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Monday, November 3, 2003
Yay,
Went down to eat, and I didn't want to eat what was made. I decided that I wanted some Ramen Noodles, and my Dad gave me crap for this fact.
So I start making my food, and he goes on again that I am an "egomaniac," and that I need to be saved by Jesus.
Saying I'm an egomaniac is one thing...but saying I need to believe in God is another. It's my fucking choice. Not his. He shouldn't even have to say that I should go see the priest up at the church to talk over my beliefs and whys to him. He shouldn't have to say that in his house I will believe in God.
Talk about not letting an indvidual be an indvidual.
Also, recently, at my Grandparents, my parents found that Fredrick Douglass paper I wrote--all those comments. I had said things like, "Blah blah blah blah...But I will change it, master."
I had meant those in a funny way, not in a disrespectful way. They obviously didn't understand that.
So I got my ass chewed to bits for that--they said it's just like with them; I disrespect them.
It felt horrible. My whole body felt tight and stressed from that argument. And rather than just argue more, as they watched Charlie's Angels I put on my headphones and listened to "Street Spirit (Fade Out)" by Radiohead over and over again. It still didn't calm me very much. I felt like just going for a walk, doing anything. I even began pushing my fingernails on my palms has hard as I could just to kill the feelings I had.
They eventually went away, thankfully.
I plan on apologizing to Mrs. Jundt--the teacher--tomorrow. It's belated but it's something.
My parents had said they were not going to go to conferences, but now they are. And now they have been saying that--well, my Dad has been saying that--I am an egomaniac and that I disrespect every person on this Earth and that I need to find Jesus and all this other crap.
And to top it all off in sugar coating and ice ctream goodness, my Dad also says that he's probably going to take me offline for this week since I don't have a job yet. And once I do get a job he says I will get it back.
Yay.
I actually don't really care. I don't care anymore. I am sick of hurting endlessly over nothing. I am sick of caring endlessly over stupid things like this. They shouldn't be big deals...but my parents just beat things into me and will not stop. So I'm only left to apathy, really. It's all I've ever known.
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