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Sunday, March 20, 2005
There are children everywhere
I am at my parent's house, and so is everyone else... It's pretty noisy. My head my explode, or it may not. It's still up in the air.
I'm tired of working, and I don't really want to be at work anymore right now. I think I'll take a vacation week pretty soon. I think everyone will be happier when I do. I have been really mean to everyone in store lately, employees and customers alike.
It's been kind of stressed lately. Jordan and I have decided, finally, mutually not to keep the baby. Now we need to find a suitable family. It's weird. It's not the limbo we've been in, but it still seems so unresolved somehow. I have these horrible visions of post-pardum depression compounded with thinking we did the wrong thing and all sorts of things... I am scared to death.
I don't know much else. I just thought I'd visit since I had the chance. I'm tired and I should at least talk to my family this time.
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Saturday, March 12, 2005
Last minute visits.
I am out of town visitng my buddy Nett while my travel is still unrestricted. I never realize how much I miss her or how much fun we have together until I see her again, and I miss her desperately for a week or two afterwards. She went to bed a bit ago, and I am soon to follow. I just cannot have internet access for a minute and not post, it's an addiction... Call my sponsor.
Life in uneventful. I am really starting to show now. One thing I hate about that is that now that the fact that I'm pregnant is visible, suddenly it's everonoe's business. Customers at work are now asking me questions about it all the time and are then offended when I tell them I am not comfortable and do not want to discuss it with strangers. I'm just waiting for the uninvited belly rubs and touches. I'm likely to punch someone. grrrrr
Jordan and I went to the zoo on Tuesday. It was the Best Day Ever I think. It's off season, so almost no one was there, but most of the animals were out and viwable, except some of the South American exhibit. Still a little cold for them, I guess. I was so excited because the wallaroos had joeys in their pouches and there was a baby rhino that had been born in November, and she was really awesome to see. Is cute a word I'm allowed to use for rhinos? The hippo was nowhere to be seen though, and I love to go to the viewing tank and watch it swim. The zoo makes me so excited.
The have a "Tropical Jungle" building, and it mostly houses uncages birds and small mammals. There's also some fish and you walk through a tunnel that is surrounded or covered by the aquarium, so there are fish all around you. It's so neat. While we were in there, we were watching the scarlett mccaw and from out of nowhere the other mccaw swoops down and kind of gives Jordan a fly by. It was so close, a bit scary. So neat.
The new Gorilla paddock was so neat though. They really did an awesome job building it. For such a medium market city, Wichita really has a great zoo.
Mini-cat, my second cat, is in heat... She's driving me absolutely nuts... >.<
Summation: Poochy belly; annoying, nosey customers, Hooray for the zoo, cat in heat... Not a bad time, I guess.
P.S. Hooray for the zoo!
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Friday, March 4, 2005
It will be a boy
The person inside me has boy parts.
I really had no personal reaction to the news, but poor Jordan. He wanted a girl so badly. He was actually pretty crushed. To see him that sad made me sad about it though. I really have not made any emotional connection to the baby. That may seem harsh, but I am not ready to keep it and take care of it. I have no savings and live basically hand to mouth. The thought of bringing a baby into that and then not being able to properly take care of it is scarier than anything...
Oh well. Happier thoughts... let's see if I can muster some... I'm watching the movie Holes. I actually kind of like it, kind of even better than the book. I saw the movie first, and that influenced the idea I had of the characters. I love Sigorney (sp?) Weaver, even in kids movies, evidentally.
My mother has an obese cat named george. He's the sweetest cat though. He's one of the things I love about being at my parent's house. Her other cat is named Pestilence. I find that very funny.
There's leftover fried chicken in the fridge here. It makes me VERY sad it's Friday. I'm not really very practicing in my Catholicism, but for some reason I adhere to Lent pretty stringently. I don't really know why.
I cut my hair. It's really short (for me) but she layered it funny, and it will look like a mullet in no time, I'm afraid...
Well that's my news, I think. I'll see you kids later.
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Saturday, February 19, 2005
Three in a row, hopefully for your pleasure
So, I feel only slightly lame for spending a Friday nigh with my parents. I haven't seen my dad for a while though. He worries about me. As much as I dislike crowds and can't drinkk right now, Jordan and I rarely go out on Fridays anyway. At least we're together though.
The Oscars are coming up, and I did not prepare like I did last year. In fact, I saw hardly any movies this year at all. Nothing, especially The Aviator looked Great to me, you know. I am a Huge movie geek, but for the love of God and all that is holy, how long has it been since a movie that I loved and could rave about came out? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, that's the last one I remember. Nothing else springs to mind. There's no imagination in mass media anymore. Bad movies, bad TV, bad music. not enough people care! People spend good money, and lots of it on crap! and therefore perpetuate the crap cycle. If it sells, make it again, and make more of it!
Wow, that turned into more of a rant than I imagined it would... oh well. It happens. I have gone hormone crazy and get really angry really easily at stupid things. I know that I am not punctuating or capitalizing where I should be, and I don't care. It adds authenticity to the anger...
It's been awesome to chat with those of you that I could while being around. I have missed being online. However, I know if I had the internet, I may forget I have a job and try and pull a Lain and merge with cyberspace...
I don't think I have anything else to rant about or report or reflect on right now.
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Friday, February 18, 2005
Always check your dates...
Oh my god, I had a horrid experience this morning... How's that for a Valley Girl impression? Anyway, I'm still at the home of my parents. When I got up this morning, I poured myself some raisin bran and then some milk, just assuming the open milk was ok. How wrong I was. Combine rancid milk with morning sickness, and I'm still queesy with just the thought of it! Ick!
Other than the dreadful start, my day has been really rather relaxing and uneventful. I'm alone in the house, playing with my mother's cats. Somehow, it's different than playing with the cats I have at home. This nesting period thing is driving me crazy. I scrubbed the bathtub here, and I'm doing the dishes. NOTHING IS CLEAN ENOUGH!!! I can't seem to get this strange smell of my hands either.
Pregnancy makes the nose altogether too sensitive. I still smell everything. I suppose at some point this may have been a defensive tactic, perhaps so the woman could escape some predator. However now it is really annoying. I somehow didn't notice the smell of bad milk until it was too late though... Febreeze and air freshners are my constant companions now... sadly they are often too strong for my nose as well.
A friend of mine caught her husband cheating on her. Somehow she is neither surprised nor really angry. She's getting the house though. The world is a strange place, my friends.
I think I'll go and get my hair cut today. it's been growing like mad lately, and it needs reshaping. Perhaps that is what I shall do with my day...
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Thursday, February 17, 2005
With a hey and a ho!
Welcome home, Molly!
Two and a half months later I have finally found my way back to a computer. I have missed the internet...I'm such a geek, or maybe a nerd.
I want to thank everyone for their warm wishes and holiday greetings, cards and letters that I got. I have been meaning to answer them, but I am a very lazy girl. My laziness should not get in the way of letting you know you are all appreciated though. Thank you all so much.
I am at my parents house for the evening. THey will feed me and snuggle me... They really are TV parents, the good old TV kind, not the disfunctional kind. I'm babbling. Really, in all the time that I have been gone from this page, I haven't really done anything exciting. It's kind of sad really. I have been so tired and sick in all of this time. Now I'm moving into my second trimester, and me energy is coming back and I feel the need to clean EVERYTHING... I have to admit, I really miss caffeine and I REALLY miss beer.
There are still a lot of my friends that I haven't told, being as I think I would prefer to give the baby up, but Jordan is not so sure. He has been making noise like he might want to keep it. That really shocked the shit out of me.
Work has been killing me lately. I am crabby and tired all the time. I'm on my feet 43 hours a week, and it makes me too tired to make myself dinner when I get home. It's really rather discouraging. My feet are starting to swell. '_' My belly has a little pooch to it too now.
I took off to my parent's house today and totally forgot my phone at my house... hmmm, that is no good. Anyway, on to happier news! I never had a chance to tell anyone what I got for christmas. Jordan went above and beyond, really. He completed my Gravitation DVD set and he got me a whole bunch of Rourouni Kenshin discs 18 of them actually. That's something like 70 episodes of Kenshin, I think... I just know I still haven't made it through them... Whee!
I went to see the movie Hotel Rawanda... It was good, but not as good as I watned it to be. I was hoping for more of a movie about The attrocities, but it was a movie about a man and his story. Don Cheadle was good though. He's an under appreciated commodity in Hollywood.
Well, I think that is all for not, I will probably be around this evening.
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Thursday, December 9, 2004
wow, what a bargain
I was at Best Buy today and I bought the boxed set, all 4 discs, of Mirage of Blaze for $53. I was happy.
I got some disturbing news this evening, and I am really in a bad place right at the moment, but really, I am just really angry at myself.
I am really very distracted, so I do not have anything else to write about.
Post Script:
Mirage of Blaze is an action anime that I really enjoy.
I had a positive pregnancy test today. It was definitely not in the lifeplan for Molly at all. I'm actually pretty depressed and in shock about the whole thing. I am of the adoption mind right now, but one day that kid will try and find me...what am I supposed to tell him, "I just didn't want you,"? There's a lot of time to think about it, I just found out today. Lots of stuff to think about. Lots of disraction... I took off work tomorrow.
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Tuesday, December 7, 2004
Eat a Snickers, Get Molly's Subject Line Named After You
Well, folks, I made Thanksgiving dinner. That's right, me. All by myself. My Parents came over and so did Jordan. We all had a nice time, I think anyway.
I got to talk to Aleia on the freakin' phone the other night. So there!
I've been really boring lately. It's actually pretty sad. Christmas has left me lacking in the money department, so no really fun outtings for Molly.
I got a new cat last week. Her name is Drill Bit. Jordan and I found her sitting in the middle of a country highway. She was just hangin' out right in the middle of the southbound lane... Silly cat. She's very needy and affectionate. Kyo is, in turn, posing as needy and affectionate to compete. I have lots of kitty love.
I finally got Jordan's christmas gift today. His oven is broken, so I got him a counter oven/rotisserie. Don't tell me, I know I spelled it wrong. Finally, an idea jumped off the shelf at me. Lucky for me I have good reflexes and dodged it.
I turn 24 years old this month. Is it time for my midlife crisis yet? I had my first one at 9, who would have thought I'd make it past 18?
Well, that's all for now, folks. Lead happy lives.
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Wednesday, November 24, 2004
It's freakin' SNOWING!
Happy thanksgiving if it is on your calendar for this week. If not, then happy week.
I have been out and stopped at the 24 hour lab on my way home. I am cooking my turkey tomorrow to warm up on Thursday. Jordan is having dinner with me.
I had a glorius day. Since I spent it all with Jordan, it is all for me. Get you own good day.
The other night at work, I had something weird happen to me. I was closing with one other girl. We closed at midnight and when we left the building at 12:30, the was another car parked next to ours. As we approached, the other car started it's engine. We turned and walked the other way. Godd thing there is a bar close that was still open so we could sit there. It was really creepy. Whether the event was dangerous or not, better to err on the side of caution I say in this case. I have never been scared to be there, alone or otherwise, but I was worried.
Let's see, what do I know? I have no idea what to get Jordan for Christmas. He already has my gift. I can't ask him becuase he just says he doesn't want anything. I am so frustrated.
It looks like Mace (our dog) is not getting put down after all. The doc gave her a different kind of med and steroids. Now she can't go to the Olympics like I'd hoped.
Duo, I would love to get together over break!
I wrote letters like 2 weeks ago. I mailed them today. Shame on me, keep watching your mailboxes.
Harry Potter 3 came out today!
I don't really know much, I miss home internet!
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Saturday, November 20, 2004
My feet hurt.
I am in Manhattan, and I love it... I had a really good time tonight, but now my feet hurt. It's 3:30 am and I am getting tired. Both of my after hours parties were busted. I didn't have the energy to find a third.
so, did anybody else see that fight at the Detriot game? Good Lord, NBA players are goddamn spoiled fuckers who need to grow the hell up. I wish I could remember what players it actually was, but a fan threw a beer at him, and the dude jumped into the stand and attacked him. He got the wrong guy, butno one cared. he punched him and smashed his face into the seats and when the dude came up from that another player punched him in the back of the head. It started an all out brawl where these :professional" athletes were just attacking these regular people. I hope they get taken for every god-damned dime. Were I an owner or coach, I would fire them, tonight. Period. There's no excuse. NBA players have gotten away with a lot of stuff for a long time, but charging the stands and physically attacking fans over having a plastic cup pf beer chucked at you for being a prick is beyond my ability to explain. Unbelieveable.
I didn't get around to the cookies today. The room took a lot of time. More than I thought.
There's something wrong with my should. It hurts, a lot and I've lost some range of motion...
I went to my old store tonight. I talked to Shawn, and that made me happy. I love her. I also caught Jim. I love Jim too.
Last night Lacy and I went to the bar. She asked me to go to Manhattan with her tonight, to which I quickly agreed. Well, 7 pm rolls around, and I still haven't heard from her, so I decide she and April must have forgotten they invited me in their drunken states, so I decided to drive myself. When I am about 20 miles from finishing my 120 mile drive, Lacy calls to see what I'm doing. I tell her I'm almost to Manhattan, ato which she replied she didn't go at all, she's at home, having been hungover all day.
Oh well, I had a damn good time with out her.
My mom is really worried about me because I will be alone on Thanksgiving. I have to work so people can watch movies instead of talk to each other. I get Christmas off though. We are going to go and see my little bro at the monastary. I still think it's weird, my little bro is going to be a Benedictine Monk... I am making myself a turkey. I'm a little scared, I've never cooked a turkey before. I'll split it with Jordan when he gets off work.
Molly's tired, good night
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