Sunday, November 28, 2004

   Yeah!
I got the house all 2 myself. My mom is going to bingo and my bro isnt here and dad not gonna call. I am all alone. But my moms coming back at 9:30-10:30 around that time. Woop woop la la. Yes all alnoe now i can put my music up as loud as i want but not to lound or the naboirs(sp?) will call the cops(hey mayb i should put it up that loud huh?)i am going 2 b listing 2 slipknot and the murderdolls an MM and NIN. Soooo its gonna b uber loud LOL. *Hopes the naibors call the cops.*
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Saturday, November 27, 2004

   I Just SAW the most horrific thing in my life
My dad. Shaved his mustase(sp?) off. Now...now i cant close my eyes w/out seeing that sight. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhh!!!
Y? Y did he do it? Now he looks like Stephen Kings "It". Creepy. *Shivers at sight*

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   Hold on.
I can feel the hate rise up in me.
Inside my shell I wait and bleed.
I hold on to my heart.
A glass rose that shaters in me.
It shaters in side- glass all over.
I bleed from the in side out.
U never cared.
U never cried.
U didn't die.
My chemical romance is my toxxic death.
My death is my life.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I never wanted any 1 then I wanted u.
Hold on.
Hold on.
U didn't die the way I wanted u 2.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I can feel the hate rise up in me.
Inside my shell I wait and bleed.
I hold on to my heart.
A glass rose that shaters in me.
It shaters in side- glass all over.
I bleed from the in side out.
The tears, the tears, the tears, the tears, the tears, the tears, the tears, the tears, the tears, the tears, tore at my heart, yes.
They just tore at it, over and over again. I saw the pain that was/is me the half-breed. My demons awoke from deep with in me, tearing at, my heart’s vibes.
Whisperings from the demons with in. when will they leave my body, my flesh, my sole, my life when will they fade away in 2 the darkest part of my heat’s soul.
Please dont go.
Hold on.
4 me.
Plz hold on 4 me.
Good-bye
my
suicide.
My wrist slit.
Blood pours into the pool of water.
My life slips-seeps threw my cloth and in to the water.
Hold on.
Hold on.
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   Bang Bang
Bang Bang.
Hey remember when we use to play.
Play with ppls heads.
I was gone I don't no y.
Untill the day sometimes I cry.
He didn't even say good bye or
Take the time 2 lie.
Bang Bang he shot me down
Bang Bang I hit the ground.
Bang Bang that awful sound.
Bang Bang my baby shot me down.
I left the world w/out u.
Bang Bang he shot me down
Bang Bang I hit the ground.
Bang Bang that awful sound.
Bang Bang my baby shot me down.
I never did like that sound.
But that sound that came after
And those immortal words.
"Why did u kill me?"
I was gone I don't no y.
Untill the day sometimes I cry.
He didn't even say good bye or
Take the time 2 lie.
I never did like that sound.
Bang Bang I shot him down
Bang Bang he hit the ground.
Bang Bang that awful sound.
Bang Bang I shot my baby down.
Hes gone 4 ever.
Never 2 return.
Bang Bang Bang...hes dead.
Bang Bang Bang...hes gone.
Bang Bang Bang...I killed him.
Bang Bang bye.
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   Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board,
Hi. Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, I can keep up at this all day 'till u tell me 2 stop, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Remember all day, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Alllllll day, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, Board, board, Board, board, Board, well i'll stop now even thats boring me now. Well bye.
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Friday, November 26, 2004

   A song by SlipKnot: The Nameless.
Pathetic (benign)
Accept it (undermined)
Your opinion (my justification)
Happy (safe)
Servent (caged)
Malice (heart of weakness)
No toleration
Invade (kill me)
Enraged (in minutes)
Don't condescend (don't neither disagree)
Decide (decay)
Dissapoint (delay)
You suffered then, now suffer unto me.

Obsession, take another look.
Remember, every chance you took.
Decide, you live with me
Or give up - I thought you want to be free

(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you (I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate.

Anyone (NO) Anything (YES) Anyway (FALL)
Anybody (MINE) Anybody (TELL ME)
I want (YOU) I need (YOU) I'll have (YOU)
I won't LET ANYBODY HAVE YOU
Obey (ME) Believe (ME) Just trust (ME) Worship (ME) Live for (ME)
Be grateful (NOW) Be honest (NOW) Be precious (NOW) Be mine (JUST LOVE ME)

Possesion (feed my only vice)
Confession (i wont tell you twice)
Decide - (either live for me)
Or give up - I thought you want to be free.

(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then you
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hurting you.
(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then you
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate.

(Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh)
Stay inside the hole, let me take control. (Dominate)
You were nothing more, you were something less (innocent)
Something has to give - something has to break (omnipresent)
Fingers on your skin, let me savage in
YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU DESERVE IT.

(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you (i wanted you)
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hurting you. (was hurting you)
(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you (i wanted you)
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate.

You're mine (you are you are)
You're mine (you are you are)
You're mine
YOU'RE MINE

I love this song. B/c its shows u how much u want somethig but u cant always get what u want.
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Thursday, November 25, 2004

   So Keep Your Gods and Angels.
U help me tear down ur reason.
U help me stab u.
Fuck u b/c i loved you.
Fuck u 4 loving u 2.
I don't need a reason 2 hate u the way I do.
So keep ur gods and ur angels.
They won't help u.
When the time comes.
When the time comes... to fight.
When the time comes... to die.
They'll leave u 2 rot.
They never cared.
They're the 1s who made u cry.
So keep ur gods and ur angels.
They won't help u.
When the time comes.
When the time comes... to fight.
When the time comes... to die.
Fuck u b/c i loved you.
Fuck u 4 loving u 2.
I don't need a reason 2 hate u the way I do.
All ur gods all ur angels r dead.
They can't help u.
This is not a test of fath
or religon.
They're the 1s who made u cry.
So keep ur gods and ur angels.
They won't help u.
When the time comes.
When the time comes... to fight.
When the time comes... to die.
Fuck u b/c i loved you.
Fuck u 4 loving u 2.
I don't need a reason 2 hate u the way I do.
There was never a god to begin with.
Imanginary being of air.
No-ones here 2 protect u.
U liar.
No-ones here to forgive u.
No one loves a liar.
So keep ur gods and ur angels.
They won't help u.
When the time comes.
When the time comes... to fight.
When the time comes... to die.
Fuck u b/c i loved you.
Fuck u 4 loving u 2.
I don't need a reason 2 hate u the way I do.
So keep ur gods and ur angels.
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   Help me
U let me violate u.
U let me desacrate u.
U let me complacate u.
Help me.
I broke apart my insides.
Help me.
Find ur god.
Help me.
Get away from hell.
Help me.
I've got no soul to sell.
Help me.
Help me.
Find ur god.
Kill all ur ppl and let ur god sort them out.
Help me.
The only thing that works for me.
Help me get away from my self.
Help me.
Help me.
Find ur god.
Kill all ur ppl and let ur god sort them out.
Oh yeah.
Kill all ur ppl and let ur god sort them out.
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Wednesday, November 24, 2004

   *Solid depressed face* I feel...
*Looks around blainkly* I feel ashamed,humblled, sorrowful. Why don't u guys like me? I-I try hard enough don't I? Every 1 of u r out 2 get me and I know it. I know that feeling all 2 well. I didn't fall from the sky I'm no angel I have my own problems; family, friends, love, death, hate, sorrow, etc. U guys agravate me so much to the point of my sliting of the wrist. Now *silent pause and apathic face w/sorrowful eys* I feel truely alone in this sad, pathic, and gray world. Tis no poem, tis reallity. *chuckle* For give me it's my bipolor persona.
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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

   Heres another song that represents me also made by Marilyn Manson its called

They slit our throats
Like we were flowers
And our milk has been devoured

When you want it
It goes away too fast
When you hate it
It always seems to last
But just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside you fucking heart is me

(thought, not spoken): I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day

I wish I could sleep
But I can't lay on my back
Because ther's a knife
For everyday that I've known you

When you want it
it goes away yoo fast
When you hate it
It always seems to last
But just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me

(thought, not spoken): I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day

Lie to me, cry to me, give to me
I would
Lie with me, die with me, give to me
I would
Keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair
I hope at least we die holding hands for always


I will always feel lonesome w/no 1 2 care 4 me. B/c no 1 does, no 1 cares at all. I've my heart broken somany times the pain's undiscribable. I've gotin my heart torn right out of my body and torn to shreds. It's sadining to c me.
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