Wednesday, March 3, 2004

What Is and What Should Never Be

"Oh, like, totally, I love this dress. . .it's like so like good, and stuff. Like yeah."

"Can you tell me why you like clothes again? I don't seem to see it, you know." Man puts hands to hips in questioning manner.

"Like, it's like how they like look on me and like stuff. Like yeah. And I like like how cheap they are! Like this is like a steal! Like look at it!"

"Suuuuure. . ." Man rolls eyes. Whistles.

Woman takes out more clothes. Points. "Hey, which is better?" She shows him a red rose-covered skirt. "This one." She takes it back. "Or." She takes a black skirt. "Or this one."

Man groans. He wants to say, "You know I hate this type of thing. . ." but decides against it. Women get mad at that type of thing. Not good to complain. "I like. . ." He puts hand on face. Heavy thought. Heavy as a feather. "I like the black one. . .it has a nice undertone to your sturdy legs, and it also has a nice bringing-out quality with your face. I think black is your color." He nods at his own genius.

Another test he had passed.

He had done good. Lies only go so deep, and a skirt can hold them.

Woman eyes man in games. "Aghhhhhhh. . ." says woman. "Agggghh." Man ignores her.

"Look here! Look—look! They've got Tetris. Tetris! Would you believe that? Tetris! What do you think? Hm?"

Woman eyes man in games. "Aghhhhh. . ." says woman. "I think we should leave. . ."

"What?"

"I think. . .I think we should leave."

"No. No, we can't leave! Don't you see all they have here. . .it's great! It's great, it's just great."

"Aghhhhh. . .I'm hungry. I want some food! Aggghhhhh. Can we just leave?"

"No."

"Please? Please?"


"No."

"Aren't I more important than games. . .aren't I?"

"No."

"Aghhhh. . .screw you." Man grabs her.

"Stop right there lady."

"Hm?" He puts Tetris in her hands. Puts ET in her hands.

"Which one's better, you think?"

Woman rolls eyes. She wants to say, "Aghhhh. . .I don't care. Can we just. . .leave?" But, instead, says, "ET. . .ET I think."

"Are you sure?"

"Hm?"

"Is that your final answer?"

"What are we playing now? Are you Reg, me some loser idiot going for a million?"

"Yes. Yes you are. Is that your final answer?"

"Can I use a lifeline?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yeah, maybe, babe. Maybe."

"Okay. So can I. . .then?"

"Which lifeline would you like to use?"

"I'd like to poll the audience."

"Okay. Audience, press either ET or Tetris on your keypads now." Man screams, "WHICH GAME IS BETTER? ET OR TETRIS?"

"TETRIS!" a man screamed.

"ET!" another said.

"NEITHER!" one said.

Then, their voices coalesced. "TETRIS!"

"So they said Tetris."

"Yeah. Aghhh. . . okay. I'll go with Tetris, then?"

"Final answer?"

"Yes, Reg."

"And you're—you're—"

"What? Oh, what?"

"You've just won. . .absolutely nothing!"

"That's lame. Agghhh. . .can we just leave?"

"No, we can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to look at some more games. Is that okay?"

"Ummm. . .I guess. But one thing. Hold on there."

"Yeah?"

"Why do you like games so much?"

"Why do you like clothes so much?"

"You answer first."

"No, you answer first."

"Agghh. . .fine. I like clothes because. . .well. They're so fashionable and—and they're so. . ."

"So what?"

"So pretty. And I like how they look. They just look right."

"Really? They just look right?"

"Uh, yeah. They do."

"I think you lie."

"What?"

"I think you lie."

"Aghh. . .why would I lie?"

"Because you're a woman."

"Women lie?"

"Some."

"Some, being me?"

"Yeah, being you."

"Pff. Right."

"Pff. Yes."

"I think you're the liar."

"Oh do you? At least I didn't have to use a life line."

"Oh sure, Reg. Now you're the big tough guy."

"Yes I am. And if you'd excuse me, I'd like to look at my games."

"You still didn't answer my question."

"I don't answer questions."

"Why?"

"I'm a muse. Can't you tell?"

"No, I can't."

"That's too bad."

"Is it?"

"Yes."

"Aghhh. . .right, and I'm a bunny too."

"You are?"

"Yeah, umm, I am."

"Well, Ms. Bunny, would you marry Mr. Muse?"

"I—I don't know. Do I get a wedding ring?"

"No. Those are for humans. We're not humans."

"Oh."

"Will you marry Mr. Muse?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Well, maybe isn't an answer."

"I don't answer questions. Can't we just leave?"

"No, we can't. Now let me look at my games, would you?"

"Aghhh. . .fine. But hurry up."

"I will, I will. And we're getting that Tetris game too."

"Yay."

"Yes, 'yay' is right. Now, I'm going to look. Just—just go over there and flirt with someone, or something, would you?"

"Me? Flirt? Okay. Sounds better than you. Hmph. Sounds better than you ever will."
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