Tuesday, August 3, 2004

Leave me alone.

My parents are home. Already my dad's begun treating me like shit.

I was walking up here to go on the computer and he told me, "I don't like the way you're walking around, huffing around, like you are." So now apparently there's something wrong with walking? And the way I do it? Whatever.

Also, we were going to go eat at the Steak Buffet, but then my dad came up here and started talking to my mom and then he went out of there after a long while, and then my mom subsequently slammed her door. As he was walking away he said he didn't feel like going out to eat anymore.

So then I went down there. I haven't eaten anything all day and so I began searching around for what to eat. I took out these tater tots that I found and then said I was going to make a hamburger on the stove and then he decided he was going to make macaroni and cheese and I said was going to have that too. Then he said I could only have two things, either tater tots or the macaroni and cheese with my burger. And he kept talking to me in this really shitty way that just pissed me off and annoyed the hell out of me and made me want to get away from him. I told him just because he's mad at my mother doesn't mean he has to talk to me like I'm a piece of shit and treat me like shit. And then he said he wasn't mad at my mom but he was mad at himself because he always messed things up. Whatever. Self-pity gets you nowhere.

Then I ran up here because I couldn't stand him coming back with something each thing I said. As I went up there I passed my mom and vocalized my frustration and then after my mom left and I went back downstairs he said I need to not say anything. He said he can't stand what I've said and he was all pissed at me for basically nothing. Apparently I can't speak either, just because he's "mad at himself" and nor can we go out just because he's brooding in self-pity.

My brother's also home. He told me to go outside and start the grill, I could make my burger on there. So I did so, but I didn't know how to start it because I've never done it. I was reading the directions when he came out and said, what, can't start he grill? With sarcasm bleeding in my voice I told him, "Well, I don't know, you know I start the grill all the time, so I know how to do it so well."

He said I needed a reality check, that I can't walk around like I am and be like I am "just because I have a job." My brother was right beside him and he said, "Yeah, Mitch, you need a reality check."

My brother sits there each day and plays GTA: VC on his PS2 or some other game. He stays up till 4 AM or so each night. He does absolutely nothing, he doesn't even go outside even though it's summer and nice out. And he's telling me I need a reality check? No, I'm sad to say but it's him that needs a reality check.

Life is not sitting around and playing games all day. Life is not staying up late as hell when you're 13 or so years old. Life isn't doing nothing at all. Life isn't watching TV all day and night.

And life is certainly not telling your brother he needs a reality check when you're the one who actually needs a reality check. The irony of those words coming out of such a person's mouth as his is just goddamned blasphemy.

It was so nice without them around here. My dad still treats me like he's some big boss of me, and not my father. Although sometimes I can handle it and it's not too bad, it's bad right now because he's all apparently "mad at" himself and sorry for himself because he always messes things up with my mom and their marriage together. And also what gives him right to talk to me like I'm a piece of shit is apparently that he's been working longer than me. Whatever.

All I know is I need to get the hell out of here. I can't stand the way I am treated sometimes. It just pisses me off. Before all this happened, I was fine, and I'm still fine although underneath I want to strangle something.

Just ignore this post if anything. I'm sure most of it's overdramatized and all that shit, but all I know is I need to focus this aggravation in some manner, and this is it.
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