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Birthday
• 1986-10-12
Gender
• Male
Member Since
• 2003-08-14
Occupation
• Writer
Real Name
• Mitchell Grant Smith


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myOtaku.com: Mitch


Sunday, December 19, 2004

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The current mood of dilapoid at www.imood.com
Work
sucked
today
it has
sealed
the fact
that
i need
a new
job.



bury
me
as deep
in the
ground
as
you
can
until
i
don't
exist
&
never
existed



i
want
to
die
i
need
a
break
from
this
hell



life
is compressed
too much
of a hell



it
is christmas
and
i am
sick of
getting
things -
i am
tired of
the obsession
with material
things

if you
want
to get
me
something
for
christmas
make it
an idea
or something
i cannot touch
but can
keep
in my
mind's
memory banks
forever

something
which will
make
the days
seem not
so pointless
full of tedium
and killing


it is
killing
me
everything
is
killing
me
yet i
still stand
unbruised

why?



i
feel useless
i feel
like
nothing
i
do will
matter

i put myself
into everything
i feel gave away



i am
not good enough
i will
never be good
enough
for him,
for them,
for it.

i cease
to see
the reason
why i try
why i force
myself to care



. . .silence
the noise
to
a wordless
word. . .
i heard
myself
slipping
like ice.



let me drown
in
nothing

please
PLEASE

let
me feel
no longer
exist
no
longer



when
i
tear
open
the wrapped
presents
my
eyes shall
no longer
glimmer
with
that childhood
joy
of receiving
but
i
will look
upon what
i get new
as
more money
spent on
me when
i do not
deserve
it to
be spent on
me

i would
like
to
ask
you
to spend
the money
for
those who
need it -
because
i
am
not
one



i want
to
sleep
forever
and
the
world
in
my head
to be
so real
i feel
it
and i
touch it
and this
world i
am in
fades away



i
work
all
day
tomorrow

i need
the money



do you
not
see
what
my intellect
has given me?

if i
didn't have
it
i wouldn't
have questioned
god's existence
or the
christian
faith

if i
didn't have
it
i wouldn't
feel so useless
when i worked
my mediocre job

if i
didn't have
it
i would've
retained
my
child-like
innocence
that child-like
love of
life
and
everything
in it

if i
didn't have
my intellect
though
i would
not truly
be alive

my eyes
would
be
stitched
shut
like
almost
everyone
else's
are

but
if i had
to choose
i would
rather
have my intellect
gone
so i
could be
happy
in my
ignorance
and stupidity
because
i am
sick of
feeling
all so
frustrated
all the
time
and so tired
and annoyed

those
of
you
who
are
happy, and
don't listen
to me -
with my babbling
about life's uselessness
should
be
glad
you don't have
to feel
like this
Comments (4)

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