Sunday, April 22, 2007

Joshua Kendal - Together from 3rd Sept 06 til 8th October.. and then again 28th January til 5th March.

What happened there you wonder to yourself? I often wonder to myself. Well our first relationshup was ruined by my lovely friend Chantal, after she told him twisted words that pissed him off since he thought that is what I thought. You'd think it would end there and then wouldn't you? But oh no, the events just began.
Josh then decided to get a lovely rebound girlie called, Kate - an anorexic, sexually harrassed as a child, generally fucked up girlfriend.. hmm what a catch you think. Well he so "fallen madly in love" with this girl that I obviously took an immediately disliking to, (jealousy much?). So as Josh fucked off with her, I fucked off and did my own thing. Coming across a rather fit mixed race boy called Isacc - a man-whore ketamine head who lives in a squat with some cunts that bumped off my mate Nick a quarter litre of Ketamine. I got off with Isacc and clicked with him quite well and enjoyed his company and was completely taken away. I also met this lovely bloke called Callum, who is also my mate Kate's ex, but he was well into me and we could of easily kick started a relationship that would help me get over the infatuation called, Josh. The only problem was I only ever saw Callum at Freepartys (illegal raves in abandon warehouses) so end result is it never got a chance to happen. Meanwhile, Josh was being fucked around by his lovely rebound as she and her long-term ex boyfriend decided to get busy behind his back. As she went back to him, Josh came back to me.. which I thought was great and promising. Turns out it wasn't as such, since at the time he completely messed me around and was constantly back and forth not knowing what he wanted. They eventually broke up with Kate and so me and him got back together. The ultimate break threw and battle of "love", as it were. All seemed perfect and in the right place.

I had my doubts at first by it all, since I had been getting on fine with other guys, such as Isacc and Callum.. with a few others here and there. But I went along with the feeling and along with the flow of things.
As the group of friends I'm in, we get money, we pick up whatever drugs we want and we mission it to freepartys or squat partys. So it was one of those days where there was a fatty squat party on at Gedge's squat in Easton, an old abandoned nursery. I had a fucking great night and met tonnes of really sound people and I was fucked off my tits on base all night. Come the morning me and Lisa wonder into the room next to where our group were most of the night. Who happens to be in this room? Isacc. Uh Oh. Having a re-started my relationship with Josh and everything going smoothly, I can't help but feel pulled back and missing out on ever getting with someone else, like Josh had the chance to.
So what happens? I end up getting with Isacc and Josh see's... being fucked off my face I didn't really think anything through much, so this hit me hard to home that I would do something so out of the ordinary. I should of learnt there and then pretty much that Isacc is a cunt. Since as soon as Josh left the room he started laughing to himself and then still tried getting on me, along with telling me he likes me.
Thinking the world is over and everything is coming to an end as I've, yet again, fucked up my second chance with Josh, I'm in no state for anything he was telling me.
Josh decided to bite the bullet and not break up with me.
What happens?
Our relationship afterwards is constantly awkward and full of silly bickering. I took a turn for the worse and was slowly sinking into an eating disorder along with suicidel thoughts and depression. Josh, being the egotistic and lack of understanding ass he is, couldn't help me in anyway so he was stuck to where he was with me.
We then went on a break so I could sort myself out and take time out to think about things. I spend the whole of my half term at home and not going out and enjoy getting fucked with mates, like I would of done. Josh and I arrange to talk about things on the Friday to come to a conclusion with our relationship.
I go to Keira's on the Friday to find a tripping his tits off Josh, who had been taking liquid acid (LSD) all night. Naturally he's in no case to talk to me as he's too frightened that "the heavy chat" will make him go into a bad trip. Hurt by this as he knew that our relationship was at stake, I get so angered by him, since I made the effort to make a sorry card and had a whole week of thinking things through, whereas dear old Josh was having the time of his life and not giving a fuck.. bless. We talk the next day on Saturday, though we meet up with the rest of our mates to talk. While walking to yet another squat party, this time on Old Market, we decide to have our talk then.. even though I had been drinking all day with Lotty and Saffy. Our talk doesn't go very well and I was pretty damn convinced that we were over. About half an hour into being at the Squat party, Isacc takes notice of my arrival and follows me around abit. I was not in the mood to be raving and I had no drugs to fill in the gap I needed. Everyone goes to rave and I leave the room not able to continue with everyone. I walk towards the door to go out and down the steps to get some fresh air and to chill for 20 mins having a couple of cigarettes to help. I turn round and notice Isacc, I wave and think nothing of it. He followed me outside and pretty much dragged me upstairs with him. So you can guess what happened. I pretty much ended up fucking Isacc.
Whoops.

Josh and me eventually break up, he then finds out and now hates me. Naturally of course, I was expecting it and it didn't really affect me much.
I've grown to hate him alot as I've realised he is the most selfish, egotistic person I've ever come across. He's been a complete tosser to me and spreaded so much unwanted lies about me to half of my mates.
Last weekend, at Soph's party, he has his own dedicated room with it's own sign.. what does it say on it? "Josh's Room [NO RACHEL]" hmm mature? I'm happy to carry on with myself and to stay out of his way, which is fair enough and completely reasonable I think. I end up taking a fatty line of ketamine and going into a fat K-hole that night.. I end up K-holing in "josh's room" and he kicks off about it. Being forced to move during a K-hole, I start to feel sick.. I wonder down stairs not knowing wtf is going on and not giving a fuck I wonder over to the sink and puke up the ketamine in my stomach. I go upstairs and continue my K-hole in the bathroom that I've locked myself in. Soph unlocks the door to find me in a state on the floor tears and mascara all over my face.
Jade wonders in to, (Jade being my friend until aload of rumours spread that I said she licked Josh's ass, which obviously I never did say but she couldn't care to what I had to say and believed it anyway). As she wonders in she's says to me, "Rach man, you've gotta sort yourself out, you're a state. It's a party man you gotta be enjoying yourself not being on a downer. Come on get up". I'm too depressed and fucked to take in the meaning of her words and take the hand she offered to pick me up with. Soph and Jade drag me into a bedroom to chat to me. Soph tells me that I start to do well and get on with things and then I suddenly start to have these random outbursts that just upsets the balance and everyone. Jade starts to list all the shit I've caused. 1. Fucking Isacc repeatedly - I correct her and tell her that it only happened the once, she tells me rumours are rumours, 2. Lizzy's tent and getting on Nick and 3. Getting on Kai earlier on that night... even though I don't remember the other two ever happening, as I've been so off my face I don't know or recall what I'm doing. Apparently I've sunk low and gone down hill. Which I have pretty much. Though the amount of stress and pressure that is put on my back, is rather upsetting and too much. Realising all this in a K-hole just got me feeling more and more upset.

I think I should stick to taking uppers don't you think?
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