Friday, October 8, 2004

Magical Cord

I went to Austin Fay's today.

Austin Fay's a rather cool guy I met from being in Newspaper. This year, he'll be running Lit Mag, which I'm anticipating joining.


At his house, I watched him play Silent Hill 4: The Room for a while, then his brother Marcus came down, and Danae and Bender Hoag came over, and they played poker.

I put 25 cents in, and I only played a few games. I'm not into poker and never will be.

So I sat there and watched them, all the while saying random things. I got all of them bursting out laughing many times. It was pretty good times.

I can't recall many specific things.

At times, I'd make sudden, random movements, and surprise everyone. At times, I'd say random things, and Marcus Fay and Austin would say, "Inappropriate" and then Austin would grab my nipples. It was rather funny.

One time I quickly slammed down some poker chips. One time I went, "Ka meha meha meha. . ." like Goku does in DBZ, and then I knocked a whole bunch of poker chips off the table, really suddenly. One time I started this real crazy laugh, and Austin grabbed at me, and I kept laughing and making myself laugh harder, and then Austin slapped my knee. So then I started slapping my knee, repeatedly, hard. Then I banged my head on the table. Then I said, "I'm going to kill myself, and I mean it this time." Then I said, "Flopping donger is the most beautiful phrase in the English language, not 'Cellar door.'" I hit on Denae a bit. I put on this little cowboy hat, wore it on my head for a while. I balanced a bottle on my head. I put on Bender's sunglasses, asked if I was a movie star, Austin said yes. Everyone kept forgetting where I worked, and then I'd tell them the Steak Buffet, and I'd say no one remembers anything I say.

By far the funniest thing I said, though, was when we were listening to the Fight Club soundtrack. I said, "Imagine Brad Pitt gyrating in front of you, endlessly, to this music. . .imagine him going on forever and ever, sweat dripping from his body. . ." Everyone just cracked up. It was great.

Denae said she hated me. I said I still loved her. She said she still hated me so I said I hated her back.

It was a lot of things, so many things I can't remember it all.

When everyone left, Austin and I sat down and I watched him play more Silent Hill 4.

His mom came down, gave each of them - Marcus, Austin - a hug, went to bed. Before that happened, Austin and I went up, got something to drink and eat. His dad was there watching TV, reading the paper. Reminded me of my dad. It's a wonder how many Americans are like that - work, come home, watch TV, do basically nothing.

When we were back down there, I told Austin that'll be us someday. He said I was right. He asked me if I ever just snuck outside at night. I asked him if it was scary. He said no it wasn't, it was becoming the thing you're scared of.

I imagined walking outside, in the dark, the streetlights. It would be serene.

I told him his mom made me depressed, and he said he agreed.

I kept thinking how I'll treasure what is my life at this point, how when I'm older I'll look back and I won't believe how I came to be as fucked up as I am now, from what I was then. I'll wonder what happened to everything I was.

Silent Hill 4 is a crazy game. He kept playing, got frustrated a bit. I told him I'd never kissed a girl while we played, done nothing to them. He asked me why that was, and I couldn't give a real answer.

On the game, there was something about the "magical cord," which would be the umbilical cord, and how some kid cut it off, or something, and he was the devil. Confusing stuff. Which is what the SH series is anyway.

I left around 12, telling Austin he was awesome, and he thanked me for coming up. I walked out and there was his dog, sitting there, in the night. I came up and kissed him and told him he was a good dog, and drove home, feeling like I was so distant. Like my own car wasn't my own car, and where I was going was foreign.

I would like to hold someone in my arms right now, just escape, just sleep forever, just not have to worry. I'd like to coalesce, just become one entity that doesn't exist. Has no reason.

I work tomorrow, 5-CL. I've got some homework to do. . .an essay on Macbeth. My birthday's next Tuesday, and I don't know what I'll do then. I'm going to get an ipod if I can, and I'd like to have some party of some sort.

The last time I worked, I was sick as hell of it. That's how I've felt from the beginning. I just haven't cared, but I make myself care, because I know this is the real deal. . .I have to take a job and keep it, I have to get used to working and whatnot else this world forces on you.

Andrew Jinx was washing. I kept coming in there with these creamer packets and pushing on the ends of them, making them pop open and splash what's inside. I'd make orgasm noises as I did it, and try to hit Jinx with it, or hit the ground, or whatever else. It was entertaining. I was just messing around because I was so sick of my job, and I was busing and I didn't feel like it.

After coming in there and doing this about three times, the manager Travis came up to me, told me that the creamers cost money, and so I decided I'd better quit fucking around.

After that I just felt pissed, and I started busing really, really fast. I wanted to fight something. . .but there was nothing to fight. So I turned my want to fight into efficiency, and bused hard as hell.

I got all caught up, went in and helped Jinx wash and unrack, and I told Jinx that I was pissed. I was sick of working here. It was bullshit. I wanted to get fired. I figured being fired would be good.

He said he was feeling the same thing, and that it was bullshit we got paid so little, since the Steak Buffet does gross a lot of money. I said I agreed.

I remember feeling a bit better once I left, since I'd kicked so much ass.

On another note, Lacey from school's called me two days in a row now. She's this seemingly nice girl that was in my latin class last year. I'm thinking she might've saw me jogging when I did two days ago, in my tight tanktop, or something. Someone had honked at me. Might've been her.

I've not been around when she's called, though.
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