Friday, April 22, 2005

Ben
Ok... I think I fancy Ben. But I swear I love Joe. Wtf is going on here?! Fucking feelings! Confuse the shit outta me, fuck sake!
Lets just name good points about Ben and Joe along with the bad points. Then I can get my fucked up head sorted out and I can relax a lil.

Good points:
BEN
1. Funny
2. Has my sense of humour
3. plays the guitar
4. is in a band
5. has long hair ^^
6. Not too tall for me
7. kind-hearted
8. sweet
9. likes decent music
10. has a nice smile

JOE
1. Hugable
2. Easy to talk to
3. can make me laugh
4. likes decent music
5. plays the drums
6. is in a band
7. can be funny
8. can be understanding
9. was ok bf
10. I know what he's like

Bad Points:
BEN
1. Don't know him very well
2. Sometimes hard to make conversation

ok this isn't working like I thought it would I can't think of anything damnit! lets go on bad things about Joe

JOE
1. doesn't always understand
2. doesn't seem to like me
3. ignores me and so then I have to make the effort to talk to him
4. likes to hang up on me on the phone
5. said some dickhead things to me

yeah .... at this point I think Joe is a dick and I'm so fucked up and don't know what the point of this is, it's not fair damnit!
Comments (1) | Permalink

22nd Friday
1 thing about today... it sucked like hell!
Do you know how many times I cried today? Take a guess, 5!!! 5 times! It's depressing in itself, which makes me more depressed and feeling down.
I just came from science, and it seemed like I didn't even exist! I mean people where pushing passed me like they didn't even see me, it's like geez! So I came to my next lesson (maths) feeling like shit in general, and I just put my hand up to help with my revision, my teacher came over started answering my question and I just .... let go. Burst into tears! Over everything! Every small thing, every big thing. I've been keeping to myself lately and even when I say whats bothering me no one seems to care! It's like aww no your upset, hug all better now. Sure hugs comfort me but they don't make feelings go away! Anyway, maths, crying, yeah... I had to leave the class room so I had to sit in the languages office and listen to stupid mrs nelsons advice. She's the worst person I know for bad advice! She just made me feel worse!! So I spent the whole of break in there trying to recover. Then I had to go to geography still feeling crap. Got to Geography and burst into tears all over again! (thats twice so far). I really wanted to go home... but I couldn't, since your not allowed to go home unless your ill (and the nurse is really strict). Didn't cry for the rest of the day, until end of school. I was looking around trying to find my mums car, but it wasn't there... I waited for a bit then phone her: "have you forgotten I exist?" "No, it's just that my cars in the at the shop, so I have no car to pick you up." "what am I supposed to do then?" "well your gonna have to walk home" "argh!" and I hung up. It just pissed me off so much! It's not enough that I had a crap day, she just had to top it off by telling me I have a 1hr and 45mins walk home as well! Half way home... and I yet again today I couldn't take it. Burst into tears while walking through the graveyard. So I had to sit down to get my act together and it just had to start raining hard didn't it? FUCKING ENGLAND AND IT'S CRAPPY WEATHER!! So that was the third today.
I finally managed the rest of the way home. But as soon as I came home I was such in a piss with my family I just went to my room and burst into tears for the 4th time today and fell asleep.
The 5th time was about 2 hours ago. I just needed to hug my mum and cried, yet it made me feel alot better hugging her. Thats probably what I needed all day.
I'm so glad it's the weekend tomo so I can just relax from all this tention... I just need to be home for a while.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Note to self
Homework & revision

English - Finish SATs revision paper, Section B. Due Friday 22nd

R.E - Prepare for next lesson some background reading/material on the life of Muhammed.

Revision-
SCIENCE:
Phys
Bio
Chem
ENGLISH:
Reading
Writing
Shakespeare Summaries
Shakespeare Set Scenes
MATHS:
Algebra
Handling Data
Measures
Shape&Space
Number
Mental Arithmitic

This sucks ass!! SATs are only a week after next! What bullshit, I have to get all this revision crammed in along with fucking school work! Damn everything!


Comments (0) | Permalink

Oasis lyrics Wonderwall
Wonderwall
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me


Comments (1) | Permalink

   21st April
I think I have a very very possible answer for all this bollocks thats going on... STEFAN FANCIES ME! Why else would all the guys would be staring? Because I'm laughing with stefan!! Stefan must have told Joe and said something to the other guys.
Stefan always trys to get my attention, looks at me in lessons, trys and talks to me as soon as he sees me and the list goes on and on.
I don't like Stefan!!!! (in that way). I really really hope I'm wrong, please let me be wrong!

I'm listening to Oasis- Wonderwall and it's reminding me of Joe... why does everything lead back to Joe in my mind? It's not fair!! I just want to either get over him or just tell him before he goes so he can have time to think about it. Why did I dump him???? (Well I know why, but why did I think that?) I'm so fucked up! I'm pissing myself off! I just wanna... forget everything and everyone and start again! I know my mum was saying to me that if she could pack her bags and go she would, just take me with you! I don't wanna come home when I'm at school and I don't wanna go to school when I'm at home. I either attach myself strongly to my friends or attach strongly onto my mum... Why? I don't know. Why do I even feel this way?
Argh! Too many things are going wrong and it's confusing me clouding my mind and making depressed. Why me?
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

ok.... I can no longer listen to Bowling for Soup, since it reminds me of Joe. Same also goes for listening to Black Sabbath, Red Hot Chilis, Muse and Lost Prophets- burn burn.
THIS IS STUPID!
aww man. WHY DO FEELINGS EXIST?! Whats the fucking point?
I'm gonna seriously marry my cat and go crazy in a shed and end up ending my life with a shovel!!
Comments (5) | Permalink

20th Wednesday
I've think I've got everything sussed out... Joe or Stefan must of said something to Joe's band about me!! Why else would they all be looking at me? I'm just trying to think what it is! I seriously have no fucking idea what is going on. Argh! It's annoying the shit outta me!! Why the fuck?!?!?
Joe must be planning on doing saying something big to me before he leaves in 6 weeks (to go to Africa for 6 months). I'm just trying to think what it is... it can't be confessing anything, like saying he likes me alot or something. Since thats over between us... I think, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!
Arrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Why are guys so complicated? I know I catch on fast to things but this is just stupid. Wtf could it be????? I was sitting in the whole of D.T, (yes, just sitting there with my project infront of me for an hour doing nothing) trying to figure out what was going on. But it was kinda hard since no one from Joe's band is in my D.T and neither is Stefan, so I couldn't get it. Though when it came to German... yeah they always look in German- DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?! Oh shit... hope Stefan doesn't fancy me!! Noooooooooo that would be the worst thing ever!! I hate rejecting people! I hate getting close to people I don't want to be close to! Aww man I think I'm gonna cry from all this build up of frustration.
I bet your thinking now, why don't you just ask them about it?
Well you think that would be the normal thing to do, but if something is going on then they will realise I've caught on and whatever they are betting or plotting on they will do it sooner than expected! Or they can be totally blank and make it look like I'm paranoid, which I'm not! Something is definently going on! BUT WTF IS IT?!?
God Damnit!!



Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

19th Tuesday
My day didn't suck... is that possible?
Well German... well yeah, German always sucks, but I didn't have my normal hoe of a teacher so it could of been worse.
History was... whatever historys history, it's alright.
Music, I love music! Well... the stuff we are doing now. Which is making an advert and making a catching jingle that gets stuck in your mind for the rest of the day. Which me, Laine and Sumy completed quite successfully. So yeah, music got me in a good mood for the rest of the day.
Maths, well I got told I was moving up from fondation into intermediate (YAY!!). Which is good news since I've been working my ass off to get outta the bottom set! (I'm only in there because I pissed off the teacher last year, so they moved me down for behaviour).
R.E well R.E was alright, just talked to Sumy and Laine, so thats that.
Then after school... lets say I normally get a lift, but today I just wanted to catch the bus with my bus buddies Joe and Stefan. But Joe had band practice and Stefan was joining him, so I thought what the heck I'll just come along. Which come to think about it Joe and Stefan seemed quite pleased about (I swear they are plotting something to do with me... I think I've got them sussed out... but I'm not sure).
So went down to the music rooms watched them set the Joe's drumkit up got amps out etc. Oh yeah, the people were Ben, Joe, Olly in yr 10 and Dan Crossman's older brother who can't sing ( maybe because he's been in the choir and has been trained to sing higher than the thing he was singing to). So yeah, it was me and Stefan watching and everyone else practising ... whatever, I dunno much I was too busy laughing at Stefan. The reason I didn't go to Joe's practises before is because I'm the only girl (which doesn't bother me) and I felt like the guys would get funny around a girl being there. So that was the main reason why, they all seemed to enjoy my company (since they were always looking at me, not in a funny way though more like a mysterious way... if that works). But yeah... kinda felt like the centre of attention. Ben kept looking at me (ehh ehh ehh) ummm Joe would sometimes look over e.g. when laughing and even Olly in yr 10 (who I've never spoken to in my life and don't even know) kept glancing over to see if I was watching him play the base or not. He also seemed to like bringing up the fact that he's either the 2nd or 3rd best base player in the school (I can take a hint). Basically it was a whole hour of being admired in secret by guys trying to show off their music skills (sweet). Not too bad don't you think?
Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Note to self
Little reminder for myself on homework I need to catch up on:
1. Science, Q1 Page 141
2. Geography, Qs 1,2,3 page 19
3. D.T- draw full size view of the front of the toy showing the 4 "waves" awnd the oscillating or rotating piece.

SATs dates:

Tuesday 3rd May:
Period 1 Normal Lesson
Periods 2&3 Scince paper 1 (1hr)
Periods 4&5 Science paper 2 (1hr)

Wednesday 4th May:
Period 1 Maths Mental Test(20mins)
Period 2&3 Maths Paper 1 (1hr)
Period 4&5 Maths Paper 2 (1hr)

Thursday 5th May:
Period 1 Normal Lesson
Period 2&3 English Reading Paper (1hr 15mins)
Period 4 English Shakespeare Paper (45mins)
Period 5 Normal Lesson

Friday 6th May
Period 1&2 English Writing Paper (1hr 15mins)
Periods 3,4&5 Normal Lesson


Main Revision
- Maths revision
- Science Revision
- Macbeth revision
- English lit revision


Comments (2) | Permalink

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Lord of the Hoops
hee hee, if theres one thing that could make you laugh your ass off this year this would be it, http://www.draknek.org/hoop/

the most shameful thing is, I know these people!!
Comments (2) | Permalink