Sunday, November 16, 2003

All around me are famliar faces, familar places. Going nowhere. Going nowhere.

I can't seem to get enough of "Mad World." It's just so catchy.

Today I didn't do much. I don't want to say I did nothing, because I guess I've said that nearly every post, haven't I?

My Dad has been yelling at me non-stop this weekend if seems. He doesn't exactly yell, but the confrontational way he talks and the way he says everything in general to me just makes it about the same.

Lately I've been in my room if I'm at home. I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to be down here and be alone. So we haven't been fighting as much.

But now he comes down in my room. He sits here and yells at me since I don't have a job yet, and I just sit here on my computer. I think I already know enough myself what I'm doing. I don't need to be told it again.

Today he's been especially hard on me. Everytime he'd see me online he'd come down and bitch at me for being on. He's also been saying he's going to get rid of my phone connection so I can't get online so many times it's not even funny.

It's strange that he hasn't just deleted my trial version already. He keeps saying he's going to but never does.

Supposedly last night, as he was going to the bathroom, he saw that I was on at 2:00, and has mentioned that a lot of times today as well. I was actually online until 6:00 AM in the morning. I was only on because I was talking to Shy.

As I was finally leaving for Ryan's, my Dad stops me. He puts his hands on my shoulders, holding it kind of tightly. "Look at me Mitchell."

I just looked away. "What you're doing isn't normal," is what he said. "Sitting online so long isn't normal."

I'd say it's more normal than he knows. The internet has become a big part of a lot of people's lives, for better or worse.

He has also been telling me what he thinks of Ryan. Ryan is probably more of a friend to me now than Adam.

He keeps saying that Ryan is a shut-in, that he's a loser, that I should find a new friend instead.

Yeah, and look at him. His best friend is an alcoholic from all I see, even though he's a nice guy, mostly.

And how is the internet too different from watching a TV? I actually think it's better. And my Dad sits there and watches TV endlessly too. As well as he lets my brother sit there and just play the PS2 all day non-stop. And yet he doesn't get yelled at for it.

Ah well.

______________________

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday.
Made to feel the way any child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen.

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