Sunday, August 1, 2004

The Crystal Ship

My legs
feel
strained and used
My head
is pain
from chewing
gum all day
My arms
feel
tired and my eyes
could close right now
My finger
is numb
My neck
feels tense
It is dark out
It is night

I feel
like I've been beaten up
And today passes before my eyes

Today I slaved for the system
To earn the money I need to live
Today I worked hard

Today I slaved for the system
For five hours
Tomorrow I will do the same

---

I came in there and did not sit down once. I came in there with determination. I punched in and I knew what to do. I got my busing tray and I went on my way.

I went to table after table, cleaning them off. When I wasn't cleaning tables, I was "prebusing," I was going up to the customers saying, "How's your meal?" then saying, "Can I take any of your plates?" and then taking those plates and then taking them over to my "prebusing" station and then cleaning them off and then setting them in my "presbusing cart."

But most of the time I was cleaning tables. Some tables had less mess than others. Some tables had a large mess. I cleaned one table that was a large one, with plates all over the place on it. It took a while. One of the workers came up to me and said, "You got it?" and I said "Probably" and I cleaned that table off.

I cleaned another big table like that, and another buser came over and he said, "This your first day?" and I said it was and he said, "I hate this fucking place," and then he said, "They treat you like shit. You won't last long, no one does" and then he said "Don't let nobody push you around like that. Don't take it. No one deserves that." And then when I moved the ketchup and steak sauce and the thing that holds the sugar aside so I could wipe what they were covering he said, "You don't have to do it perfect. I don't even move them."

I walked around a lot when there was no where to bus. There were different sections. One was the smoking section. When I walked there and if I saw someone with a fag in their mouth I wanted to tell them to stop smoking it I hate you smoking it's killing you and it's killing me and it's such a nasty disgusting useless habit. And everytime I walked by there it smelled like smoke and I hated it.

I worked there for five hours. It felt like the longest five hours of my life. Like I was in prison. But eventually, after the first hour or so, time sped up because I was so busy cleaning table after table after table after table. It really all seems like I blur because all I did was clean table after table.

The busing tray gets heavy fast. It got to the point where I had trouble carrying it so I had to wrap my arms all around it. Sometimes I felt like I was going to drop it but I'd scream in my head I'm not going to drop it because then it would mean I'd make a mess and maybe break some dishes.

The hardest part for me was knowing for sure if people were gone and "prebusing." But after a while "prebusing" got easier for me. Some of the people were pretty nice. They always said thank you and I was glad there were some nice people in the world.

But there was this group of people. They were sitting there for a long long time. And when I was busing a table next to them I found this large booster seat thing for babies and I went and asked someone who worked there where it goes and they said over there on the side so I went there. But as I was walking I hit one of the legs of the thing on a chair at their table and then they started laughing at me. All I did was I kept going on. I wasn't going to let them get me down. I was here to work and I was going to work.

It made me remember when I was younger and how people always teased me and called me four eyes or other names and how I kept being made fun of up until about ninth grade or so.

I tried to work as hard as I could. And I did. I was the hardest working buser there. I must've cleaned so many tables, because I can't even remember how many I did.

A few people left tips. Not many. When I found a dollar at a table I went and asked someone who works there what to do if there's a tip. She said you could keep it. I said sweet and so I went and pocketed the dollar.

I got tips on three tables. $5 worth.

By the end of it I was getting pretty tired. I wanted something to drink really bad so I went and asked Eric one of the manager people if I could have some water. He said buddy you get pop free and water too. I said no one told me that. He said you can have all you want as long as you don't drink a lot while you work and get lazy. I knew I'd never do that.

Later on when I finally had all the tables bused I was finally let off. He looked at his watch as I stood there and Eric said I could go. I wondered if he was impressed since I was done about fifteen or so minutes early. I didn't know.

I remember I kept pushing myself telling myself this is my last chance, if I lose this job how can I make it in the world. I worked really really hard and now I feel really tired.

When I got home what I did was eat something almost right away. I gave myself a cookie because I worked so hard. Two cookies. And I had Raisin Bran. And I drank a lot of milk.

Then I drove over to Ryan's. I sat on his bed for a while when I came I was so tired.

We eventually played a game of Starcraft and then tried to play Unreal Tournament 2004 but it wouldn't work on my computer, it kept giving this message that said I had an invalid number key, which was true but I didn't get why it was doing that.

I need to take a shower. I get to work five more hours tomorrow. I hope I can handle it.

It's not too bad. The job is really demanding though. It's got me worn out, but I feel like I can do it. I'm pretty sure my jogging and all helped me today, since it made me more able to work those five hours straight, with no break, cleaning tables almost the entire time with no chance to stop.

I don't know how I'll be able to do this when school starts. The job is really demanding and they usually give you most of your hours on the weekend, which is murder because the weekend is when people go out. I'm hoping less people will go since it's Sunday tomorrow. Here's hoping.

But I still can't see doing this with school on top of it. That's a handful.

I'll try my best.

Jogging and walking has taught me to work hard. So I worked hard today and I will tomorrow and I'll keep doing it as long as I can.

I remember yesterday when I was driving with Adam he said about getting a job at Steak Buffet, "I'm desperate, but not that desperate."

I remember my sort of friend Tyler left me a message on my Live Journal saying Steak Buffet was going to murder me and he loved me for it.

And I remember that bus boy telling me what he did.

I wonder how long I can last, I really do. It's gruelling work but I can do it, at least while there's no school.

When I was working what kept me going was playing songs in my head. I kept hearing "The End" and then I heard other songs in my head, and it helped me not realize what I was doing and zone out and just work and work and not have to really work. It made the time pass faster.

I remember I accidently spilled some stuff on a girl who worked there when I was "prebusing" and she said, "You'll have to lick that," and I said I wouldn't do that but I'd wipe it off if she wanted.

I kept trying to be good to the customers too. I kept saying how's your dinner and then I'd say I hope the rest of your meal's good. And a few times I said have a nice day to people when they left and when a customer would say thank you I'd say no problem.

It's not as bad as KFC because I think I can keep this job. But not for too long I don't think. I'll try to have it for more than four weeks to beat out KFC. But I don't know. It's hard work. Hopefully I can keep my determination on.
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