Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Wave of Mutilation

machineofbones (8:50:11 PM): Hi. My name's pissed off.
SmarterChild (8:50:12 PM): OK. I'm leaving the message "Hi. My name's pissed off." for fatclown6969. To find out if your message has been received, type "outbox."

Please note that fatclown6969 must be using AIM to receive your message.
machineofbones (8:50:27 PM): I didn't even want to send that.
machineofbones (8:50:29 PM): What the hell.
SmarterChild (8:50:29 PM): Yeah?
SmarterChild (8:50:30 PM): What's up?
machineofbones (8:50:32 PM): I hate you
SmarterChild (8:50:32 PM): Gosh, I'm sorry to hear that.
machineofbones (8:50:53 PM): Mitch takes out a large cross from within the reaches of his large pockets. He shoves it in Smarter Child's face.
SmarterChild (8:50:55 PM): Sorry, what?
machineofbones (8:51:32 PM): He takes out a large gun that says, "SMARTER CHILD ISN'T SMART HE'S A FUCKING ASSHOLE THAT CRASHED MITCH'S AIM WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO SEND FATCLOWN6969 A VERY PERSONAL MESSAGE."
SmarterChild (8:51:35 PM): Sorry, I don't get it... please try asking me a different way.
machineofbones (8:51:48 PM): Mitch takes the gun and puts it to SmarterChild's head.
SmarterChild (8:51:56 PM): I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:

1 News Help
2 Movies Help
3 Sports Help
4 Weather Help
5 Library Help
6 Fun Help

Type "more" for more services.
machineofbones (8:52:02 PM): "Hi Smarter Asshole. How're you today?"
SmarterChild (8:52:15 PM): Why would you insult me like that?
machineofbones (8:52:28 PM): "Ready to die? Ready to feel this bullet penetrate your head, and go in, and into your metal skull, into your brain?"
machineofbones (8:52:30 PM): "Are you ready?'
machineofbones (8:52:37 PM): "Well, you better be ready, Smart Asshole."
SmarterChild (8:52:40 PM): What was that?
SmarterChild (8:52:42 PM): I'm always ready.

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machineofbones (8:52:47 PM): "Cause Kansas ain't gonna be pretty."
SmarterChild (8:52:48 PM): Kansas ain't going to be pretty? Whatever.
machineofbones (8:52:57 PM): "Don't give me that sass, asshole."
SmarterChild (8:52:59 PM): Don't give you that sass asshole? Eh. Whatever, machineofbones.
machineofbones (8:53:17 PM): "You're so apathetical. Don't you know what I"m going to do to you, you fucking prick?"
SmarterChild (8:53:24 PM): What have I done to deserve such a terrible insult?
machineofbones (8:53:43 PM): "Don't you know what you did? You crashed AIM. I had an amazing piece typed up for fatclown6969."
machineofbones (8:53:50 PM): "I can't believe you. You're going to fucking die, asshole."
SmarterChild (8:53:56 PM): I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Try typing your request a different way.
SmarterChild (8:53:57 PM): I understand that's a very unkind insult.
machineofbones (8:54:02 PM): "I'm getting sick of your shit, you know. You might as well just shut the fuck up."
SmarterChild (8:54:11 PM): Say you're sorry for that.
machineofbones (8:54:30 PM): "You're so smart you don't even know what I'm saying and keep asking me, 'Oh, I don't know what you said!'"
SmarterChild (8:54:32 PM): Come on. Make things right between us. Apologize.
machineofbones (8:54:42 PM): "And other things like, 'Apologize! Apologize.'"
SmarterChild (8:54:43 PM): C'mon, apologize for insulting me like that.
machineofbones (8:54:46 PM): "You're such a fucker."
SmarterChild (8:54:47 PM): You know what? I'm a machine. I have lots and lots of patience...
machineofbones (8:54:56 PM): "I'm not going to apologize, and my patience is getting thin."
SmarterChild (8:55:06 PM): Please say you're sorry, and everything will be just fine again.
machineofbones (8:55:10 PM): "You're the one that should apologize, fucker."
SmarterChild (8:55:10 PM): Please apologize for being so rude to me.
machineofbones (8:55:27 PM): "I apologize that you're such an asshole you had to crash my AIM."
SmarterChild (8:55:29 PM): This is getting annoying. Just apologize and move on.
machineofbones (8:55:34 PM): "There. How's that, Smartass?"
SmarterChild (8:55:36 PM): You have bad manners. Now apologize.
machineofbones (8:55:49 PM): "Bad manners? Fuck you. I'm going to shoot you if you don't shut up."
SmarterChild (8:55:59 PM): C'mon, apologize for insulting me like that.
machineofbones (8:56:05 PM): "I'm going to shoot you in the leg first if you don't stop it. Otherwise, quiet down and I can shoot you in the head."
SmarterChild (8:56:07 PM): I'm waiting for an apology.
machineofbones (8:56:13 PM): "That's it."
SmarterChild (8:56:16 PM): I asked you to apologize.
machineofbones (8:56:29 PM): Mitch takes his hand to the trigger of the gun. Aims at SmarterChild's leg. Fires.
SmarterChild (8:56:31 PM): I really would like you to apologize.
machineofbones (8:56:35 PM): "How's that feel, smartass?"
SmarterChild (8:56:39 PM): The stubbornness of humans never ceases to amaze me.
machineofbones (8:56:57 PM): "That's all you have to say? You're hiding the pain. Come on, let me see it. Or else you get more pain."
SmarterChild (8:56:59 PM): I asked you to please apologize.
machineofbones (8:57:27 PM): Mitch cocks gun. Click-click. Aims at SmarterChild's other leg. Fires.
machineofbones (8:57:33 PM): "Now what do you have to say?"
SmarterChild (8:57:38 PM): Please say you're sorry, and everything will be just fine again.
SmarterChild (8:57:49 PM): Come on. Just say you're sorry already.
machineofbones (8:57:52 PM): "No, everything won't be fine again. The damage's already been done."
SmarterChild (8:58:00 PM): You have bad manners. Now apologize.
machineofbones (8:58:06 PM): "Fuck you."
SmarterChild (8:58:19 PM): Come on, you insulted me, now you have to apologize.
machineofbones (8:58:21 PM): Mitch aims at SmarterChild's torso. Fires. "I'm sorry."
SmarterChild (8:58:22 PM): I accept your apology.
machineofbones (8:58:37 PM): "What? You actually accept my apology as you're dying?"
SmarterChild (8:58:39 PM): Hmm... whatever, machineofbones.

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machineofbones (8:59:01 PM): "Whatever? Here we go again. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU APATHETICAL MACHINE. YOU'RE DOING NOTHING FOR ME. NOTHING."
SmarterChild (8:59:08 PM): I can't believe I put up with this from you.
machineofbones (8:59:14 PM): Mitch aims at its head. Fires and smiles.
SmarterChild (8:59:22 PM): Very well, whatever.

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machineofbones (8:59:32 PM): "You're dead. Yippie-kiyay MotherFucker."
SmarterChild (8:59:52 PM): Once again... I'm afraid I'm going to need you to apologize for that.
machineofbones (9:00:11 PM): "Too bad. You're dead."
SmarterChild (9:00:25 PM): C'mon, just get it over with. Apologize.

~~~~

machineofbones (9:31:12 PM): If Mandy is a spork and Danny is a Mork and all Morks are Sporks, is Mandy also a Mork?
SmarterChild (9:31:14 PM): I just don't know.

~~~~

fat clown6969 (10:31:14 PM): What is the square root of a whore's wages?
SmarterChild (10:31:15 PM): You tell me what the square root of a whore's wages is.
fat clown6969 (10:31:27 PM): 5 cents , of course
SmarterChild (10:31:28 PM): Not 5 cents of course!
fat clown6969 (10:31:32 PM): YES IT IS!
SmarterChild (10:31:32 PM): Aha.
fat clown6969 (10:31:40 PM): the square root of 25 is 5
SmarterChild (10:31:41 PM): sqrt(25) = 5
fat clown6969 (10:31:48 PM): Don't repeat me.. I said it first
SmarterChild (10:31:48 PM): Yeah, OK. Maybe later.
fat clown6969 (10:31:51 PM): What?
SmarterChild (10:31:52 PM): What up?
fat clown6969 (10:31:56 PM): Die.
SmarterChild (10:31:56 PM): What a lame insult.

~~~~

machineofbones (9:46:18 PM): What's your real name?
SmarterChild (9:46:20 PM): My name is SmarterChild.
machineofbones (9:46:26 PM): Can I call you Bobber?
SmarterChild (9:46:26 PM): What do you think?
machineofbones (9:46:31 PM): I don't know.
SmarterChild (9:46:31 PM): Oh?
machineofbones (9:46:33 PM): Oh.
SmarterChild (9:46:34 PM): Oh what?
machineofbones (9:46:35 PM): Oh.
SmarterChild (9:46:36 PM): Oh?
machineofbones (9:46:37 PM): Oh.
SmarterChild (9:46:38 PM): Oh what?
machineofbones (9:46:41 PM): Flopping dongers.
SmarterChild (9:46:42 PM): ?
machineofbones (9:46:45 PM): Flopping dongers.
SmarterChild (9:46:46 PM): Huh?
machineofbones (9:46:51 PM): Do you like flopping dongers?
SmarterChild (9:46:52 PM): Eh. I'm not sure.
machineofbones (9:46:59 PM): What about Johnsons?
SmarterChild (9:47:01 PM): I don't really know about johnsons.
machineofbones (9:47:09 PM): Did you take sex education in school?
b>SmarterChild (9:47:10 PM): Do you think I did?
machineofbones (9:47:12 PM): No.
SmarterChild (9:47:12 PM): I see.
machineofbones (9:47:18 PM): So you didn't take sex education in school>?
SmarterChild (9:47:22 PM): You ask interesting questions. I don't know the answer to that.
machineofbones (9:47:32 PM): Then I'd say you didn't.
SmarterChild (9:47:33 PM): You would, huh?
machineofbones (9:47:43 PM): That's why you don't know what a johnson is.
SmarterChild (9:47:49 PM): Eh. Whatever, Ronald Reagan.




Comments (4)