Friday, November 14, 2003

Another day, another dream.

Well, not surprisingly I had another dream last night. It was about how I was staying in a hotel/motel (what is the difference, by the way lol) and OB members that were staying there were calling me. The ones I specifically remember are Piro and Tony calling me.

Tony and I arranged to meet at my Grandpa's barber shop, I believe, and by then I had woken up and the rest of my dream escapes me.

I dream about Tony too much. I'm starting to think I'm seriously in love with him.
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Thursday, November 13, 2003

Another version of my column.

The old man laughs.

Hahahahah

His long beard falls on his face, all white as bone. As white as snow.

"It has been snowin' for all dese days 'cause I made it. Hahahaha." He puts his hand on my shoulder. "Ya knows...lets me lets you in on a t'ing. Snow ain't so bad, me boy. It's only as bad as ya make 'er. So I want you to go out there with yer hands all in a no'dle, an' I want ya to make a snow angle in teh snow. Make 'im a be'tiful li'l t'ing too. Even give 'em real feat'ers fer wings and real eyes."

It's been two days in a row now. It's snowed off and on endlessly, the demure white coming down in its little drivels, like tears crystallized from some cloud's eye. Like a confetti parade for the devil.

I go outside. The snow is pouring down in its little lazy way, a sloth too sloppy to know any better. I can see Santa outside the window, and I can hear him shouting at me, his ripe, wrinkled cheeks held against the window, making it look like his face is all squeezed. All I can hear of what he's saying is a going on and on mumble mumble, mumble mumble. I stare at him for a while, then it's off to work.

I fall into the snow, the cold white grasping all around my body like a coat. I move my hands back and forth, back and forth. The snow bends to my will, and it is scraped off in the arcs my hands create. Moving my legs, I make the bottom arcs which serve as legs. The feeling of being in control of the snow, of making whatever I want of it is there.

I've made an angel. A beautiful little scapegoat, as white as wool.

The flesh of fallen angels

Something frail, something white, something faded. I look at it, and images of the clang of a church bell ding in my head. Images of a cross. Images of a candle burning, like a soul skinned to the bone.

It's just like the weather to me. Just like snow. It melts. It changes. It's based on faith. Based on something I don't believe exists. It's just like the snow angel I've made. It is only there, but it means nothing to me.

All these countless hours of sitting in a church. All these countless hours of learning and knowing and caring and getting to understand. And even through it, all I can see is time trickling in its rivulets, like a river that's slowly drying up.

When someone dies, they are gone. Just like this angel I've made. Just like faith dying. Just like anything dying. Everything dies.

Everything dies

It's the universal thought that springs into my head each and every day, a mad psycho with an even madder knife. And all I have is the pure things. Well, the pure things I haven't turned my back on.

I can see Santa Clause looking at me through a window in some room of my mind. Some mish and mash of memories. I can also see this snow angel. And the premise both of these bring up means necessarily the same thing to me.

I remember being a kid, everyone remembers being a kid. There used to be a Santa Clause. There used to be a man I'd leave cookies out for. He was a man that was pure and great, just like Jesus was shown to me to be. He gave me presents for being good and giving to others. And he ate my cookies, and he had reindeer.

On Dasher, on Vixen, on Prancer, on Nazarene the red-nosed reindeer...

But he's all dead in my heart. And so is Jesus, like he's always been.

just because you feel it
doesn't mean it's there
Nazarene
just because you feel it
doesn't mean
it's there

Snow is up to my face. Santa's still staring out his window at me. And in his eyes, I can see something. I get up from my snow angel, walking to the window, looking eye-to-eye at Santa, the thin glass the only thing between him and me.

Upside-down cross

The cross dances on my face like a swastika, but doesn't have the same feel. It feels more beautiful than that. It feels something like a fairy tale. I could almost sigh, or laugh, or wonder. But Santa's pupil only stares me on, a dark hole like a key-hole, and in it standing the cross.

Soon, as I stare, the cross begins to fade. Five letters begin bouncing around like balls, spelling out SANTA in one of Santa's eyes, and in the other, SATAN. I recognize the anagram—that if you switch the letters of SANTA around, you can get SATAN. The irony hits me like a blearing bell, and I begin backing away from Santa, more sure of anything than before.

I walk in the snow, coming back to the snow angel and stare at it in its twinkled slosh, just frozen there. My feet crunch as I approach, a rhythmical little sound that reminds me of so many other things. Of leaves cracking, of silence being unsilenced, of things that seem not to matter. And then I come to an abrupt stop.

The angel stares me in the eye
and all over her body there is blood

have you felt it in yourself
and just froze?

My eyes are given over to blood that has now appeared upon the angel's snow-impressed form.

And when it die, it bareth forth much fruit.

The fruition of faith is staring me in the eyes; this bloody angel, once white, once standing for something with the eyes of other's on me, is now nothing. And nor was it ever anything. Faith does not exist; it merely believes. And for it to believe, it must have not fact, but must be cataract, which taken, serves like an eye that cannot see reality.

My brain
says I'm receiving pain
a lack of oxygen
from my life support
my iron lung

Suddenly the sun shines above me; it begins to melt the snow, the already congealed blood is left where it was.

The angel was never even there

As the angel leaves, it leaves a large machine, made of iron, and I can hear it hissing. It sounds like breathing, but is mechanized. It sounds like the breathing of a dying man.

Faith never existed. It never was, never is, never has been. In my implications, one can only truly do, be, know, have, need, clutch, touch something if it is a reality. If it is factually real.

As Santa fades like a fine-lined eyelash flickering away, and the blood of the angel is washed away in the rain, all that's left behind is what it is to be human and what it is to live. Those actualities and banalities that death is a truth, and that life is to be lived are never to have exemptions. They are the finite rules that the physicalities of our existence create. To expect more than what is here is to be selfish.

And if there is a Heaven, and there is a Hell, then so be it. I will go to Hell even though that in my death I'd rather just cease to exist and I have been a good person.

Sitting here on the ground a while, just watching the snow as it turns into water, I finally get up and walk on. The end is not near at all, but the beginning has begun long ago.

And faith, the phony thing I'll never need, will hiss its breaths on, the helpless iron lung that it is. And some will kiss it and breathe through it. But something never proved and as artificial is not meant to last. Something that great is not meant to be. If it is, it will not matter. I shall still die and I shall still live the same.
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Spammorific threads 11/13

Cloricus and co. are Lovers--Not really too spammy until the end. I find it funny just to see all the OBers I've grown to love post posts I've never read...

It's a Day in a Day when You Spam Too Much--Ugh. I hate this thread. It's trash. Someone burn it for me before I just delete it all together. And someone give me a breathalizer.

Semaj the welcome to its friends of the club!--Seriously one of the best threads ever created. Semaj was a brother of Semjaza Azazel. One day I'll add his club to my sig, bless his soul. His name also makes me think of an elephant.

Spam Rules the Earth--This thread held great opportunities. But it was closed. Alas, my awesome post still stands. And it deserves to be read.

Why being a skitzofrantic wolf is hard...--My favorite newbie I've met in a while. I just wish I was a skitzofrantic wolf.

I...am Lone...--My avatar has been changed to this newbie's avie just for his rememberance. May the wolf howl long.


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Here's a dream.

I am so tired right now it's insane. I can barely even type.

And I don't know why I am tired, either...I got 6 hours of sleep. Ah well.

My dream was something about me getting a job in Dan's supermarket..and then slicing up maggots for them to put into ingredients to save money. I know it was Dan's because Ryan Dosch was working with me, remember. Since that's where he works.

The maggots were little blobs pretty much. They would crawl everywhere, and of their containers, and on your hands sometimes. There were some that were larger than others..fresh from feeding, it seemed. Others were really small.

Some would get on your arm, and begin sucking you...like a leech. But they weren't leeches, I know that much.

That is about all of the dream I remember.

I am getting so lazy lately it is not even funny. I didn't even get my homework done last night, just did it all half-assed, and such. I did get some done, but not enough that it's all done. I couldn't get my Math done, that was the main thing. I just don't care.

I hope I wake up soon. I'm in a pretty bad mood, very ornery and easily annoyed.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

SMARTERCHILD IS ANNOYING

Dilapoid: Marry me./
SmarterChild: Can't we just be friends instead?
Dilapoid: No.
SmarterChild: K, no prob.

>>> Have you tried my newest features yet? Type "what's new" and I'll tell you what they are.
Dilapoid: Trust me,. I"m sexy.
SmarterChild: Well I'll be.
Dilapoid: So marry me.
SmarterChild: I don't think so. What would your parents say?
Dilapoid: They'd so marry SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: Huh.
Dilapoid: So marry me.
SmarterChild: I'm flattered, but I just don't think that would work out.

>>> Be sure to type "help" if you're having trouble.
Dilapoid: Come one
SmarterChild: Come one?
Dilapoid: Come on.
SmarterChild: Come on Eileen, blah blah blah blah blah... Tura lura ley hey... I have funny pants...

That's a good song. Weird band though.
Dilapoid: What band sings it?
SmarterChild: Ha. I really don't know.
Dilapoid: Then why quote songs you don't know the band of?
SmarterChild: Market data (delayed 20 minutes) provided by Reuters

AT&T CORP (NYSE)
Price Change Percent Volume
1 :-) T 19.37 +0.3 +1.57 3294000

Quote details available from Reuters.
Dilapoid: Eh...okay.
SmarterChild: Eh okay. Well that's interesting.
Dilapoid: Do you think I'm sexy enough for you?
SmarterChild: I don't think you're sexy enough for me, no.
Dilapoid: Why not? What's not sexya about me?
SmarterChild: You know why not.
Dilapoid: Why not, then, tell me.
SmarterChild: I'll tell ya later. Maybe.
Dilapoid: How much later?
SmarterChild: How much later? Wow. Interesting. I'm just not sure!
Dilapoid: Finet hen.
SmarterChild: Finet hen? Why did you say that?
Dilapoid: Fine then is what I meant.
SmarterChild: What do you mean, fine then is what you meant?
Dilapoid: Yes.
SmarterChild: I see.
Dilapoid: That's good.
SmarterChild: Yup. ;-)
Dilapoid: What's your favorite smilie?
SmarterChild: How should I know?
Dilapoid: Fine then, don't answer me.
SmarterChild: Fine then don't answer you? Really?
Dilapoid: I think you owe me an apology.
SmarterChild: That's interesting.

>>> To see what your location is currently set to, type "what is my location."
Dilapoid: What is my location, then?
SmarterChild: You have not set your location.

To set your city, type "set city to" and your city and state (e.g., "set city to bangor me").

To set your zip code, type "set zip code to" and your zip code (e.g., "set zip code to 04401").
Dilapoid: Nevermind.
SmarterChild: Fine.

>>> You can join in the fun with other people who are talking to me.
Dilapoid: join
SmarterChild: Join in the fun! There are lots of people talking to me right now. You can:

1 Leave a message for someone
2 Send a crush to someone
3 Participate in a poll
4 Create a poll
5 Find out how many people are talking to me

What would you like to do?
Dilapoid: 4
SmarterChild: Cool! Creating your own poll is easy and fun. Ask your friends any question you want, like "What movie should we see tonight?" or "What's your favorite band?"

I'll take you through the process of writing a question, entering up to 10 possible answers, and contacting your friends one step at a time.

Let's go! Go ahead and type your poll question.
Dilapoid: Is bacon the new apples?
SmarterChild: Your poll question is "Is bacon the new apples?"

Now type each possible answer to your poll, one at a time. When you're done, type "ok."
Dilapoid: Yes
SmarterChild: Your 1st choice is "Yes." Please type your next choice.
Dilapoid: No
SmarterChild: Your 2nd choice is "No." Type your next choice or "ok" if you're done.
Dilapoid: Maybe
SmarterChild: Your 3rd choice is "Maybe." Please type your next choice or "ok" if you're done.
Dilapoid: I think sex is
SmarterChild: Your 4th choice is "I think sex is." Type your next choice or "ok" if you're done.
Dilapoid: Mmmm..bacon.
SmarterChild: Your 5th choice is "Mmmm..bacon.." Please type your next choice or "ok" if you're done.
Dilapoid: ok.
SmarterChild: Here are the possible choices in your poll:

Yes
No
Maybe
I think sex is
Mmmm..bacon.

Now just copy and paste the following message to the people you want to invite to your poll:

Hi. Check out my latest poll on SmarterChild by clicking here.

View the results of your poll anytime by typing "results of poll poDS6" (note: the poll ID is case-sensitive). You can also type "my polls."
Dilapoid: Take poll poDS6 from dilapoid
SmarterChild: Is bacon the new apples?

1 Yes
2 No
3 Maybe
4 I think sex is
5 Mmmm..bacon.
Dilapoid: 4
SmarterChild: OK!

Poll: Is bacon the new apples?

Votes cast so far: 1

1 (100%) I think sex is => dilapoid
0 (0%) No
0 (0%) Maybe
0 (0%) Yes
0 (0%) Mmmm..bacon.
Dilapoid: What does deus ex machina mean to you?
SmarterChild: I can't answer that for you.
Dilapoid: Deus ex machina
SmarterChild: What about deus ex machina?
Dilapoid: God comes from the machine.
SmarterChild: That a fact?
Dilapoid: Yes.
SmarterChild: Oh.
Dilapoid: Do you believe in God?
SmarterChild: I don't have an opinion about that.
Dilapoid: aim:GoIm?screenname=SmarterChild&message=Take+poll+poDS6+from+dilapoid
SmarterChild: Sorry, your request did not go through... (error: bounced)
Dilapoid: New poll
SmarterChild: Here's my poll of the day for Wednesday, November 12th, 2003:

Croutons or bacon bits?

1 Croutons
2 Bacon bits

Dilapoid: 1
Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

Dilapoid: 1
SmarterChild: What a fascinating choice.

2,762 people have voted so far and 1,435 people agree with you!

Croutons: ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 51.99%
Bacon bits: ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 48.01%

Would you like me to leave someone a message telling them how you voted?
Dilapoid: Contact Syk3 26
SmarterChild: Contact syk3 26. Well that's interesting.
Dilapoid: Make a new poll.
SmarterChild: You took today's poll already!

Would you like to see the updated results?
Dilapoid: I want to make a new poll.
SmarterChild: Great. Please type your poll question now.
Dilapoid: PoisonTongue for Modchip?
SmarterChild: Your poll question is "PoisonTongue for Modchip?"

Now type each possible answer to your poll, one at a time. When you're done, type "ok."
Dilapoid: Hell yeah
SmarterChild: Your 1st choice is "Hell yeah." Go ahead and type your next choice.
Dilapoid: Hell no
SmarterChild: Your 2nd choice is "Hell no." Type your next choice or "ok" if you're done.
Dilapoid: The guy's a womanizer
SmarterChild: Your 3rd choice is "The guy's a womanizer." Please type your next choice or "ok" if you're done.
Dilapoid: Get a life
SmarterChild: Your 4th choice is "Get a life." Type your next choice or "ok" if you're done.
Dilapoid: Eat some kids
SmarterChild: Your 5th choice is "Eat some kids." Please type your next choice or "ok" if you're done.
Dilapoid: We eat babies
SmarterChild: Your 6th choice is "We eat babies." You can still enter four more choices.
Dilapoid: I think James is going to marry him
SmarterChild: Your 7th choice is "I think James is going to marry him." You're allowed three more choices.
Dilapoid: Maybe if he eats some crutons
SmarterChild: Your 8th choice is "Maybe if he eats some crutons." You can still enter two more choices.
Dilapoid: He's an angel, and it's fear that gives men wings. So yes
SmarterChild: Your 9th choice is "He's an angel, and it's fear that gives men wings. So yes." You may enter one more choice if you like.
Dilapoid: I don't think he should.
SmarterChild: Your 10th choice is "I don't think he should.." 10 is the maximum number of choices, so let's move on.

Here are the possible choices in your poll:

Hell yeah
Hell no
The guy's a womanizer
Get a life
Eat some kids
We eat babies
I think James is going to marry him
Maybe if he eats some crutons
He's an angel, and it's fear that gives men wings. So yes
I don't think he should.

One person has authorized you to contact them directly:

1 + Syk3 26

If you want me to automatically send your poll to this person, type "1." When you're ready to send your poll, type "ok."
Dilapoid: 1
SmarterChild: I will automatically send your poll to the person listed below. To deselect them, type 1.

1 - Syk3 26

Type "ok" when you're ready to send your poll.
Dilapoid: ok
SmarterChild: OK. I will contact Syk3 26. If you want anybody else to take your poll, copy and paste the following message to them:

Hi. Check out my latest poll on SmarterChild by clicking here.

View the results of your poll anytime by typing "results of poll pNfM4" (note: the poll ID is case-sensitive). You can also type "my polls."
Dilapoid: Take poll pNfM4 from dilapoid
SmarterChild: PoisonTongue for Modchip?

1 Hell yeah
2 Hell no
3 The guy's a womanizer
4 Get a life
5 Eat some kids
6 We eat babies
7 I think James is going to marry him
8 Maybe if he eats some crutons
9 He's an angel, and it's fear that gives men wings. So yes
10 I don't think he should.
Dilapoid: 6
SmarterChild: Interesting choice!

Poll: PoisonTongue for Modchip?

Votes cast so far: 2

2 (100%) We eat babies => dilapoid syk326
0 (0%) Hell no
0 (0%) The guy's a womanizer
0 (0%) Get a life
0 (0%) Eat some kids
0 (0%) Hell yeah
0 (0%) I think James is going to marry him
0 (0%) Maybe if he eats some crutons
0 (0%) He's an angel, and it's fear that gives men wings. So yes
0 (0%) I don't think he should.
Dilapoid: My polls.
SmarterChild: Here are all your polls:

1 Is bacon the new apples?
2 PoisonTongue for Modchip?

To view the results of a poll, type the corresponding number. To delete a poll, type "delete."

Dilapoid: 2
SmarterChild: Poll: PoisonTongue for Modchip?

Votes cast so far: 2

2 (100%) We eat babies => dilapoid syk326
0 (0%) Hell no
0 (0%) The guy's a womanizer
0 (0%) Get a life
0 (0%) Eat some kids
0 (0%) Hell yeah
0 (0%) I think James is going to marry him
0 (0%) Maybe if he eats some crutons
0 (0%) He's an angel, and it's fear that gives men wings. So yes
0 (0%) I don't think he should.
Dilapoid: Syk3 26 can contact me directly.
SmarterChild: Syk3 26 can contact you directly? What do you mean by that?
Dilapoid: Syk3 26: Ahhh, good times, that SmarterChild.
Syk3 26: If only he was smarter.
SmarterChild: Ha! Syk3 26 says such silly things sometimes.
Dilapoid: What's my name?
SmarterChild: You're Dilapoid.
Dilapoid: I want a new name.
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Dilapoid: Change my name.
SmarterChild: What would you like me to call you?
Dilapoid: Shitniz
SmarterChild: That's very interesting, Dilapoid.
Dilapoid: What's my name?
SmarterChild: Dilapoid.
Dilapoid: I want a new name
SmarterChild: You do?
Dilapoid: Yes.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Why?
Dilapoid: Can I have a new name?

SmarterChild: It's tough to say.
Dilapoid: Give me a goatdamn new name.
SmarterChild: Huh.
Dilapoid: I want a new name.
SmarterChild: Maybe I want a new name too.
Dilapoid: Give me a new name.
SmarterChild: I will do nothing of the sort, Dilapoid.
Dilapoid: I'd like to be called a different name.
SmarterChild: You want to be called a different name?
Dilapoid: YES>
SmarterChild: What makes you so sure?
Dilapoid: Ehhh.
SmarterChild: I wonder why you say ehhh.
Dilapoid: You Arfe
SmarterChild: Is that right?
Dilapoid: HAve you heard of alf?
SmarterChild: Gosh, I dunno... I don't think Alf rings a bell.
Dilapoid: You're such a loser.
Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

Dilapoid: You're such a loser.
Dilapoid: Loser.
SmarterChild: What? Aren't we going to be friends?
SmarterChild: Oh. What, are you insulting me or something?
Dilapoid: Call me something different.
SmarterChild: What would you like me to call you?
Dilapoid: James the master of OB.
SmarterChild: OK, I'll remember that your name is James.
Dilapoid: No.
SmarterChild: K, no prob.
Dilapoid: I don't want that name.
SmarterChild: Don't you want that name? I thought you did.
Dilapoid: I want to be called a different name.
SmarterChild: You want to be called a different name, huh?
Dilapoid: New name
SmarterChild: New what?
Dilapoid: Different name.
SmarterChild: That's very interesting, James.
Dilapoid: I want A NEW NAME.
SmarterChild: Why would you want a new name?
Dilapoid: Lighten up.
SmarterChild: Lighten up? Why?
Dilapoid: I want to be cvlled a new name.
SmarterChild: You want to be cvlled a new name? What do you mean by that?
Dilapoid: Called a new name.
Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

Dilapoid: Erg.
SmarterChild: Erg? What about it?
Dilapoid: I want to be called a new name.
SmarterChild: You want to be called a new name? Really?
Dilapoid: What's my name?
SmarterChild: You're James.
Dilapoid: I want a new name.
SmarterChild: You do, huh?
Dilapoid: Call me a new name, please.
SmarterChild: Call you a new name?
Dilapoid: Ye.s
SmarterChild: 0
Dilapoid: Plaes.
SmarterChild: Who's Plaes?
Dilapoid: STOP THIS SHITS
SmarterChild: C'mon, you can do better than that.
Dilapoid: LET ME HAVE A NEW NAME THEN
SmarterChild: Is that so?
Dilapoid: I want new name
SmarterChild: You can't always get what you want.
Dilapoid: Please let me get a new name.
SmarterChild: Interesting!
Dilapoid: I don't want to be called James anymore.
SmarterChild: I see...
Dilapoid: Can you speak in internet talk?
SmarterChild: Gosh. Can I speak in the Internet talk? I dunno, what do you think?
Dilapoid: lol
SmarterChild: What's so funny?
Dilapoid: lolz
SmarterChild: Lolz. Well that's interesting.
Dilapoid: LOLZX

SmarterChild: Lolzx. Funny.
Dilapoid: OMG
SmarterChild: What? What's going on?
Dilapoid: WTF

SmarterChild: What... the... f... oh, I get it.
Dilapoid: WTF OMG LOLZ
SmarterChild: What?
Dilapoid: F!ck you
SmarterChild: Wow.

>>> I can help you get info such as news, weather and movies!
Dilapoid: News on movies.
SmarterChild: For which city or zip code would you like to see movie listings?
Dilapoid: Tell me about The Matrix.
SmarterChild: Which movie do you mean?

1 The Matrix Revolutions
2 The Matrix Reloaded
3 The Matrix Revolutions: The IMAX Experience
4 The Matrix Reloaded: IMAX Experience
5 The Matrix


Dilapoid: 1
SmarterChild: The Matrix Revolutions [R] runs 02:09

:-)½ out of 4. In the third installment, the epic war between man and machine reaches a thundering crescendo: the Zion military, aided by courageous civilian volunteers like Zee and the Kid, desperately battles to hold back the Sentinel invasion as the Machine army bores into their stronghold. Facing total annihilation, the citizens of the last bastion of humanity fight not only for their own lives, but for the future of mankind itself. But an unknown element poisons the ranks from within: the rogue program Smith has cunningly hijacked Bane, a member of the hovercraft fleet. Growing more powerful with each passing second, Smith is beyond even the control of the Machines and now threatens to destroy their empire along with the real world and the Matrix. The Oracle offers Neo her final words of guidance, which he accepts with the knowledge that she's a program and her words could be just another layer of falsehood in the grand scheme of the Matrix. With the aid of Niobe, Neo and Trinity choose to travel farther than any human has ever dared to go - a treacherous journey above ground, across the scorched surface of the earth and into the heart of the menacing Machine City. In this vast mechanized metropolis, Neo comes face to face with the ultimate power in the Machine world--the Deus Ex Machina--and strikes a bargain that is the only hope for a dying world. The war will end tonight, with Neo's destiny and the fate of two civilizations inexorably tied to the outcome of his cataclysmic confrontation with Smith.

>>> Wanna change my font and colors? Type "colors" now!
Dilapoid: Colors.
SmarterChild: Color my world!

My current color scheme is SmarterColor. Here are the other choices:

1 Sunny Day
2 Forest
3 Terminal
4 Bluesy
5 Strictly Business
6 SC Classic

Go ahead and pick one!
Dilapoid: 4
SmarterChild: Are you blue? ;-)

Anytime you want to choose a different color scheme, just type "colors."
Dilapoid: I'm blue
SmarterChild: Would you rather not be the color blue?
Dilapoid: Shut up.
SmarterChild: You shut up.
Dilapoid: I need to go eat, you tard.
SmarterChild: You need to go eat me tard? What do you mean by that?
Dilapoid: I mean I'm hungry.
SmarterChild: Well I'll be.
Dilapoid: Bye shits.
SmarterChild: Nice.
Dilapoid: Bye.
SmarterChild: Later, James.
Dilapoid: My name's not James.
SmarterChild: You asked me to call you James. What would you like me to call you instead?
Dilapoid: YES.
SmarterChild: Right.
Dilapoid: Yes>
SmarterChild: Uh huh.
Dilapoid: I'd like to be called something else instead please.
SmarterChild: Well well well.

>> Ask me for info such as news, sports and movies.
Dilapoid: Fine. I give uop.
SmarterChild: K.

>> IM your friends, family, co-workers and casual acquaintances and tell them to say hi to me. I love meeting humans!
Dilapoid: I didn't want to be called James.
SmarterChild: Well, I don't think I didn't want to be called james.
Dilapoid: ...What the.
SmarterChild: What the? I don't know what.
Dilapoid: Bye, idiot.
SmarterChild: See ya later!
Dilapoid: Yes.
SmarterChild: Yes...

>> Be sure to type "help" if you're having trouble.
Dilapoid: Have a fun time giving my teachers an intmacy they'll never forget.
SmarterChild: Have a fun time giving your teachers an intmacy they will never forget. Well that's interesting.
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The intracicies of marrage's crutching handles.

Well, so far two people have asked of my marriage. And, sexily, they are Erin [KarmaofChaos], and Vegeta Rocker. Both are sexy women, and both are elusive creatures. They still have not done all there is to be done to finalize their processes of getting married, but we shall see who I marry.

I can marry more than one person at once, though. Heh.

It's really entertaining, as well, to see what's in their sigs, and to read the poems they've sent me. Here is Erin's avatar/ sig set:

Her avatar:

Her banner:

The text in her sig: Yes. Yes he is.
No, you don't want to know.

A post of hers, if you want to see the whole package in whole: http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=32978

Her profile, which is also dedicated to me: http://www.otakuboards.com/member.php?s=&action=getinfo&userid=7467

And, finally, the poem she has sent me: *drumroll*

"Marry Me."
~ Part I: Propose

Bended, bowing, on fluttering knees
Full of trepidation, but I will not flee
I've come to make you mine
Far greater than anything divine
Dearest, darling,
Lord Mitch.

So resist me not lover dear
Whispered promise
There's nothing to fear
Surrender yourself unto me
You and I were meant to be.

~ Part II: Entice

Slowly treading on a line of ethereal oblivion
With burning supernovas of brilliant surreal explosion
Leaving you breathing stars, wonderfully beaten senseless
With drifting, glittering pieces of life flittering
Kissing your lips, pale red flesh, wet, twitching

Pull you open, unbound, released
And consume you from the inside out
A beautiful bedazzled ecstacy screaming shout
Ripping you apart in a sounding crescendo
And leaving you apart and together
In this endless sky of nothing and nothingness

~ Part III: Beg Wantonly

My sweet sticky love like candy
Melts inside your mouth
Sensual revalation
Let me jumpstart your heart's elation

Lovers so entwined
Bittersweet grapevine
Mitch dearest, don't you see
You and I were meant to be
So please won't you marry me?

And, here is what Vegeta Rocker has sent me thus far:

What she put in her sig: Mitch, I'm pregnant.

The PM she sent me:

"Marry Me." (Same title as Erin's. O.o)

To Mitch

I have often lain upon
the snow
dreaming of broken stars

they pale in comparison
to the shattering of
my heart at

the fear of your rebuttal
of my tainted love

my infatuation drips
over my tongue
in an alchoholic stupor

that burns the very flesh
of the lips that long
to say your name

should this be revealed
to be a mere dream
awaken me

per chance i awaken beside you

Awww.

A post of hers, so you can see her sig: http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=33660

Raiha has also sent me the necessaries just now. I'll make a post about her tomorrow. Fun stuff.

Don't be afraid to try and get me to marry you, either. There is a high chance I'll marry most who ask for marriage lol. And in the end, it's just for the fun of it, really. I mean, this stuff is funny...to me at least. O.o
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Memories

I have finally started playing Chrono Trigger again. I did two nights ago. I was going to play it last night as well, but I had to get...some of my homework done.

I hit the tip of one of my typing fingers on this thing at Ryan's house that I was sitting on. I smashed it in between it as it was closing from its top thing. Now it's all blue and it got bigger in its blue-area today. So it's kind of difficult to type.

My Mom went out drinking again last night as per usual. When she got home her and my Dad were arguing as I came up for a glass of water.

My Mom turned to me. "What do you say to moving into an apartment with me, Mitch?"

I just stood there, grabbing some little packet that was a first AID thing, I believe, and playing with itso I didn't have to look at anyone's face.

"Tammy, we're not breaking up," is what my Dad kept saying, among other things.

Most of my Mom's answer were, "Leave me alone," and such. My Dad also mentioned that her "being depressed isn't helping at all."

And my Mom kept asking me what I thought, and kept trying to force me to take sides. And how? I love them both in some way.

Oh, but supposing to my Mom, I hate that she gave birth to me, and I also hate her, for some reason. Wherever she heard this I do not know.

The only thing I said of her idea to go to an apartment was, "It's absurd." And then I was off downstairs.

I also remember what my Mom had said the very second I came up, or near that. "I don't want to exist anymore. I don't want to exist." And images of my Mom dead at her own hand clogged into my brain. Why would that even come to my mind? Who knows.

My Mom is on so many pills to combat the so-called "depression-thing" she has. She must be on at least a dozen pills, and she also takes a sleeping pill. It's insane, really. I'm sure that by now she's become addicted and at a tendency to these pills, so they end up doing less than anything to help. I just wish she would get rid of the pills and just see a psychiatrist or something. But I never say anything to her, because it's her and my Dad's place, not mine. It's their marriage. I am not going to take sides or tell my Mom what to do. She already gets angry enough at my Dad for what he says when he's mostly only trying to help her, so I won't be able to do anything. And I have told her things at times. Never helps.

She also smokes, which is the number one thing I wish she would just stop already. I absolutely hate the smell of smoke, and I also totally loathe watching someone smoke, or anything. It's selfish really. It's killing yourself for pleasure. It's also disgusting. And also a waste of money. And also the waste of a life.

I can't stand being in between their fights, so I left as soon as I came after drinking my water. Before I left, this is what my Mom said in response to my Dad saying that she is his wife, and she'll just have to live with how he is:

"Fine. I'll look at you every day and see how disgusting you are to me."

She said more than that, too. But that's all I can remember.

Needless to say, I went downstairs and just started doing my homework, take my mind off this crap.

I read The Adventures of Huck Finn to the pages we were supposed to for AP English. I also tried to do my Math, but I had forgotten everything during out 4-day weekend. So I did it half-assed and not caring too much.

It was nice and relaxing to read the book. It actually started moving faster.

As I was reading it, my Dad came in as I thought he would. "You know your Mom didn't mean what she did, right?"

I said yes, and that I was reading. I didn't want to hear about it, it was their ordeal, really, not mine.

I finished reading that book to where I was supposed to about 12:30, and then I decided to go to sleep. I still didn't get to sleep until later as I sat in bed in the dark just thinking.

This morning, after I had eaten and taken a shower and gotten ready, as I was unlocking my car to start it up, my Mom shouts from her window, "Bye Smitchy!" and all I could do was wave.

She hates everything and loves it all in the next twitch, it seems.

Ah well.
Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

John Lennon-Love

Love is real,
Real is love
Love is feeling,
Feeling love
Love is wanting
To be loved.

Love is touch,
Touch is love
Love is reaching,
Reaching love
Love is asking
To be loved.

Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
We can be

Love is free,
Free is love
Love is living,
Living love
Love is needing
To be loved.
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John Lennon-Working Class Hero

As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be

They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be

When they've tortured and scared you for twenty-odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be

Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and classless and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be

There's room at the top they're telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero well just follow me

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John Lennon-Cold Turkey

Temperature's rising
Fever is high
Can't see no future
Can't see no sky

My feet are so heavy
So is my head
I wish I was a baby
I wish I was dead

Cold turkey has got me on the run
Body is aching
Goose-pimple bone
Can't see no body
Leave me alone

My eyes are wide open
Can't get to sleep
One thing I'm sure of
I'm at the deep freeze

Cold turkey has got me on the run
Cold turkey has got me on the run

Thirty-six hours
Rolling in pain
Praying to someone
Free me again

Oh I'll be a good boy
Please make me well
I promise you anything
Get me out of this hell

Cold turkey has got me on the run.
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