:25:30 AM): *say
OtakuMimmi (5:25:35 AM): well
machineofbones (5:25:56 AM): Well.
OtakuMimmi (5:26:00 AM): the more I learn about other languages, the more I love/like swedish....
OtakuMimmi (5:26:14 AM): but since I've been brought up with english as well..
OtakuMimmi (5:26:21 AM): it has a special place in me
machineofbones (5:26:22 AM): So I guess it's the same way with you.
machineofbones (5:26:24 AM): Yeah.
OtakuMimmi (5:26:33 AM): mhm
machineofbones (5:26:39 AM): English would be hard to master I think.
machineofbones (5:26:46 AM): If it was a foreign language.
machineofbones (5:26:53 AM): So many different ways to sound things..
OtakuMimmi (5:26:54 AM): absolutely
machineofbones (5:26:56 AM): So many irreqularities.
machineofbones (5:27:08 AM): *irregularities
machineofbones (5:27:16 AM): Ah well. Stupid spelling.
machineofbones (5:27:22 AM): Too lazy to fix it the right wya.
machineofbones (5:27:24 AM): *way'
OtakuMimmi (5:27:27 AM): spelling errors create new words
machineofbones (5:27:48 AM): But really--think about it.
machineofbones (5:27:52 AM): The way you think, it's in a language.
machineofbones (5:27:58 AM): What if there was some other language..
machineofbones (5:28:06 AM): And different things were thought of different ways.
machineofbones (5:28:07 AM): Or something.
OtakuMimmi (5:28:08 AM): *lol* I remember lecturing my teacher in english *grins*
machineofbones (5:28:12 AM): Then you would think those different ways.
machineofbones (5:28:27 AM): I mean, each language says what it says in some way when you translate it rawly,.
machineofbones (5:29:01 AM): Such as latin and its...*thinks*...command-things.
machineofbones (5:29:05 AM): Imperatives.
machineofbones (5:29:10 AM): The negatives for them..
machineofbones (5:29:17 AM): You put Noli excitare.
machineofbones (5:29:20 AM): You put nolui.
machineofbones (5:29:28 AM): Which literally, means, "be ignorant of":
machineofbones (5:29:32 AM): And then the infinitive.
machineofbones (5:29:43 AM): So what I said, I said be ignorant to rise.
machineofbones (5:29:50 AM): Basically, in plain english, Don't rise.
machineofbones (5:30:14 AM): Language is interesting like that.
OtakuMimmi (5:30:18 AM): true
machineofbones (5:30:21 AM): It's also interesting to see where words came from.
machineofbones (5:30:37 AM): Anyway...It's machineofbones (5:30:21 AM): I
OtakuMimmi (5:30:44 AM): yikes
machineofbones (5:30:48 AM): I think I should really, reallly sleep.
machineofbones (5:30:53 AM): As much as I like being like this,.
OtakuMimmi (5:31:08 AM): yeah... and as much as I like having you here, like this
machineofbones (5:31:09 AM): And as much as I'm sure you're enjoying it.
OtakuMimmi (5:31:14 AM): *grins*
machineofbones (5:31:18 AM): Heh.
OtakuMimmi (5:31:28 AM): am I that obvious ? ~_^
machineofbones (5:31:35 AM): If my Dad saw me online at this time, he'd skin me raw.
machineofbones (5:31:49 AM): He'd skin me raw if he saw me online past 10 as it is anyway.
machineofbones (5:31:55 AM): Soon I think my internet's going to be gone.
machineofbones (5:31:59 AM): We're getting wireless..
machineofbones (5:32:03 AM): And he's not getting it for me.
machineofbones (5:32:11 AM): Just another thing to accept.
OtakuMimmi (5:32:11 AM): *growls*
machineofbones (5:32:21 AM): I need to get out and get a job and get on with my stupid, useless life as it is.
machineofbones (5:32:35 AM): It's been 6 months I've been "searching" for some job.
machineofbones (5:32:38 AM): What a joke.
OtakuMimmi (5:32:52 AM): reality hits once again
machineofbones (5:32:55 AM): I don't want to get a job, honestly.
machineofbones (5:33:02 AM): I just want to not exist mostly.
machineofbones (5:33:05 AM): Why suffer?
machineofbones (5:33:08 AM): It's not worth it.
OtakuMimmi (5:33:10 AM): I hear ya
machineofbones (5:33:21 AM): Suicide does come to my mind a lot..
machineofbones (5:33:25 AM): But I'm not going to act on that.
machineofbones (5:33:29 AM): I couldn't anyway.
OtakuMimmi (5:33:32 AM): good
machineofbones (5:33:46 AM): I don't want to hurt the people who love me.
OtakuMimmi (5:33:46 AM): maybe I should become your... what's it called...
machineofbones (5:34:01 AM): Lover?
machineofbones (5:34:03 AM): Heh.
OtakuMimmi (5:34:05 AM): *lol*
OtakuMimmi (5:34:09 AM): sure, why not.
machineofbones (5:34:14 AM): I always do this--I say I am leaving and do not leave
machineofbones (5:34:16 AM): Stupid Mitch.
OtakuMimmi (5:34:24 AM): *cuddles silly mitch*
machineofbones (5:34:36 AM): This entire conversation was me basically thinking aloud.
machineofbones (5:34:42 AM): Hooray.
OtakuMimmi (5:34:47 AM): whopee
machineofbones (5:35:05 AM): Cushion.
OtakuMimmi (5:35:12 AM): soft
machineofbones (5:35:17 AM): OtakuMimmi (5:34:47 AM): whopee
machineofbones (5:35:05 AM): Cushion.
machineofbones (5:35:21 AM): Do you not know what that is?
machineofbones (5:35:46 AM): If not, and if you do, who cares. I must take this point to say it.
OtakuMimmi (5:35:54 AM): hrm, I was thinking pillow
machineofbones (5:35:58 AM): It is a device--a cushion which you sit on, which you blow into.
machineofbones (5:36:15 AM): And once sitten on, it speaks and wails flatuence
machineofbones (5:36:18 AM): It makes a fart noise.
machineofbones (5:36:23 AM): What a great prank indeed.
OtakuMimmi (5:36:36 AM): ah yes. that
OtakuMimmi (5:36:41 AM): I prefer pillow
machineofbones (5:36:41 AM): Yeha.
machineofbones (5:36:43 AM): *Yeah
machineofbones (5:36:46 AM): lol
machineofbones (5:36:54 AM): Let's not get melodramatic now.
machineofbones (5:36:55 AM): ;p
machineofbones (5:37:04 AM): I am lonely, but I'm not going to say I don't love it.
OtakuMimmi (5:37:16 AM): am an lonely and will say it frustrates me
OtakuMimmi (5:37:29 AM): I am*
machineofbones (5:37:34 AM): You know what frustrates me--that I have to live.
machineofbones (5:37:37 AM): That's what frustrates me.
machineofbones (5:37:43 AM): But I'll do it anyway.
OtakuMimmi (5:37:52 AM): that doesn't bother me as much, nowadays
machineofbones (5:38:18 AM): Because you really don't have to worry about it.
machineofbones (5:38:21 AM): You're still recovering.
OtakuMimmi (5:38:23 AM): indeed
machineofbones (5:38:28 AM): You have the loved ones to look after yuo.
machineofbones (5:38:30 AM): *you
OtakuMimmi (5:38:36 AM): yes
machineofbones (5:38:45 AM): I'm just assume. But that's what it seems.
machineofbones (5:38:51 AM): And you're also taking it for granted.
machineofbones (5:38:52 AM): Which is fine.
machineofbones (5:39:04 AM): I take things which are priveldges for granted all the time.
machineofbones (5:39:17 AM): Priveldge. Is that even spelled right?
OtakuMimmi (5:39:26 AM): do I come of as taking it for granted ?
machineofbones (5:39:28 AM): I have trouble spelling that word lately for some reason.
machineofbones (5:39:31 AM): No,
machineofbones (5:39:38 AM): I'm just speaking from some experience.
machineofbones (5:39:43 AM): And intuitiono.
machineofbones (5:39:46 AM): And empathy.
machineofbones (5:39:51 AM): *intuitions
OtakuMimmi (5:39:54 AM): I see..
machineofbones (5:40:04 AM): Pretty much all the things that make me as dynamic as I seem to be, I guess.
OtakuMimmi (5:40:07 AM): on some level you're spot on, though
machineofbones (5:40:21 AM): It's just how I am.
machineofbones (5:40:32 AM): I believe I would be a good lover to someone--I can empathize well,.'
machineofbones (5:40:38 AM): I can feel things well for some reason as well.
OtakuMimmi (5:40:42 AM): stop teasing me :p
machineofbones (5:40:55 AM): While I donf't believe in ESP, or anything, I often feel things will teeter a certain way.
machineofbones (5:41:05 AM): You know, a few times, it's amazing.
machineofbones (5:41:10 AM): I'll be in my car something.
machineofbones (5:41:15 AM): In my car is just one example.
machineofbones (5:41:25 AM): And I'll be listening to the radio,.
machineofbones (5:41:28 AM): I'll think about some song.
machineofbones (5:41:38 AM): One time it was Rush's "The Spirit of Radio."
machineofbones (5:41:44 AM): And I then changed the station.
machineofbones (5:41:47 AM): And there the song was playing.
machineofbones (5:41:56 AM): Another time I was thinking of NIN's "Closer."
machineofbones (5:42:03 AM): And Nine Inch Nails in general.
machineofbones (5:42:11 AM): And then I turned on the popular music station.
machineofbones (5:42:23 AM): And to my surprise, they were playing "Closer."
machineofbones (5:42:29 AM): And seriously, I was amazed.
OtakuMimmi (5:42:32 AM): good stuff
machineofbones (5:42:36 AM): That station always plays utter crap.
machineofbones (5:42:51 AM): Not in an age did I think it would play something like that.
OtakuMimmi (5:42:59 AM): *lol*
machineofbones (5:43:03 AM): It's a scary, penetrating feeling though.
machineofbones (5:43:13 AM): To think that everything is and was and that will be is all set out for you.
machineofbones (5:43:20 AM): And you can't do a thing to change it.
machineofbones (5:43:26 AM): But I think it's something of a reality.
OtakuMimmi (5:43:30 AM): hm
machineofbones (5:43:33 AM): Is there a God that did this?
machineofbones (5:43:35 AM): I don't know.
machineofbones (5:43:37 AM): I refuse to assume.
machineofbones (5:44:02 AM): Other time deja vu will hit me at the times I'm off guard.
machineofbones (5:44:11 AM): This amazing feeling that I've lived this moment before.
machineofbones (5:44:15 AM): And it's played out like this before.
machineofbones (5:44:22 AM): It doesn't happen too often..
machineofbones (5:44:29 AM): But I'm guessing it happens a lot more often than I see.
machineofbones (5:44:44 AM): It's odd though.
machineofbones (5:44:52 AM): I don't know if I want to believe in these nudges or not.
machineofbones (5:45:18 AM): A really scary thought to me though. That everything's set out.
OtakuMimmi (5:45:21 AM): I haven't figured them out for myself, so I can't say
machineofbones (5:45:23 AM): It totally goes against what I believe.
machineofbones (5:45:33 AM): I beileve in being creative.
machineofbones (5:45:41 AM): And things that tie in there.
machineofbones (5:45:53 AM): And that things happen as they happen--they are survival of the fittest.
machineofbones (5:46:06 AM): I'm sure everyone feels these same things.
machineofbones (5:46:10 AM): And that is why I say them.
machineofbones (5:46:15 AM): So I can speak with my words for them.
machineofbones (5:46:32 AM): I have a gift with words, I won't deny it, and so I will use it.
OtakuMimmi (5:46:35 AM): it sure is intriguing to read
OtakuMimmi (5:46:40 AM): and makes me think
OtakuMimmi (5:46:45 AM): which is even better
machineofbones (5:46:47 AM): I think too damn much.
machineofbones (5:46:59 AM): Alex tells me, "Think outside the box," when I already.
machineofbones (5:47:02 AM): More than him it seems.
machineofbones (5:47:10 AM): *already do
OtakuMimmi (5:47:31 AM): I don't think enough... but I'm on my way
machineofbones (5:47:33 AM): It's funny.
machineofbones (5:47:40 AM): I took these quizzes at that e-mode place.
machineofbones (5:47:49 AM): Like the ones that Alea had in her My O.
machineofbones (5:47:57 AM): And most all of them told me I am gifted with words.
machineofbones (5:48:06 AM): And for my career it said writing, a journalist, maybe.
machineofbones (5:48:32 AM): I remember in 8th grade my teacher telling me I was talented with writing.
machineofbones (5:48:40 AM): I remember back then I wasn't into writing.
machineofbones (5:48:55 AM): It was about 9th grade it really all began with writing.
machineofbones (5:49:39 AM): I don't understand why I'm such a good writer it seems--I'm not trying to sound egotistical at all--I think this is well a truth, and I think I've shown it.
machineofbones (5:49:44 AM): I don't read often.
machineofbones (5:49:50 AM): I haven't read much really.
machineofbones (5:49:56 AM): I read the most when I was younger.
machineofbones (5:50:02 AM): I read those goosebumps books.
machineofbones (5:50:05 AM): Do you know those books?
OtakuMimmi (5:50:09 AM): no
machineofbones (5:50:12 AM): I worshipped them
machineofbones (5:50:30 AM): They were corny, stereotypical horror stories all done by an R.L. Stine.
OtakuMimmi (5:50:50 AM): did they make a tv-show out of them ?
machineofbones (5:50:50 AM): Most Americans my age remember reading them it seems.
machineofbones (5:50:53 AM): Yes.
machineofbones (5:50:54 AM): They did.
machineofbones (5:50:57 AM): I loved that too.
OtakuMimmi (5:51:18 AM): I think I've seen that show
machineofbones (5:51:26 AM): Memories are very kind to see, as well as crushing all the same.
machineofbones (5:51:36 AM): That was basically my one post in my LJ
machineofbones (5:51:53 AM): I still have some of those books.
machineofbones (5:52:01 AM): I got rid of most of them...but I still have some.
machineofbones (5:52:30 AM): I started reading LoTR again recentl.'
machineofbones (5:52:33 AM): *recently
machineofbones (5:52:37 AM): Good stuff when I'm in the mood.
machineofbones (5:52:40 AM): Sometimes I just can't read.
machineofbones (5:52:42 AM): I'm too negative.
machineofbones (5:52:47 AM): I read it and say, "who cares."
machineofbones (5:53:17 AM): I still do like reading...but it's a lot slower for me than it used to be.
machineofbones (5:53:52 AM): Okay. In about 7 minutes I sleep for real this time.
OtakuMimmi (5:54:12 AM): *pouts*
machineofbones (5:54:12 AM): Well, before I go to sleep, I feed my passion in the loneliest of ways, but anyway.
machineofbones (5:54:13 AM): ;p
OtakuMimmi (5:54:36 AM): O:-) I'm sure I don't know what you speak of
machineofbones (5:54:44 AM): A lot of time I just don't care. It's the truth.
machineofbones (5:54:48 AM): My parents see it too.
machineofbones (5:54:55 AM): My parents is a whole nother thing..
machineofbones (5:54:58 AM): For a whole nother day.
machineofbones (5:55:02 AM): So I'll just leave it at that.
machineofbones (5:55:06 AM): Maybe some other time.
OtakuMimmi (5:55:07 AM): alright
machineofbones (5:55:14 AM): I've posted it in My O at times I'm sure.
OtakuMimmi (5:55:18 AM): I'm always open for busines
OtakuMimmi (5:55:20 AM): *business
machineofbones (5:55:24 AM): My, "bitching and moaning," as Alex says.
machineofbones (5:55:43 AM): Notice I continue to say his name randmoly in sarcastic ways.
OtakuMimmi (5:55:50 AM): *smiles*
machineofbones (5:55:51 AM): I do that to people that I feel bitter abuot.
machineofbones (5:55:54 AM): *about
machineofbones (5:56:00 AM): I do it to a lot of people.
machineofbones (5:56:08 AM): Most don't seem to understand the sick humor.
machineofbones (5:56:27 AM): Chelsea seems to, among some other people.
machineofbones (5:56:33 AM): In real life, anyway.
OtakuMimmi (5:56:37 AM): yeah
machineofbones (5:57:01 AM): I feel I need to constantly remind people of real life as I'm on the internet.
machineofbones (5:57:10 AM): Maybe that's my point on the net.
machineofbones (5:57:22 AM): Here's a thought: maybe I should be a psychiatrist.
OtakuMimmi (5:57:25 AM): who knows
machineofbones (5:57:27 AM): Just think, Dr Grant Smith.
machineofbones (5:57:29 AM): lol
machineofbones (5:57:37 AM): I can even grow a beard.
machineofbones (5:57:41 AM): And get the thicker glasses.
machineofbones (5:57:46 AM): And wear the polished suits.
OtakuMimmi (5:57:55 AM): not too bad of an idea
machineofbones (5:57:55 AM): Because I seem to understand people..
OtakuMimmi (5:58:03 AM): nyeh
machineofbones (5:58:04 AM): I seem to like to tell people how I see things and so on.
machineofbones (5:58:10 AM): What does nyeh mean?
machineofbones (5:58:15 AM): Never understood it.
OtakuMimmi (5:58:22 AM): beard = nyeh...
machineofbones (5:58:24 AM): Sara was the first person that said it to me online.
OtakuMimmi (5:58:33 AM): *_* sort of
machineofbones (5:58:45 AM): Since it started with an "n," I instantly thought that it was some negative funky word.
machineofbones (5:58:50 AM): Since most negative words start with n.
OtakuMimmi (5:58:58 AM): like "no"
OtakuMimmi (5:59:09 AM): I get that alot ~_^
machineofbones (5:59:10 AM): So I guess I was right yet again, eh?
machineofbones (5:59:24 AM): My intuition is strange lol.
OtakuMimmi (5:59:34 AM): *bows before his humble abode*
machineofbones (5:59:37 AM): I see things where most people would just sit there and accept it.
machineofbones (5:59:47 AM): It seemes.
machineofbones (5:59:58 AM): I give myself too much at times though.
machineofbones (6:00:03 AM): I'm just trying to be confident.
machineofbones (6:00:10 AM): Most people seem to see at as arrogant.
OtakuMimmi (6:00:12 AM): that's good
machineofbones (6:00:20 AM): Being arrogant, though, is not seeing other's points of view.
machineofbones (6:00:30 AM): And that I don't think I do.
machineofbones (6:00:40 AM): But then again I could be giving myself too much again.
machineofbones (6:00:50 AM): But really--what is so bad about being selfish?
machineofbones (6:00:55 AM): I don't see it as too wrong.
machineofbones (6:01:04 AM): As long as it is in moderation.
machineofbones (6:01:16 AM): I mean, I can't stand some conceited, spoiled, moron,.
machineofbones (6:01:23 AM): But anyway.
OtakuMimmi (6:01:26 AM): mhm
machineofbones (6:01:31 AM): This convo goes in My O.
machineofbones (6:01:37 AM): It says things people need to read.
machineofbones (6:01:38 AM): And hear.
machineofbones (6:01:48 AM): So I'll post it as well as save it,.
machineofbones (6:01:52 AM): Then I'm going to sleep.
machineofbones (6:01:59 AM): But before that...heh.
machineofbones (6:02:01 AM): Yes.
machineofbones (6:02:04 AM): 8-)
OtakuMimmi (6:02:10 AM): alright. sweet dreams, sweetness
OtakuMimmi (6:02:18 AM): *lol*
machineofbones (6:02:30 AM): *tries to reach for your real name to say it*
machineofbones (6:02:33 AM): Mary..no.
machineofbones (6:02:35 AM): Ah well.
machineofbones (6:02:38 AM): Can't remember.
OtakuMimmi (6:02:42 AM): Mia-Marlene
machineofbones (6:02:49 AM): Yeah. That's it.
machineofbones (6:03:07 AM): What do they call you there in real life?
machineofbones (6:03:12 AM): I'd like to call you that.
machineofbones (6:03:21 AM): Is it actually Mimmi?
OtakuMimmi (6:03:29 AM): yeah =)
machineofbones (6:03:35 AM): Hm. Good enough.
OtakuMimmi (6:03:47 AM): or Mia
machineofbones (6:03:55 AM): What's in a rose, by any other name, would smell just as sweet.
OtakuMimmi (6:03:57 AM): depends on how well you take to me
machineofbones (6:04:02 AM): To quote Shakespeare.
OtakuMimmi (6:04:13 AM): indeed
machineofbones (6:04:31 AM): You have a good day, Mimmi. Now that things are negative...but turn that into your positive.
machineofbones (6:04:36 AM): Turn your sorrow into twisted laughter.
machineofbones (6:04:39 AM): That's what I do, anyway.
OtakuMimmi (6:04:44 AM): rest assured I will
machineofbones (6:04:46 AM): *Know
Comments (1) | Permalink