Tuesday, March 9, 2004

Houses of the Holy

I'm very tired at the moment. I could go take a nap right now. I feel lazy and am sick of the monotony of life.

But, this aside. I suppose I'll moan about some things.

School was pretty lame today. What's new about that? Not much.

Our Chemistry teacher's been gone all week. Since tomorrow is the last day of school this week (Thursday and Friday off) he went on vacation.

Our Chemistry teacher is honestly a slave driver. He's a great guy, but the way he crams assignment after assignment, and flies through chapter after chapter, is just too damn fast. I understand that the class I'm in is a Block class (meaning, it's two periods long instead of one, so it only lasts one semester). I can understand this. I can understand the need to speed up the class a bit because of this.

But the way he goes about it, it's insane. I think some of it's the way he teaches, too. Sometimes he'll sit there and explain something, and you won't hear a word he says, since he goes so fast.

He seems to really cram a lot of information in too-large chunks for my mind, and other's mind's, to digest. I just don't have the attention span to sit there an entire period hearing about Chemistry.

Chemistry itself just gets more and more lame. This chapter we're on moles. Not a mole you'll find, say, at a zoo, but a different one; this mole is a measurement of how much of something you have.

Last chapter was about writing chemical formulas. The way we went though that (we went through the entire chapter in a week) was just too fast for me to digest, and for many others to do as well.

The book itself is the lamest book. It doesn't explain things in a nice, easily understood, tangible manner. No; no, it has to just sound like some gibbering idiot that I could care less about. It's really lame. I suppose it's easy to translate if you care about what it's telling you, but I don't give a flying fluck at all. I'd rather be being whipped by a slave seer*.

I don't see how most anyone could like Chemistry. It's pretty boring stuff. Most of it's math, which is something I dread. And the way this teacher runs the class makes me hate it more.

I'm starting to wonder like AP (Advanced Placement) Chemistry is like with this guy. If this is only regular Chemistry, that'd be a scary thing to see. Because, pretty much, the class I'm in now of Chemistry seems to be ran like an AP class. We have to actually learn the material and be motivated about it. Which equals Mitch dies in that class. Shoot me now while I'm young.

So we had a test in this class Monday. I knew I was screwed. I didn't understand the chapter we'd done that week at all, and felt the test was probably going to be the usual. It would actually be challenging if you did not know your stuff right down to it all.

We got our tests back today. Mitch receives twenty-eight wrong. Out of about forty-five. Good job Mitch. I'm sure that's a winner. . .

That's more than half wrong. I think that falls in the D range.

Many people had this on the test too. I'm sure when Mr. Johnson gets back there's going to be some big sermon about how you should just drop his class if you're not willing to put in the effort.

I can understand moving quick in this class. But not like this. I see in the future my grade's going to continue to plummet in this class. Mr. Johnson just expects too much out of us. I'm not some teeming, so-interesting-that-I-care-about-Chemistry student. I'm indifferent about the class. I'm only taking it because it's required for a four- or more-year college. I'm not taking the class because I have an undying love for Chemistry.

I'm not all, "Oh Chemistry, wherefore art thou Chemistry?" I'm, "I don't give a crap, I'm just here because I have to be; I'm not going to excel, I'm just going to do moderate." My Chemistry teacher, he's the one all, "Oh Chemistry, wherefore art thou Chemistry?" And then there's me in my desk pointing, saying, "Mr. Johnson yonder looks lean and hungry. He looks like he wants to eat me. Even kill! Oh, what a slaughterous pig!"

I didn't take this class to learn. That's not why I'm there. I took it because I have to have four credits of science, and this, sadly, was the class in line for that. So I took it. I didn't take it to learn anything. Because I don't plan on being a Chemist. I plan on being a writer. I'd rather be in a writing class, or just be at home on my computer typing up and writing alone.

When you think about it, school doesn't teach you much; at least not on the Kindergarten through High School end. I'm not sure about College, but I'm guessing it's a lot of the same.

School hasn't taught me anything. The only things I learn are the things I learn. The things I understand. The things I see that're important enough to be stored upstairs and be there for me whenever I need it.

By going and taking writing classes in college, and majoring in creative writing, I won't learn much that I already haven't learned. I'll only learn what I want to learn, what I see as important. I'm the only one that can make me prepared for something; not some interdicting system that seeks to learn me. I'm the only one that can teach me something; not some interdicting system that seeks to learn me.

I already know what I want to do with my life. . .why must I waste my efforts in High School toiling away for no reason. Because, you know, I'll be forgetting about 95 % of the crap I've learned here within ten years of my leaving. And once I leave High School, it won't matter. All that happened there will be behind me.

I doubt I'll become some premier, well-known writer. That's fine. As long as I get some novel published within my life, that'll be fine; or when I die. Posthumously sounds fine to me, it's what seems to have happened to some writers. Namely HP Lovecraft, who is an amazing writer. Just read "Beyond the Wall of Sleep." How I love that story.

What it comes down to is I feel that school is a waste of time. And that it is. All that matter there are the people. Not learning. And I'm sick of it. I just want to get on with my life.

I want my life to have semblance. I want it to feel whole. I don't want to sit here and be stressed about trivial, wasted things like homework or school or how I need to get my feet out from under me. School's like a shelter at this point. . .and it's getting old.

The only class I remotely enjoy is History. And that's because the class is so, so easy. And I actually have enough room, and it actually goes slow enough, that I can breathe and learn.

Otherwise, I feel congested most else of the day. I'm worried about this in school. I'm worried about that. I'm so sick of it. I just want to not do anything there anymore it feels like. I'd much rather sit here and write all day. Or at least be able to have a clear mind.

Writing has taught me more than school ever will. I've taught myself more than school ever will.

All school has taught me is that I hate humanity and how to feel bitter.

But ah well. I think I'm done.

I'll probably get terrible grades this semester. And I just don't care. It doesn't matter anymore.

Well, off to Quizno's. Then come home, do homework, and stay up till 3 AM writing.

*My teacher already is an allegorical slave driver. But this is not true. I'd rather do Chemistry, I guess, as much as I hate it. But then again, being beaten sounds like it wouldn't last as long as the tedium of Chemistry.

Damnit. Too much thought.

"the brain
is more powerful
than you will ever know

and me?
i am a slave."

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