Wednesday, October 22, 2003

   I am too lazy to type up a proper post, so this will do.

Mood: Tightly strained.
Music: Coldplay-The Scientist

It's time to shoot this thread full of some morphine. Relieve the pain by bringing on more pain.

There is a murderer in all of us. Each and every one. We all have the potentialities, we all have the hands and mind and intent to know how to do it.

But it is wrong.

To an understood, logical person, it is. Somewhat.

Imagine one's self as a stupid, meek, unintelligent, unintangible creature. A stupid, dumb thing. Do you think morals would ever come into killing one of your own kind? No, they would not.

It would be what nature's way is--survival of the fittest. This said, if we were reduced to that mental level, we would kill one another if so it was needed, perhaps. I am not even talking cave men intelligence--even they have more intelligence than what I am subjecting.

So is that wrong? Again, our mind says it is. But this is the way things are.

But murder is a worse thing, right? Murder is killing one with intent, with no purpose. This is true. It's cold-hearted, pre-conceived, pre-warmed thoughts of killing an innocent person.

How is this different than wartime deaths? These "soldiers" as they be are given an easier death, at times, than a murderer would admission, but this aside, how is that different? It is people being killed innocently, stupidly, for imaginative borders and controls. It is purposeless, endless, human nature. It is all about control, that is what war is. It is a way to make peace from pieces.

This is what, I believe, one of a murderer's motives is: control. Often, murderers are mentally derranged, hemorraged people that have undergone molestation, beating, large amounts of horrid things, and are even oftentimes forced into practices or purposes. They are often lonely people, people that are socially inept, that are driven by what has driven them all their lives: the constant injustices to themselves that, mentally, have destroyed them.

I think they do it to escape; to escape as any other. Escape as a writer writes to escape. Escape as a pagan dwells incessantly in religion to escape. Escape as an athletle excercises to escape. Escape as any other to escape.

It's like anything; it gets addicting. The feeling gets to more feeding. The need to control someone, to have every inch of them on your hands and life is thrilling to these people I suppose. It gives them something that they've never felt before.

Murders also are obssesed, sometimes, with the way blood and gore feels. The way cutting a person, tearing out organs, feeling them in their hands, feels. Because they find the human body interesting, they find looking at organs interesting. They find how they feel or cling or feel to their touch interesting in a sexual manner as well as an anatomical matter.

They also find the cat-and-mouse game, the dog-eats-dog manner of killing someone thrilling as well.

They do it for many reasons, some I cannot even imagine. But when it comes down to it, the root is in human nature. It is within our natures to warrant death to others. It is within our natures to love seeing others suffer, to love knowing that you are stronger than another and have control.

Let me ask you, what is good? What is bad? All they are is things that, over time, have come into society and mankind showing us what they are.

Bad is good and good is bad. What's bad to me could be good to you. What's good to me could be bad to you. Who has the right to say what is wrong? No one, really. There are certain set interdictions and such, but really, they only coerce another form of control that tells you what is right and what is wrong.

Bad is what's taught to us, as we grow, to be wrong. Good is what's taught to us, as we grow, to be good. Even God says that there's a right and wrong. And if we are wrong, we sin.

I do not see the big matter in sin; all humans shall sin, as much and close to God and being great as they be. It is human nature, just as killing is, just as striving to outlive and be better is. There is not stopping it, and I do not believe I would want to be forgiven for them, either. They are a part of me, for, isn't my human natures a part of me? Certainly.

So I ask you, in a killer's eyes, don't they see what they are doing as right? Don't they think it has some merit, some reason? They do, and if you cannot see this, then you are too narrow.

Each of us has the potential to kill someone, and I'm sure some will not stop at saying that they have wanted to kill someone before.

I do believe in original sin in this form. That we are born with murderers able to be made. Lovers able to love. Hates able to hate. It's just that all the things labeled as "bad" by society, and all other humanly devices forces and shows us what is right so it's to where we take it as literally what good and bad are. That isn't right, exactly, in my opinion.

Has anyone heard of the Donner Party? They are a party that were moving west in the US, and got trapped upon a moutain. They ate each other. Are they murderers? No. They were doing what's in their human natures, surviving. But obviously this isn't the main motive from a murderer.
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