Thursday, January 29, 2004

When You Write in Journalism You Ism out of Control

So there I was and yeah there I was. I was in my bedroom and so there I was. I was thinking of people I hated, those people I wanted to beat into the ground like the little curs they were. (Curs, by the way, are mongrels. They should be shot on sight like struggling deer that deserve to die.)

My room is really small, a sad old little thing. Going into it is like going into a dusty attic that deserves to be closed off from the rest of the world. Something like a closed road on a deep hot winter night with snow falling down and there’s the highway patrol man blocking the way saying, “Road’s closed bucko, you gotta move on.” And so anyone will move on, but you know, they eventually come back too. So here I was, I was back.

So there I was and yeah there I was. I was in my bedroom, thinking about people I hated. I thought maybe I hated George Bush (let’s whack around the Bush!) or maybe that Bob Dole guy just because he made bananas. If I made bananas, I’d think I had penis envy or something. I could just imagine this Bob Dole guy too, putting a banana in the zipper of his jeans, and walking around. Penis envy would read on his face. And then he’d hold onto the banana like it was his banana, and it was no one else’s, just Bob Dole, just the banana man’s. Stupid Bob Dole—go make condoms or something, then.

What about George Bush though? He’s been a good president, so why do I hate him? I think it’s his name, and just him, maybe. I mean, with politicians like Bush, Dick Cheney (chainy, hahahahah) it makes you wonder. Really does. Our government is run by sexual innuendos. Funny thing.

I can imagine George Bush’s alter ego, Curious George, that funky ape. He’d say something like, “De axes of weevils musst be stooped! De axes of weevils, dey musst be stooped!” and all the people listening to him speaking would be all, “What the hell?” And I’m sure someone would really, actually axe a weevil, being the crazed, stupid people that live in this American society today they are.

I’m starting to think that, in light of the discovery that Saddam Hussein (So damn Insane) actually never had Weapons of Mass Destruction (Weapons of Mass Disappearance) Mr. Bush was actually trying to snuff out some axes of weevils. I’m also starting to think de axes of weevils were all about Whack Around the Bush’s own agenda—his own agenda to finish what Old Whacker Round the Bush’s agenda was. I’m also starting to think that bush is an errorist himself—so damn close to a terrorist that it’s just missing the slashed and made “t” that would make it what he’s after.

I suppose any president would be doing something like this though. It’s not just Mr. Whack around the Bush.




So there I was, in my room, and yeah like totally there I was. But now it’s time to leave.
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