Monday, June 7, 2004

What is it you most fear/ Zombie

what is it you most fear? is it fear itself? what is it? and why do you fear? why must you be afraid?

the only answer i hear is the taciturn mouthing of unknown coming from your silence. we live not knowing why we feel what we feel. . .we just feel, and that is all, isn’t it? that’s all.

i’m sick of questioning, i’m sick of interrogating myself, i’m sick of pushing my chains to the point where it aches. the only thing i know anymore is that i need-that i feel a primal urge to get what i require, and nothing will get in my way. my wrists have marks on them-red marks-my legs have those same marks from my shackles. i can see them getting less each day, leaving me, going away. i am subdued, i no longer care. i’ve gone beyond no longer caring and i’ve come to the point of either throwing it all away, or keeping it and watching it grow as i watch myself slowly age, slowly dwindle to nothing. it is obvious which venue i have chosen. either way is as right as the other. i am simply a coward to the pain. i fear the pain i will inflict if i were to throw this all away, like a steady hand will handle a black garbage bag, put it in a garbage. this path i have chosen will still lead to the an end-lead to it being thrown away, the garbage going in the trash; but with this way, i will lead it with my hand, i will carry it till it needs to go at last, and i will dump it when it is too rotten to go beyond.

i cannot let go of this, and i know why. it is the maddening rage of survival. the beast will not leave me. there is no averting from it. i try to be something rather than what i am, and the act’s gotten a little old. but there is still more acting as i go into this status quo. i also know i will turn my back from this path many times because this path seems so useless sometimes. i feel no accomplishment in this reality. i feel accomplishment in my imagination, and if in my life i pen enough of it, i will be glad with that. and if i can make others fulfilled as well, that will work too.

if one needs to label down what it is they fear, the closest one can come to a consensus on is to say they fear the unknown.

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some fear zombies. i don’t fear those. at the root of all fear is the unknown. zombies may seem out of this world, yet at the same time, they live in a cozen of existence relative to our own. they are a creation of imagination-and if we are in touch with this, then they aren’t unknown at all; they are merely a creation of the human psyche’s intuitive design.

zombies are human in form; rather haggard, worn-down, they are former humans-often considered beyond death, constant in hungering for hunks of human flesh, cannibals in trade. flesh-eating compassionless moaning groans, they shuffle about on two unsturdy legs. they swoon in a drunken helter-skelter, endlessly approaching the soft, wonderful taste and feel and touch of flesh upon their molars. feasting on this flesh, devouring it, fulfills them and it is their nature.

zombies are quite like humans. zombies are humans, but not, at the same time. if you look at everything, you see everything has its place in this world; everything has a purpose to which it contains and lives itself in. you’ll see the plants undergoing photosynthesis: taking in carbon dioxide, making oxygen; you’ll see the human breathing, any animal breathing: taking in oxygen, making carbon dioxide. you’ll see water evaporating, condensing up and up and making clouds. you’ll see clouds getting too heavy and releasing water, causing what us humans call rain. you’ll see an animal die in a forest, fall on the ground, and you’ll see bacteria come in and eat away the necrotizing tissue. you’ll see this eaten tissue become nutrients a plant feeds on, grows roots, and sprouts and blooms from. you’ll see the plant produce fruit which contains seeds in it; you’ll see an animal take the fruit for nourishment, and see the plant’s seed carried on-this is all natural. it happens in nature, it’s meant to be.

and in imagination, there sprang forth a creature whose sole purpose was eating human flesh. it’s just their nature. you can’t help the nature. just like we, as humans, can’t help our nature-our need-for procreation. see, that’s how we’re like zombies. we like our flesh too. like a zombie’ll snatch onto ripe human flesh, dig those teeth in, seeping, so do we, but we don’t eat it. we just like to lick it, or cherish it, or feel it. a zombie just needs food, and has a natural need to possess every human with its affliction which makes it a zombie.

so really, what’s to fear about these living corpses, these living cadavers, living fatalities, living bodies? what’s there to fear? nothing i say. you can’t fear them getting on you, eating you, because if you’re about as fast as, say, any single human on this earth (even the morbidly obese ones) you should be able to avert them. they shuffle around like drunkards, slow as freezing hell, fast as one slow snail. all they do is moan endlessly, sort of like someone who’s alone, who needs a woman. sort of like me. they have an eternal want. they sort of sound like wookies too, when you think about it. eat your heart out chewbacca. always cajoling like some goddamned prune. yeah, you’re as much a zombie as them all. i’d really like to see you in the third remake of dawn of the dead.

by the end of your life, you are a zombie. really. in the flesh. you’ll know what i mean when you look in the mirror in about some-odd count-me-not years. just wait. you’ll look at your eyes, and see your sockets are just holes in your head. it’ll look like you’re a walking talking skull. you’ll sort of moan at what the world’s done to you. if you still have a logical thought process, you’ll think, “shit,” and that’s about all you’ll think, because you’ll realize you can’t think anything else. and that the world’s done it to you.

just don’t fear those zombies, kids. instead, be scared of mummies. even though mummies are zombies wrapped in tape, it’s okay. you can be afraid. you can be very afraid.

i have a mommy and i think i’m more afraid of her than a mummy. my mommy doesn’t have tape all over her either. if you wanted, i could wrap her in some scotch tape, get myself some cheap camera, have her start moaning for me, and get her a sarcophagus. there you go. there’s your mummy mommy.

the scene’ll open up with apparent black and white, very vintage. then she’ll crawl out of her sarcophagus, while retching music plays. the music will continue to build to a climax as mommy comes out of her tomb, moaning, groaning.

okay, look what you’ve made me do. either it’s my mind working too hard with too much sexual autism, or you’re receiving the same thought within the bowels of your mind as me.

doesn’t the entire moaning, groaning thing just sound. . .wrong? not to mention i seem to see a word called “climax” close to where that part happens. this is just too kinky for me. . .too kinky in a bad way. i’m getting a bad image and i don’t quite like it.

when i think about it, zombies would make good porn stars. all that oooing and ahhing and rrrrrring, they sound like sexually overused porn stars, too damn tired and sick of their job. so sick they began becoming indifferent to the whole thing. yes, that’s right, zombies are veteran porn stars. they’ve been penetrated, or have penetrated, so much, that their legs move slow, and they shuffle as if they’re too old for their bones. and can you not just imagine two zombies going about procreation? zombie #1 and zombie #2 getting it on? i could. honestly, since some horror movies have some humor, i believe this would be a brilliant idea. it could be easily implemented, and made to make fun of porn movies.

i don’t know if you’ve seen porn movies (for i have, being the sex-lacking being i am), but they are done so bad. you know, the story takes the backdrop for. . .other things, if you know these other things i speak of. if not, ms. virgin mary, or mr. jesus christ, carry on, and stop reading, for your eyes will be covered in sin. i don’t want to see the sin sore in you, and make you just dying with sinful thoughts. o dear god, no. not at all.

but anyway, in my mind, it would be hilarious. dress up zombie #1 and zombie #2 in a man and woman’s attire, make them be in a room, moaning as they please. then, give the translation of what their saying in zombiespeak by way of subtitles. of course, the zombies wouldn’t be speaking in zombiespeak, but what the hell, it’s my show, so they are. (basically, you just make up some terrible script, a la porn movies, and there you go, that’s what you put in subtitles). then of course you’d have your procreation scene, in which zombie #1 bites off zombie #2’s blouse, then bra, then panties, are whatever the heavens else is within your mind. and i could go on and on. . .but you get the idea. it’s ingenious really. i should patent this, just like donald trump wanted to patent his little “you’re fired!” thing. don’t forget to put your arm, compacted, on your chest, then push your hand outward, fingers held together when doing it. you have to overemphasize it too, just like mr. trump. the thing that’s too bad is that the “u” in trump isn’t an “a.” the name would suit any millionaire. and that’s my final answer. but really. . .the zombie thing is a good idea. i shouldn’t be selling it out, because i know one of you out there is someday going to be a successful director, screenplay writer, whatever the whatever else, but what can you do. just give me credit where credit is due-and don’t forget that over the years there’s accrue to it. interest. the longer you wait the more credit i deserve. this is a fiscal matter.

i’m really such a satirical bastard right now. i’m just wondering if before you feared zombies, and now you don’t. that’s what i’m hoping. i’m hoping they’ve made you laugh.

ah, here’s another idea, ingenious from yours truly. we could have a zombie preacher. i mean, preachers at this point are zombies anyway. all they do is moan and groan about this so-called god man. a zombie moaning would be the same to me. . .and he’d be perfect for communion, too! i don’t think anyone at church would really see the difference, either. they’d just keep on with their same old.

zombies sure are interesting creatures, aren’t they! oh yes indeed! if i could be an creature from horror lore, i would be a zombie, too! it’s too bad i am already a zombie, isn’t it, kids? yeah yeah, i hear you going “awwww,” and it’s so nice to get a symphony of sympathy in this congregation. but story time’s over now. i feel like a zombie right now, because i need my period of resuscitation, unlike zombies.

this is tom brokaw saying goodnight: “goodnight.”
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