Sunday, October 5, 2003

Day by day the seasons past leaving me alone.

Mood: Okay.
Music: Pink Floyd-Shine On You Crazy Diamond

After taking a shower last night, I come downstairs, and my Dad mentioned that Ryan had called. So, I called Ryan at his house, his Mom picked up the phone, and told me he wasn't there, but was at his Dad's shop.

Thinking nothing of it, I told his Mom I would call him back after I went to see a movie.

My Dad took me to Underworld...which I'd kind of been anxious to see. But I really didn't want to do anything..nor have I done anything this weekend due to my crash. But I went anyway.

The movie was good in parts...horrible and parts. It's okay. I mainly liked the lead female character (her name escapes me) because for some reason...I am just very attracted to black-haired women. Do not ask me why...I just am.

After the movie, I went on the net for a while and other such things...then got to calling Ryan back. He said he hadn't called.

I thought nothing of this yet again...and then went to his house. We played Starcraft over the internet...but we were both using the same 56K connection, so it lagged immensely. Eventually I left, then just posted randomly on OB.

Then, today, as I'm sorting through my pockets in my jeans I had worn most of the week, I come across a piece of small, torn paper. Instantly, looking at it, what it is instantly hits me.

It was Dosch's cell phone number...a guy that I sometimes talk to at school. Then it also hit me that we were supposed to record this tape for History for a project yesterday, on Saturday.

I can't believe how much stuff escapes me sometimes...I just block so much out.

I've been doing this to my crash I had. Trying to forget it and go on...yet it just festers. I forget about it sometimes..but I'm constantly regreeted by that image of me finally seeing that there's a car right in front of my car, and then me braking, and then hitting the car.

Ah well. Hopefully it won't stay with me too long.

Then as I was in the shower today...I was finally hit with that Dosch's first name was Ryan, and that was who had called me yesterday. How stupid am I? I usually don't forget things like this.

I called Dosch...got that sorted out, apologized.

It's also so ironic that we were planning to do our thing on the movie ratings system and I had gone to see Underworld. What more slap in the face do I need to be jumpstarted to remember, geesh.

Yesterday my Dad also took me to this all you can eat Stir Fry place. I ate more than I have eaten for a really, really long time.

I absolutely hate the filling of being that full...and when, after going home, I had felt it long enough..I remembered I used to eat like this all the time, back when I weighed more and hadn't lost my weight.

I felt like going up to the bathroom and puking in the toilet...but I told myself and knew that that is wrong to do. So I sat there burping like two hours...just trying to wait until this heavy, fat feeling left me...an as I burped, I kept somehow barfing up small chunks of popcorn and what I'd eaten at the stir fry place. That probably wasn't good.

Eventually I did get to sleep...and today I have eaten next to nothing. It is that I think I have gained some weight from eating so much last night, I guess. But I really haven't even been hungry, either.

I just don't want to be dependent on food as I used to be...mm.
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