Monday, November 28, 2005

Feeling of the moment: Crap

I felt- suppose you could say normal- this morning. A little hyper in P.E considering we had a supply teacher. Me and Brittany were acting a tad drunk since we burst into song alot and danced randomly.
Still feeling fine in English though mood gradually tipped as lesson started to end. Left Sumy and Jenny for their prefect duty in the cartwright building.
Walked on with Laine to meet up with the rest of the group.
Wavered around and finally sat down in the middle of Liz and Laine. Spent most of the time on Liz's shoulder observing everyone but lack of eye contact with Huw.
I really can't deal with him at the moment.
Eventually, sometime during lunch I sat on Huw but it didn't feel right, so I sat on my own chair and reflected how my current situation and feeling was. As Huw decided he wanted to be part of what Liz, Laine and Sarai were doing I was abandoned to my own thoughts where it consumed me until Sumy and Jenny came along, (about 15 mins later). Sumy bought me some chips, which was nice of her. Good timing too, I really needed to stuff my face with something greasy at that point. Chips being chips did only what they could do, filling my stomach, didn't really shift my mood from extreme sadness.
The bell went and we started moving into the corridors, Huw held my hand but not feeling like I needed him there I latched on faintly. It really left like I was holding nothing, might as well not of being holding his hand at all.
As for when it came for the time that we departed to go to tutor. Basically gave him a ghostly hug and I was off. Brittany was there so she lighted my mood a little, which I'm glad. Though when it came to science my mood managed to find it's way to the ground and stay there. People had asked me what was wrong though I couldn't find the words to apply a sentence. I nodded and gave out a "mmm" and people seemed to understand they were not gonna achieve much by keeping at me. I just wanted to go home.

Though now I'm home... I don't really have any emotions, my mind is made up on something and it'll probably change by tomorrow. But right now, I'm pretty set on it. I just have to find a way to do this...
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Sunday, November 6, 2005

Why does everything think they can walk all over me?! I'm fed up of this!!
I'm sick of everyone coming to me for their stupid problems as well!!
I'm sick of having problems!

I really hate it when people lie!! Especially when they say they are telling the truth! Which is the worse lie in the world! Why can't people just be honest with me for a change?!
Why must everyone walk all over me all the time! I swear people think they have control over me and I won't do anything about it. I haven't done anything to anyone and I still get shit! For once, why can't people just live me alone, be honest and genuine?
I'm also tired of people knowing my business and then confronting me. I'm just not gonna say anything to anyone anymore. I can't trust anyone without someone lying to me or something bad happening.
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Thursday, November 3, 2005

Maybe it was worse in my head than it was in reality.
So Bethan didn't come over and do what I thought she would. Which I'm thankful for, not to mention grateful!

I got in the car after school and as soon as I got in my mum kindly told me I have to go to the doctors for an injection. I've had that done and my arm kinda aches. Stupid injection..
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Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I'm really not looking forward to going back to school on Tuesday!
Joe's back and so is Bethan. Bethan called me the other day, now knowing about mine and Huws relationship. She's being a fucktard about him and saying, "why you wanna go out with him for?" She really hurt me and fucked me off alot! How dare she! She's been gone for 4 months and then judges me on living my life! I can love whoever I like! Huw is better than Joe and treats me better than he ever did! I don't want her near me in school since she'll say anything in frot of him. She'll probably bring up things that aren't suppose to be remembered in front of him!. i'm not at all ready to face Joe either! I got so depressed about him last year... Just seeing him in my lessons last year put me down. I don't wanna face him through Huw. I know it's going to really upset me seeing Joe talking to Huw. I really don't wanna see Joe again. I've started over without him and I wanna keep it that way! I don't want to pick up where I left off with Joe or Bethan! I spend ages getting over Joe and getting used to going to school without him being there. I felt happy with them gone and I'm happy now, I don't want that to change. As long as I have Huw, I'm hoping it won't be that bad than without him. Please don't let Bethan talk to him!!!
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Saturday, October 22, 2005

Yesterday: Last day of school till half term. Had V.I.P(values in practise first lesson, basic discussion was drug use... nice way to start your mornings I know.
Second lesson was German, did a mini test. I got 8/10, so not that bad.
Third lesson was English. We are planning on what we are gonna be learning after half term. That is Othello, a Shakespear play. I was laughing at Adam and Ngai-man mostly.
Fourth lesson was science, watched sir do an experiment we did the day before.
Last lesson was maths. Did a few questions though I mainly spoke to Sarai and Jenny.

After school went to town with Huw to wait for Jaz and Dale. Met up with Jaz then waited for Dale. Classic day to remember.
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Thursday, October 20, 2005

OHMIGOD!
There's this really KAWAII little Japanese boy in my school!! He is soooooo adorable! He doesn't speak a word of English, but is still really really cute. (Just thought I mention it... because I can't get over the cuteness.)

Umm... not much really happened today.
First lesson was... Maths, it was pretty average. Did few questions chat to Sarai about stuff only me and Sarai chat about.
Second lesson was... R.E. It was ok, probably the only lesson where I do the most writing (apart from English). We were working on the laptops.. I was tempted to update on here but I had to do the work so.. didn't get a chance to. The work was basically on marriage and family. Had to listen to an audio that gave out facts and write it as a mind map. Mine was really big, the lesson stopped before I had to turn over the page.
Third lesson... German. Which is always pretty dull. Learning about directions.. yet again Miss Piou .. oops I'm sorry Mrs "Clay" confused the crap outta the whole group. I just don't understand her sometimes >.<

Lunch time.. Sarai went over to the little Japanese boy and said hello.. it was really cute!! Because he's super cute!! Yeah there really wasn't much to my lunch time.

Fourth lesson.. English. I always love English whatever we do. I handed in my coursework. It was an American Crime fiction story. She really liked mine.. which I'm ecstatic about ^^. I wrote about 4 pages so I'm hoping for a good grade, (A).
Fifth lesson... Science. I'm the opposite to science than I am English. I just don't understand. Though I found I'm concentrating more these days and I'm learning more than I ever used to. Science all the years before I just used to fuck about and take the piss. Yr 8 was the best year for science.. don't remember anything about from laughing my head off. Same in yr 9 actually. It was just me and Sarai thinking "what the hell". Whatever he was talking about we used to think it the wrong way and just laugh about it. But this year is different. Kinda realised that I hafta do well unless I'll end up like Alec.. a lazy ass that does fuck all.

Caught the bus home today. Got to the bus stop and found Stefan! Man, I haven't caught the bus in ages! It feels so weird.. I kept remembering how much I hated catching the bus and the smell of over people sitting next to you. Though I was sitting by Stefan so it wasn't as bad. We were talking about random crap like we used to. It was cool.
Creepy thing is that Stefan got off my stop and walked home with me. Whenever I used to bug him about getting off he never used to. Guess times really have changed...
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

   Had The all American Rejects - dirty little secret stuck in my head all day. Lucky I didn't start singing it randomly.. at least ya know I have some self control ^^;;

Science first lesson.. had a "mock" test, twas piss easy. I did the fondation one since I couldn't find the higher paper, not to mention I'm always just that bit brain dead in the mornings -_-
It was really scary.. my teacher got all pissed off because he kept handing out the wrong test book things and he was stormy around the class room complaining theres been a complete "cock-up" (I quote him on that). He reminded me of my mum when she's in a piss with me... which is quite worrying. (Note to self, don't book a science appointment on parents evening).

Break was break...

Next up... was D.T. My teacher wasn't in so we had a supply. We went to the computer rooms on this weird thing about food. It was really funny since there was little icons running across the screen. Me and Jenny found it hilerious and was basically laughing at it for an hour. (You had to be there to find it funny).

Media after D.T. yet again we had a supply teacher. This time it was Mr.Fuller. He speaks fluent Japanese and I've had him a couple of times last year. He's cool.. very social man. Well we were meant to be planning our coursework.. but we didn't exactly know what to do. So yet again I ended up laughing with Sarai and Lara.

Lunch was Lunch...

Double P.E.. well our teacher was assessing us on our netball skills. For once I actually joined in. It was pretty fun. Mostly running around screaming... like you do when one of your best friends tries to kill you with a netball. Yeah.. Laine was kinda throwing the ball with all her might. She hit me with the hard netball on the shoulder, making it clicked. Obviously I didn't exactly catch it since it smashed onto my shoulder and bounced off. I was screaming soooo much. Basically screaming "AHHHHHH MY SHOULDER! WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?! JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS!" Laine was screaming at me to catch it. I tried to stay away from Laine in most of the game.. but she kept trying to kill me with the ball. Netball balls hurt like fuck as well!
Actually come to think about it the whole two hours of P.E I was getting hurt. Mainly by other people.. but still T_T
After netball we had dance. Normally I love dance but this lesson was kinda crap since we didn't exactly get very far in what we had already. I got picked up loads... especially by Naomi and Brittany. They decided it was a good idea to torture me by picking me up. Of course the thing I do the most is... scream my head off about how I'm gonna die. It was really scary! Plus everytime I got picked up in the dance I had to stand on Brittany's back... though I kinda ended up sitting on her back since the timing was wrong. Not to mention that Catherine didn't exactly pick me up... she just lifted my arm and Naomi was lifting me with all her might. So my shoulder hurt even more. Damnit! Oh yeah and Naomi stepped on my foot. T_T
People are fucktards... I say that all bruised and achey.
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Me: Cheese
Jaz: is loverly
Me: yur
Jaz:AHHHHHHHHH your fast at typing bumhole
Me: Ehh ehh ehh ^^;; not my fault, blame the fingers... eww that sounded wrong
Jaz: Fucking fingers!!! damnit!
Me: ^^ ahhh flashy man thingy
Jaz: I WANNA SEE!!!!
Me: awww it was just a porn pop-up -_-
Jaz:REAL LIFE!!!
Me: boooooo yeah!
Jaz:poopy poopy poop, rachys gone for a poopy,muhahahahahaha i own the computer, well.... not really but i still am powerfull, well.....not really, damn im crap, and damnit im talking to myself!!
Me: How dare you!
Jaz: And. to top it all off, u smell of granny soap
Me: Well thank you. I thought it was a nice perfume by Joe Granny Gaywood ^^;;
Jaz: Nope just granny pants
Me: Unlike SOME people, I appreciate the old musty granny pants smell. Which reminds me I went into the school toilets and they smelt of fish, I was gagging, I had to walk out.
Jaz: Gagging for what?! lesbian moment? ;)
Me: gagging to breath more like. I like to do lesbiana things... but the smell is too much for my poor ickle nosey
Jaz: i like lesbian moments too and i also like fish.....i prob could of hacked it
Me: I see... *looks at Jazzy's bare leg*
Jaz:*looks at rachy looking at jazzy's bare leg and slaps her*
Me: sorry I was watching the cat lick herself (my cats called Jazzy)
Jaz: Well.... she may lick her ass in front of you but not want you to stare at her, like a blond falling down stairs
Me: but it's soooo hypnotising @.@
Jaz:well go lick it for her then :D
Me: GLADY! *takes second look at cat* on second thought... I'd rather not T_T
Jaz: whats wrong with it now?
Me: might be puking hairballs for a week with the amount of fur she malts, shessssh
Jaz: but i shaved your pussy :D
Me: oh yeah. Thanks for that, it was very enjoyable
Jaz: O.O i was talking about the cat
Me: umm err... yeah! I knew that ^^;; ;)
Jaz: yea...*looks blank for a minite, then picks nose*
Me: oooo gone picking already?! Can I have one?
Jaz: £19 per pick
Me: what a rip off *(thinks) but the juicey...wet...slimmy goodness :P*
Jaz: Top of the range! :D
Me: pft! *(thinks) must...resist...temptation... gaah!*
Jaz: ok ill nock of a £1 >,<
Me: a £1 aye? hmmm can we trade instead? Mine are crunchy and crusty. They are called crusty dragons in Wales ^.^
Jaz:huummmmmmm *thinkks* well ok but no trade backs and mine are called jazzies in Bristol

*Jaz and Rach pick eachothers noses for a while*



(beginning of trade)
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Monday, October 17, 2005

Don't you hate it when you get so depressed that your head just starts to hurt like mad. Well yeah, twas one of those days. I'm overly depressed about alot of things, one being home. I don't want year 9 to happen all again, since last year went too wrong right at the end. Though my friends seem to know what they are dealing with this time, so at least I can have their support and not get upset with them. I swear built up of tension and frustration makes you feel so bad. I was really frustrated yesterday and took that out on a few people. I thought I would wake up the next day and feel fine. But no. Sadly. Self-pity really really sucks. Got an cures? Uh oh, I have that ice cream craving! Damnit! Ice cream in winter! Unheard of!
My lessons weren't too bad today, actually this is one of my favourite days. Ditch the idea of it being a Monday and all. I had science (could be worse), Media (watch random clips), Art (well it's obvious), Science (yeah I know, AGAIN) and D.T (mmm smell of food). Though my favourite lesson, Art, became a flood of tears. I manage to hold most of it back, unless I would be their for 3 hours crying my eyes out. When I started to talk to Sumy about it in Art my eyes just filled up with tears and that was it really. I really do hate crying in school. Funny thing is though, that I can cry in school for ages but unless I feel really bad at home I can't cry at home. Peh! Awww just wanna feel ok again. Hope you guys are fine and had a good day ^^
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Sunday, October 16, 2005

Yet again I haven't bothered to update my site and though my background is cool I really should consider changing it.
Well I didn't exactly tell ya guys that I go out with Huw now... it's been like 3-4 weeks now. He's extremely caring and adorable. He never leaves me alone so he's very posessive which is very cute and partly annoying.
I've fallen a little behind in my work though not too much I'm in trouble for it.

Things I must do:
1. spend less time on msn
2. do all homework set
3. hand it in on time
4. finish English coursework
5. finish art homework

Yeah mainly reminding myself that I have to work and not indulge myself in my social life. Actually do some work for a change! Damnit!
Well I don't really have anything interesting to say. I went to Huw's massive house yesterday. Tis really big, it no fair. Makes my house look really small. Ahh well.
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