Saturday, May 22, 2004

So go ahead.

Just another face
In a crowd
I walk
What is this sound?
I feel it
All around
I try to
Have something left
To hold onto
Something left to say
But I find
It is all much like
A crumpled piece
Of paper of trash of rubbish
In a garbage
Bin

I do not
Like being cared
For
I do not
Like being here
Every day is
A brand new day
With me
Walking about
Wondering what
It used to feel
Like

I push it all away. . .
I'll push it all away
I will
Push
It
All
Away
Give it
All Away
Throw it
All Away
Make it
Go Away
See it gone

I never
Want to be
Like you
I never want
To be like you who
Smiles at this world
I never want
To be like you
You who
Smiles
At
This
World
Your smile
On your lips
Is a contrived
Happiness
Your smile
On your lips
Is fake
It does not exist
I know, I do
What you feel
Deep down
You can hide it
Say life is
Beautiful, wonderful
Eternal, great
You can tell me
You have will to live
But deep down
There is shaking
There is destruction:
Beyond our poised appearance
We are out of
Control

And I
Am another face
In the crowd
Another waste
Of time

I can feel
Everything die
For we are
But a blink
Of an eye
We are but
Dust in the wind. . .
We are but
A place where it begins
Our place
In this universe
Is the smallest
And you the smaller
And I the small
We go about
Our ways
Thinking we make
A difference
When we do not make
A difference at all

I want to see a certain breeze touch the lips of mine
I want to see a certain disease
poison all this wine
I want to see a certain sting
open up the inside
I want to see a fallout
of a world gone in time.
The end is all I see
The beginning is far away
I have stayed here too long
I have outweighed my stay

One day
This race of mankind
Will find itself
At its end
It will find
That this long dredge
Has ended
In apocalypse
In an armaggedon
And if I were alive then
I would smile and greet death warm
For on this world, we plague about--
A swarm
And we live this existence
For this world we have called born
And it is not the real world, but the world torn
Divided to function as a machine
To not live life to all it has
It is here I find there is nothing
Left for me
What I need is an end
I need release
I need to be set free

I care not about this world
I care not to let it govern me
I would just as soon be set free
Or never even be
Or have to see
For it is blinding me

One day
--I see it flash before my eyes--
Our race
Will be gone, forever
Our struggles for nothing
But death.
And I think
In this world today
There is something more important
Than that education
Than that bill that needs to be paid
Than that job that they say you need to work
It does not have to be this way
This world is superficial, material,
It is a neon distraction
Open up your eyes--open them wide
Do you not surmise
That you live your life not for yourself
But for that which you most despise?

And one day
--Our race,
our mankind--
For our struggles,
for our battles,
we will die.
If I am alive
When it happens
I will smile
The most happy
Smile I have
Ever smiled
Upon my face
In my memory.
It would be as
real as a child's smile.
It would not be
A smile such as
The one I see
From you who
Is happy with this
World.

So go ahead
Worry about tomorrow
While I worry about the end
So go ahead, worry about how
You're going to afford to live
While I see that life is a given right
And should not be taxed, should not be
Suffered, should not be a machine.
I hope one day
You will come to see
And believe
How useless your life was
How you threw it away
To this status quo,
this endless go
At nothing.

So go ahead
Worry about petty things--
About getting your college degree,
About getting your "love."
For in this world,
there is little happiness.
There is only
Contrived
Happiness,
A figment,
A lie.
There is only love
Where you are blind.
Love is not real,
It is only in your mind.
The only thing real
Is that your body
Is an organic
Mortal,
Breakable
Weak
Puny
Existence.
What your body gives you
And shows you
Is all you will ever know.
And I, I want to go beyond
This body, I want you to know
That what you feel doesn't matter.
It is just an illusion.
This pain is all an illusion,
the only thing that is real is nothing.
In nothing there is the most beauty.
Nothing is what came you,
and nothing is what will take you
back to where you came from.

So go ahead
Go right
Ahead
Fret over
Anything
Over everything
In this society, this unreal world,
this hell-hole over your eyes.
So go ahead
I'm just gonna close these eyes
And yearn for death to release me
To take it all away.

Death might hurt,
But I am not afraid.
It will not hurt
As much as
This world
Has hurt me.
Nor will it hurt
As much as living
My whole life
Would.
And will.

I'm just gonna close these eyes
Gonna hide. . .
Just gonna close these eyes
and hide.

Why was I given this life
When I just want to take it away?
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