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Wednesday, October 8, 2003
Why am I even posting in here? I want this place to be "happy."
Mood: Apathetical mostly.
Music: Amorphis-Alone
Well, after I posted what I posted last, I decided I was going to go for a walk...they often make me feel better. So I get upstairs, then my brother begins pleading with my Dad to let me take him Swimming.
I don't want to go and take him swimming today. I am not in the mood at all...plus I have homework. Plus I want to take a walk.
So then my Dad gets all over to me, says that, "you're taking him swimming," and I continue saying I am not.
Then, finally, I just go in my room, pull out my headphones, and wait until he leaves. All this week he has been working all night at the refirnery place because they are restarting it or something. So I was waiting for him to leave for that.
Then he comes in my room, starts yelling at me as usual. And I just couldn't take it anymore, so I ran into this backroom place that's in the back of my room, and slammed the door in anger. I started crying a bit almost...and then he went to the door and tried to open it. I of course held it back with my body weight, and then the door began to make this cracking sound of it breaking. He yelled at me to stop, and so I did. Then he grabbed right for me, and I just fell back.
I felt like tackling him or something then, but I didn't want to. Physical violence is pointless. And I've already tried getting physical with him before..it does nothing but make matters worse. So, rather than fight him, I just stood there, telling him again and again to go away and that I just wanted to go for a walk.
He asks me if I want him to call the police...then he finally withdraws, saying that I need to quit acting like a baby and grow up and get rid of my attitude.
Also tells me that they (meaning my Mom and Dad) just want me to help a bit, just take my brother swimming. Yeah, and I took him all last week, not to mention this week to his soccer practice, and his practices all other weeks as well.
He finally leaves, saying that I should clean my room--which he'd also been screaming at me for. Then he says this isn't even about Kellan and taking him swimming, it's about me cleaning my room and that I'm too lazy to do it.
Whatever. I just wanted to go for a walk.
Now comes the, "I don't care anymore," stuff from my mind, and why even do anything, all that garbage. It should go away once I go for a walk, and I can sit down and do the homework that is due by Friday and hopefully get most of it done.
Now I am going for a walk. Thank god.
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