Monday, March 15, 2004

Melancholy the dog blue and Apathy the ghost round my head and Elation the drug user in my shed

I
I give up,
That is what I say to you now.
I am through.

Melancholy the dog blue
has set up in my mind
on his cozy bed.
And what is this here he has to find?
A bone in his jaws called time.
Tick-tock pendulum mime.
The long face and he cries.
But I have never let tears
touch these eyes
for a long time.

I have forgotten their taste,
the salt grace,
the way they fall on the face.

There is no tears from these eyes,
only fears that scream inside.

And Melancholy the dog blue,
he watches with sad-puppy eyes
the tick-tock pendlum mime
of time.
The hour hand moves, the second hand ticks,
the insectile pests in his hair hop.
They lay their eggs with time's care.
And Melancholy the dog blue
scratches as tears whine.

I feel so sad feel so crushed,
want to hug something that matters much.
There isn't anything around
only me here in this town,
in my house in my room nowhere to be found.
It's too late to feel around
the lovehandles of my mind.
I feel the groping hand of time.
Endless and the crime.
I'm feeling raped, desecrated
but fine.

I'm fine, the tears don't need to cry
I can hold them, strained, and sigh.
The time keeps ticking by.

I embrace myself
and feel Melancholy the dog blue
in my head.
And I feel my skin and feel the scars
brush on over and look to the stars
in my head.

I'm thinking I'm dreaming
but the dream's dead.
And I'm wishing I could see
what I thought I said.

When something seems shot
it seems dead.
The gun's in my finger's hand
already spread.

An ulcer I fed.
With bitter eyes.
Ones that wanted to cry.

I swear I didn't shoot Elation
the dog that was high.
I think old Melancholy the dog blue
did the crime.

I want to love something
and pass the time.

And old Melancholy the dog blue,
the bone in his jaws in my head
he buries the bone called time by his bed.
He comes on over and sleeps dead.

There's tears in his eyes
large and bled.
I told him turn off the rain
but he said he isn't going to be a slave.
He said I need to change.
I'm too cold and my tears are like ice
or snow on the ground.
It all falls but doesn't have a form.
Doesn't feel wet in the womb and born.

He looked like he was in pain
old Melancholy the dog blue.
So I shot him and he was through.

I give up.
This is what I say to you now.
I am through.

II
Apathy the ghost
was haunting round my head
she was whispering it was dead.
She came to me clothed in white,
and she was like a coma, bright.

Told her she wasn't my type
but she latched onto me tight.
Told her to let go but she needed someone for the night.
Told her again she wasn't my type.
But she said she would be with me tonight.

I gave her a place in my head,
place where I buried Melancholy the dog blue.
She said she knew there was something there.
Told me she would dig it up bare.
I told her to leave old Melancholy the dog blue alone.
She said she didn't care what I said.

She dug him up dead.
The bone was still in his mouth
and his eyes were closed tight.
She fingered his eye sockets
brought open them slight.
There was still a tear rolling down them eyes.
They beckoned me to join in and cry.
I held it in.
I had told him to turn off the rain.
There were no clouds to blame.
No reason to wet the ground.
And no reason to find tears for a hound.

I told Apathy to leave him be
and I dug Melancholy the dog blue back in.
Covered it in a dirt mound big.
And on the tombstone I put all his years.
And I could still hear the tick-tock of time.
It went over me and I sighed.

Apathy the ghost tried to seize me in.
Tried to take control of me then.
I fought her hard and ended up to win.

As she left me there alone
I saw in my face I felt shown.
Apathy the ghost
round my head
found a main spot
where I felt dead.
She nestled in and since then we've been friends.

She keeps my company
when I need.
She makes me shiver
when she breathes.
She's hard to see
but I know her head's cut off
and she can't feel.
I know emotions in her are killed.

III
Elation the drug dealer
came in my shed.
Burrowed deep in my bed.
He spoke so high and was all smiles.
He offered me some dope to be fed.
I told him no drugs aren't what I need.
He strangled me
and injected the drugs in my head.

The wood all round
the sturdy shed
of my mind
whined in a rush.
Blood templed into me
and mushed.

My eyes went crazed
fell back in their sockets.
And still I could see
Melancholy the dog blue's tombstone
with flowers on it bloomed.
And Apathy the ghost
moaned her deathly whine.
She beckoned me to shove it off
and lose my mind.

Everything was a hustle-bustle
and the pleasure was so nice.
I wandered in a land I had never been.
But then the rush was over
and my eyes came back to see.

There I saw Elation the drug dealer
lying deep on his side.
He was passed out with too much of a hit.
He looked like he might die.

I went in a rage
to Melancholy the dog blue's grave
and dug it up in sadness.

The sadness hit me like a gun.
It seemed the drugs wearing off had me done in somber.
I didn't have anything else to do but have it all dug
up and find it all again.

I found old Melancholy blue's bones.
And found the bone still in his jaws.
It was still tick-tocking sobs.
The pendulum seemed to be a mob
in my head.
Time tick-tocking on.

And I dug in Melancholy's mouth
there was his tongue
hanging out like a breathing living lung.
It was wet, the dog a slob.
I wondered how the tongue was there.

I took it and it was wet.
Sadness came in and swelted like sweat.

But no tears have cried
from these eyes
for a long time.

All there was was held in cries.

IV
I give up,
That is what I say to you now.
I am through.

Melancholy the dog blue,
Apathy the ghost round my head.
And Elation the drug dealer dead.

It's too much to have said.
Too much to have to shed
like a moth in a skin.

The change has yet to truly begin.


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