Saturday, November 8, 2003

Random facts, posted in a boredom.

Song I have listened to the most today: Either "Change (In the House of Flies) by The Deftones or "Morning Bell/Amnesiac" by Radiohead.

What you feel like: A jumping mad froggy in a muddy river of dreams.

Lyric that has just flown you by: I watched you change into a fly.

What do you think came first, the chicken or the egg? I think it was the egg. It just had to be. I mean, the egg is so soft, and breakable, and likeable. And chickens are so loud, and eating, and evil.

Make me up a short poem: We was rowing
down the river in May
and my my my
there was water up to our heads.
we were spinning.

spinning like legs.

and spinning babes.

Was the poem you made up odd? Yes it was. It was born and then it died, that's what I think of it.

If I were to say that you were having sex right now, what would you say? I would say I was not having sex, and that sex is not a thing that the internet does.

I will not eat green eggs and ham? No I won't, santa man.

What are you wearing? A red Korn shirt. Some old jeans that have a hole in them. A little gel on my hair.

If you had wings, what would you do? Well, I can't ever have wings. But if I did, I'd fly around the rooftops of the world and scream my yawp.

If the world ended, and there was only you and one boy left, would you inseminate a new human race to being? Uh, sure. But I'm not a girl, am I? So this reproduction situation would be impossible...and inpossible. And depossible. And nopossible.

What's the thing you've thought about the most today? How pointless life seems, as well as how I have done nothing today.

If I were Barney and you were Fred, would we be bestest friends? Sure. Friends are always good things to have. And not to mention that Fred and Barney are just amazing together. Ah...cartoons.

Tell me what word/thing/anything pops into your head with the mention of the word maggot? Death. And a maggot being born to a fly.

Do you think that 4+12=16? No, I don't. I think 4+12=endless ecstasies.

Are ghosts real? I think so. I think they're all over. I think our souls are ghosts and that humans are ghosts and that ghosts is a stupid superstition brought on by stupid people.

Or maybe not.

Tell me an interesting story? Okay.

There once was this man named Eor. He was a very special boy, for he was born from God's very mouth. God had coughed, and Eor had been born.

Eor was sickly from the moment he was born. He had bad eyesight, as well as he would constanly flitter between life and death.

In a deliurous dream, God came to him, and told him of how he was born. Eor could not believe it, but soon found out when he died that he had been born from God.

And in heaven God looked at him. And Eor looked at him.

And God was Bugs Bunny. He was chewing on a carrot.

Wasn't that story stupid? I think so. I think that whoever wrote that should really get better at telling stories.

Name a site that your friend just told you to go to? http;//www.gunbound.net. That site. And I'm off.
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Grim right, sleep tight.

I have accomplished nothing today. I have sat here at my computer alomst all day...just doing nothing. And thusly, I felt I have done nothing, nothing at all.

Last night my Mom came home from going out and drinking with her mid-20s friends like she has seemingly done all this week. I could tell because of the way she was acting.

She always acts like a 20-year-old speaking widely and outwardly when she's like that. I don't know if she was drunk. That I doubt. Moreso likely, she was probably just having a "buzz."

Anyways, she told me something to the extent of she went through the pain of giving birth to me, and yet I am so mean to her. I can't even remember exactly what she said, so that should tell one how much it mattered to me.

She also mentioned something to the extent of, "I know you said the F-word in an IM conversation." She did not say this exactly, but more indirectly, obtusely.

I am either thinking she reads this exact site, this online journal-ish thing, or she is still reading every single IM conversation I have by some means.

Whatever the case, I no longer feel I can even post in here in an honest way. I feel like I'm being snuffed at, like I'm some little kid that needs to be watched; which I am not. At all.

I don't think it's any of their business what I am doing online. It never has. Never will.

I come on here to get away from them, as well as to speak to people and get to know them. That's about the extent of what I do, other than post on OB when I feel like it, and do my job modding there.

If they wanted to know what I am doing online, going behind my back like this to find that information is not the right way. They could just ask me directly.

I don't think they have the guts to. And I don't think, even then, I would tell them, though. What happens on the internet, to me, stays there. Well, mostly.

Anyways, now I feel exceedingly paranoid with whatever I will post in here or say to anyone online.

Other than that...today has been really boring. I cleaned the house, as per usual, and I even cleaned my room completely.

My room looks foreign to me now. It's been messy for such a long time that I have just gotten used to it.

I'm a really lazy person...I don't see a point in cleaning things often. So most of my things are messy. I'd like to think I am messy internally as well. That my mind is messy, full of so many thoughts that it just can't see them all at once, and can only focus on one.

My room is now too clean. It is insane, really.

Whenever I move my eyes over my desk, my drawers, just my room, it doesn't look like it has for so long. All there is where there once were things is emptiness. And my eyes just fall over everything as I look, and it just doesn't seem as familar.

After cleaning my room and the house, I then called Ryan to see if he wanted to do anything. He was still cleaning his room, which is what he had been doing last night. I was going to go over there last night, but he was too lazy to actually clean I believe. So I didn't get to go over. And then today was the same thing.

This time on the phone he hung up on me. I asked him when he was going to be done again, and he then hung up. It wasn't a big deal. The reason why I had hounded him was because I felt I needed to...you know, just do something today. Also there's the fact that my parents were leaving tonight, so I could only do something for so long.

I ended up just going on the computer yet again, doing absolutely nothing.

I had a little conversation with PoisonTongue, and we got things sorted out, and shook [e-shook] on being friends, and then soon after, my Mom cut me off as she was online. I'm still not sure if he got all I said before I left.

Today has been such a waste, really.

I didn't go to any friends' houses. I didn't go to get any job applications. I just sat here, where I am now, and did nothing.

My parents left a bit ago to go to a Toby Keith concert and eat. Before they left they ordered us a pizza.

I hadn't eaten anything else all day, so I ate about 4 pieces of pizza and called it good. I probably won't eat anything more tonight.

I am just in an overly negative mood, but I won't let it spoil some kind of good mood. So I'm barely content right now, but doing it fine. I just wish I could go to a friend's house, or something, rather than watch my brother.

I don't think I've gone to a friend's house for a few weeks again. And the only thing I did away from the house this week was go see The Matrix with my own money.

Whatever the case, I'm just sitting here chilling. I really wish there wasn't any snow right now, and it wasn't cold, and it was summer or something. Then I could go for a nice walk. That's another thing, I haven't gone for a walk all week. It just feels like something is missing from my life. I'll sit here all bored, not wanting to go out because it's cold.

I could go for a walk, but I don't want to walk in the snow, and in the cold. I hate doing that. I like fall weather, when it's somewhat cold and somewhat warm, and the leaves just smell into your nostrils. Not the cold, numbing winter months were you end up just sitting inside your house most the time, doing absolutely nothing, and wishing you actually had a life like I am right now.

At least I have a 4-day weekend I suppose. And some homework. That gives me some sense of purpose.

I also have to get a job by the end of the month or else I shall get my computer taken away. I doubt I'll be able to get one. I'm too lazy, too lacking, and since the whole Target crap, where they sent me a letter saying I didn't get the job, my outlook has been bleak.

Life is so purposeless. Ah well.

I suppose tonight I will sit here and play video games, maybe stay up late. We haven't had the PS2 for this week because my brother got in trouble at school, and thusly my parents won't let me play for what he did. It's kind of dumb, but I live with it. Such is life. They did give it back since they went out though.

Otherwise, I'll read some of The Adventures of Huck Finn for AP English, since we have to be on page 116 of that by Wednesday, when school starts again after the break.

Maybe I'll even watch TV, which I barely do. Maybe even write.

Writing. That's something I've really been neglecting, I think. I need to get a lot more serious than I am now if I seriously think I can even do a thing with writing. We'll see.


Comments (2) | Permalink

So I come on OB, and...

I get a PM from Rico. It is entitled, "WTF?" I open it and it reads thus:

"Don't make comments about me. I really don't like what you said."

People need to grow up and realize what's fun and what's not.

Seriously.

EDIT: He PMed me back and saw eye-to-eye with me.

He just said I should make it more apparent that I am kidding.

I totally agree.

I mean, I don't even know Rico. I've respected him for his poems, and I haven't made any assumptions farther than I can.

Oh, and if you wanted the thread, the link is here: http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=33265&pagenumber=3. Copy and paste. I'm too lazy to put tags.
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Friday, November 7, 2003

The insipic tastes of insipic lives.

How old are you? Seventeen.
How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?)? As old as the gates of time. As old as the gates of hell. As old as my mind shall tell.
Describe yourself in 5 words. Banal, urbane, insane, derranged, killing.
What are your worst qualities? I am quiet and mental.
What are your best qualities? I don't know.
How long does it take you get get ready in the morning? Twenty or so minutes.

~SLEEP~
Do you dream at night? Indeed.
Do you remember your dreams? At times.
Describe one. I remember that it was something about horror...and this girl got her hand chopped off. This one was last night...but it's too vague and I don't remember it all.
What time do you go to bed usually? 12-3 AM.
What time do you wake up normally? 10 or so.
What time do you wake on weekends? 7:30.
Do you find waking late nice or annoying? It's beautiful.
do you sleep with one pillow or two? One. I don't need more than I need.

~SCHOOL~
Do you like school? ...This is hard to answer. At times I do.
Why/why not? It is a waste of time, really. I feel I could be in college already...school right now is such a joke.
Whats ur fave subject? I can't choose one...English. Newspaper. Math. History.
Most hated subject? Math. But I like it because of the teacher.
Do you have a fave teacher? Hail Schimdtler!
Ever had a crush on a teacher? Mm...in a sense, I suppose.
Are you a maths/science person or an english/drama person? English/Drama.

O, wherefore art thou Romeo?

~FRIENDS~
Do you have heaps of friends? Nope. I seem popular online...Don't know.
Do you have a best friend? I don't label people like that.
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends? Guys.
Do you ever get annoyed at any friend? Yes. But it's all in fun.
Have you ever lied to a friend? What do you think? Of course...
Have you ever stolen a friends boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Also considering the fact that my friends don't even have girlfriends/boyfriends?

~FAMILY~
Do you like your parents? Not really...at other times somewhat.
Ever run away from home? No, not really..
Ever thought about it? I have.
Do you have any siblings? Indeed.
If so, do you like or get annoyed with them? I GET ANNOYED BY THEM TO HELL'S END...but I like him.
How old are they? 11 or so.
If not, do you mind being an only child? No comment.
Do you feel your parents spoil you? Not really.
Do you not get along with any of your family? Most of the time, no, I don't get along.
Do you have big family get togethers ever? Not really.

~RELATIONSHIPS~
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Hell no.
If so, are you in love with them? Yes?
Do they love you? Maybe.
How long have you been together? He did.
Most romantic thing theyve ever done for you? Barfed on me in elation.
Do you have a crush? Am I human?
If so, are you in love? Doubt it.
Do they know you like them? Of course not.
Is it serious or playful? I am supposed to know?
How long have you liked them? Not sure. I am too erratic..I like many women lol.
Ever done something stupid to impress them? Yes.
Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Not really.
Do u find it romantic or hurtful? Hurtful I'd say.
Even know what it is? Yes.

I hate this section lol.

~Sex~
Ever had sex? Yes. With myself. I label masturbation as a form of sex as any other.
believe that a person shouldnt have sex before marriage? No. Marriage is stupid from all I've seen anyways.
Believe in casual sex? Yeah.
When do you plan/when did you lose your virginity? I plan to lose it in my 20s...or earlier if it happens.
Did you regret it? Moo.

~Religion~
Do you have a religion? No.
Do you practice it i.e go to church? No.
Do you believe in God? Never have. Do not. I don't care.
Jesus? No.
Satan? No.
Heaven? No.
Hell? No.
If you died tomorrow what do you beleive will happen to you? I wold die. Duh.
Does death scare you? I suppose.

~Morals~
Have you ever been drunk? No.
taken drugs? If caffeine counts.
stolen? A few times...nothing big.
shoplifted? No.
tried to commit suicide? No.
Lied to a boyfriend or girlfriend? No. I've never had one..
gotten into a fight? Am I human? No duh.
are you more innocent or guilty? Kill me now.
Would you date a drug addict? No.
have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict? Yes, my mother.
Are you racist? At times...but most often, no.
Are you discriminatory to anyone? Am I human? Duh.
Have you been a hypocrite in the past? Am I human? Duh.
Do you have an open or closed mind to other peoples beliefs and feelings? Open. I am a very open person.

~Media~
Do you watch tons of tv? No.
How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months? 10 or so times.
Do you listne to the radio often? No.
Do you read the newspaper? Not really.
Do you read magazines? Somewhat.
Are you a couch potato? No.
Do you use the internet too much? I suppose.

~Music~
Whats your fave style of music? Rock.
Do you play an instrument? No.
Do you sing? Indeed.
Whats your fave band? Radiohead.
Why? You expect me to explain? They are just amazing.
Have you met them before? Suuuuuuure.
Name 3 cds that youve bought in that last year. The Bends by Radiohead, Amnesiac by Radiohead, OK Computer by Radiohead.
Why did you buy them? Because Radiohead is awesome.

~Sport~
Whats your fave sport? No.
Whats your fave sport to watch? No.
Do you have a fave team of any sort? No.
Do you play a lot of sport? Never in hell's name.
ever won anything for sport? Never.

~perosnality~
Are you funny or serious? Both.
Creative or not? Very creative.
Logical thinker or lateral thinker? Both.
Are you outgoing or shy? A little of both.
Are you lazy or active? Both..moreso lazy.
Have you ever been hyperactive? I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was younger.
Are you a naturally hyperactive person? Not really.

~Looks~
Are you happy with the way you look? Depends. Most of the time, yes.
What would you change? I'd make this quiz not so stupid.
Do you wear makeup regularly? Why would I?
Do you have a large wardrobe? I hate buying/wearing/needing clothes.

~Money~
Do you have a job? No, I do not, sadly.
Do you like it? Yes and no.
Are you a saver or a spender? I am a spender.
Do you work hard or slack off? Both intermittently.
Have you ever been fired? Yes.
In trouble at work? I suppose.
Made a major mistake? Not really.
Ever had money stolen from you? Yes.
Are you always broke? Yes.

~embarassing moments~
Your all time most embarassing moment? Being born.
Ever snorted drink out your nose? Yes.
Ever giggled like an idiot? Yes. Hahah.
Ever embarassed yourself and pretedned nothing happened? Of course.
Ever tripped in front of someone you liked? Yes.
Ever said soemthing really stupid? Yesy.
Ever snorted while laughing? A few times.
Ever fallen off a bed? Yes,
Ever sleepwalked? Nep.
Ever sleeptalked? Nep.

~Memories~
Whats your best memory? Nep.
Worst? Nep.
Whats the weirdest memory you have? When I get deja vu.
Do you have a good memory? I think so.
Whats the coolest holiday you remember having? None.


~Thoughts~
Ever had funny thoughts and laughed and no one understood you? Yep.
What do you think about most of the time? Death. Life. All things carried therein.
Does your mind go blank a lot? At times...such as when I'm struggling for something, such as a word.
What is the mood of your thoughts, generally? Saracastic.
What did you think of this survey? I think it was a total waste of my time.

Finall that is over lol.

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WWI

weeds in a rose
the morning was born young,
and yesterday had died
like an alabaster wall.

the day was fresh and lucent
like the clear father sun;
and the linoleum stared me
in the face.

i felt i was chasing rabbits
and all animals inane.
and gently i felt tired
from waking to the day.

i wished sleep,
and things like death,
and sleep as needed.
but it was time for the day.

the school bell chimed;
a new bell, it had recently been changed.
it now sounds more like a church bell
than rattling insane.

and here i sit so patiently
in my desk on time
with a pencil in my hand
like the clock on the wall.

i take out my book
of history
and soon am reading
the mundane text
that tells of World War.

names are all over
weeds in a rose.

they are blooming all over
the stuff of my mind.

a man named archduke ferdinand
shot in his car
with shiny spinning wheels
is shot and bleeds
and dies.
and his wife
is shot.

and dies.
faded flowers
breed long sighs.

in the mundane text
i am told that the war began
a battle
to own land.

to own pieces
of something
on a map
that never
were planned.

that never were there
ever but on paper.

my feeling is of a creative flair
burn it all. burn the papers.
no countries. no despair.

but reality
is a monster
with longest claws
that is guised
in metallic hell.
sitting, knick-knacking
the war bell.

cling cling
clang clang
cling cling
clang clang

it is deaths' voice.
he owns the land.
and europe has become
a no-man's land.

cling clang
clang cling
cling cling
clang clang

the reverberations
of an artillery fire
and a tank's howl.

and millions of eyes
and millions of hearts
and millions of hands

all lined up
ready to fight.
ready to die.

ready to own pieces
of something
on a map
that aren't
even there.

the men are pierced to the heart
breathing mustard in their eyes.
coughing and sputtering
spider eyes.
a dead man's die.

i read names
in the mundane text
and they mean nothing
to what i can't see.

woodrow wilson
is a name that is bold.
i think of heavy eyebrows
when i think of his name.
and if this is wrong to view,
or name i do not know.
but his first name
reminds me of eyebrows.
piercing, atrocious eyebrows
that are long seen.

the lusitania
singing out at sea.
a catalyst in a cocoon
made of caterpillar's hands;
the weak mice touring the land.
and german, that monster
a large tarantula walking on the sea
setting vehemence in its bite.
poison seeping, and death's night—
the cocoon opened, the mice that crawl,
diseased and dead and born.

and once born
dead.
sputtered over
to woodrow wilson's
eyebrows and heavy
to his head.

the anger
like a tree
bearing new peaches,
rotten peaches to eat.

insipid as love;
bitten nationalism
bittering word.
like skulls, all wide and open
but not seeing the reasons.
but still entering too late,
and too out of reason.
and of you, i have eaten
and tasted blood.
also i have tasted bones,
white as snow,
and as black as tar.
the goo that goes too far.

the rotten peaches
that scar.

sussex pledge
more like a plunger
stuck in america's head.
a thorn that was hidden well.

"that infernal skunk in the White House,"
the roughrider man said.
does he stink?
does he crawl in your skin?
make you shake, make you cold as the wind?
and his eyebrows; atrocious as then,
and his wide eyes; sought and grim.

"my message today was a message
of death for our young men.
how strange it seems to applaud that."
yet clap they did; and enter they did.
and soon the draft began.
so somber, wilson, so you.

and the victories;
and the losses;
and the costs
of war.
shall there be
evermore.

croix de guerre
the cross of war.
a smothering cross
to crucify human
proclivities;
the endless
natures of hostility.

christ would smile.
he died on a cross
to feel more loss.

go to november 11th
1918.
early in the morning
a paper was inscribed.

peace at least.
peace at last.
the armistice
like a lovely rose.

just blooming.
weeds in a rose.

8 million and more dead;
their skulls empty holes,
maggots that were almost flies
in their heads.

but reality
is a monster
with longest claws
that is guised
in metallic hell.
sitting, knick-knacking
the war bell.

it is deaths' tongue.

that clang clang
cling cling.
hands all crying,
all hugging,
all rejoicing.

for its ding had end.

a useless silence
that only articulated
the beauty.

no more blazing guns;
no more machine guns;
no more death.
only life.

the great war
at last
had ended.

the great war
at last
had ended.

but not the last;
nor not the end.

for,
in man
there be
certain crutches
which bleed the most.

and in man
there be
certain things
that are the stuffs
they breathe.

all of the seasons
and all of the rain.
and all of the snow
and all the flowers
in the shade.

and all of the skulls
and all the forgotten names
written in this textbook
too mundane
to let me feel what i wished
i was alive for.

tears have fell
from eyes that only cry.

and i
am not one.
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Thursday, November 6, 2003

Things that I was going to talk about anyways...

Dilapoid: What does Ange de Cramoisi mean?
Dilapoid: Angel of something?

Auto response from Ange de Cramoisi: Gone to see if my phone can be replaced. Stupid phone, stupid Verizon.

Ange de Cramoisi: It means Crimson Angel
Dilapoid: French, right?
Ange de Cramoisi: Oui :-)
Dilapoid: How do you say it? Like it looks?
Ange de Cramoisi: Ahhngv[soft G] d [the 'd' sound] cramwahsi
Ange de Cramoisi: without that v on ange...
Dilapoid: It's an awesome name.
Ange de Cramoisi: Thanks :-)
Dilapoid: Yeah.
Dilapoid: Mine is from the word Dilapidation./
Ange de Cramoisi: Why did you choose that?
Dilapoid: Do you know what it means?
Ange de Cramoisi: Yes
Dilapoid: It is one of my favorite words.
Dilapoid: And it describes things well, I guess.
Ange de Cramoisi: Really? Describes you?
Dilapoid: Well, as what it is to be human.
Dilapoid: We get weathered, beaten, faded...dilapidated. As we get older.
Ange de Cramoisi: Ah, yes, so life in general
Dilapoid: Yeah.
Ange de Cramoisi: So what's up? Did things with PT get resolved?
Dilapoid: Not really lol. We've just decided to put it behind.
Dilapoid: He Im'd me last night.
Ange de Cramoisi: Good
Dilapoid: He's all, "okay. wtf happened?"
Ange de Cramoisi: Pertaining to what?
Ange de Cramoisi: Was he 'wtf'ing about your squabble?
Dilapoid: I don't know.
Dilapoid: I said, "Nothing."
Dilapoid: And said, "I asked for an apology and apologized to you. And you threw it in my face. That's what happened lol."
Dilapoid: The conversation didn't really get anywhere else.
Dilapoid: Perhaps you want to see his reply to my PM back?
Ange de Cramoisi: He told me that you two resolved it :P
Ange de Cramoisi: Sure.
Dilapoid: Okay.
Ange de Cramoisi: I was very mad that he took that tiny snippet out of our conversation and relayed it to you. It made it look as thought I was saying nasty things about you, which I wasn't.
Dilapoid: Yes.
Dilapoid: He also mentioned in the Pm that people have wanted my Banned?
Dilapoid: And that Shy doesn't like me?

Dilapoid: What the hell?
Ange de Cramoisi: See, I don't know if he's making stuff up or what.
Dilapoid: He has to be.
Ange de Cramoisi: I don't know why he feels the need to throw shit lkike that in your face
Ange de Cramoisi: Use other people's opinions, whether they're true or false, to validate his onw
Ange de Cramoisi: own*
Ange de Cramoisi: I sitll think that your comment was aarogant upon reading it once, but it's not like I talk shit about you or dislike you because of it.
Ange de Cramoisi: Gr.
Dilapoid: Yeah. All he did was include that in the PM.
Dilapoid: As if you're thinking horrid of me, or something.
Ange de Cramoisi: Grrrr
Ange de Cramoisi: It makes me mad
Dilapoid: He just makes me mad generally.
Dilapoid: I have to write a poem with your AIM name.
Ange de Cramoisi: If I had said other horrible things, I would be embarassed, but I didn't say anything else...grr, lol
Ange de Cramoisi: That would be nice ^_^
Dilapoid: Sorry, I can't directly connect.
Dilapoid: I'll just have to do it in small parts..
Dilapoid: Oh god...spare me, please. Spare me your incessant whining. You can't take other people's opinions. Simple as that. Look at every discussion we've had, Mitch. You overreact.

I do accept different opinions. I encourage different opinions. The opinions that I do not encourage are those expressed by people like you, the opinions stemming from a provincial high school ideal.

Dilapoid: And, ask Heaven's Cloud about writing formats, about paper requirements and such. Ask about how strenuous college and Grad school is, regarding writing.

It's probably because you're still in high school that you so strongly believe your high school instructors. More often than not, high school instructors will...how should I say this...not provide the necessary criticism, as high school is still a formulative stage. Simply, high school instructors encourage you because it's their job. Administration doesn't look too fondly on teachers who don't provide lavish praise to their students.

Dilapoid: Yeah, I got loads of As on papers in high school and rocked all the creative writing classes I was in. What's your point? High school does not define anything about anyone. Ask college students. Ask Charles, since you value his (positive) opinion so highly. High school does not prepare you at all, and if you hold high school opinions so highly, then, dude, you're shortchanging yourself.

Dilapoid:


quote:
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You're too abrasive. Too hitting. Too mean. You don't stop and think, "Well, by God, people can have their own opinions!"

I find it absurd to ever see you as a mod. The way you beat other people apart here on OB...you'll never, ever be one. You actually have to have respect for people to be a mod. You actually have to understand people to be a mod. Not just understand what you think and what you think is right.
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And, what, might I ask, have you been doing these past few weeks? You know, James isn't thinking too highly of you, either. Nor is Shy. You know, there has been talk of banning you? But, surely that's not believable, because you're Mitch! Right?

Dilapoid: quote:
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And I have written far more poems than you have I am sure as hell. I have a word document that's about 60,000 words long, with many poems...not even all of my poems. I also have so many little stories started on my computer I can't even count.
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60,000 words...hmmm...that's great. Really. I've got an epic poem that's already hitting 20k. What's your point of this? And why didn't you define "word document?" Is it...a novel? Essay? Something with a full-page narrative structure?

Dilapoid: And...the fact that you "have so many little stories started on [your] computer" somehow differentiates you? What makes you think that makes you original? Or unique? Every writer has a few gig worth of started stories on their computer. My files are nearing 6 gig. People at Rutgers have boxes full of tiny little scratchpads with scenes, synopses, characters, descriptions, etc.

Dilapoid: quote:
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Writing isn't about rules. It isn't about words. It isn't about syntax. It isn't about grammar. It's about expression...and making people see things like they never have.

Writing is a personalized tool. It isn't another thing to be held down by rules. It is something to be one's own.

If you don't agree with this...then I don't know how you can appreciate Shakespeare. He used words that were his own. He wrote words that were his own.

As for punctuation...it's useless to put interdictions on those as well. Those are as much an art as writing is.

Dilapoid:
Writing isn't about anything you seem to think it is. You seem to write only to seem more intellectual, and to be as great as you see some other writers are.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that "to be great is to be misunderstood." And I think, clearly, you have misunderstood me.
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Dilapoid: Hmmm…you…compare yourself to Shakespeare and Emerson…and you’re calling me pompous? And you’re…accusing me of living in a fantasy land?

Dilapoid: Oh, try to get published without adhering to rules. Try to make it as a writer without conforming to any structure. Finding success while following the guidelines is hard enough, many writers never (NEVER) get published or find success. What makes you think that a writer who disregards all literary notions will achieve anything? Think about it. Step back from yourself and look at it.

Dilapoid: quote:
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I still know how to write something with more heart than you probably will ever understand. I still know how to write something with better effect than I think you'll ever understand.
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Dilapoid: If you’ve got a point with this, it has gotten lost in the pompous posturing.

Dilapoid: Funny you should bring up Abstractism...because, you're using it along with long-established terms. If you didn't acknowledge its existence before, more or less discarding the idea, simply because you couldn't find it in a Dictionary, why bring it up now with searchable terms?
Dilapoid: Because if you do feel the need to bring it up now, then you obviously see merit in the term itself, and considering you have not coined it, I guess that makes me more intelligent than you, doesn’t it? After all, I created a term that no-one has ever heard of before, and a term that you certainly never heard of before. But you still consider yourself a truer scribe, the writer to end all writers, the epitome of the supreme author.

Dilapoid: quote:
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Well, using dull, stupid words for a paragraph is dull to me. I've just begun realizing my style. It is only in its infancy. And right now, I'm sure many would say it's way better than yours. And you plan on becoming a teacher? If you can't understand what writing even means...and even understand how much it means to me, how can you even teach something you don't know? On the contrary, I think you should keep your mouth shut
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Dilapoid: I’ll say one thing. A classroom does not survive on student culture alone. You think that student culture is the ONLY way? The one and only method? The one and only view? No. There’s a thing called Culture Of Power, which is the structure that you so adamantly abhor.
Dilapoid: Mitch, I’ve got news for you. You can’t survive on Student Culture alone, and if you’ve got some kind of delusional idea in your head that I do not believe in Student Culture, then…you’re a fool. While you believe only in your opinion (Student Culture), I believe in a merging of opinion (a mix of Culture of Power and Student Culture).

Dilapoid: But you know where I draw the line in teaching? When I get students with your kind of attitude. That’s when I start failing people.

Dilapoid: quote:
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Most people consider me the best poster on OB.
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So…you’re saying, most consider you better than James, Tony, Drix, Charles…?

XtremeVerbatage: let me ask you,
XtremeVerbatage:
Dilapoid: XtremeVerbatage: quote from Mitch
Ange de Cramoisi: That was the line that irritated me.
XtremeVerbatage: yeah me too
Ange de Cramoisi: Because I don't know where he is basing that opinion.

One thing that puzzles me…playing the sympathy card on MyOtaku…nice. Portraying yourself as a victim. How can there be victims in a difference of opinion? You did refer to our talk here as such.

Dilapoid:

quote:
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You actually said what you said kindly...but still, this isn't what I was looking for and you know it. I was asking for you to see eye-to-eye with me. To not be so damn critical. But obviously you can't. And if you can't be civil, then I'm not going to be civil to you.
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Dilapoid: Yes. I said it kindly and you overreacted. Want to keep denying that you overreact? Want to keep accusing me of being some heartless monster?

Dilapoid: You say that your opinions of something are simply opinions. Then present them as such. I present my opinions as opinions, do I not? My reply, for example. Regardless of the language used, it is still an opinion. And you value opinion very highly, correct? Or do you just value your opinion?

Dilapoid: If you want to drop this, fine. It’s a waste of time. Go ahead and post it in your MyOtaku. I really don’t mind what sympathy you get. I really don’t mind that half of OB despises me. You have your friends, I have mine.
Dilapoid: Just reading this pisses me off all over again.
Dilapoid: He's putting words I didn't even put in his mouth and telling me them.
Ange de Cramoisi: Yeah, well I'm not really on anyone's side here. I think that both of you are either right in your own aspect, or just being plain stupid to continue arguing.
Dilapoid: The opinions that I do not encourage are those expressed by people like you, the opinions stemming from a provincial high school ideal.

Dilapoid: This angers me.
Dilapoid: Ah well.
Dilapoid: Did I overreact in my reply to his earlier reply?
Dilapoid: I don't think so.
Ange de Cramoisi: I think, in this situation, both of you are overreacting.
Ange de Cramoisi: Because I don't even know how or why it became an issue to argue over in the first place.
Dilapoid: Well, he's the one that threw it all in my face.
Dilapoid: I was just defending myself.
Dilapoid: I sent him the PM originally to apologize over what he said to me in your thread, Jenna.
Dilapoid: And also what he said in the free speech one.
Dilapoid: And I apologized to him.
Ange de Cramoisi: Yeah, he did throw it in your face. However, there comes a point wher eyou can just say 'screw it' and just stop caring so much.
Dilapoid: And I asked him to apologized.
Dilapoid: *apologize
Dilapoid: And he just threw it all in my face and took advantage of the situation.
Dilapoid: He compares me to Kevin, Taylor Hewitt...other people. In that first post.
Dilapoid: He says I know nothing.
Ange de Cramoisi: Yeah, I told him that you were nothing like them
Dilapoid: Says I am stupid, and that I whine.
Ange de Cramoisi: That he has no idae who kevin even is
Dilapoid: And says it's wrong for me to state my opinion?
Ange de Cramoisi: or what he's capable of
Dilapoid: I don't know. It just angers me.
Dilapoid: I know I know a lot.
Dilapoid: I know that I have good opinions...they aren't stupid.
Dilapoid: I know I am not a "provinical high school" student.
Dilapoid: What a stupid label and an annoying term.
Dilapoid: It just angers me..
Dilapoid: He takes advantage of a situation where all I wanted was an apology.
Dilapoid: I was just being kind to him.
Ange de Cramoisi: Well, shit happens and people are jerks.
Dilapoid: And he just threw it all in my face, telling me I know nothing. That my opinions are stupid....blah blah blah.
Dilapoid: If he's not going to show this respect to me...well, kindly, fuck him. I'm not going to respect him.
Dilapoid: I'm not going to let him sit here and tell me what I am..
Dilapoid: He has no clue. He doesn't even know me.
Ange de Cramoisi: Exactly.
Dilapoid: Yet he sits here and bashes me, acts like he's so great.
Dilapoid: I'd like to meet this guy.
Ange de Cramoisi: Which is why you should start forgetting abou tit and shrugging it off
Dilapoid: I am.
Ange de Cramoisi: [heh...tit...]
Dilapoid: I'm just telling you how I feel, you know.
Ange de Cramoisi: Yes, I'm trying to give you advice to not be so angry about it.
Dilapoid: This just embodies what I hate. I hate being told how hard things in life are...how pointless my existence is.
Ange de Cramoisi: Speaking as an objective viewer who respects both of you.
Dilapoid: I feel light-headed.
Ange de Cramoisi: I'm sorry :P I'm not trying to give you a headache with my shit, but I'm trying to get you to see it reasonable
Ange de Cramoisi: bly*
Dilapoid: It's not you..
Ange de Cramoisi: because I can reason with you, and he can't be reasoned with
Dilapoid: I hade some caffeine for the first tinme in a while. That's mostly what it is.
Dilapoid: I drank three glasses of it. Heh.
Dilapoid: And those are the equality of...two cans of pop each about?
Dilapoid: Who knows.
Ange de Cramoisi: Yeah, that's a lot of pop
Dilapoid: This is why I will never touch alcohol.
Dilapoid: I am obsessive-compulsive.
Ange de Cramoisi: Good thinking not touching alcohol, then
Ange de Cramoisi: Addictive personalities are just a bad mix
Dilapoid: I also have this habit of gnawing on things..
Dilapoid: Whenever I have a pencil in my hands, I will chew it.
Dilapoid: I also shake my leg often...I don't know why. It's such a habit.
Dilapoid: You know..
Dilapoid: Sitting down.
Dilapoid: I'll just shake it.
Dilapoid: People always think I'm nervous or something.
Ange de Cramoisi: Nah, I know people who do that
Dilapoid: What other things do I do?
Ange de Cramoisi: I always bite the insdie of my lips when I don't have something to chew on
Dilapoid: Well, I'm negative often. Anyone can say that.
Dilapoid: I'm arrogant.
Dilapoid: I admit.
Dilapoid: ...I like feeling pain, in whatever forms. Mostly mental though.
Dilapoid: Oh...I'm endlessly sarcastic.
Dilapoid: To the point where you can't even tell I'm telling it sarcastically or not.
Dilapoid: I tend to eat a lot when I am depressed...especially when I was younger.
Dilapoid: But now I have stopped eating, and sometimes eat not very much.
Dilapoid: But lately I have been eating a lot more.
Dilapoid: Obsessive-compulsive yet again.
Dilapoid: I was diagnosed with ADD when I was younger..
Dilapoid: I used to take ridlin (however the hell it's spelled I don't know) and then cyler.
Dilapoid: *cylert.
Dilapoid: I used to have hallucanations--day dreams often.
Dilapoid: Really powerful ones.
Dilapoid: And I was paranoid I guess..because of the pills. As well as didn't eat as much.
Dilapoid: I'd stare at my hair at the top of my head...and just pick at it, picking out the pieces that fell out.
Dilapoid: Or something.
Dilapoid: ...And I rant lol.
Ange de Cramoisi: It's ok, I'm listening :-)
Dilapoid: It is always like this when I am light-headed. I just talk easier. Caffeine makes my mind clearer lol.
Ange de Cramoisi: Nothing wrong with too much acceine
Ange de Cramoisi: er o_O
Ange de Cramoisi: caffeine
Dilapoid: Hm.
Ange de Cramoisi: I'm an addict, actually, of caffeine
Ange de Cramoisi: so I shouldn't be dishing out advice
Dilapoid: Heh.
Dilapoid: You also smoke. Horrible habit.
Dilapoid: But it's your choice heh.
Dilapoid: My Mom's grandma is sick again...she has been getting more off and on sick lately.
Dilapoid: And it's because she smoked.
Ange de Cramoisi: I don't smoke :P
Dilapoid: She has to be hooked up to an oxygen tank all the time..
Dilapoid: You quit, or what?
Dilapoid: I'd take it that was just kidding lol.
Ange de Cramoisi: I never really liked the habit, so I stopped
Dilapoid: That's great...
Dilapoid: And you never even mentioned.
Dilapoid: I still remember how I came down on you for ti.
Ange de Cramoisi: It was nice, but didn't hook me :-)
Ange de Cramoisi: Really? Tha tmust have been a year ago
Ange de Cramoisi: or so
Ange de Cramoisi: Because I don't remember it
Ange de Cramoisi: And I haven't smoked in forever
Dilapoid: I remember it.
Dilapoid: It was so long ago.
Dilapoid: I still remember stupid things.
Dilapoid: I rememeber in 8th grade..
Dilapoid: My science teacher, Mr. Breitback..
Dilapoid: *Breitback
Dilapoid: *breitbach
Dilapoid: Bleh.
Dilapoid: Said since this girl named Ruth wasn't there that day..
Dilapoid: That, "We're ruthless today."
Dilapoid: It just sticks in my mind..you know, the pun of it.
Dilapoid: I've thought of that recently for some reason.
Ange de Cramoisi: Now that's a hilarious pun
Dilapoid: Heh.
Dilapoid: Oh man...it was so great in history today.
Dilapoid: My teacher is awesome.
Dilapoid: His name is Mr. Schimdt.
Dilapoid: Hail Schimdtler!
Ange de Cramoisi: lol!
Ange de Cramoisi: Did he make fun of his name like that, too?
Dilapoid: Indeed.
Dilapoid: Anyways, on with my story. Heh.
Dilapoid: I was rather depressed and inward and not paying attention..
Dilapoid: I mean, it was first period.
Dilapoid: And then he says, "Who here has a pencil?"
Dilapoid: Because in the room over--my math teacher, named Mr. Kosse...
Dilapoid: A kid over there was sharpening his pencil.
Dilapoid: So he said, Mitch, go sharpen your pencil.
Dilapoid: Keep doing it.
Dilapoid: So I did it..
Dilapoid: I got a blister from it.
Dilapoid: It was hilarious, thoug,.
Dilapoid: A pencil sharpener war.
Dilapoid: And then I stopped..
Dilapoid: And then Schimdt walks over to the wall where the pencil sharpener can be heard on the other side..
Dilapoid: And he starts banging it hard.
Dilapoid: And then plays on it like a drum beat.
Dilapoid: That was great..
Dilapoid: And then he went over to Kosse's room..
Dilapoid: And as he left, you could hear them still sharpening over there.
Dilapoid: And as he was in there, you just heard the pencil sharpner cut off..
Dilapoid: It was really funny.
Dilapoid: Schimdt then came back in and explained he had thrown a pencil at the kid..
Dilapoid: That was sharpening.
Dilapoid: And then he comes in, and does his Mr. Kosse impersonation...Schimdt does.
Dilapoid: It's so funny too.
Dilapoid: Mr. Kosse has a beard...looks germanic in decent,.
Dilapoid: And he has this nasaly voice.
Dilapoid: And his impersonation is great lol.
Dilapoid: That's about all for that story.
Dilapoid: Wow. I feel light headed.
Ange de Cramoisi: Well I enjoyed the story because I could picture it :D
Dilapoid: This is why I am a writer.
Dilapoid: I love telling stories..
Dilapoid: The mundane is the most interesting.
Ange de Cramoisi: ...and I like hearing stories.
Dilapoid: Life is so funny when you really look at it.
Dilapoid: What else has happened to entertain you...h.
Dilapoid: Well, we are doing CPR in gym.
Dilapoid: How stupid, really lol.
Dilapoid: Anyways...mannequin is such a cool word.
Dilapoid: We have those..
Dilapoid: And when we got them, I was all, "They are so sexy," with a smirk on my face.
Dilapoid: The teacher just looks at me lol.
Dilapoid: That was rather short heh.
Ange de Cramoisi: Those faceless manequins?
Dilapoid: Yes.
Dilapoid: They are all white.
Dilapoid: They have faces, though.
Ange de Cramoisi: with the blue chests
Dilapoid: Yeah.
Dilapoid: Exactly.
Ange de Cramoisi: And the open mouth and flat spot on the back of their head
Dilapoid: And an "O" for a mouth.
Ange de Cramoisi: I fucking had to use those like 5 different times throughout middle/high school
Dilapoid: I hate gym in general.
Dilapoid: Everyone is better at physical crap than me.
Dilapoid: I wonder if I'll even be good at sex lol.
Ange de Cramoisi: Ah, you will, it just takes practice ;-)
Dilapoid: Practice...heh.
Dilapoid: I'm too young anyways.
Dilapoid: I doubt I'll have any kind of relationship until college at the very least.
Dilapoid: This year I have actually talked to some girls though lol.
Dilapoid: Most of them seem to talk to me most of the time..
Dilapoid: I am rather quiet at school sometimes.
Ange de Cramoisi: That's ok, being loud at school is obnoxious anyway :P
Dilapoid: I agree.
Dilapoid: But in Schimdt's and Kosse's class I am as obtuse as I want to be.
Dilapoid: They're good teachers..
Dilapoid: and I like showing my personalities to them.
Dilapoid: Mind games are just fun.
Ange de Cramoisi: eeh, brb
Dilapoid: Okay.
Dilapoid: Tell me when you're on back.
Ange de Cramoisi: KCAB
Dilapoid: Kats climb a buttress.
Ange de Cramoisi: Yes, it's a club
Dilapoid: Do you remember that one kissing song thing?
Dilapoid: I can't even remember it any longer lol.
Ange de Cramoisi: Depends on which one
Dilapoid: K-I-S-S-I-N-G..
Dilapoid: Or something.
Ange de Cramoisi: Yeah, someone and someone, sittin in a tree...
Dilapoid: What a stupid song.
Dilapoid: lol
Ange de Cramoisi: first comes love, then comes marriage, thenc omes baby in a baby carriage
Ange de Cramoisi: yeah :P
Ange de Cramoisi: I used to get so mad if kids sang that about me and a boy
Ange de Cramoisi: I don
Ange de Cramoisi: t think I played well with others
Ange de Cramoisi: hehehe...6900 registered members
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: It was one 6,666.
Dilapoid: And I posted that..
Dilapoid: That was great.
Ange de Cramoisi: I remember :D
Ange de Cramoisi: That thing grows so fast
Ange de Cramoisi: It bet there's not erally that many people
Dilapoid: Hm hm hm.
Dilapoid: What's up with TEH SNOWMAN
Dilapoid: ?
Ange de Cramoisi: Well, I figured that Christmas time is coming around
Dilapoid: ...Bleh.
Ange de Cramoisi: and that it should be snowing in michigan
Ange de Cramoisi: so he's my snow in california
Dilapoid: I don't like Christmas any longer really..
Dilapoid: I don't believe in Christ.
Dilapoid: I feel..guilty for getting presents on that day.
Dilapoid: There's snow here, you know.
Dilapoid: I hate it.
Dilapoid: And my heart will go on and on.........................
Ange de Cramoisi: yeah, you're in the way north of the north
Dilapoid: Celine Dion. Pff.
Ange de Cramoisi: I don't like her.
Ange de Cramoisi: ...obviously.
Dilapoid: Oh, she's so hot.
Dilapoid: I know women so much I'm a pussy cat.
Dilapoid: I also like all the wrinkles on her face..
Dilapoid: Man, she looks like some angelic dietress gone dead.
Ange de Cramoisi: ::gag::
Dilapoid: I've seen that perfume commerical lol.
Dilapoid: Who would buy that?
Ange de Cramoisi: ...::gag::
Dilapoid: I'd rather get J. Lo's.
Dilapoid: Because I can look all ghetto.
Dilapoid: And me and Bennifer..
Dilapoid: Yeah.
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: Plus she has a nice butt. That's always a plus.
Dilapoid: I think that area...the lower back and on...is my favorite part of a woman heh.
Ange de Cramoisi: yeah, and with her's....yeah...i was going to say that you'd get a big ass if you wore the perfume
Ange de Cramoisi: which...would be a plus for me, yes
Ange de Cramoisi: I like my lower back ^_^
Dilapoid: I don't know how good I look. O.o
Ange de Cramoisi: lol
Dilapoid: I also need to shave.
Dilapoid: I haven't for a few wees.
Dilapoid: *weeks
Dilapoid: But all I have is little hairs that are blonde mostly.
Dilapoid: lol
Ange de Cramoisi: Oh, i hate that. I mean...scruffiness is sexy, but not when it rubs all over my sensitive skin, ick!
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: I'll have to remember this.
Dilapoid: :p
Ange de Cramoisi: Yeah, definitely do.
Dilapoid: I'm not a girl. I do not see what is so great about the male physique. O.o
Ange de Cramoisi: Oh, it's so masuline and sexy o_o
Ange de Cramoisi: Seriously
Dilapoid: Oh, it's so feminine and sexy.
Dilapoid: lo
Dilapoid: *lol
Ange de Cramoisi: I love the male body
Ange de Cramoisi: Big and strong
Ange de Cramoisi: heh
Dilapoid: I don't think that would be me.
Dilapoid: lol
Dilapoid: I think I'm very physically weak.
Ange de Cramoisi: i think that the female figure is extremely attractive, too. In that sense, I'm glad that I am a woman.
Ange de Cramoisi: Some girls dig that
Dilapoid: Now I can understand this lol..
Dilapoid: But yes..I have looked at a man before..
Dilapoid: And said he looks nice.
Dilapoid: Not exactly in a sexual way.
Dilapoid: But..I don't even know how to say it lol.
Ange de Cramoisi: No, I understand :-)
Dilapoid: I also find that sometimes I'll look in the mirror and think I am so attractive..
Dilapoid: While others I think I look ugly.
Dilapoid: I guess it just goes to show how erratic I am.
Ange de Cramoisi: Nah, everybody has that feeling.
Dilapoid: I actually do not get too sexily feeling all the time...hm.
Dilapoid: It all depends on my mood.
Dilapoid: Really.
Ange de Cramoisi: Or...at least I do. So I understand.
Dilapoid: I masturbate like most all people lol...so yeah.
Ange de Cramoisi: As long as it's not one extreme...I think it's ok
Dilapoid: Somedays I do it often...others not.
Ange de Cramoisi: You knkow what is stupid?
Dilapoid: I don't see why people are so scared to admit they masturbate.
Dilapoid: lol
Ange de Cramoisi: About masturbation?
Dilapoid: Hm?
Ange de Cramoisi: yeah...that's what I was going to say
Ange de Cramoisi: Like girls
Ange de Cramoisi: I swear that my friends don't masturbate
Dilapoid: I think masturbation is as much as another form of sex as any.
Ange de Cramoisi: Most of them have never had sex...they all think I'm some 'fast' sexual goddess in a abd way
Ange de Cramoisi: Yea, me too
Dilapoid: lol
Ange de Cramoisi: So I would never admit to them that I did, because they'd look down on me for it :P
Ange de Cramoisi: They're kind of prudes like that
Dilapoid: I will admit it. Heh.
Dilapoid: I have told my friends how many times I have masturbated in one day lol.
Dilapoid: They just look at me like I'm gross.
Ange de Cramoisi: Me too :P I assume every guy does, anyway
Dilapoid: So I shut up about it lol.
Ange de Cramoisi: lol
Ange de Cramoisi: that's unfortunate
Dilapoid: Sometimes masturbation is pleasurable...but most of the time I don't really get as much pleasure from it as I used to lol.
Dilapoid: I remember when I used to do it...and think it was so wrong.
Dilapoid: lol
Ange de Cramoisi: I'm sure every kid has gone through that, too
Dilapoid: Eh...but it's all in my mood really heh.
Ange de Cramoisi: oh bah, I have to go :P
Dilapoid: At times you just seem to get sexually aroused so easily...and it's often the wrong time.
Dilapoid: Hm.
Dilapoid: That sucks.
Dilapoid: Okay then.
Dilapoid: I am posting this all in My O.
Dilapoid: It covers things I haven't wanted to touch on anyways.
Dilapoid: *have
Dilapoid: lol
Ange de Cramoisi: cool, everyone will know I masturbate :D
Dilapoid: Yes!
Dilapoid: Me too.
Ange de Cramoisi: hehe, nah, i don't mind ^_^
Dilapoid: I don't either.
Dilapoid: I doubt that I wouldn't still masturbate if even I had a sexual partner.
Ange de Cramoisi: everyone already thinks I'm some whore on there anyway
Ange de Cramoisi: :P
Dilapoid: All right.
Ange de Cramoisi: sometimes masturbation i sjust called for
Ange de Cramoisi: yes, but ok, i have to go
Dilapoid: Yes..
Dilapoid: It's even a form of pain relief.
Dilapoid: Mental relief.
Ange de Cramoisi: nice talking :-)
Ange de Cramoisi: byebye ^_^
Dilapoid: It makes you feel better.
Dilapoid: Yes.
Dilapoid: Bye bye.
Ange de Cramoisi signed off at 8:48:19 PM.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Angel with wings flew to me.
i was only a maggot.
only a maggot feeding.

may i tell you a story
of everything and all that be?
may i tell you a story
of everything that is and shall?

my maggots' love is like a proclivity
i tie it around me and in the mirror
i see a face that is noosed.

get down to me
get down to me
get down to me

kiss me.

angels
just say hello.
and see your heads.
all like holes.

wings
aren't real.
i've cut the scissors' blades
and seen through the maze
that is the perplexity of authenticity.
and truthful knives of divinity.

steel-eyed
steel-teethed
steel-deceited
i'll crush my hair.
to disrepair
and discare.

until nothing
will be there.



Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, November 5, 2003

Hm.

I am not looking for sympathy. I don't even know why I am on the internet any longer. So I can sit here and be told what I am by some impersonal person?

Jenna, I meant to put "one of" the best posters on OB. But I didn't have time to change it...eh.

I'm seriously considering just leaving OB altogether. I'm also seriously considering just leaving the internet altogether.

I don't want any sympathy. Don't give me it.

Anyways, I just saw Matrix: Revolutions. What a disappointment. A very large one.

Eh.

I don't even want to do anything. If I am just going to end up hurting people here on the internet...why am I here. What is the point?

The internet is too damn impersonal. It's too damn superficial. It's too damn...eh.

It's people like PT that just bother me. He responds back...and doesn't seem to even understand what I have said. Ah well.

I guess PT is a good way to look at what the cold world is going to be like. Hm.

I don't even feel like I can post how I feel anymore...this journal doesn't even feel like mine. I guess it never has.

If I leave the internet completely, I shall tell those that it matters to. That is about all. Who knows, I probably won't leave anyways. Who knows.

I have felt more bitter than in a long time lately. And it has affected how I post on OB, how I post in here, everything. I can act like I'm happy and things...but I guess I am not.

In the end it's no one's concern but mine. I mean, this is the internet. Who should care. And who should even need to.

Like Tony, I ask myself why I'm even here. Especially with how mean I have been lately. I guess it's just time that I shut up.
Comments (4) | Permalink

And here was my reply:


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Seriously, though, you need to re-evaluate who you think you are and realize that you don't know very much about anything. I mean, you know who you look like right now? Kevin. Do you remember Kevin? I think you were here when he was. He thought he knew stuff, but he didn't know anything, and when met with
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No I don't. I know enough about what I've learned so far. I get A's and B's in school...I am highly respected for my writing abilities, every single English teacher I have talked to has said I am highly talented.

Don't even compare me to Kevin. All I am doing is trying to get through your head that I can be who I want to be.

I have discussed this matter with many people, even posted this PM in My O. They all say not to worry. Here's an exact quote from Heaven's Cloud:

ShadowedCloudX: Well I wouldn't worry about it terribly...he is basing everything on life experience and saying that you aren't experienced enough to know such and such. The age difference is so minute it is laughable. I am three years older than he is so I could turn around and say the same thing to him...

Just because you are older than me doesn't mean you're so much smarter. And as far as I have seen, you aren't. You just act like you are.


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I draw comparison to Dayday, TaylorHewitt, and to a lesser extent, Raiha.

My advice to you is, until you've got your shit together, chill out.

Also, I really don't think you should be in charge of the Fiction forum, but that's just my opinion. You base all of your literary "knowledge" on your own unfounded and generally incorrect opinions about writing. I mean, dude, get with the program okay?
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Well, I don't think you should ever be mod...and I know sure as hell that James won't make you one. You're too abrasive. Too hitting. Too mean. You don't stop and think, "Well, by God, people can have their own opinions!"

I find it absurd to ever see you as a mod. The way you beat other people apart here on OB...you'll never, ever be one. You actually have to have respect for people to be a mod. You actually have to understand people to be a mod. Not just understand what you think and what you think is right.

I will admit I don't know extensive knowledge of famous authors and such. But when it comes down to it...knowledge is not about knowing, it is about experiencing. And I have written far more poems than you have I am sure as hell. I have a word document that's about 60,000 words long, with many poems...not even all of my poems. I also have so many little stories started on my computer I can't even count.

And I'm not even in College yet. I'm still a Junior in High School.

Generally incorrect opinions about writing? Well, "think outside the box," like you always say. I think I have great opinions on writing.

Writing isn't about rules. It isn't about words. It isn't about syntax. It isn't about grammar. It's about expression...and making people see things like they never have.

Writing is a personalized tool. It isn't another thing to be held down by rules. It is something to be one's own.

If you don't agree with this...then I don't know how you can appreciate Shakespeare. He used words that were his own. He wrote words that were his own.

As for punctuation...it's useless to put interdictions on those as well. Those are as much an art as writing is.

Writing isn't about anything you seem to think it is. You seem to write only to seem more intellectual, and to be as great as you see some other writers are.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that "to be great is to be misunderstood." And I think, clearly, you have misunderstood me.

You've misunderstood my whole intention of sending this asking for an apology...my entire view on so many things.

You seem to be brainwashed by facts. Writing isn't about facts. It isn't about anything they teach it to be in school. To know something you have to make it your own..and this is what I have done. I feel very strongly about writing. Very much so. So just because I know not as much as you do about writers and grammar and such doesn't mean anything. I still know how to write something with more heart than you probably will ever understand. I still know how to write something with better effect than I think you'll ever understand. My opinions on writing are just what they are--opinions. If you don't want to take my skin and crawl around in it, then by all means, don't be an Atticus Finch as I think all people should be.


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How many times over AIM (and how many times on OB) have you resorted to "It's my opinion" or a variation thereof?

You've got to drop the ego, Mitch, cause you can't back it up, and look like a total tool when you try.

No offence, but you're all bark and no bite. You should start taking the advice of those around you, because those giving you sound criticism do know what they're talking about.
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What do you think any principle that's been made is? Any word--Abstractism, Militarism, Imperialism, Realism, and so on--what do you think these are? What do you think it requires to believe in these? What do you think it requires to say anything about anything? Well Jesus, I can't believe it, it requires something called an opinion. How amazing.

Of course they know what they are talking about...but I don't write just for someone else. I write mainly for myself and how I think something should be. But I do take in what they say.

The reason why this teacher said what she did is because we had to write the paper in a "formal essay" form. It is such a horrid way of writing...so I tried to go too far. And I got what I got for doing it. My paper wasn't as direct and to the point as it should've been...and this is what the teacher pointed out. But I still refused to change it, because that isn't writing to me. Writing in formal essay form is useless to me. And stupid. But I'll write in it as much as I can try to get a grade. I still got a B+ on that paper. It should tell you something...because I did bend the rules of a formal essay quite much.


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Your writing and stories are overly hazy and unfocused because of your "style." Using 14 metaphors in a paragraph doesn't make your writing better. It makes it worse.

I can barely read anything you post on OB because it's so poorly written. You flame other people on OB? You flame your teacher? Dude, chill out and learn something before you open your mouth.
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Well, using dull, stupid words for a paragraph is dull to me. I've just begun realizing my style. It is only in its infancy. And right now, I'm sure many would say it's way better than yours. And you plan on becoming a teacher? If you can't understand what writing even means...and even understand how much it means to me, how can you even teach something you don't know? On the contrary, I think you should keep your mouth shut.

Most people consider me the best poster on OB. To say I don't know anything is to be so damn ignorant it isn't even funny. I mean, you seem like an intelligent person. If you can't see that I am at least somewhat intelligent and tangible...I don't know what to say to you.

Have you ever read Poe's writing? The best author ever in my opinion. This is how I write, after him. And this is how my style is growing. If you want to say my writing is horrible, fine. But what I say is often full of a lot of heart and heavy thinking. I think a lot before I say. I do keep my mouth shut. Most of the time I am one of the most quiet people you will ever know. Believe me, I know what I'm saying when I say something. My writing is not confusing at all if you actually take it to its heart and actually see all the things I paint with my words. But obviously you won't see this. I don't see how you label yourself as so great. You're sitting here telling me I know nothing, when in fact, by saying this, you're saying that you know nothing.

Charles even thinks I'm an amazing writer. He's said he loves my poems and writing so often...and I've said the same to him. I honestly think he's a much better writer than you. At least he understands what writing truly is...and sees how great and powerful it is.


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And you know, every time you and I have debated on OB, you've degenerated into throwing little hissy fits, and people DO notice. I've got quite a few IMs saved with people who don't like you at all. I'm not going to name names, because that's not what I do.

My biggest crit is...know something for once.

Hope that helped,

PoisonTongue

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Throw hissy fits? It's just me showing more of my opinion. And let me tell you, I do know what I am saying. I'm saying my opinion.

I've gotten quite a few IMs from people saying that they think you're an asshole and a jerk. I'm not going to name names, because that's not what I do. Pff.

Your biggest crit is know something for once? Pff. Many people see me as one of the smartest people they have met. I see you as pretty smart to...but what you've posted here, and elsewhere, has started changing my opinion. You're all bite and no bark. You sit here and post the largest post you can think of in your head, and bash people as hard as you can until they are wounded, and you don't say anything that actually gives reason to your rebuttals.

I'm sorry...but if you're not going to respect me, I'm not going to respect you. I sent you that PM to get back to square one...to clean off the slate. And you're too pigheaded to actually understand so many things. A lot of the things I've quoted in here are pretty damn ignorant for someone of your age. It's funny..I seem to be more mature than you.

At least I had the respect to ask for an apology and to give one. And you just throw it in my face? If you want it that way, then I can do it that way.

You actually said what you said kindly...but still, this isn't what I was looking for and you know it. I was asking for you to see eye-to-eye with me. To not be so damn critical. But obviously you can't. And if you can't be civil, then I'm not going to be civil to you.
Comments (6) | Permalink

I PM an apology, and this is what I get?

Too late for apologies, dude. Your ass is mine. No offence.

Seriously, though, you need to re-evaluate who you think you are and realize that you don't know very much about anything. I mean, you know who you look like right now? Kevin. Do you remember Kevin? I think you were here when he was. He thought he knew stuff, but he didn't know anything, and when met with a differing opinion, he overreacted, much how you do now.

I draw comparison to Dayday, TaylorHewitt, and to a lesser extent, Raiha.

My advice to you is, until you've got your shit together, chill out.

Also, I really don't think you should be in charge of the Fiction forum, but that's just my opinion. You base all of your literary "knowledge" on your own unfounded and generally incorrect opinions about writing. I mean, dude, get with the program okay?

How many times over AIM (and how many times on OB) have you resorted to "It's my opinion" or a variation thereof?

You've got to drop the ego, Mitch, cause you can't back it up, and look like a total tool when you try.

No offence, but you're all bark and no bite. You should start taking the advice of those around you, because those giving you sound criticism do know what they're talking about.

I mentioned your instructor as to provide character background. You're caught up in a delusion, dude. Snap out of it. Your teacher's crit was totally sound. Metaphors are used sparingly in literary essays, and they're used minimally in creative endeavors.

Your writing and stories are overly hazy and unfocused because of your "style." Using 14 metaphors in a paragraph doesn't make your writing better. It makes it worse.

I can barely read anything you post on OB because it's so poorly written. You flame other people on OB? You flame your teacher? Dude, chill out and learn something before you open your mouth.

And you know, every time you and I have debated on OB, you've degenerated into throwing little hissy fits, and people DO notice. I've got quite a few IMs saved with people who don't like you at all. I'm not going to name names, because that's not what I do.

My biggest crit is...know something for once.

Hope that helped,

PoisonTongue
Comments (0) | Permalink