Friday, April 7, 2006

5:04 PM
Answer or die!

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
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What kind of looter am I? You decide!
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Tuesday, April 4, 2006

10:52 PM- 10:56 PM
I'm feeling... bitter right now.

I'm still pissed at my dad. My mom tried to tell me how he's just starting to feel the consequences of the divorce. I really don't know what to say to that.

But what I do know is that I'm not going to do what she asked me to. I'm not going to be kind or caring to him right now. If I have something to say, I'm going to fucking say it. I'm not going to show him any more generosity than he's shown me the past three years. I'm not going to be a stupid fucking doormat for him to walk all over, then just sit and wait contendedly for him to do it again. If he wants something from me, he has to earn it. I have little to no respect for him. It's sad but true.


I need to go to bed now... I'm really tired from the recent lack of sleep... Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning. *sigh*
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Monday, April 3, 2006

6:45 PM
fuck YES!

I got firefox to open stuff in windows media player! Now I can finally actually USE it!!!


....yay!
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4:35 PM- 5:40 PM
Okay, I have yet another thing to apologize about. Liz, sorry I "yelled" at you last night on here.

For the record, I wasn't like... I don't know, it just seems that a lot of our arguments of late could have been lessened or whatever, had we both been like... not so irritable...

But we both have problems, and we're bound to fight occasionally. That goes for all friends. And... stuff...


But there is one thing I have to say:

Just because we're disagreeing, does not mean we're arguing. I actually don't want to argue all the time, as hard as that may be to believe. I mean, with that whole human thing discussion, I was having fun! I didn't think it was an argument at all! I mean... it just didn't seem like we were arguing about anything.. but whatever.

So yeah. I completely forgot I was writing this...

If I think of anything else to say, I guess it'll have to wait for another post. Whatever. I'm friggin' hungry, dude...

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Sunday, April 2, 2006

11:17 PM- 11:40 PM
I should be in bed now, but I don't care. I need to say this now, while the subject is still fresh in my memory.

There are people out there who don't like to argue. I understand that. I respect that you don't want people to fight and be angry all the time.

But sometimes, people have to argue. There's no way around it. There's a difference of opinion that needs to be settled. And you know what? It doesn't have to end in anger or sadness or anything. It doesn't have to be a fight.

Now let's say that you disagree with your friend on a matter. Were it me, I would try and explain my point of view, and try to listen to theirs to figure out where they're coming from on this. I would then elaborate, trying to come up with legitimate rebuttals for their statements.

But some other people don't want to argue at all. As soon as conflict is present, no matter how small, they try and get out of it. For some, they will simply not state thier opinion on the matter or argue it. Others prefer to just tell you to "stop arguing". I can't stand that.

I'm trying to explain myself to you, trying to tell you why I feel the way I do. There are some things I need to say. You can't expect everyone to just stop because you tell them too. Telling them to stop doesn't do a damn thing. You may be trying to make it so that the argument doesn't end with everyone pissed off and nothing accomplished.

When you tell me to stop arguing, the only thing it accomplishes is ending the argument with one person pissed off.

Instead of interrupting, protesting, or leaving, or whatever, maybe there's a way to solve these things.

If you haven't quite figured it out by now, Liz, this is mainly directed at you. I'm not angry, I know that this is the way you are. But please, just listen to what I have to say.

You don't have to agree, or "wait" until I'm done with what I'm saying. And this isn't just Liz, really; I'm talking to anyone who tries in vain to avoid arguments that are harmless in the first place.

Why don't you just acknowledge people? It's the equivalent of nodding and smiling. Just listen to what people have to say. Then, say what you want. Hopefully, the other person will be courteous enough to let you get your point across as well. That way, even if both people still disagree, they don't come away from it pissed off that they didn't get to say what they wanted.

And who knows? Maybe you'll learn something during that discussion. Maybe not. But you can't just keep avoiding everything... it's better to just get it over with, and get it behind you. Then it won't be on your mind forever.

And, going back to a specific person, Liz. You know for a fact that not all disagreements turn out like arguments! You said yourself that you were able to talk about religion with Cam. Something that you said you could have very easily been arguing about. But he was being reasonable about it. I try to be. I try to let you speak, and get your point across. But it's hard, when you won't acknowledge anything I have to say. Please, please, just....


Listen.
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10:18 PM- 12:19 AM
Wow. I have so much to post about, it's really... well, this is going to be quite a long post. I think I'll start with how my day went.

So, I woke up around noon, as usual. Except I forgot my glasses and contacts case at home, so I had to get my dad to drive me back. And as usual, he stalled and took about three hours getting ready to shower. Anyway, I went to my house, showered and got the stuff, then came back here and talked and stuff.

So, that's that. The next part... well...

When I was in the car with my dad, he started telling me some things. He... Well, to really explain this, I guess I should give some background.

My parents had a divorce when I was in 7th grade. It was my dad; my mom wanted to stay with him. Shortly after they told me, my dad lost his job. Probably about a month later, he moved out of the house, and moved in with an old co-worker named Jani. Beginning that summer, I began to go there on the weekends, just to spend the night Friday. Then I started staying longer, so it was changed to every other weekend, bla bla bla...

So, he eventually, many months later, got a job at Dick's Sporting Goods. He was later fired, because he used the freaking "family discount" on a friend. So he got another job, many months later... and the contract was terminated or something like a month later. He's... a loser, really.

But I can't stand my dad. He thinks he knows everything, like many adults, but... Well, he won't listen to anything I say that's different than he thinks. And he seems to think I disagree with him all the time for the sake of being difficult. So he's a jerk, too. And he never knows when to stop making fun of things and making lame jokes. He never lets up on anything I like. Ever. I once tried to talk to him about it. He was SHOCKED. Shocked that I felt this way, despite the fact that I know my siblings and my mom feel the same.

So, after a while of awkward silence, I apologized, even though he didn't deserve any of it. I said I just needed to get it off my chest. He compared it to someone who cheats on their wife, then tells them about it to get it off their chest. So he's also an asshole. Somehow, during that conversation, my mom was brought up. He was convinced that she still loves him. Despite everything he's put her through. Despite everything he's put me through. I'll never forgive him for how he broke her heart. SHE'S DATING OTHER PEOPLE AND HE THINKS SHE STILL LOVES HIM.

So today, he tells me that... well, there are two women that want him. That's actually what he said. And, he doesn't want them. One is Jani. I'm not surprised. I still don't like it though. The other... I don't know her. He didn't even try to explain it. He just told me to look in the glovebox. There was a picture of some lady in there. He said that she mailed it to him, cause she likes him. That was really creepy. But no, he doesn't want either of them. He still wants my mom. Even though he's the one who pushed her away. I hate him. I'm not kidding, or just being a teenager, or whatever... I seriously hate him.

*sigh* Well, that's that... I'm done talking about him.

The other thing... well... It's kind of depressing...

Humans are the most disgusting and evil creatures on this planet. When I was driving with my dad... I noticed the street and the buildings and started thinking. How many animals had to lose their homes and their lives so all that could be built? We don't need any of that shit.

This could be explained better with a metaphor, methinks. Okay. You know how a mother cat will leave some kittens behind? Yeah, I know it's sad, and seems harsh... But that's because the cat couldn't have cared for them. They would have been miserable. We humans... we can't do that. We can't let other humans die, for any reason other than old age. We do horrible things as a result... we expand and grow, destroying habitats and ruining our own planet. And all because we can't accept the fact that we can't care for every single fucking kid born.

In the words of a friend: We want to find a cure for things that cannot be cured. We want to stop death. And...it just wasn't meant to be that way. It defies the law of nature.

We are seperate from other animals. But not just because we can reason; it is also because we refuse to let anything go. Most people don't realize that. All they ever deal with, all they ever think about is what's directly in front of them. Their thoughts deal with how things affect them; not others. Of course, there are many who care about others. But that's not the point. Yes, there are exceptions... but not enough. Which is why they're exceptions.

Those scientists and researchers, the ones trying to solve humanity's problems, don't realize that what they're doing is not helping at all. The more scientific advances, the more people in the world, the more the planet is destroyed. And with no planet... We're dead. They can't see that, because their greed makes them blind. It clouds their judgement, making them think that by helping us, they're being kind. Of course, they are, but... By helping further generations of people, they're hurting all the plant and animal life on the planet.

It was better before. Back when all people cared about was themselves. We weren't living everywhere. We weren't using up every little resource on the planet. But going back to that... well, it will be impossible. Or rather, improbable, but you get the point.

The best thing we can do now... Is to try and solve the problems of nature, not humanity. Pollution, mainly. Because... no matter how much our race suffers... We deserve it. It's equivalency for how much we've destroyed and taken. And... If we continue on our current path... destroying forests, stripping the earth of its substance, killing thousands of innocent animals... the price we pay will be far greater.

This is why I hate humans.



This entry is dedicated to Chris, who helped me think through all of this. And Liz, because she would have gotten annoyed if I started rambling about Chris again.


Also... I hate April Fool's day. Especially since Adult Swim had the brilliant idea of replacing every sound effect with flatulence tonight. Bleah.
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Saturday, April 1, 2006

2:10 AM- 2:14 AM
I just realized... IT'S FRIDAYYYY!!!!

Well, now it's technically Saturday, but whatever. It's just so hard to believe that it was Friday when we did all that stuff. Cause now I have two whole days left. Sweet.

And... I'm still really happy. It's probly just the coke talking... Yay for caffiene and whatnot. So... Yeesh. A whole day ahead of me. I really... dude.

You know, I was gonna say something here... But I don't remember what. Ah well.






I'm bored. I think I'll go to the sleep now.
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Friday, March 31, 2006

6:22 PM- 6:31 PM
Dude... not cool. Bryan is mostly past his Fight Club thing, even though he still mentions it a lot. But like...

He works at a pizza store. It is the best damn pizza I've ever had. Now everything else tastes like freaking cardboard. So I called the place to place an order for pizza so I can get it later. I was pretty sure it was him on the phone, but you know, phones can distort people's voices, so I didn't say anything.

I say my phone number. He recites the order that I always get. At this point I know it's him, but whatever. So then he says "Anything else?" like you're supposed to when you work at such places. I said no, and he said "See ya later... Jack" and hung up.

I'M NOT FUCKING JACK!

YOU ARE NOT TYLER DURDEN! You are not Gollum. You are not Jack Sparrow. You are not Batman. You will not become Batman. You are Bryan. So stop calling me Jack!

Ass.




Okay, some people think I might be overreacting. Maybe I am. But you know, I really thought he was past this.

Plus, my day didn't feel complete without a rant.
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4:21 PM- 4:48 PM
Huzzah! My day has been freaking AWESOME!

So first, I woke up. Then I showered and talked online. I checked the weather forecast again, and it was changed to being "mostly cloudy/windy" from like noon to 5. So I ate and stuff and went to the park.

I saw Chris walking on the way there, so I just jumped out of me gramma's car, said bye, and started walking next to her... We were completely silent. Just walking. Then, when we got to the place... She sat. I paced. Still silent. Liz came, and I guess was surprised to see me there or something. After a while she yelled at someone to say something, cause the silence was creepy. I said "hi".

So then we kited for a while. Then Brian and Cam showed up and we kited some more...

Brian: Hey Tom, let's do some barrel rolls!
Tom: *backs away*
Liz and Chris *stares at Brian*
Brian: ...What?

So Brian did some barrel rolls... and somersaults... and tried to fight me or something, I dunno.

And we did some kite things. The kamikaze bat tried to attack people... a lot.

Then we played tag! It was sooo fun... At first, Chris didn't wanna, but then she was it, and she went after me, and I tried to do a barrel roll under the play structure thing to escape, and I messed up and like flopped around and scraped my knee and she got me... And it was fun. We did that for like... probly a half hour or so. Then we went to the nearby middle school for a drink of water... Liz talked with Higgins, or someone, and um... that part was confusing, so I'll just skip to when were on ze swings.

We went on ze swings. Twas fun. Then we went elsewhere and talked and stuff. Then Liz's dad came to pick up Liz. And me. Cause I didn't have a ride home. So I had to go with them to Liz's orthodontist appointment. And then her dad had to go somewhere to do something, but we got to stay in the car, so it was cool... I don't really remember what we talked about... well, except...

Me: I don't say "hmmm"!
Liz: Yes you do!
Me: So?!
Liz: *cracks up* that was horrible!
Me: ...
Liz: Rofl.
Me: But... you're not on the floor...
Liz: But I would be, if I weren't buckled in!

So yeah. That's how me day went. Not a typo. So.... yeah... whatever. I'm bored now.

Bleeeahhh...
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11:59 PM- 12:12 AM
Agh... I don't even remember what happened today... Let's see... 1st hour was normal, 2nd hour was...

Well, second hour sucked completely. We had a vocab test, that I finished in five minutes without even thinking, and I was totally bored the rest of the hour. I tried to sleep like I usually do, but noooo, I couldn't put my head down, despite the fact that I've been doing so for like three weeks now in that class.

Anyway, the real reason it sucked was cause I got a D on an essay. That's right, a D.

I don't get D's. I get A's and B's. So, I stuffed it in my backpack and looked it over during art. Turns out that... well, I accidentally turned in MY ROUGH DRAFT. She wrote things like "this is a clean copy of your rough draft... you didn't make any revisions based on what i said... i'm disappointed in you tom". I thought I turned in the final. I hate that. So much. And you know, I would have a C. Except it was a day late. Not my fault! I take a bus to the other high school for 1st hour, so I'm always a few minutes late for second. Apparently, she collected it while I wasn't there. I know it's "my responsibility" and all that crap, but come on. It was a 100 point essay, I'd had it done and the (supposed) final draft had been in my backpack for like three days. I didn't even know it was due that day! So she marks it ten points down and I get a 62. GAH!

Actually, other than that... my day has been fine. 3rd-6th hours went as they usually do. I went home. Talked to my sister online. Talked to my friends. Ate, went to the first driver's ed thing... which was boring as hell... and came back... And that's it. My day has been almost completely uneventful.

I have had some interesting conversations with Liz, but that wasn't really like... well, I suppose that counts. Whatever. And Chris was hyper... which is to be expected, since she had carrots... I haven't really talked to anyone else today.

Um, we had plans to go to the park and do kite stuff tomorrow (end of 3rd quarter! no school!), but like... It's supposed to be thunder in the morning, and it's "some showers/windy/cloudy" in the mid-afternoon, when we were planning on going... So we don't really know what we're doing. We might just head to Chris' house... or mine, I dunno.

Ugh... SO BORED! I have no life... agh, whatever. I might actually play videogames this weekend... while talking online... whatever.

Echidna.
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