Friday, July 30, 2004

. . .And all the children are insane

Some women react too easily. You say one thing to them, and then that one little thing makes some inner working mechanism drive them to react in a way which is quick and timed.

I was talking to Sarah Miller. She recently found my Live Journal, and so we were talking in an IM just a bit ago. She graduated last year, and was a part of our lit mag (our first one) called Anti.

We went on about some things, and then she said I was, "One of those people who need reason for everything. . ." and she was capitalizing things, so I asked her if I was making her mad.

She said I wasn't making her mad, she was just "perturbed."

Who knows. All I know is, I can't stand the way some women act. They overreact to everything. My mom's one of them. So I've had experience first hand with it.

I've known some women are like this since the dawn of time it seems.

Perhaps I'm overreacting to her reaction, but all I have to say is I was meaning perfectly well in all I was saying, and as I told her, "I'm not being mean at all, I'm just having a conversation."

Women, as beautiful as they can be, can really be mean-spirited bitches. I'm not saying if you're a woman reading this that you are, nor am I saying that this Sarah Miller is, but what I'm saying is I don't get it, I don't get why some act like that.

It's not a big thing. Just something I felt like mentioning, to get off my chest.

She did say she still wanted to talk to me, "otherwise I would've said so," she said.

Some women really are something, and some men, as well (to make this sound even), really are something.

I did apologize to her, even if I didn't need to. I really meant well, and I didn't want to make her "perturbed" as she was.

Having that conversation has left me feeling like I'd rather be alone and to myself. I mean, I have things to say. I guess some people can't take it.

I chalk it up that she wasn't in a good mood from the get-go. She had posted a post about how she was aggravated by her parents, and I suppose she had been brooding on this, and wasn't in the best of moods, and so she was indirectly directing this mood on our conversation. Whatever the case, it doesn't matter.

I'm being defensive. . .but this is the way I am. I'm not aggressive, I'm recessive. I give into the pressure. I resign.

When someone's bothered by me, I shut up. I walk away from them. I don't try to incite them more and more until they're mad at me, or hate me. I leave them alone.

When someone comes to me and they're mad at me, I act indifferent and cool. I don't get angry with them.

I am not an angry seething person outwardly. Inwardly, I am. But when someone comes to me and they're mad at me, I let them scream at me and I don't say much.

I'm a passive person. I'm quiet around people I've never met. When I know someone is around me that's annoyed by me, I am quiet. I leave them alone. I act as if I don't exist for them. I try to put other people's feelings ahead of mine. I try to make them come first. I try to give them as much comfort as I can.

I hold grudges against people who mistreat me in my eyes. I get retribution not be anger, not by words, but by waiting like a hunter waits for the prey, like one will wait for the right chance. I wait until the time has come, and things are in my favor, and I can in a small way gain retribution, usually without the victim even knowing. That is the way I counter and redempt upon someone their mistreatment to me.

I'm a nice, passive, quiet person by nature. I rarely ever get mad. I'm shy around people I don't know well. I find that most things are trivial to me. I simply go along, and what happens happens. I try to keep myself focused on one thing so I don't get overwhelmed by the entire collection of things I have upon my mind to do.
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