Tuesday, August 3, 2004

An Abyss Swallows You Whole.

I said to myself here now, "I'm going to write."
And I thought to myself you've got the right to fight
And I think to myself my mind's on pretty tight so I'm just trying to let the words ooze out like pus on a sore
And I said to myself, "I don't know anymore."
And I thought to myself, I need to go the store in my mind where I warehouse all the wounds that're true
But the arrows just kept on coming through
Stabbing me in the chest near the place where I know best
I think I should've worn a vest to protect myself from this nest of hell I've let shoot their bows
And creep on quietly inside me
And I said to myself, "Wouldn't you believe what this world's done to me."
And I thought, pain never feels so good when you've done something you know you should but it hurts so much you think you died
When I was born, yeah, I was a circumsized
And all my life I've lived alive
And all the breaths I take, I'm one breath closer to being deceased
But that doesn't mean I'm going to give you a lease
It just means I'm going to give you some crease on this fold of paper that's me
And one time, yeah, I was a baby
But I'm not one anymore
So go ahead try and make me cry
I've got as many questions as you've got whys
Those babies don't even know what wets their eyes
They cry and cry
They don't know why
They're helpless maybe they feel denied
I'm going to pry open your eyes
And view those windows baby
Because you'll always be baby to me
And I'll make you feel like you weren't denied
And I'll hold a cup to your eyes
And when you cry I'll let the tears go in
And I'll drink that glass and say, "Don't you ever cry again, 'cause now I've got your tears and I know what they taste like."
And I'll touch your face and think, those tears tasted like water because they nourished me and made me want to live
Babies, they just cry because they don't know better
I think if I were born into this world the first time
I'd cry too
It's what babies do
They cry because they know how fucked up the world is
But baby, you can hold me in your arms
It's no harm
And I'll say, "It's okay."

You're just a baby
And maybe you need to grow
But I like your blue eyes
I like the skin you show
And if I could I'd rip your body
And I'd let it all go
And we'd be one soul
But baby, we can't go
We've got to stay
We're two souls
And our bodies keep us here
In this world

I'm here in the warehouse of my mind
I wonder what it is I'll find
But I know one thing I'm getting
And it's you
And I know that even though this life is pain
I can keep myself going
Because I know you've got to be a fighter
You can't let them walk all over you
You've got to be a biter
You've got to be a writer
of your own obituary
You've got to build your own cemetary
You've got to make your own grave
You've got to break your own bones
I know you've got to pay the bill on your own home
You've got to be your own drone
And slave for yourself
And baby if you want I'll help build your tomb

And this abyss, this life
This abyss swallows you whole
Baby
This abyss swallows you whole
An abyss swallows you whole

It's to this mist in this midst to this wrist bending you that you go
This arm holding you showing you where to go
It's this abyss swallows you whole
And baby we can go wide in that mouth
And show what's there to show

Let's go to the nether place in time
Where I kiss and hug you till I die
And we don't care anymore
Where an abyss swallows us whole
The jaws exposed
The teeth eating us
And swallowing whole
Let's go deep in this hole
of you and I

The milky way you are and the bays in your scars
Let's escape to the stars
Let's go from these bars
To the abyss
Let's go to
the abyss
You can't resist
Let's escape
Let's go for a ride
I'll touch your thighs
We'll go inside the warehouse
See what we can find
We'll die

Let's go to
the abyss
Don't resist
Let's go to the abyss
This abyss
An abyss swallowing whole
Deep in our soul

Deep in your soul
An abyss swallows you whole
Deep in your soul
It swallows you whole

---

This is an aborted poem. I was writing it right here on the spot, and when I posted it I found out there was an error with it, so I tried to get it fixed, but then my internet went out on me (as it's been doing a lot of the time now). And then, right there, I wanted to add more to the end of the poem.

But it was aborted. It wasn't created all at once. So right then and there I tried to write down what I was going to add, and then I came back here online just now, got my aborted poem and tried to make it look more beautiful even though it was aborted and hadn't grown all the way and had been forced out.

It seems pretty good now, though. Yay.
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