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Saturday, October 23, 2004
doifjdok d
"What time did you
get home
last night?"
"One or two,"
I lie.
My mom would not care
how long i was out.
But he does.
Last night,
I told him
she lives
on Brandon Circle
right another
block away,
but, "I don't care,"
he said.
He said, "No one lets their
daughter stay with a guy
for that long."
I told him her parents
don't care
I told him
I'm eighteen now -
I can be out
as long as I want.
He said I still
have to live by the
rules of the house,
that i have to be
home by one
I said, "What does it matter?
You're not even going
to be here, anyway."
Earlier,
he asked me about
mom.
He always does.
He asked me if she
came home
last night.
I told him no,
and I asked what the
big deal was.
Then he went on me
about how I don't
care about my family,
how no one in my family
matters to me.
I guess I just don't really
care.
It's just history repeating itself.
My entire grasp of love,
that thing that's talked about
so so so so much -
i don't even believe in it.
It is severely damaged.
it's hard to even care.
These two divorces
in my life
have snuffed it,
and soon i will
be prodding over the
ashes of this divorce
which will make it
two.
i really do feel
nothing
about the whole ordeal.
I didn't get home
until 6 last night.
What he doesn't know
won't hurt him.
We didn't even do
anything inappropriate.
I read to her,
she read to me.
She said i don't give
myself enough
credit for how talented
i am,
i try not to be too
egotistical about the
whole thing.
I try not to give myself
too much.
The last piece i read to her,
it's called "gargoyle,"
it was so good.
it made me feel strong and
determined again.
What's amazing
is it looks
warm enough
out
to jog
in just my shorts
and tight tanktop.
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