Sunday, April 22, 2007

Joshua Kendal - Together from 3rd Sept 06 til 8th October.. and then again 28th January til 5th March.

What happened there you wonder to yourself? I often wonder to myself. Well our first relationshup was ruined by my lovely friend Chantal, after she told him twisted words that pissed him off since he thought that is what I thought. You'd think it would end there and then wouldn't you? But oh no, the events just began.
Josh then decided to get a lovely rebound girlie called, Kate - an anorexic, sexually harrassed as a child, generally fucked up girlfriend.. hmm what a catch you think. Well he so "fallen madly in love" with this girl that I obviously took an immediately disliking to, (jealousy much?). So as Josh fucked off with her, I fucked off and did my own thing. Coming across a rather fit mixed race boy called Isacc - a man-whore ketamine head who lives in a squat with some cunts that bumped off my mate Nick a quarter litre of Ketamine. I got off with Isacc and clicked with him quite well and enjoyed his company and was completely taken away. I also met this lovely bloke called Callum, who is also my mate Kate's ex, but he was well into me and we could of easily kick started a relationship that would help me get over the infatuation called, Josh. The only problem was I only ever saw Callum at Freepartys (illegal raves in abandon warehouses) so end result is it never got a chance to happen. Meanwhile, Josh was being fucked around by his lovely rebound as she and her long-term ex boyfriend decided to get busy behind his back. As she went back to him, Josh came back to me.. which I thought was great and promising. Turns out it wasn't as such, since at the time he completely messed me around and was constantly back and forth not knowing what he wanted. They eventually broke up with Kate and so me and him got back together. The ultimate break threw and battle of "love", as it were. All seemed perfect and in the right place.

I had my doubts at first by it all, since I had been getting on fine with other guys, such as Isacc and Callum.. with a few others here and there. But I went along with the feeling and along with the flow of things.
As the group of friends I'm in, we get money, we pick up whatever drugs we want and we mission it to freepartys or squat partys. So it was one of those days where there was a fatty squat party on at Gedge's squat in Easton, an old abandoned nursery. I had a fucking great night and met tonnes of really sound people and I was fucked off my tits on base all night. Come the morning me and Lisa wonder into the room next to where our group were most of the night. Who happens to be in this room? Isacc. Uh Oh. Having a re-started my relationship with Josh and everything going smoothly, I can't help but feel pulled back and missing out on ever getting with someone else, like Josh had the chance to.
So what happens? I end up getting with Isacc and Josh see's... being fucked off my face I didn't really think anything through much, so this hit me hard to home that I would do something so out of the ordinary. I should of learnt there and then pretty much that Isacc is a cunt. Since as soon as Josh left the room he started laughing to himself and then still tried getting on me, along with telling me he likes me.
Thinking the world is over and everything is coming to an end as I've, yet again, fucked up my second chance with Josh, I'm in no state for anything he was telling me.
Josh decided to bite the bullet and not break up with me.
What happens?
Our relationship afterwards is constantly awkward and full of silly bickering. I took a turn for the worse and was slowly sinking into an eating disorder along with suicidel thoughts and depression. Josh, being the egotistic and lack of understanding ass he is, couldn't help me in anyway so he was stuck to where he was with me.
We then went on a break so I could sort myself out and take time out to think about things. I spend the whole of my half term at home and not going out and enjoy getting fucked with mates, like I would of done. Josh and I arrange to talk about things on the Friday to come to a conclusion with our relationship.
I go to Keira's on the Friday to find a tripping his tits off Josh, who had been taking liquid acid (LSD) all night. Naturally he's in no case to talk to me as he's too frightened that "the heavy chat" will make him go into a bad trip. Hurt by this as he knew that our relationship was at stake, I get so angered by him, since I made the effort to make a sorry card and had a whole week of thinking things through, whereas dear old Josh was having the time of his life and not giving a fuck.. bless. We talk the next day on Saturday, though we meet up with the rest of our mates to talk. While walking to yet another squat party, this time on Old Market, we decide to have our talk then.. even though I had been drinking all day with Lotty and Saffy. Our talk doesn't go very well and I was pretty damn convinced that we were over. About half an hour into being at the Squat party, Isacc takes notice of my arrival and follows me around abit. I was not in the mood to be raving and I had no drugs to fill in the gap I needed. Everyone goes to rave and I leave the room not able to continue with everyone. I walk towards the door to go out and down the steps to get some fresh air and to chill for 20 mins having a couple of cigarettes to help. I turn round and notice Isacc, I wave and think nothing of it. He followed me outside and pretty much dragged me upstairs with him. So you can guess what happened. I pretty much ended up fucking Isacc.
Whoops.

Josh and me eventually break up, he then finds out and now hates me. Naturally of course, I was expecting it and it didn't really affect me much.
I've grown to hate him alot as I've realised he is the most selfish, egotistic person I've ever come across. He's been a complete tosser to me and spreaded so much unwanted lies about me to half of my mates.
Last weekend, at Soph's party, he has his own dedicated room with it's own sign.. what does it say on it? "Josh's Room [NO RACHEL]" hmm mature? I'm happy to carry on with myself and to stay out of his way, which is fair enough and completely reasonable I think. I end up taking a fatty line of ketamine and going into a fat K-hole that night.. I end up K-holing in "josh's room" and he kicks off about it. Being forced to move during a K-hole, I start to feel sick.. I wonder down stairs not knowing wtf is going on and not giving a fuck I wonder over to the sink and puke up the ketamine in my stomach. I go upstairs and continue my K-hole in the bathroom that I've locked myself in. Soph unlocks the door to find me in a state on the floor tears and mascara all over my face.
Jade wonders in to, (Jade being my friend until aload of rumours spread that I said she licked Josh's ass, which obviously I never did say but she couldn't care to what I had to say and believed it anyway). As she wonders in she's says to me, "Rach man, you've gotta sort yourself out, you're a state. It's a party man you gotta be enjoying yourself not being on a downer. Come on get up". I'm too depressed and fucked to take in the meaning of her words and take the hand she offered to pick me up with. Soph and Jade drag me into a bedroom to chat to me. Soph tells me that I start to do well and get on with things and then I suddenly start to have these random outbursts that just upsets the balance and everyone. Jade starts to list all the shit I've caused. 1. Fucking Isacc repeatedly - I correct her and tell her that it only happened the once, she tells me rumours are rumours, 2. Lizzy's tent and getting on Nick and 3. Getting on Kai earlier on that night... even though I don't remember the other two ever happening, as I've been so off my face I don't know or recall what I'm doing. Apparently I've sunk low and gone down hill. Which I have pretty much. Though the amount of stress and pressure that is put on my back, is rather upsetting and too much. Realising all this in a K-hole just got me feeling more and more upset.

I think I should stick to taking uppers don't you think?
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

SORRY!

Kinda abandoned this site... again! ahh sorry.
I know I suck, greatly.

Well then... where do I start?

Starters I'm single! Again. Yeah go me. Finally managed to do it *pats self on back*

(oh and note for Huw if reading, don't read the rest and talk to me after. Not gonna listen)

Can't take life. Not for much longer anyway. I never fail to mention something exciting or new entering my life. I got caught for cheating in my exam, supposedly. Oh well have to write a statement appealing against, I failed both my exams automatically. Go me aren't I clever? Not really. Currently suffering from insomnia which ain't so great. Kinda hence I'm typing this up at like exactly 2.40am British GMT time. But I don't care. Don't plan to sleep tonight, don't really care. I wanna run away to be honest, though it ain't possible. No where to go and I'm not >that< stupid.

I've gone on like a marathon of watching tonnes of random music videos, god bless launch.com.

I'm hungry, *stomach rumbles* T.T aww man! The suckyness of it all.

Also another thing I gotta get outta my system is.. WHY DON'T PEOPLE LET ME BE!!!???
examples, mum, Huw
yeah.. just leave me alone ffs! But nooooooo just bug me why don't you. Bug me enough so I eventually end up never sleeping again. Wouldn't that be just great.. ha!

Don't really wanna go into school tomorrow.. thank you Huw *rolls eyes* I don't care anymore to be honest. Past the stage of actually giving a shit and just in a daze of nothingness watching things like dust balls float by. Yeah I'm also very depressed, oh the funness of it all.

Bored now.. thought this would last but all my emotions drained earlier, sucha shame really. They all went to waste.. and not in tears either. Can't cry.
Trying to cry but can't. Not many people are worth my tears anyway, so no point in getting upset over bullshit that's my fault but I don't care.

Insomnia sucks!!
I wanna sleep man! But no.. can't. I blame society and Huw because I feel like it.
I just get more and more cynical and depressing in this posts, sorry folks. Got no happy clappy things to tell ya because I suck that much.
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Saturday, March 11, 2006

You scored as Draco Malfoy. If you went to Hogwarts Draco Malfoy would be doing you...not the other way around. He's mean, rich, and dark. But those aren't the only parts parts of him you love. He had you on your back the second he threw you down and had his way with you. And you loved every minute of it. The two of you have fucked just about on every surface of Hogwarts...including that rediculus Harry Potter's bed. Go head girl go head get down. Draco Malfoy 90% Cedric Diggory 80% Victor Krum 65% Fred and George Weasley 55% No one, your a prude 50% Ron Weasley 45% Harry Potter 30% Percy Weasley 20% WHO ARE YOU SCREWING AT HOGWARTS?? created with QuizFarm.com

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what drug are you?

You scored as Ecstacy. Love, sex, parties, and DANCING! Just be wary of your mood coming down! www.dancesafe.org Ecstacy 88% Alcohol 75% Cocaine 63% Mushrooms 63% None! 44% Inhalents 38% Marijuana 31% What's your ideal drug? created with QuizFarm.com

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Friday, February 17, 2006

oops! Silly me haven't posted in a while, hope you weren't wondering if I was dead or not. Of course I wasn't, that's just the dogs bollocks.

Well lets see if we can fill in the gaps of the days where I really should post things... *thinks back to past month or so*
Ahh yes, last post left me very angry and frustrated. Led me to take it out on myself through a little bit of self harming. Umm I broke up with Huw a few days after, but then we got back together (yay!). Had a pregnancy scare.. yeah that was pretty tits, (fucked up) took like two tests, first postive and second negative. Worked out fine and dandy wouldn't you say? Waste of bloody money, but hey! It worked in the end. Which means won't be cradling any small humans until about 10-20 years to come (hopefully never).
*thinks of what else*

Sod it, can't think of anything else apart from Valentines day... which was oh lets say two days ago?
I got a dozen roses from Huw. How thoughtful of him but of cause I would of wanted a heart necklace or something on those lines since... *breaks into song* diamonds are a girls best friend!
Yeah, on 14th Feb me and Hugo Boss... I mean Huw watched Moulin Rouge. Great film... but the ending is ruined with Ewan Mcgreggers (think that's his last name >.<) crying. I mean come on!
It was hoo-larious! I tried ever so hard not to burst out laughing but failed.. ruined the moment and movie. Can't completely blame me, it's a pathetic cry. IT HAD TO BE LAUGHED AT PEOPLE!

I bought Huw's valentines present yesterday, yeah yeah yeah I know! A day after, so spank me. I can explain, honest!! My brother took my last £2 for bus money, lame I know. He took advantage that I was still in bed, just woken up and wondering why everything is so bright and why my eyes are glued shut with mascara which is impossible to get off, no matter what eye makeup remover you use. But the point is... I needed that money and he was persistant! So what more could a girl with eyes glued shut with mascara do than to just let him take the money and go back to dreaming about two very hot emo guys kissing... ok forget the dreaming part, that was my own personal amusement anyway.
I'm taking to long to get to what I actually bought him, so I'll just tell yeah.

FOREPLAY DICE!

ohhh yeah! Glow in the dark... or I should say "glow in the dark". How do I know this? >.< I opened it! I know it was wrong, so spank me! I couldn't resist. I admit I gave into temptation and opened it in the cafe with Jaz. But you would of done exactly the same thing if you rolled it and got a kick outta it saying, "rub ears" or "fondle toes" or even the romantic "massage lips". How can you not roll some kinky dice with your friend and start rubbing their lips or something stupid that the dice has rolled onto. It was worth the 20mins of my life... 20 mins of laughter of my life.
Question is... how do I give Huw a present I opened for him? *light bulb.. PING!* Wrap it in christmas wrapping paper!

...

Ok I admit, it's a crap idea... no no no it's a bollocks idea but you try thinking of something sensible in 1 second with a brain that thinks of randomness 24/7, I'll tell ya it's bloody hard!

What else is there to blab on about? Ooo ooo oo! I cut my own fringe... so proud! It's probably uneven and I can't be bothered to even it out a little. As long as it's not noticable unless you stare close up at it for 5 mins then I'm not bothered.

yeah.. I thought the fringe thing would last longer, turned out it didn't.
Hope you've had fun reading updated randomness. I know I had fun typing it. For self amusement see how many times I say "I know"
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Saturday, January 28, 2006

I HATE PARENTS!
OMG! I really really really hate my parents!! What's the point in trying to split me up from my boyfriend!!!? "Blah blah you lied", go fuck yourself! How would they like it if they split up?
I fucking love Huw and whatever they do they will not stop me seeing him!!! EVER!!
They try to come across all nice and sensible saying they aren't spliting us up but they are!! They really are!! They have set fucking rules!!! Apparently I'm not suppose to be on the computer after 9pm. WTF?! She says she doesn't want me talking to my friends... umm why? Wheres the sense in that? So I can do my school work since I'm "obviously" behind... umm no, I'm not even behind!!
I'm so fucking upset right now! I hate it when people try and take over your life, esp my fucking love life!! So what if I did it with him? I'm not known as a slut so why are they getting all funny about it?! I'm not fucking 12!! I hate them soooo much!!

We aren't allowed to be together without a parent present, excuse me! But it's called fucking privacy! This is an invasion of personal space!!! How dare they! HOW FUCKING DARE THEY?! They were fucking young once, they wouldn't like it if their parents turned round to them and didn't want them to see their bf or gf, so why do it to me?! LACK OF FUCKING TRUST!! So what if we lied? SO FUCKING WHAT?! It's their fault anyway! I HATE THEM ALL!!
I would go on but I'm gonna kick and break a few things now.
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Sunday, December 25, 2005

Woohoo!! CHRISTMAS!!

I got an mp3 player! MUAHAHHAHAHA! I don't like ipods... because, well I always seem to break 'em ^^;;
Got new tops as well, which is good because all mine are in the wash... ehh ehh- well if you knew me you would know I don't pick my clothes off the floor... yeah habit, I'll get right on it.
Also got two new CDs, oh the handyness of it all. My Chemical Romance and The Used, woohoo!

I got more to say but kinda too hyped up to type... woohoo christmas!!
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Monday, December 19, 2005

CHRISTMAS IN 6 DAYS! OOOOOOOOHMIGOD! CAN'T WAIT!!!
Prezzis for all ^^
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Yay! I manage to actually do some art homework. Theres a first :P
I hate my teacher she's so demanding and bossy. "Art is the best thing that has ever happened to you and you must complete everything! blah blah blah". Don't care to be honest.
Meh gotta go D.T... nah, should do D.T but I'm not gonna. It's only the most pointless subject in the world, no worries.
I feel like complaining. Don't you hate it when people hold a grudge for no reason? Like you say one thing that isn't even offensive or anything and then they take offensive so they never talk to you again till you come around and do something. It pisses me off loads! Or when people complain you are ignoring them and when you do talk to them they are hard to talk to since all they say is direct answers. It's like what the hell man?! You want me to talk to you and you don't talk back. People are complicated o.O
Hate it when teachers complain too. Tis sehr annoying. Or when people are talking (like the whole class), when you are trying to write down a really good answer, or you are just trying to concentrate. But you can't since everyone is making so much noise it's drowning out your thoughts, argh hate it >.<

OOoooh well, Christmas is soon... counting down the days ^.^
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Saturday, December 10, 2005

Yay christmas!

Parents are currently putting up xmas decorations and a rather persistant kitty cat is sitting on me refusing to move. :S
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