Monday, October 4, 2004

The blur of serentiy caught in the bones of my teeth.

On Saturday when I went to work, my eyes came upon someone I'd never seen as manager there before. And she was beautiful and her name was Kellan. Kelly for short.

And I wanted to fuck her where she was standing the moment I saw her, just like every other male worker at the Steak Buffet.

I would describe this beautiful woman to you, but what I want you to do is, let her form take the shape you think is beauty. Because as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So if what you think's beautiful is a blonde, make her blonde. Brunette, make her brunette. Skinny, make her skinny. Fat, make her fat.

I wanted to go up to her and tell her, "You're so beautiful it's intimidating." I wanted to take her into the bathroom and rape her, but I wouldn't do that because that would be bad. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't've been rape, since she'd probably be attracted to me, and would at least subconciously consent to it.

Looking at her, watching her walk around, those 5 or so hours I worked, it was misery. I was in misery because she was so beautiful, and I wished I could have something that beautiful.

Chris Olson and Mike Scorick and I, all we did was talk and think about her that day we worked. Stare at her as she walked by.

Olson told me he'd dropped a fork and she'd bent over right in his face. This led me to the idea of purposely dropping a fork each time she passed by us.

The image in my head, and the entire circumstance caused me to laugh and laugh and laugh on and off, as it did Olson and Mike.

Maybe the first time, she wouldn't catch on. You'd just see her coming, you'd drop an eating utensil. You'd say, "Damn, I'm such a fucking klutz." Then you'd say, "Could you get that for me, Kelly?" And maybe she'd get it, and maybe not.

Repeat. Watch her ass as she bends over Grab more silverware and repeat again. Maybe the second time, drop a whole entire collection for her to pick up, so you can stare as long as you want, cement the image in your head.

She's twenty-five, I don't know if she's going to college, and she's worked at the Steak Buffet for five years. She also doesn't have a boyfriend, which is amazing seeing as she's so beautiful. It's impossible, that she doesn't have a boyfriend. It's impossible she's even a virgin. The men are probably all over her. Just impossible.

Olson walked by me once, said, "She's so hot."

That was agreed, but I said, "Her and a million other women."

You millions of women, you know who you are.

On another note, Chris Olson is apparently having a party at his house on Thursday, since there's no school then. I have no clue if alcohol is involved, but I have a deep moral sense about drinking. Despite the fact that I'm pretty amoral, this is one of those things I won't ever do, it is likely. But who knows.

It stems from the fact that my dad drinks some of the time, and also that my mom drinks pretty often too, and I cannot stand seeing them so drunk and so stupid.

I mean, instead of drinking, I'll go write a poem. I'll go for a jog.

It gives you the same thing that you want. It allows you to escape reality. It allows you to disappear. It allows you to feel amazing. And without all the goddamned side effects.

I'm off to bed. . .

I'd like to mention that I got Interpol's new album today. I still like their first album, Turn on the Bright Lights better, but Antics is pretty good. . .especially the songs towards the end.

It's worth a listen to. I could send some if you catch me on AIM sometime, but first I'd have to burn a CD with their albums on it, which I'll do.

The sound of them is sort of instrumental rock. Most of the songs are love songs. The singer of the band has a dull voice, and it works. It's kind of an interesting combination. They've been compared to Joy Divison. I haven't listened to Joy Division but from what I understand, the singer's voice is what sounds like Joy Division, not the band as a whole.
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