Saturday, December 13, 2003

Sleep monster ain't gonna get me.

I love staying up late. I'm as tired as I'm awake as I'm alive when it's late. And it just all mixes and slews together like a cesspool, and it feels beautiful and great to have dulled thoughts and senses which are blunt and truthful, and have meaning. This is what I often find I can get when I'm up as late as it is.

Right now it is currently 4:15 in the morning. I still haven't slept, nor do I feel like it. Currently I'm bored, but I'm keeping myself busy by typing in here.

You know what is amazing? How easily I can just type long posts like this one is going to end up being. It amazes me how easily I can just grasp words. I'm not like some weakling man in a strongman contest lifting weights, or some moutain climber that is grasping for breath every second. Not at all. When I'm typing in here I just let it flow out, and I've gotten to the point where I'm not even thinking of the words I'm saying, but I am thinking of them. Basically, words just come to me like nothing. They flow out and I let them come out.

Sometimes I do shorten myself and tell myself to find a specific word for some certain place, but really, when I'm writing it's pretty instantaneous.

Back to what this post is about--and that is staying up late.

I seem to be a night person by virtue. I love staying up late. I sleep much better, and there's just something great about knowing how many people around the US, anyway, are sleeping at this very moment while I lie awake seeing the day that the night people don't see.

I also like it for the fact that it's something like being rebelous. It's being non-conformist in some vague way, not sleeping at night and sleeping most of the day. It's seen as lazy, but I think it's great to sleep through the day. I hate living in the happpy-lie world we have.

The sun is bright, but it does not truly show its face that is has given to the Earth. Rather, it gives its light and smiles as coldly as Pluto would if that star was there instead.

I don't like going to school each day, I don't like knowing the fact that I have to live through another tomorrow that has come today, and I don't want to sleep it away. I want to be awake to have some alone time, down time to myself where I can just sit back and not care like I really do.

I also find it funny how there's never really anything on late night TV, but it seems to be the only time I'lll watch it is when I want to get to sleep, or am up late.

There's always some corny infomercial on TV late at night like this. Something about "pilates," or something about "body hair removal" or something about a "muscle machine." All things that I could care less about.

I think my body is fine the way it is. It isn't muscle-lined, nor is it even physically built amazingly, but I am skinny, and that's about all that I care about. I don't have the patience to lift weights mindlessly for hours on end while I could be pondering and writing like I am in here now. It doesn't work for me--the physical things of this world don't hold much for me, other than the pretty things. And my idea of pretty isn't lifting weights for hours on end. My idea of pretty is a natural type of pretty. Like the way trees look when they blow in the wind, or the way my mind thinks as it ponders over sex, or something like that. That is beautiful because it's meant to be. People that are muscle-bound ingrates aren't meant to be, sadly. Only in some kind of physically heightened world where moving one muscle takes 5,000 tons of force and an ability to benchpress an entire planet's girth.

Sorry.

But the world also isn't meant to have fat, slobbering slobs either. We aren't meant to sit here and eat and eat until we turn into some kind of giant pinata that is meant to be punched and beaten around for its grandiose fatness.

The best place to be, as with a lot of things, is in the center, caring but not caring. And that is to be somewhat skinny. It's ideal, it's natural, more natural than some big-boned muscleman is.

Okay, so I am envious of men who have better-looking bodies than me. But I know mental makes up a lot for physical. In what I think anyway.

I'd rather have some smart, decent looking woman than some super-sexy bizatch2001 that has the biggest cantalopes and the biggest buttocks and the most lucious, beautiful lips, and the most symmetrical form, when usually, the best-looking people are the dumbest. It's stereotypical of me, but I am typical, and I am a stereo. So live with it, folks.

There are some sexy hot uber-smart bitches out there, let me tell you. But they're few and far in between as it is. I'm not saying that most women aren't sexy, I'm just saying that most good-looking women aren't that bright. Why? Because they don't have to.

They are ubersexybitch1010101010 of the uberbitches of all america and other countries. They've already got the attractioness to attract a horny toad.

I already am a horny toad at times, so it doesn't matter. As long as I am attracted to a girl's personality, and I can make them laugh, and there's chemistry and sparks there, that's all that matters. Well, I will go as far as to say that physical looks matter to an extent. I mean, I would be revulsed by some 5000-pound woman gorilla. It's not the "natural" way a person should look in what I think. Their beauty is all covered in fat that is probably amounted from high depression, or the, "I eat food because I'm depressed, and I am fat because I eat food, and I am depressed and fat because I eat food. I should just not eat anymore food and become an anorexic recluse that looks like I'm a druggie but I'm not but am at the same time. Then I can be the next Bill Gates."

I mean, inside most people are beautiful...but frankly, I don't see how I can have sex with some big-fatted person like that. The thought is disgusting to me, and I don't see how it would work at all.

I like my women medium-sized. As long as they are like that, I'm all for them. But when they get to making themselves, that "ain't" natural at all, no it ain't.

I cease to understand also a woman's entire obsession with her breasts.

"OMG MY BREASTS ARE SMALL I"M SO SMALL THEN I"M A LOSER I NEED BIGGER BOOBS SO I CAN BE A BETTER AND COOOLER PERSON OMG LOL WTF! WTF CANTALOPES!"

It's funny because while I do like looking at breasts, they are usually the last thing on my mind. A woman is hot for who she is, and the way she is with her body, not the way her body just is. The way her body just is does matter to an extent...but not to an extent where if a girl didn't have anything but size A boobs I'd have a coniption fit.

And it's even more funny when some big-breasted girl appears. It's just more to make fun of them, because you just know their boobs really aren't that big.

"HER BOOBS AREN'T REALLY THAT BIG!"

And then the discussion will turn to laughter at big breasts.


Again, breasts do matter...to an extent. If there's next to nothing there, well, then, it does leave something to be desired. As long as there's something there at least to the point where it's there and exists and can physicall be admitted by a doctor to live and breathe, then it's fine with me.

I think that's enough of this post anyways.

I must do this more often.

As you can tell I'm sexually minded right now, but anyway.

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