Friday, November 28, 2003

A seven nation army couldn't hold me back.

Slept the night over at Ryan's. We played numberless games of Starcraft.

If you haven't played Starcraft, then I think you should play it. And if and when you do play it if you haven't played it, I think you should grow very endeared with it, for it is an amazing game. I believe that tehre was a touch of gold to this game, and I believe you will believe too.

I am too lazy to type a quick overview of the game, but you don't even need one. It's an Real Time Strategy game, just like Warcraft, which I hope you've played at least or heard of. Starcraft is made by Blizzard, the same people that made Warcraft, by the way.

I lost most of the games if Ryan and I weren't on teams...but on one game I dominated.

I was Protoss (the high-techest race of the three you can play), and I had a fleet of the strongest units of theirs, Carriers. Carriers have little ships ib them called Interceptors, and they can hold eight, I think it is, if you get an upgrade. Interceptors cost about 25 ore each to make, and Carriers themselves cost three hundred fifty ore, and three hundred gas, I think it is. Really expensive.

Yes. So I owned this game. I made about thirty Carriers during it, about 10 in a fleet each time, and adding them back as they died. We played about 4 other computers, and it was a free for all. It was great.

Then Ryan started using his network-power-ness to log onto my computer from his computer (I don't know the exact way he does it, nor the "technical name" for it, but you get what I'm saying), and so I kept logging on as quickly as I could. Each time I'd come on, there'd be the message screen open saying, "Do you really want to exit Starcraft?" and this happened at the point where I was almost killing Ryan, and I was also attacking a red computer. I could hear the incessant whirr of the interceptors firing, but Ryan kept booting me off again and again.

Eventually he shut the progam.

It made me mad, I mean, it was the first game I was going to win..and I actually tried pretty hard. But I got over it.

That's about all I've done today. Today has passed insanely fast.

Oh, by the way, I think my trial version is up. So I won't be online as much anymore. It's kind of depressing in some ways, but ah well.

Supposedly our "contract" with AOL ends soon, so then we'll be getting some other thing--cable maybe (or so I wish).

Yeah. So it kind of sucks..I'm back to the timer, and the parental controls again after today I think. Bleh.

I'll live with it, I guess.

All I know is I am so tired right now. Everything is fuzzy fuzzy, like fuzzy sheep out in a field.

...

Did I really just type something about fuzzy sheep?

I guess that shows I am tired.


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Thursday, November 27, 2003

Yekrut dna mah.

ate my turkey
it was raw
had some chewing
and chawed.

thought over the many things of weak and weary,
and all things that are the all,
and came upon the climatic claws
of bitten meat.

there was ham,
the pig's meat
which bled on my teeth.
there was turkey,
the turkey's meat
which bled on my teeth.

can anything taint too much?
can teeth be rotten sore,
shoulder-bourne, forlorn?
can you snuff life
with cuffing it in chains?

i tried to cuff my turkey
as i chewed his grains,
and i tried to snuff my rooster
as he cooed in his chains,
but all i found was that it was all the same.

after eating, my teeth rested on my tongue
and i was in my room, breathing a dead lung.
my breaths were alive, my reasons hung
and who is to dry tanned death as it sneers love?

on my bed i lie,
and on my heart i lied,
and in my brain, i conived
thinking over the most principle of all desires.

and when the urge came, and it was left,
all that was left was the barest of bones
sitting all around me, hugging me as i lied unclothed.

the principle of all emotion and of all coercion
is the one most known,
that the turkeys will sure squeal alone,
as they are slaughtered like pagans.

it is survival's ribs that holds it all,
and survival's ribs that echoes.

and in my mind, i imaged the most contrary contrare,
and wrote stories from my teeth
but to what end, and what need
is always there.

the turkeys died, feathers hair
and the most beautiful things
live without reasons but lies.

let us kill our turkeys,
and rape freedom's ovulation about our walls,
for there was never none of it all.

and so there in my room i fell asleep,
and so there i touched my chest, feeling its warmth
and so there in my room, i died no death,
and lived no less,
and felt the desires melt away.
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Scream of the Butterfly.

a creature made of sunshine
her eyes were like the sky
rabbit howls like something old as we twitch to her lullaby
the scalpel shines in god's sunshine
street lights whisper pain
down here near the poison stream our god has gone insane
she smiles like a child with flowers in her hair
with blood on her hands into the sun she stares
she feels it die, I heard her cry
she smiles like a child with flowers in her hair
with blood on her hands into the sun she stares
she feels it die, I heard her cry
like the scream of the butterfly
sunshine a house in flames
she likes it where she gets it but it's never felt the same
surgery in the house of dissection
when your candle burns out I will resurrect you
she runs through fields of daisies
yeah it's just a shame that they eat their own babies
who cares cause the air is free
when you get there will you kiss the dead for me?
there's blood on the moon
and the summer is cold
there's love in the room
but baby that's gettin' old
there's blood on my face
sittin' on a dead shore
a highway of emptiness and I'm gettin' bored
there's blood on the moon
as we plan our escape
the goddess in bloom handcuffed and raped
there's blood in the bathtub, baby
murder the king
there's blood on the moon
there's blood on just about everything
sunshine a house in flames
she likes it where she gets it but it's never felt the same
surgery in the house of dissection
when your candle burns out I will resurrect you
she runs through fields of daisies
yeah it's just a shame that they eat their own babies
who cares cause the air is free
when you get there will you kiss the dead for me?
something cold is forced inside her
a tear spills down her cheek
stillborn songs of a dead dreamer,
hymns of the needle freak
with sunlight in her hair she smiles like she don't care
her dreams are liquid blue
I cut myself again and again to remind myself of you
she smiles like a child with flowers in her hair
with blood on her hands into the sun she stares
she feels it die,
I heard her cry
she smiles like a child with flowers in her hair
with blood on her hands into the sun she stares
she feels it die,
I heard her cry
like the scream of the butterfly
like the scream of the butterfly
I met an angel with a sawed-off shotgun
wanted by the FBI
we dropped some acid, killed our parents
then we hit the road
like the scream of the butterfly
like the scream of the butterfly
like the scream of the butterfly
like the scream of the butterfly
Comments (1) | Permalink

Happy Thanksnothing.

It's thanksgiving today and I could care less.

I don't like to eat food too much any longer. I only eat it when I'm hungry, I mean, isn't that the purpose of food? To keep you alive when you're hungry and weakening. Exactly.

I probably won't eat anything all day, then eat what I feel like eating when it's time for our big dinner. And I'm not going to eat to the point where I'm so full. I hate that feeling.

I'm not exactly in the best mood right now.

Yesterday, before I was going to Ryan's, my Dad comes up to me, "We don't even like the person you're becoming. We don't like what you're becoming. We don't like how you have utter contempt for us. You just have contempt for us. And you don't even do anything in the house, not even lift a finger. You need to get a job Monday..."

And on and on. This conversation really bitters me. I thrive on encouragement, not discouragement. And it's just the way he talks to me. I hate the way he talks to me. I can't even begin to explain that.

I'm also going to have to go to church on Christmas. Don't want to do that either. I told him that if I actually had faith in God and I would worship him, I wouldn't go to church to do it. I'd do it on my own time. I hate organized religion. It's so silly to me.

I might be sleeping over at Ryan's tonight, or I might leave with my grandparents and get the hell away from my Dad. I don't want to be around him, I'm not in too good of a mood as it is, and he only brings me down it seems, always telling me that I'm terrible at the times when I don't even feel anything he says I feel.

I am just sick of getting yelled at. It does nothing, other than just make me more and more bitter towards everything as well as declines me from my feelings that I'm having then. I just can't stand being yelled at all the time. And I shouldn't even care. I've been being yelled at forever by him daily.

In my house I have to clean my room daily, and I've been doing this daily. He still yells at me for that. I also have made my bed like I'm told. I get yelled at for anything he can possibly think of it seems, nothing is ever good enough for him.

He sits here and tells me I do nothing to help around the house without being asked. What else do you expect? I don't take initiatives. I do what I'm told if it's actually logical.

I used to clean the house every week, but when I asked him why he didn't have me do it this week, he says, "You don't do good enough of a job." Sure. Then why even have me do it in the first place, and why bitch at me to do things?

I don't even think my Dad is the source of what I'm feeling. I actually don't even know what it is. I just feel frustrated with everything.

My conversation with PT last night didn't help anything either. I don't come on the internet to be bithched at and told I'm full of shit and that I'm useless and so on. I come on here to waste time, talk to people, be cheered up, just escape from the crap that PT was discussing with me yesterday.

The thing is, being on the computer ends up just making me more bitter and mellow and docile and melancholy, and I don't know why. Probably because I feel infinite guilt for never doing what people expect of me. And what I expect of me.

PT is a good guy, but he isn't a good one for comfort. Plus when our egoes go where they go, it's not pretty. I guess I just won't talk to him when I'm like this.

As for me just bitching and moaning in here...what less do you expect? It's a blog. It's for a catharsis. If he wants to hate my My O, that's his problem. Not mine. This is my little sanctuary, and most should know that by now.

As for my humor, if it's weird for the sake of being weird, then it is. This is who I am. Hate it or love it. It's your choice. At least be polite about it, not turning around and saying, "You're full of shit, no offence [sic]." It's rather enlightening, I'm sure. Pff.

In the end I'm just blaming people for how I'm feeling. As I said, PT is a good guy. I just don't like talking to him like that conversation went.

In the end the reason I'm depressed or whatever you want to call it is because of me. And I accept this fact. I'm a narcissist, and I guess that shows it.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Wow, I just feel so much better from my depression I'm having the last few days now.

XtremeVerbatage: true?
Dilapoid: Hm?
XtremeVerbatage: XtremeVerbatage (6:22:20 PM): it trains you to look at things logically
XtremeVerbatage (6:22:28 PM): to break down an image
XtremeVerbatage (6:22:36 PM): see how it's comprised
XtremeVerbatage (6:22:53 PM): where the parts fit in
XtremeVerbatage: speaking about geometry
Dilapoid: Yeah. That's what I was saying, sort of.
XtremeVerbatage: and let's examine poetry using those conventions
XtremeVerbatage: we break down poetry
Dilapoid: I think I already do this in some ways, at least. I do see multiple things in one thing often.
XtremeVerbatage: see how it's comprised
XtremeVerbatage: where its parts fit in
Dilapoid: Yeah. I already do this to an extent lol.
XtremeVerbatage: then you're already using geometry
Dilapoid: Then why am I taking it?
Dilapoid: Because it's required.
XtremeVerbatage: so why deny it has uses to apply to what you do?
Dilapoid: But its SPECIFIC uses don't apply to me.
XtremeVerbatage: and suck it up
Dilapoid: I am.
XtremeVerbatage: I don't hear you sucking...
XtremeVerbatage: lol
Dilapoid: *suck*
Dilapoid: There.
XtremeVerbatage: better
XtremeVerbatage: ::gives Mitch a cookie::
Dilapoid: Math is just frustrating to me.
Dilapoid: It's always been like that.
Dilapoid: It's never come easy.
XtremeVerbatage: we treat poetry like geometry
XtremeVerbatage: so treat geometry like poetry
Dilapoid: It doesn't feel like it at all to me.
Dilapoid: It isn't using my own things to express myself.
Dilapoid: It's using set shapes to express something that doesn't matter to me anyways..lol.
XtremeVerbatage: we all have to sell-out to school sometime
Dilapoid: I use language as my geometry.
Dilapoid: Not geometry as my language.
Dilapoid: And it is going to stay that way.
XtremeVerbatage: better to sell-out now while you can
Dilapoid: Sell-out...as in...?
Dilapoid: Give up?
XtremeVerbatage: not at all
XtremeVerbatage: but accept the reality that we can't always do what we want
Dilapoid: I realize this.
XtremeVerbatage: then know it
Dilapoid: It's just the way I am. I am saying that geometry is useless to me because it is in most cases...but I am being also sarcastic. It's the way I am towards things I find inane.
Dilapoid: It probably ends up sounding like complaining..
Dilapoid: But I do it to make myself grin and bear it.
Dilapoid: After all, if something isn't fun once in a while, what's the use in it?
Dilapoid: So I try to have fun with geometry.
XtremeVerbatage: so treat it like poetry
Dilapoid: I am doing it do a different extent here.
Dilapoid: But it isn't poetry to me.
Dilapoid: I can't treat something like it's something if it isn't.
Dilapoid: Poetry comes from my mind and on paper in just a snap.
XtremeVerbatage: ::shakes head and mutters::
Dilapoid: Geometry comes on my paper like a garbled monster.
XtremeVerbatage: I should hope you don't think yourself as in control of your mind...
Dilapoid: No. Not at all.
XtremeVerbatage: good.
Dilapoid: Why treat it like poetry? It isn't poetry.
Dilapoid: It's cold calculation.
Dilapoid: Not poetry.
XtremeVerbatage: XtremeVerbatage (6:22:20 PM): it trains you to look at things logically
XtremeVerbatage (6:22:28 PM): to break down an image
XtremeVerbatage (6:22:36 PM): see how it's comprised
XtremeVerbatage (6:22:53 PM): where the parts fit in
XtremeVerbatage (6:29:52 PM): speaking about geometry
Dilapoid (6:30:05 PM): Yeah. That's what I was saying, sort of.

XtremeVerbatage: XtremeVerbatage (6:30:20 PM): and let's examine poetry using those conventions
XtremeVerbatage (6:30:25 PM): we break down poetry
Dilapoid (6:30:27 PM): I think I already do this in some ways, at least. I do see multiple things in one thing often.
XtremeVerbatage (6:30:29 PM): see how it's comprised
XtremeVerbatage (6:30:35 PM): where its parts fit in
Dilapoid (6:30:43 PM): Yeah. I already do this to an extent lol.
XtremeVerbatage (6:30:50 PM): then you're already using geometry
Dilapoid: I call that allegory, if you must know. And allusion.
XtremeVerbatage: so you're telling me...
XtremeVerbatage: that geometry is not poetry at all
Dilapoid: Not to me.
XtremeVerbatage: that messages are not presented using geometry
XtremeVerbatage: that emotions are not spread
XtremeVerbatage: what do you think graphic design is?
XtremeVerbatage: or painting?
XtremeVerbatage: that's poetry
XtremeVerbatage: and it uses geometry
XtremeVerbatage: an eye for design
Dilapoid: But it isn't, in extereme essence, geometry.
Dilapoid: It doesn't follow its exact rules.
Dilapoid: *extreme
XtremeVerbatage: did you ever hear of the "perfect paper structure"?
Dilapoid: No.
XtremeVerbatage: it's an organization of a paper that is so perfectly designed, one can't help but understand it
XtremeVerbatage: and this structure comes out of knowing geometry
Dilapoid: But tell me...
Dilapoid: Do they put on the pages, "The circumcenter of blah blah blah is blah blah blah because of blah blah blah postulate."
Dilapoid: Or something else.
Dilapoid: That is geometry from what I've learned. It's taking principles of shapes and applying them and using them to find something or proove something...such as triangles are congruent etc.
Dilapoid: *prove
XtremeVerbatage: so what is a research paper?
Dilapoid: Stupid double oness.
XtremeVerbatage: or a poem?
Dilapoid: A research paper is regurgiation of what you know on something.
XtremeVerbatage: taking principles of shapes and applying them and using them to find something to prove something
XtremeVerbatage: or prove*
Dilapoid: You research whatever the topic is...then regurgiate it in your own words on paper.
Dilapoid: That is what I just said.
XtremeVerbatage: you're only looking at superficiality
XtremeVerbatage: think about this
XtremeVerbatage: look deeper into what research papers do
Dilapoid: They teach you factual information on a subject.
XtremeVerbatage: look deeper into what poetry does
XtremeVerbatage: oh god
XtremeVerbatage: ok
XtremeVerbatage: this convo is over
XtremeVerbatage: if you are so totally unwilling to think outside the box
Dilapoid: Well, that's what a research paper does.
XtremeVerbatage: and keep harping on this superficial ideal
Dilapoid: That's the reality of it.
XtremeVerbatage: no, Mitch
XtremeVerbatage: that's not the reality of it
XtremeVerbatage: that's what you think
Dilapoid: It teaches you something with truth.
Dilapoid: Or at least what's been found to the truth.
XtremeVerbatage: OH WAIT!
XtremeVerbatage: so,
XtremeVerbatage: papers lead you to the truth
XtremeVerbatage: right?
Dilapoid: Yes.
XtremeVerbatage: and...
XtremeVerbatage: what do postulates and theorems do?
Dilapoid: You want me say lead you to the truth.
Dilapoid: But to what truth?
XtremeVerbatage: don't they?
XtremeVerbatage: answer the question
XtremeVerbatage: don't get into semantics
XtremeVerbatage: answer the question
Dilapoid: A postulate is based upon nothing. It's simply believed in. It's faithed in.
Dilapoid: And theorems are born from postulates.
XtremeVerbatage: does it lead you to the truth
Dilapoid: Well, can nothing give you something that is the truth?
XtremeVerbatage: do you argue that a triangle does not have 3 sides?
Dilapoid: It's right in its name. Tri-angle.
XtremeVerbatage: thus
XtremeVerbatage: a truth
Dilapoid: A truth that does nothing for me.
XtremeVerbatage: so, I ask you once again
XtremeVerbatage: what do postulates and theorems do?
Dilapoid: As I said, a postulate is faithed in. It doesn't have anything that proves it's true. And theorems arise from postulates.
Dilapoid: This is what I learned in geometry.
Dilapoid: And postulates don't have counterexamples that make them false.
XtremeVerbatage: then they cannot be false
Dilapoid: So they are considered true.
XtremeVerbatage: correect?
XtremeVerbatage: and thus
XtremeVerbatage: true
Dilapoid: Considered. They are believed to be true.
Dilapoid: But not absolutely.
XtremeVerbatage: but they cannot be considered false
Dilapoid: If a counterexample is provided they can.
Dilapoid: They aren't absolute.
Dilapoid: Geometry its self is based in inabsolute truths, then.
XtremeVerbatage: but has a counterexample been provided to a triangle/
XtremeVerbatage: ?
Dilapoid: No.
Dilapoid: But I don't believe in something unless it's absolute.
Dilapoid: This stems to God.
XtremeVerbatage: has a counterexample been provided to a square having 4 equal sides?
Dilapoid: No.
Dilapoid: It's common sense that a square has four sides that are equal.
Dilapoid: By looking at it you can see it.
XtremeVerbatage: has a counterexample been provided to opposite angles of 2 intersecting lines being unequal?
Dilapoid: No.
XtremeVerbatage: being equal*
XtremeVerbatage: see?
Dilapoid: These are simple things seen by the eye, though.
XtremeVerbatage: so you are able to eyeball an angle?
XtremeVerbatage: I thought you sucked at math
Dilapoid: Geometry gets a lot more verbose than just that.
Dilapoid: Alt interior angles are congruent iff 2 lines are parallel.
Dilapoid: You can't tell that just by looking at a line, that some two angles are always going to be congruent.
Dilapoid: And yet it'
Dilapoid: *it's based on something inabsolute..
Dilapoid: But it's said to be true for all we know.
XtremeVerbatage: why inabsolute?
XtremeVerbatage: there has been nothing to disprove it
Dilapoid: As I said, postulates don't have things that prove them.
XtremeVerbatage: and,
XtremeVerbatage: thus
XtremeVerbatage: if there is nothing to disprove something,
Dilapoid: And if a counterexample is provided then it's obvious there it goes.
XtremeVerbatage: that something is absolute
XtremeVerbatage: and has a counterexample been provided?
Dilapoid: Something absolute is CERTAINLY, obviously, neverendlingly, without any doubt true.
Dilapoid: There isn't a doubt that it can be proved false.
Dilapoid: *can't
Dilapoid: So it isn't absolute.
Dilapoid: But, yes, as far as I know, it's true.
XtremeVerbatage: but has it been proven false?
Dilapoid: But I'm only believing what I've been told. What if it is't right? I'm not going to believe in something not knowing if it's true or it isn't. What is the point in that? There isn't much point other than putting stakes in something for your benefit.
Dilapoid: I just want the reality of things.
Dilapoid: The absolute truth.
Dilapoid: Not sophisticated mumbo jumbo.
XtremeVerbatage: and the reality of things is that you have to accept things
Dilapoid: And I have..
XtremeVerbatage: you said you realise that,
Dilapoid: But not fully.
XtremeVerbatage: Mitch,
XtremeVerbatage: you haven't
XtremeVerbatage: just by what we talked about here
XtremeVerbatage: you still refuse to accept something because it doesn't agree with you
Dilapoid: Well, this is the way I am. I am tenacious. Stubborn.
Dilapoid: God doesn't agree with me? In some ways, yes.
Dilapoid: But he isn't absolute.
Dilapoid: So I don't have to worry about him.
Dilapoid: I don't care.
Dilapoid: If I die and go to hell, so be it.
XtremeVerbatage: god...
XtremeVerbatage: apathy
Dilapoid: If I die and am nothing, so be it.
Dilapoid: What is the difference to me?
Dilapoid: Not anything.
Dilapoid: Well, this is what my whole point of absolution was.
Dilapoid: God.
Dilapoid: It's the senscial thing to compare to absolution...and truth etc.
Dilapoid: If something is true, it must be absolute. This is what I stand by. It must exist. It must be proven and seen and known. It can't be imagined. It can't be a lie. A truth is a truth.
XtremeVerbatage: you do realize the comparison you just made, right
XtremeVerbatage: math and science to religion
Dilapoid: Yes/
Dilapoid: Science and religion can coexist, you know.
XtremeVerbatage: and you just said they're pretty much the same
XtremeVerbatage: fuck the evolution angle
XtremeVerbatage: that's not where I'm going or coming from
Dilapoid: I didn't say they're the same.
Dilapoid: I said they compare to one another on some levels.
XtremeVerbatage: Dilapoid (7:00:12 PM): Well, this is what my whole point of absolution was.
Dilapoid (7:00:15 PM): God.
Dilapoid (7:00:37 PM): It's the senscial thing to compare to absolution...and truth etc.
Dilapoid: And what I've just said is said here again.
Dilapoid: I was comparing.
Dilapoid: How people put belief in postulates not knowing they are true.
Dilapoid: And how people put faith in God not knowing they are true.
Dilapoid: That is the comparsion there.
Dilapoid: I am not saying they are alike.
Dilapoid: I am saying they compare on that level.
XtremeVerbatage: you realize you're full of shit, right?
XtremeVerbatage: no offence, of course
Dilapoid: Whatever.
XtremeVerbatage: whatever...the best response from an apathetic
Dilapoid: Everyone has shit in them. We all eat and use energy and make waste.
XtremeVerbatage: harhar
XtremeVerbatage: Mitch is now going metaphysical
XtremeVerbatage: ::rolls eyes::
Dilapoid: We are not going to see eye-to-eye, and I guess you can't even see my point enough to say, "Well, he's not stupid, at least."
Dilapoid: I am not saying I am right. I am saying what I think.
Dilapoid: Again, it's the ego I sense in this argument lol.
XtremeVerbatage: and here we again go back to "it's my opinion"
XtremeVerbatage: lol
XtremeVerbatage: good call
Dilapoid: Well, I am just trying to tell you that I have a right to believe what I want, whether I am full of shit and apathetical or whatnot.
Dilapoid: Just like you.
Dilapoid: And if you think outside the box...it's best to see what I'm saying and understand this angle.
XtremeVerbatage: understand this angle.
XtremeVerbatage: math
XtremeVerbatage: :-D
Dilapoid: Well, it's grown to God.
Dilapoid: I think we somewhat agree in points on geometry.
Dilapoid: But definitely not all.
Dilapoid: I understand how math can be poetry.
Dilapoid: But I don't get any emotion at all from it.
Dilapoid: So I think that's a terrible comparison...or even absolution--the absolution that math is poetry.
Dilapoid: Geometry especially doesn't make sense to me.
Dilapoid: As the transcendentalists have said..
Dilapoid: Simplify, simplify, simplify.
Dilapoid: And all math, in its deeper levels does, is complex and complex and complex and build and build and build.
XtremeVerbatage: have you been exposed to derivatives?
Dilapoid: No.
Dilapoid: Is that somthing to do with math?
XtremeVerbatage: it's around cal
Dilapoid: *something
XtremeVerbatage: calc
Dilapoid: I won't be taking calculus most likely.
XtremeVerbatage: it doesn't build and build and build
Dilapoid: Unless I am forced.
XtremeVerbatage: it simplifies
XtremeVerbatage: you are given a problem
XtremeVerbatage: an equation
Dilapoid: Well, that aside, most math is like that in its deeper levels. There's always exceptions.
XtremeVerbatage: and asked to simplify
Dilapoid: Sure.
Dilapoid: Hm.
XtremeVerbatage: to arrive at an answer
Dilapoid: I thought you said you would give me an example.
Dilapoid: That's why I said sure.
XtremeVerbatage: I didn't
Dilapoid: Simplifying fractions.
Dilapoid: There is another.
Dilapoid: A lot more simple one as well.
Dilapoid: I still think the simplest things are the most beautiful.
XtremeVerbatage: eh
Dilapoid: And math isn't one of those simplest things to me personally.
XtremeVerbatage: I love doing derivatives
XtremeVerbatage: massive amounts of deltas
XtremeVerbatage: xs
XtremeVerbatage: ys
Dilapoid: Bleh.
XtremeVerbatage: i'm not even a math major, either
XtremeVerbatage: i actually suck at math
Dilapoid: I suck and hate it with a passion.
XtremeVerbatage: but you know how I got an A in my course?
Dilapoid: So I guess there's a difference lol.
Dilapoid: ?
XtremeVerbatage: I got over my personal hatreds of things, got over how I hated certain texts
XtremeVerbatage: and made myself enjoy it
XtremeVerbatage: controlled my mind
XtremeVerbatage: and you know what now?
Dilapoid: ?
XtremeVerbatage: I occasionally crack open my college math book
XtremeVerbatage: and do some problems
XtremeVerbatage: just for fun
Dilapoid: Well, that isn't my idea of fun.
XtremeVerbatage: but you can make it fun
XtremeVerbatage: that's my entire point
XtremeVerbatage: to do well anywhere,
Dilapoid: No, math is fun..
XtremeVerbatage: make it fun for yourself
Dilapoid: It's simpler parts.
Dilapoid: *uts
Dilapoid: *its
XtremeVerbatage: don't just look at a calculus book and think, "Fuck"
Dilapoid: Well, that's what I say anyways.
Dilapoid: lol
XtremeVerbatage: look at it and think, "hm. this is gonna be neat."
Dilapoid: I am nihilistic and negative. Of course that's what I'm going to think.
XtremeVerbatage: and through metacognition and self-aware, you can overcome that
Dilapoid: And I don't want to. I like me the way I am now lol.
XtremeVerbatage: i'm sure you like how you feel half the time
XtremeVerbatage: i'm sure you enjoy depression
XtremeVerbatage: apathy
Dilapoid: I love my emotions I'd say.
Dilapoid: Yes.
XtremeVerbatage: lol
XtremeVerbatage: so you're now telling me,
Dilapoid: And what's wrong with that? It's enjoying the finer things in life?
Dilapoid: :p
XtremeVerbatage: that all those entries in you MyOtaku where you're griping,
XtremeVerbatage: and complaining
XtremeVerbatage: and bitching and moaning
XtremeVerbatage: are all out of positiveness?
XtremeVerbatage: ::rolls eyes::
Dilapoid: I didn't say that!
Dilapoid: lol
XtremeVerbatage: you are so full of shit ;-)
Dilapoid: Now you put words in my mouth..
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: At least I'm not full of death.
Dilapoid: Or something horrid like Richard Simmons.
Dilapoid: Negativity has its positives. It's more realistic than hope will ever be. And hope is one of the most positive things.
XtremeVerbatage: Richard Simmons is teh shit
Dilapoid: Damnit.
Dilapoid: Now we're back to square one.
Dilapoid: I'm full of shit, he's "teh" shit..
XtremeVerbatage: lol
XtremeVerbatage: sorry dude
Dilapoid: Which, I don't see the difference between having shit and being "teh" shit.
Dilapoid: lol
XtremeVerbatage: but Richard Simmons can kick your ass
Dilapoid: Anyone can kick my ass. I'm physically weak.
Dilapoid: I suck at physical sports.
XtremeVerbatage: speaking of physically weak
XtremeVerbatage: i was watching South Park last night
XtremeVerbatage: the episode with the cripple fight
XtremeVerbatage: my god it was hilarious
Dilapoid: Timmy and that one kid?
XtremeVerbatage: yep
XtremeVerbatage: Jimmy
Dilapoid: Heh.
Dilapoid: God damnit god damnit.
XtremeVerbatage: the show pulls no punches
Dilapoid: Or whatever he says.
XtremeVerbatage: i think he just stutters a lot
Dilapoid: Yes.
XtremeVerbatage: then I was able to catch VH1's Behind South Park thing
Dilapoid: Heh.
XtremeVerbatage: you never realize how literal South Park
Dilapoid: Is?
XtremeVerbatage: South Park is, until you actually realize it
Dilapoid: lol
XtremeVerbatage: my typing has sucked today
XtremeVerbatage: LOLOL
Dilapoid: Mine has been nihilistic.
Dilapoid: Or something.
Dilapoid: LOLZZ
XtremeVerbatage: typing can't be negative
XtremeVerbatage: it's just a keyboard and keys
Dilapoid: It can't be positive either.
Dilapoid: So screw math.
Dilapoid: ll
Dilapoid: *lol
XtremeVerbatage: Mitch tried to insult math by using the keyboard
Dilapoid: It can only be in the middle, uncaring--apathetical.
Dilapoid: Take that and show it to me math.
Dilapoid: Let me see you come back from that one.
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: I only tried
Dilapoid: ?
Dilapoid: Ah wlel.
Dilapoid: *well
Dilapoid: It's just more sarcasm from me.
Dilapoid: It's what makes me laugh, anyways.
XtremeVerbatage: unsuccessful sarcasm, too
XtremeVerbatage: no offence
XtremeVerbatage: ;-)
Dilapoid: Unsuccesful to you.
Dilapoid: lol
XtremeVerbatage: unsuccessful to anyone who isn't you, Mitchy boy
Dilapoid: We'll see.
Dilapoid: I bet someone would like my humor.
XtremeVerbatage: most just find it weird for the sake of being weird
Dilapoid: You and I are just different people.
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: I bet you have millions of convos saved about this as well.
Dilapoid: Heh.
Dilapoid: I guess I'm just a waste of anything it seems according to you from this convo lol.
XtremeVerbatage: at least 30
XtremeVerbatage: not a total
XtremeVerbatage: not a total waste
XtremeVerbatage: like Charles said,
XtremeVerbatage: you have potential
XtremeVerbatage: you just need to realize how to use it
Dilapoid: So I should just not post on OB with my humor, or anything. And I should quit writing because I don't write well, etc.
Dilapoid: Sounds fine enough to me.
Dilapoid: Kill your beauties, kill them.
Dilapoid: Well, it is time to eat.
Dilapoid: Goodbye. I'm off to waste more of my potential.
XtremeVerbatage: allrighty

Auto response from XtremeVerbatage: "why do you eat oyour heart," i asked
in a whisp'ring lisp.
"i do not eat my heart," was the answer
"it eats me."
Comments (0) | Permalink

"The War on Drinks."

This paper's a little vague, since I can't find Anna Quindlen's The War on Drinks, but I need to post it somewhere...so...bear with it. It's basically just demoting trying to stop people from drinking alcohol.

_____________________________________________

It is time to declare "war" on drinking? And is it really. Is it true, that all's fair in love and war. Is it true? Has a war ever solved much? Was anything solved after World War I? Not anything, other than perhaps the set-up for World War II.

Anna Quindlen's The War on Drinks chronicles a yell to the world, claiming that something needs to be done with alcohol. Stating that lives need to be saved, that something as horrid as alcohol must be stopped. She asks for warning labels. Then she shifts at the end of her piece, saying, "But it's time for a change, not just in ads, but in the atmosphere that assumes a substance is innocuous because it's not illegal." And to what point? To what ends, to what amends, to what compromise, to what demise, to what lulling? What will a final realization that alcohol isn't insipid just because it isn't illegal do? Nothing. To anyone that's drinking alcohol, to whatever reason, it should be quite obvious to them that drinking alcohol in large amounts, to the point where it's alcoholism, is a bad thing. Hopefully people aren't that oblivious that they don't realize that simple, nearly intuitional nudge. The only way to stop alcohol is to nullify it. To kill it from its heart and head. To make it annihilated and nothing. But even then it will be alive. Alcohol is much like a zombie, or a phoenix: it will rise from its ashes and death no matter what. The only way to kill alcohol is for it to never have existed at all.

It's been seen what banning of alcohol does. With the prohibition amendment in the 1920's, millions of Americans turned to swindling and brewing their own alcohol. Due to alcohol's banning, it became even more interesting to try it. It was a forbidden fruit. They could resist nearly everything but temptation. And it's not like Americans hadn't been drinking alcohol before prohibition. But no, the government decided, "Well, we'll ban alcohol, that'll stop this indecency in our culture today." Funny how irony works.

Around ten years later, the amendment was cancelled out by another, ending the prohibition. What did this war do? What did it mean? What did it change? That's right, it changed nothing; it didn't change one thing at all—other than make alcohol more widely known. It simply heightened America's endearment with this drug.

Anna Quindlen states the fact that commercials make drinking look cool. Isn't that what any ad should do for its endorsed product? As it stands, alcohol commercials are most often shown late at night, or during football games. There's isn't an extreme overbearance of alcohol ads just swimming around all over TV. It's actually limited to certain age groups. Or at least it is shown to be like that. Saying that it's bad that alcohol commercials make drinking look cool and it's a bad thing is like saying that commercials about some stupid shampoo that makes the shampoo look wild, sexual, and cool is a bad thing as well. It's pretty much a given that advertisers are going to try and make their ads appeal to what age group they want in ways that are cute and sensual.

What age group do most alcohol commercials appeal to? College students. People that are at least twenty-one and have the right, legally, to drink. What they do is their problem. It's not going to be stopped by some less "cool" advertising. College and drinking itself is tied together in some weird, twisted oxymoron of moronic proportions as it is. It does sound rather strange that a time where you're learning is also a time to party until it's dead dawn, but that's just the way it is.

It's just ingrained. Alcohol is ingrained in American culture as well as many other cultures around the world. It's a symbol of twisted maturity; a symbol of age and responsible power. It's only inevitable that people abuse it for what it does. It's like what people that are obese are likely to do: they are likely to eat large amounts of food when they are depressed. In stimuli, an alcoholic drinks alcohol to drown his or her emotions and depression in a blurred haze that is alcohol's depressant effects. This leads to different reactions in different people.

Some people are inherently calm. Others are angry and beat on others in their rage. While still others have different reactions. It all depends on what their mood is when said drink is drank. It's a horrible thing. It's a disease, has been labeled as such. But the only way to kill it would be for alcohol to be explicitly banned, or perhaps never to have existed at all. And still explicitly banning it would not completely kill it.

People die from alcohol each year. There's drunk driver accidents; there's death by damage to the liver; there's alcohol poisoning, and so on. It would be great to see these lives saved; sadly, it will never be realized. No matter what the case—whether alcohol's ads are lessened with a noose, or whether alcohol itself is banned—it won't matter. People will still consume it no matter the case. They will still beat their kids, and perhaps their kids will become alcoholics, or perhaps someone that's never even seen or had alcohol will become one. It's an endless circle that's just there, and shall not be stopped, only loosened and infirmed. Alcohol is too ingrained in our culture and society to just die from all efforts trying to snuff it. It's too big of a monster that won't die. It is almost in par with cigarettes to an extent. Cigarettes hurt both the smoker and the second hand smoker, not to mention cause endless pointless deaths a year, while grossing billions of dollars a year in revenue for killing.

If anyone's selfish enough to smoke a cigarette, knowing they are killing themselves for the pleasure, not to mention directly killing themselves, then that's their narcissism. If someone's selfish enough to drink alcohol to the point where they can't be responsible for their actions and kill themselves or forever scar their children, then that's their imbicilic choice. Fighting a so-called war on alcohol isn't going to do anything. It's too big of an industry, it's too interred in our society as whole, and it isn't going to just plop over and die like nothing.

These days, alcohol is given a good no-no to students. From Phy Ed, to those who take the D.A.R.E. [Drugs Abuse Resistance Education] programs, the message that alcohol is bad is there. That's the best that can be done, really. To tell them when they're young not do to it, and tell them hard. Otheriwise it's inane to try and stop something like alcohol. It won't be stopped, it just can't.

There are endless bad things in this world; alcohol is one of the lesser of these evils that is more banal. Just consider at the very least that people aren't dropping like flies from some super virus, or some highly-addictive drug. Things could be much worse than they are. Just consider that and one sees that alcohol, as bad as it is, and as useless in its implications is, isn't as bad as some other things that the world has borne. And to fight something as impune as alcohol is like having sex for virginity; it's hitting something that won't be fazed by punches, and will only come to the point where it's not worth it, and isn't going to alter anything other than make people want to know what the big fuss over alcohol is. It's doing something not out of reason and logic, but simply out of desperation for how something is. It's futile to demote something. In essence, it will only cause more people to want to try alcohol; since when something's seen as so caustic and bad, people seem to do it simply to see why it's so bad. Simply to spit in the goody-goody words spoken against it. It'll only draw more people to the table, further continuing the black hole that is alcohol, and increasing its bleakness and faith. It is a losing battle that, frankly, isn't worth dying for nor endlessly trying to be rid of.

Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Angle bisector of a triangle.

I sit here gnawing on my pencil like a hampster. The large lights in my room shower me with bright headaches. My computer screen glares at me, a monochrome monster, its mouth wide open and agapely aschew.

My pencil's metal eraser tip begins to get worn out as I sit with my Geometry book wide open. I slowly look over it, viewing what appears to me to be a triangle with a whole bunch of lines stapled all about it, and a circle going around in its inside.

Concurrency of Angle Bisectors of a Triangle

It reads to the right of the picture.

The angle bisectors of a triangle intersect at a point that is equidistant from the sides of the triangle

I read this yet the words fall from my brain like rotting meat that's been rotten too damn long, and deserves to be thrown in a garbage can and toted off to a garbage dumb whereto it can rot in peace.

I glare at my pencil for a while. Its eraser is now crooked,its yellow coating now coming off.

I stare at my paper and there is a 19 and a period and nothing after it.

In my mind my head is brimming. My hands are tight and feel like they want to do something, anything, to eat away the pressure they feel. My legs feel like two numb pistons powering a snow-covered nothing. My shoes cling to me like slush, their back sides bent inward due to my carelessness in wearing and taking them off.

My hair is in my line of vision, like a roadblock that reminds me that I am alive and life is a reality. My hands are veiny and colorlessly red, the faint colors in them bouncing around as my eyes recieve light and message what I see to me by use of my brain.

And still I stare at my Geometry, my hands still feeling like they need to do something, anything to release their pressure. And my vision is fuzzy, an intoxicating mix of caffeine, sleepiness, and something else that I can't figure out.

My other homework assignments daunt around in my head like blithering wrecks. Little pieces of paper written in my mind that remind me that I have other things to do, like write notes on two chapters in history, each chapter containing three sections each, and taking about an hour and a half to write notes for each.

A piece of paper scampered on my desk doe-eyes me with its whiteness and black blotches of words, the title of it, "The War on Drinks," glaring causticly at me, an imperitative little beckon of the paper I have due in english tomorrow that I still need to write.

My latin laughs at me from my backpack, speaking something I'll never understand and never use for anything other than what I will. Its words dance around my head in circumvention of nothing, happily yawping about their endless signals.

On my desk stands out another paper which has my horrid writing scrambled on it. The job application looks at me, telling me I'm a lazy bigot and I need to get my self working. That I need to get a job.

This text box feels empty as I type in it, the words straining out of me like hushed chains being whispered for nothing.

Bob Dylan blares in his grumble, talking about when you go your way and I go mine.

I need to work, the clock in my corner says as it tick tocks down the day.

I need to work.

But I can't concentrate. I just want today to end, and for it to be tomorrow, and tomorrow's tomorrow, and tomorrow's tomorrow's tomorrow.

I see my grades are slipping through my head like a spike on rough chalkboard. I see skin that's grafting grafting grafting onto the dead bones that are my grades, and I see it thinning out day by day, dead skin cells falling like scales rough and gaunt.

The world is on wings around me, fallen angel with no reason. The sun goes down and turns to a moon. the snow falls down and cools the ground.

And it's time to work.

Time to work.

Time to work.

Time to work.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Morningstar.

I saw a star beneath the stairs
Glowin through the mountain wall
Who will be the first
to be begin their fall?
Or will we become one?

Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?

I saw a star beneath the stairs
Going back before descend
And in the mornin
There was nothin left
But what's inside of me.

Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?

Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?

And I don't
Want to
Die tonight
Believe me

And I don't
Want to
Fall into
The night

Will you wish upon?
Will you walk upon me?
I don't wanna die tonight.

Will you believe in me tonight?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?

Am I star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?
Comments (1) | Permalink

The dog that eats me in the mirror starin' me; can you hear?

DeusExMachina92: No wonder I never saw you.. wrong SN :p. How're you doing?
Dilapoid: Fine/
DeusExMachina92: what time is it over there at the moment?
Dilapoid: 4:00 PM./
DeusExMachina92: 10 here. Probably be off about 10:30 ish- need to be up early tomorrow. HAd a good day?
Dilapoid: It was decent.
Dilapoid: Too much homework, though.
DeusExMachina92: heh. it's always the way. I'm glad I don't get it anymore.. very often anyway
Dilapoid: Yeah.
DeusExMachina92: how are you doing in general.. I mean, a lot seems to have changed since I "spoke" to you last- as you probably read the PM. Just curious as to how that happened
Dilapoid: What do you think has changed
Dilapoid: ?
DeusExMachina92: I don't know.. you seem disillusioned
DeusExMachina92: by your posts on OB anyway
Dilapoid: I guess.
Dilapoid: I find your name ironic.
Dilapoid: Deus ex Machina.
Dilapoid: To me it means god comes from society.
Dilapoid: Machine.
DeusExMachina92: I spent a while trying to figure out what that quote in your myotaku means..
Dilapoid: It's latin heh
DeusExMachina92: still not a lot closer "God condemns *** the Machine ***"
Dilapoid: Well, did you find out?
Dilapoid: God condemns because he lives from the machine.
DeusExMachina92: the ***s could mean a few things, though in light of what you said I guess maybe "God condemns the society from which he came"
Dilapoid: That is what it means.
DeusExMachina92: oh right
Dilapoid: Deus damnat quod ex machina habitat.
Dilapoid: Deus is god, damnat is the latin verb for condemns, quod is because, ex is from, machina is machine, habitat is lives.
Dilapoid: Solo says "oh right" a lot as well. You brits.
Dilapoid: Heh.
Dilapoid: Just like you, Ego sum nemo. I am no one. Heh.
DeusExMachina92: lol. I found "quod" and "habitat" had so many meanings it was hard to guess which one was right ^^. Particularly quod
DeusExMachina92: lol. Ego sum nemo. I might have to change it to that
Dilapoid: It just sounds cool.
Dilapoid: I like latin words.
DeusExMachina92: and find out what "Just like you" is
Dilapoid: Eugepae is also interesting. Means hooray.
Dilapoid: You say the "ae" part like the "i" sound in pine.
Dilapoid: So almost a y sound.
Dilapoid: English-wise.
Dilapoid: But not exactly...lol.
DeusExMachina92: heh
DeusExMachina92: so it's pronounced something like "You-Guh-Pie?"
DeusExMachina92: or is the "e" an "ay" sound.. :s
Dilapoid: "Uguhpie" Less emphasis on the E.
Dilapoid: Make the e and the u come together..
Dilapoid: Say it sort of nasally, that makes it even funnier.
DeusExMachina92: lol
Dilapoid: Well, forgot the e in the middle. "Uhgepie."
Dilapoid: Ah, and eheu is an awesome word.
Dilapoid: Means alas.
Dilapoid: Say it nasally too.
Dilapoid: 'It sounds funnier.
Dilapoid: Eheu, ego sum nemo.
DeusExMachina92: looks like it should sound vahuely like a sneeze :p
Dilapoid: Yeha.
Dilapoid: *Yeah
Dilapoid: I love that about it lol.
DeusExMachina92: any others you find particularly interesting?
Dilapoid: Hm.
Dilapoid: Nihil is a cool word.
Dilapoid: It means nothing.
Dilapoid: Nihilistic comes from it.
DeusExMachina92: Nihil.. *thinks*.... ahh.. as in Nihilist
Dilapoid: Annihilation.
Dilapoid: I can't spell. But you get it lol.
Dilapoid: It has nihil in it.
DeusExMachina92: heh. I dunno if you did spell that wrong though..
Dilapoid: A roman name is Sextus. I find that funny.
Dilapoid: Maybe I did spell it right. Not sure.
Dilapoid: Amat is a cool latin verb. To love or like.
Dilapoid: Amatory comes from it.
Dilapoid: That word means sexual loving.
Dilapoid: It's funny to walk up to people and say, "We're amatory," and they will usually not have a clue what you are sayingh.
Dilapoid: *saying
DeusExMachina92: lol
DeusExMachina92: I take it the person you're referring to (if there) has no clue either
Dilapoid: Nescio means I don't know. I like that as well.
Dilapoid: Nescio. Just sounds interesting.
Dilapoid: Heh.
Dilapoid: I like the language as a whole, really.
Dilapoid: I took spanish the year before...and I hated that.
DeusExMachina92: So you're taking latin in school, as opposed to learning it randomly I take it
Dilapoid: Yeah
DeusExMachina92: heh. didn't know schools actually did that still.. Well... they don't in the UK, on the whole
Dilapoid: Hm.
DeusExMachina92: as far as I know. Maybe it's cos I'm a northern lad. (Southerners in the UK are generally reputed to be more posh, snobby etc.. They're not actually all that bad, but their schools are better in most places)
Dilapoid: Posh. I just learned what that meant a few days ago.
Dilapoid: I was watching this inane special on THE SPICE GIRLS on Bh1.
Dilapoid: *VH1
Dilapoid: And one of the Spice Girls is called Posh spice if I recall right.
Dilapoid: It means rich and snobby, basically, right?
DeusExMachina92: lol. I was going to ask if it was through talking to Soley or another random brit
Dilapoid: Heh.
DeusExMachina92: pretty much. More so rich- a material possession can be called "posh" if it looks like someone rich might own it
Dilapoid: I should incorporate this into my daily speaking diatribe lol.
DeusExMachina92: heh
Dilapoid: "You're so posh, no, really, you are."
Dilapoid: Or something.
DeusExMachina92: "Posh car you have there"- I think that's the main way most brits use it when not referring to a person
Dilapoid: "Aye, that hat. What a posh hat."
Dilapoid: Heh.
DeusExMachina92: lol
Dilapoid: It is fun to mess with language's mechanics.
Dilapoid: He aeroplaned down here, all angels and no wings.
Dilapoid: He maggoted on the ground; and I felt the dirt shake as from death.
DeusExMachina92: *tries to figure those two out*.... *leaves it alone*
Dilapoid: Heh.
Dilapoid: Like a paper confetti parade for the devil.
Dilapoid: Or maybe, instead, like a confetti parade for the devil.
Dilapoid: Sounds better.
Dilapoid: I put that in a column I wrote recently for journalism.
Dilapoid: Not sure if you read it, but yeah.
DeusExMachina92: don't think so. So probably not
Dilapoid: http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=33780
Dilapoid: Read it if you want heh.
DeusExMachina92: oh right- on OB.. heh. I'm more ignorant than I thought ^^
Dilapoid: I also posted it in My O.
Dilapoid: But yeah.
Dilapoid: It's just my thoughts on religion basically.
Dilapoid: Cleverly disguised in allegoricalness, etc.
DeusExMachina92: I'll give it a quick read (try to be quick, rather ^^)
Dilapoid: Take as much time as you want..
Dilapoid: You can always go back if you have to leave heh.
DeusExMachina92: I take it "the old man" is God- that actually came into my mind on the third line
Dilapoid: It's Santa.
Dilapoid: Which is sort of a God-inducing figure, I guess.
Dilapoid: Even a Jesus figure on some accords.
DeusExMachina92: brb
Dilapoid: All righto.
DeusExMachina92: Heh.. sorry about that.. random phone call.
Dilapoid: Random. lol.
Dilapoid: Telemarketer?
DeusExMachina92: no.. not that random :p my dad
Dilapoid: Ah.
DeusExMachina92: I live away from home at the moment, so I tend to get random phone calls (a couple a week, but not at set times or anything)
Dilapoid: Yeah.
Dilapoid: Random phone calls are good, though, heh.
DeusExMachina92: I always preferred random house calls- back when we h ad Jehovahs witnesses knocking I'd usually use the opportunity to try and convert them to Atheism.. heh. funny that none have come around since I became a Christian..
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: Posted in your thread.
DeusExMachina92: just finished reading your article
Dilapoid: HSeh.
Dilapoid: *Heh
DeusExMachina92: It raises interesting questions that I don't know how to put... :S.. or something like that
Dilapoid: Well, as long as it got you thinking, that's the main point.
Dilapoid: My heart was in that post. Yay.
DeusExMachina92: It got me thinking, but not an awful lot about giving up on faith.. I know religion has a really pointless, even evil side to it. In fact religion most of the time is consummated by it. However there's also a good side- found more often in community of faith than religion.. something that I'll probably need to think over before I can describe it.

But as I said a while ago (months), if you don't believe it you can't have faith. So trying to push faith on you won't do much good ^^
Dilapoid: Well, I don't know how high your beliefs in God are, but they seem to be high. I could care less, really, about the community aspects of church. I am not going to participate in a community in which I don't stand for what I am in the community.
Dilapoid: To me, religion shouldn't be communital.
Dilapoid: It should be personal.
Dilapoid: That's the entire purpose of it--you and God getting to know each other.
Dilapoid: The purpose of it is not to sing songs etc. Although that's worshipping, in ways.
DeusExMachina92: why's that?
Dilapoid: But really, if you want to sing songs...why not do it on your own?
Dilapoid: If you really believe that much, you can do it on your own.
Dilapoid: Why is what?
Dilapoid: The thing that annoys me about religion the most is just how absurd it seems to be to me, and yet people dedicate their entire lives to it. It's hard to explain...but I just feel that organized religion is mostly there to convert other people, force them into it, and also to make money. Not so much now as in the past...but you see what I mean.
Dilapoid: Faith is free, once you get it, other than its sacrifices.
DeusExMachina92: I agree. But the point of singing songs isn't to do it together all the time. I do do it on my own- and with others. Religion is a group of people who meet up- faith is personal development with God both personally and communally. Personally because if you don't do it on your own, it's not really worth anything. Communally because the insight of many can be worth more the insight of one
Dilapoid: Why should a building that costs money symbolise this faith?
DeusExMachina92: Because man has made it do so
Dilapoid: Rather, society, I'd say. Or at least others that believed in religion. Or perhaps it was just those wanting profit for something like this.
Dilapoid: I understand getting together with friends and singing songs..
Dilapoid: But church itself is pointless to me.
Dilapoid: If I care enough, I will read the bible, know it all. I will sing with my heart.
Dilapoid: If I care enough, I will do everything that is done at a church on my own.
DeusExMachina92: The word "church" referred to in the bible isn't to do with the building but with the community. Those simply who go to a building son't really have faith, but it's those who go to meet with god as a community that are the church as it was referred to by Jesus
Dilapoid: Exactly.
Dilapoid: This is what I can't stand about religion--how...how very played it is.
Dilapoid: People only go to church because the'
Dilapoid: *they've been told that they need to...and that if they go, they won't go to hell, supposedly.
Dilapoid: That isn't faith.
Dilapoid: And sadly, this is what religion is to many people.
Dilapoid: I've gotten to the point now that I don't care if there's a god or not. It doesn't change much for me. So I've just become an apatheist as I call myself.
DeusExMachina92: I get the feeling your views haven't really changed much at all- you just think that most, if not all Christians go to church out of tradition. Which in most cases is true, but they aren't of faith- they're of religion and law
Dilapoid: Well, deep down most things never change.
Dilapoid: I don't think you're stupid for believing in what you believe. It makes you a stronger person. I just think that the catholic faith, and other religions, are a try at explaining how the world was created etc.
Dilapoid: It's a try at explaining something that we as humans should never know, most likely.
Dilapoid: The world could have been created by a God. Or multiple Gods. Or it could have been created by chemical as well as physical processes.
DeusExMachina92: The thing is, your feelings towards certain types of churchgoer (ie the majority) are not really any different from mine, God or no God. The only difference is I also know guys who live their faith for the rest of the week. That's not meant to convert you or anything like that- but it's encouraging to see that religious views aside, our opinions aren't that different
Dilapoid: Well, I haven't given religion a full chance, I'll admit.
Dilapoid: But church is what as majorly downplayed me from wanting to pursue it further.
Dilapoid: *has
Dilapoid: To this point I don't care if there's a god, as I said.
DeusExMachina92: most people find that
Dilapoid: It's better not to guess. Because I don't know. And I wouldn't want to, either.
DeusExMachina92: it's unfortunate that the church has become like that on the whole
Dilapoid: Yeah, it really is.
Dilapoid: It's funny though. My parents are so brainwashed that they think I need to go to church..
Dilapoid: That I must believe in God.
Dilapoid: And so on.
Dilapoid: And that they've raised me wrong.
Dilapoid: As far as I'm concerned the bible isn't much better than anything else. I haven't read it...but from what I've seen, it's basically a collection of things that could basically be considered tall tales.
Dilapoid: I mean, some are certainly real..
DeusExMachina92: Coming from a religious point of view, I'd say the majority of the church has become a tool of the Devil for pursuading people from the faith. And even from a non-religious point of view, the majority certainly don't worship the God whose book they read
Dilapoid: But really, they are so dramatized, it seems.
Dilapoid: Even Jeus I doubt as real.
Dilapoid: He could simply just be someone that was a fanatic that was crrucified at that time..
Dilapoid: I mean, from what I've gathered, it was usual to do that back then,. To crucify.
Dilapoid: Also one of the worst forms of death.
Dilapoid: Most unmerciful.
Dilapoid: The main thing is I see what Jesus stands for.
DeusExMachina92: yes, he was crucified with two thieves. That's a fair indication that it was usual practice, I think
Dilapoid: He stands for sacrifice.
Dilapoid: And that that's needed to be human.
Dilapoid: And all of the things of Jesus--the ten commandments, etc, or in me anyways.
Dilapoid: Even though I don't believe in Jesus I see that I do a lot of what is considered good by him.
Dilapoid: The catholic faith as a whole is overly dramatized--from the bible, and mainly to the church.
Dilapoid: I mean the bible and the church are ones of another.
Dilapoid: The bible was created and then the church came from it.
Dilapoid: And the entire faith as a whole...at least in its falcrum.
Dilapoid: *fulcrum
Dilapoid: Or whatever that physics word is lol.
DeusExMachina92: the second version I think :p
Dilapoid: Yeah.
Dilapoid: That's about all I have to say. Thus ends my rant of religion.
DeusExMachina92: Ever heard of the book of Ecclesiastes?
Dilapoid: It's part of the bible, isn't it?

Dilapoid: I think I've seen it as I've paged through it.
Dilapoid: Or perhaps it was added with it.
Dilapoid: But I've seen it in my bible I have.
DeusExMachina92: yes. and it's a big long, depressed rant about the state of the world. might make an interesting read for you
Dilapoid: I'll read it, then.
Dilapoid: :-)
DeusExMachina92: first time I read it I was surprised at the hopeless note it starts off on
Dilapoid: Well, life, to me, is hopelessly beautiful.
DeusExMachina92: (it starts off "useless, useless, it's all useless!" or something.. heh)
Dilapoid: Heh.
Dilapoid: I feel lightheaded.
Dilapoid: Bleh.
Dilapoid: I want to read all about angels and stuff though lol. Seems to make for a good story.
DeusExMachina92: heh. I must admit, I've been prone to get really interested in finding more about the less important (for those who want to live by it) things the Bible has to say. Like that :p
Dilapoid: It's the small things that matter.
Dilapoid: You have to be meticulous to feel the tedium and know something.
DeusExMachina92: or that draw your attention eitherway
Dilapoid: Yeah.
Dilapoid: This is really the first time I've ever had the chance to talk to you over AIM.
DeusExMachina92: so, views on Christianity aside, what are your views on.. well, life I suppose.. ie what gives you strength personally?
DeusExMachina92: yeah I know.. it finally happened though
Dilapoid: What gives me strength? Hm. Hard to say, really. Love. Love of writing, love of how the world looks to my eyes. Those types of things.
Dilapoid: Love is the only thing I've found that matters enough to define life.
Dilapoid: I don't mean love, in say, a woman. Just love in general...what the word implies.
DeusExMachina92: that's a good choice. One of the best, in my opinion
Dilapoid: I'm really nihilistic a lot of the time, but things end up going up and down anyways.
DeusExMachina92: I think even the Bible says "these three reamin: faith , hope and love, the most important of which is love".. I forget the context.. but it was on about love.. heh
Dilapoid: The bible seems to say a lot of things I say. O.o
Dilapoid: Just like you said to live one must die, to die one must live
DeusExMachina92: It also says a lot of random things
Dilapoid: Yeah.
Dilapoid: I suppose.
Dilapoid: That is why it was written by humans. We're random beings heh.
DeusExMachina92: heh.. *looks up one of the most random ones*
DeusExMachina92: "From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD . Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. 25 And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria. "
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: If that isn't random-random I don't know what is.
Dilapoid: And the point of that is that the word of the lord should be heard?
DeusExMachina92: I don't quite know what the point is. Something like that. More like the lord's word is authoritative or something like that.. some of the random ones can be hard to find a point to
Dilapoid: I also see that making fun of someone for their appearance as well.
Dilapoid: That it's not nice.
DeusExMachina92: yeah.. but then the Bible also says to endure persecution :s.. which Elisha didn't do too well..
Dilapoid: Well, it's only human to be contradicting.
Dilapoid: Heh.
Dilapoid: Where are you? Your uni?
Dilapoid: You can go if you want, you know. You said you were leaving at some time.
DeusExMachina92: Nah, at home. I have broadband now since my move up to Sheffield
Dilapoid: Oh.
DeusExMachina92: my bed is three feet away if ever I want to go, but in fairness I'm not that tired
Dilapoid: What time was it there anyways?
Dilapoid: 10 at night?
DeusExMachina92: about 11:30
Dilapoid: Ah.
Dilapoid: Well, if you're tired, sleep heh.
DeusExMachina92: meh.. actually I suppose I really ought to go despite my awakeness (if that's a word), considering I generally have to be up at 6 to go to work on time..
Dilapoid: Lately my head has been crammy...or something. I can't explain it. Probably just not getting enough sleep.
Dilapoid: I need to eat soemthing.
Dilapoid: Last time I ate something as 11 this morning.
Dilapoid: Okay then Dan.
Dilapoid: I'll see you later, then?
DeusExMachina92: it was certainly good to finally talk to you- and hopefully I'll see you some other time *waves*.. and yes.. get something to eat ;-)
DeusExMachina92: but yeah, bye
Dilapoid: All right.
Dilapoid: Sleep well..
Dilapoid: And sleep soon.
Dilapoid: Or something lol.
DeusExMachina92 signed off at 5:37:04 PM.
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DeusExMachina92 signed on at 5:37:08 PM.
DeusExMachina92: ...?.. how'd I get back on..
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: Don't know.
Dilapoid: DeusExMachina92 signed off at 5:37:04 PM.
Previous message was not received by DeusExMachina92 because of error: Error code 3 received from server.
Dilapoid: Whatever that means.
DeusExMachina92: I have no idea what that means.. what was the message?
Dilapoid: Dilapoid: And sleep soon.
Dilapoid: Or something lol.
DeusExMachina92: well it was right.. I didn't get that one... but heh. See you later, hopefully not in ten seconds..
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: Bye.
DeusExMachina92 signed off at 5:39:42 PM.
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The things people will send you in an e-mail.

Good Day,
With warm a heart I offer my friendship, and greetings, and I hope this mail meets
you in good time. However strange or surprising this contact might seem to you as we
have not met personally or had any dealings in the past, I humbly ask that you take
due consideration of its importance and immense benefit. I duly apologize for
infringing on your privacy, if this contact is not acceptable to you, as I make this
proposal to you as a person of integrity.

First and foremost I wish to introduce myself properly to you. My name is Oliveira
Chuli Savimbi, I am a nephew and Personal Assistant to Late Jonas Malheiro Savimbi,
leader of UNITA (National Union for the Total Independence of Angola). As led by my
instinct, I selected your email Address from an Internet directory, in my search for
a partner, hence this email.
I also crave your indulgence to read this carefully, and have a general
Overview of my situation. My Uncle (Mentor) was killed in a battle with
government forces of Angola, led by President Dos Santos, on Friday 22nd February
2002. After his death, Mr. Antonio Dembo who was his second in command, assumed
office as leader of UNITA, due to lack of the Charisma my Uncle had carried the
party with in Dembo, there was chaos and struggle for leadership. Prominent members
like Carlos Morgado lobbied to depose him and assumed office as leader to enrich
themselves and some of them who saw me as a threat to their ambitions, including
Mr.Dembo, planned to kill me. The tension and confusion in UNITA become
uncontrollable when Mr. Dembo died 10days after my Uncle's death. As I lost my
mentor in this struggle that has been on for three decades now, not so much of the
struggle is of interest to me anymore, as there is longer any sense of direction. I
have therefore resolved to live a very peaceful life, as I am no more interested in
conflicts and wars. For this reason, I secretly left Angola and to seek for
political asylum in Europe.

I am sincerely proposing to you to render me your highly needed assistance in
respect to safekeeping of some of my Uncle's money that emanated from the sales of
Diamond. This money (US$18.5million), which was already on its way to my Uncle's
Swiss Bank account, through the Diplomatic means we use to move money abroad, and
was on transit with a private safe deposit security company here in Europe in
February last year when the tragic incident of my Uncle's death occurred.I then
instructed the company to secure the consignment containing the money pending on
further instructions from me. I have waited for sometime now for security reasons,
and have now decided to act with your reliable assistance. As a matter of fact, the
reason I came to Europe and sought for political asylum here and also for the safe
deposit with the Security Company.

Presiden! t Jose Eduardo Dos Santos has lobbied the International Community to
freeze my Uncle's assets and accounts abroad, to ground UNITA, and has already done
this in Angola. Hence I cannot lodge the funds in my name. Also I did not declare
the funds to there.

I plan to use this money to safeguard my future. It is very essential that you
understand that the kind of trust and confidence I want to put in you is
extraordinary, and an act of desperation on my part, in order not to lose this
money. Also, ensure that this contact with you should be treated with utmost
secrecy.

Your role in this project, is to provide us with your name or the name of your
company for to use to make formal application to the security company for the
release of the money to your nominated account through a corresponding bank, My
share of the money should be returned to me when my asylum application in the
present country I am
residing in is granted, and I have permission to do business and open an account here.

For your reliable assistance, You will be rewarded apercentage from the money, this
we can negotiate as soon as we open talks.


Furthermore, all documentations involved in his transaction are in my possession and
will make same available on request, as a sign of good faith, and these will be used
for claim purposes from the security company. In addition I have the release codes
of the vaults Also,everything will be legally processed for prompt transfer of
ownership to you as my associate, and this transaction should be completed
immediately. However the swiftness of this transaction solely depends on your prompt
response and I want to assure you that this project is legal and 100% risk free so
you do not have to worry about anything.

I thank you in advance as I anticipate your assistance in enabling me
Achieve this goal.

Please contact me even if you are interested in assisting me. This will enable me
scout for another partner in the event of non-interest on your part.

To know more about the struggle by UNITA to liberate Angola, click on the links
below and read.


< "
target=_blankhttp://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/africa/newsid_1839000/1839252.stm>


Um...okay. *_*.

Comments (2) | Permalink