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Saturday, May 14, 2005


I've made this CD for Joe as a going away present, though I'm not sure he'll like all the songs on it so I'm gonna give it to him on maybe and confront with him what he wants on it exactly. I was wanting to get Bethan something... yet I don't know what! She told me on the phone something soft and cuddley, though I want her to have something special of mine since it will mean alot to me...
As much as I've tried listening to Black Sabbath I can't bring myself to listen to it all without changing it! I hate it so much! But that's Joe for you.
I had horrible dream last night! That I was running after him and when I caught up with him and he turned around he pushed me away and said he was leaving me forever. I started crying and fell onto the floor. He walked away and then I was underwater! A hand came down to help me up. I grabbed hold of it and it lifted me out of the water. When I looked up it was Joe smiling at me! I started crying again and he looked upset then held me tightly saying sorry.
I was like traumatised when I woke up because I thought I was actually drowning so I helded my breathe and woke up not breahting. So I choked and now my chest hurts. But to actually think that he will be leaving me soon is upsetting. Though he is coming back! After 5 months... people are saying that he'll change so much when he comes back, I dunno. He will of course! But... dunno how... that's why I just have to tell him how I feel before he goes away!

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