Sunday, March 19, 2006

12:12 AM- 1:00 AM
HOLY FUCKING HELL. SHIT! I mean, I'm watching FMA. It's the last episode. I CAN'T TAKE IT! Everything.... I mean, the way it was planned, so that so many scenes, so many loose ends, are tied up at once.... it's amazing. My brain can barely handle it. IT'S SOOOO GOOD! And it's not even halfway over!!!!

*ahem* Sorry abote that. ^_^;

So. The reason I decided to post for like what, the 7th time today? Well, technically, it's the next day, but you know what I mean. Anyway, *zones out watching fma*

Okay, right. So, Chris kinda ranted about something in her xanga. Well, two things. One has been bugging me since high school started. The other has been bugging me since SECOND GRADE.

Okay. People touch each other. That's understandable. Especially in families (And not THAT kind of touching!!!). But they can take it too far. Sometimes, they don't know when to stop. But that's already been covered in her rant, so go check out her xanga if you want to hear about that. And no, I'm not gonna link to it, cause chances are if you're reading this, then you're either Liz or Chris. So yeah.

She said, though, that friends normally know where the line is. Well, not all friends. The friends who don't know where that line is, they're the people who don't realize that they're NOT YOUR FRIENDS. People like Austin. He was one of the factors that brought me partway out of my shell, thus allowing Liz to shatter it. See, when I first got to high school, I stopped being all awkward when people I barely knew said "hi" or tried to give me high fives. By the way, I HATE high fives.

No, I started responding. I eventually began to talk to people. I got "friends". WRONG! I kinda moved toward them. I ate lunch with 'em every few days. Then I stopped. I haven't eaten lunch with them since after winter break.... when I began to sit with Liz... Duh. Anyway, they were jerks. I didn't see that, because they seemed friendly and outgoing. Goddesses I hate them now. But Austin, Austin is something different. Er, he's one of 'em, but he's by far the second worst. He taps me on the shoulder. He constantly wants a high five. When I told Tyler (also a touchy problem guy) that our friendship was like a styrofoam house with no foundation, Austin said we have a brick car. HA HA. Asshole.

"HEY, TOM! How's our brick car?!"
"Uh, heh... Um, yeah...great..."
*I FUCKING HATE YOU!*

>_<
Okay. Now that that's out of my system... Oh yeah, the other thing. So, my name is Thomas. I was never really called that, of course, and I don't mind it. Well, James calls me Thomas. First it was to bug me, but we've both gotten so used to it that when he called me Tom a couple days ago there was this awkward silence until he said Thomas. Anyway, as a small child, I was called Tommy. I had no problem with it. It was just a name. But now, I like the name Tom. Ever since 2nd grade, my friends have called me Tom. Everyone I've known has called me Tom. Except my family. Do I seem like a Tommy to you? No, I don't think I fucking do. No more than Chris seems like a Christen. And she doesn't. But no matter how many times I say "Don't call me that" my family calls me fucking TOMMY. My mom. My dad. My SIBLINGS! The two coolest people in the world call me Tommy! I mean, sure, they call me Tom too. But that doesn't change the fact that half the time they call me something I'm not. I am Tom. I am not Thomas. I am not Tommy. I am not anyone or anything else. This is WHO I AM.

Bwahahahahaha.... >w<

I really need to stop quoting video games all the time.
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Saturday, March 18, 2006

6:35 PM

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 80%

Gluttony: 40%

Envy: 20%

Pride: 20%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 23%

You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek.

How Sinful Are You?

Good thing I don't believe in sins or hell... Star Trek?!
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4:29 PM- 4:32 PM
I'm sorry. I feel like I'm just annoying the hell out of anyone who would bother to read this. I'm always either extremely happy or REALLY pissed and/or depressed here. But that's not how I really am. See, I can only think to post here if I'm feeling extremely one way or another.

I've calmed down a bit from before; I can't wait for my friends to sign on. But at the same time, I hope they never do. 'Cause, if I remember correctly, Liz is at Chris' house now. I'm really glad that they're having fun. I know I'm not, but I'm not as important to me as they are. If my friends are happy, then so am I.

....You know what? I feel better already. ^_^
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4:05 PM
And my dad just gave me a plastic fucking garden gnome. That sure makes everything better. Dumbass. I hate gnomes.
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3:41 PM- 3:56 PM
I hate it here. I can't really explain it, I just really hate being here. My dad's house is bad enough; the atmosphere in here is choking, and it's constantly full of bad smells, whether it's him smoking, him eating another one of his disgusting meals, or the cat litter creeping up from the basement.

Today, I decided to go for a walk. I woke up in a very good mood, probably because I went to sleep that way too, thanks to Chris. I thought it would be fun. I thought the fresh air would be good for me. I thought that I might stay in a good mood, having the chance to see more of nature. I was wrong.

As I walked, I slowly began to get depressed. I couldn't figure out why, until I began to take in my surroundings. Everything was brown; the grass had yet to change back, everything without pine needles appeared dead, and the houses...

I despise whoever made this awful neighborhood. Everything is bland and brown. All the houses! They're all just different shades of brown, surrounded by dead looking plants! Even the lake was ugly! And I don't care how blue and clear the sky is, it's ruined by what's beneath it. I feel like throwing up.

So, because of all this hideous man-made "nature", I started to think about what it would look like without all the buildings. Hell, humans probably made the lake. It got me thinking about my intense hatred of humans again. Yes, I'm human. But I'm trying to think of ways to solve these problems. I'm not trying to think of ways to build new houses, or get more lumber, or take over other nations. Like those assholes in power. Most humans don't care about the world. They are driven solely by their own greed and ambition. Throughout history, all we have done is take everything from nature, and give nothing in return. Except for a few groups. Like the native americans, who wasted nothing. Who always thanked the world for the crap they got.

And what did the other humans do to them? Moved on to their land. Pretended to be nice. Then, when they ran out of places to live, they decided to start pushing them back. And they kept pushing, until almost all were dead or converted to their disgusting and wasteful way of life.

I apologized to a goose today. I hate geese. But it's the least I could do, considering how much we've fucked up his world. He was pretty cool about it, he just kinda looked up and walked away. I wonder if he understood. Oh well.

I'm always in such a good mood. Everything is going great. Then something like this happens. I hate it. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everyone else that thinks like me, and has to deal with the same crap, day after day. And for those of you who think I'm an idiot, or don't think I'm "patriotic" because I don't think we can solve this. Well, you guys are the problem. Fuckers.









I really wish I hadn't taken that walk.
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12:35
I like water...
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12:02 AM- 12:09 AM
I'm soooo happy! Not only did all the bad stuff go away, but now I have another reason to look forward to summer! I'm going to go hang out with all my friends at the neighborhood pool! I'm so energetic right now, I can barely contain myself! All my friends are just so awesome! Thanks you guys! Especially to Chris, who helped me come up with many of my ideas, and whom without I wouldn't have a huge grin on my face right now! I can't stop smiling! Seriously! These past few weeks have been the best of my life! THANK YOOOOOUUUU FRIENDS!

Whoa. That was really sappy. But I don't care. Not at all. ^_^
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Friday, March 17, 2006

Hey, know how I said I hoped that we could all go back to being insanely happy at night by Monday?!

Well, I'm happy right now! Paatii o shimasu! (do the party!)

Yay for Chris being high on carrots! Yay for Liz being, um, better! I dunno!

And me and all my friends are rubbing off on each other! Liz and Chris say dude... I say byes, and yayt... Liz and I are picking up on Cam's accent... Um, when I don't know what to talk about, I kinda sound like Brian....

And there's more stuff, probly. Life is good! ^_^
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Dude, my day has been so bizarre... Okay. I wake up. Shower. Eat. Leave for school. All normal so far. I go to my locker, as usual. But on the way, I see Cam.

"HEY TOM!" He said, as though nothing had happened.
"Um, hey..." I replied, scared and relieved.
"Listen, sorry about yesterday, I-" I began.
"Oh, don't worry about it. It happens all the time with me and Tim. And by the next day, or a couple minutes later, everything's back to normal." He said.

Okay, this is just downright scary. Kinda. Well, not really, cause the conversations he has with Tim probably aren't upsetting. His words still hurt. I'm going to talk to him about it. Not argue, but talk. I might have said that last night.... I don't remember. Or care.

But even though it looks like I'll be able to stay friends with him, I'm kinda depressed. Or I was, until I started drinking this coke...
But seriously, even if we're still friends, I know he's not going to change his mind, and so it'll never be the same between us. Sure, we can talk, and laugh, but the trust and respect are gone.

Not to mention the fact that I am GREATLY affected by the moods of my friends... Usually Liz and Chris, but the others affect me too. Just not as often. And Liz is kinda better, but still kinda awkward about it, I think... she hasn't talked to 'im aboot it anyway. And Chris... well, she was never involved in that argument, but she's kinda down for other reasons... So, I'm kinda depressed. Tom wa risu desu...

But it's getting better. I hope that by Monday, we can all go back to being insanely happy at night. I would type more, but I forgot what I was gonna say. That, and every freaking post I make here is like three pages long....
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Thursday, March 16, 2006

I just read two of my closest friend's xangas. And now I'm freaking angry and depressed. I can't stand it. Why is there hate among people? Yes, there are different opinions, and many of them. But that doesn't mean we have to go to war, it doesn't mean we have to fight with our close friends.

Today, I fought with someone who was just beginning to warm up to me. We were just becoming good friends. But he had a difference of opinion on a subject that I feel more strongly about than any other. He's a fanatical christian. He apparently holds every single belief to be the supreme law of the world. I am tolerant of most aspects of most religions. One thing I cannot just ignore is a hatred of gays. I can't stand it. There's no reason to. They're not hurting anyone by liking the same sex. No more than other people are hurting anyone by liking the opposite.

It's even worse when that horrible, disgusting "value" stems from the belief that it is a "sin". I really don't know what constitutes a sin. Or why people believe in them. Some things that you shouldn't do are quite obvious; killing, stealing, etc. But hating people based solely on their orientation? How does that help anyone? Why do gay people have to go to your imaginary hell? Do you really think you'll get anywhere in life by hating others for a living?

I don't know why this happens. It wouldn't be as bad of a problem, if only people would take a minute to sit down and listen to the other side. I'm sorry Cam, even though you don't deserve any kind of apology from me. You have a right to your opinion, horrible as it is.

But these words of hate strike me on a very personal level. I used to just stand by and not comment, ignoring the willful ignorance around me. When I noticed my sister fighting for gay's and women's rights, I stopped ignoring them. And I've fought much harder since learning that she's bisexual. But also, because recently I've come to the realization that I might be too. I can't really tell. But as far as homophobes are concerned, I'm bisexual. I don't care who knows it now. I'm fed up.

And before I move on: No, Bryan. I am not attracted to you. Not at all. You're a kickass friend, but that's it. Although, I'd appreciate it if you stopped saying "gay men" and "Tom's gay" all the time. I know you're joking, but now I can't really just respond by rolling my eyes.

So now a friend of mine hates me. I hope that I can work something out with him. But he will never again have my respect. Gordon Cameron Gibbons IV, you have lost any trust you may have had from me. And as long as you continue on your path of intolerance, you will never be trusted again. You have caused far too much pain. But you probly can't see that either.

Now, I'm worried that I will lose most of my new friends. Brian is a good guy; he doesn't neccessarily support gay marriage or understand any of it, but he thinks that people should do whatever makes them happy. I am glad for that. But as for the rest, I don't know. If I can't fix things with me and Cam, I might not be able to hang out in the same group again. And here we were all planning to go out for ice cream in a few weeks. Just fucking wonderful.

But I'm also concerned about my friends. Liz and Chris. If it weren't for them, I'd still be in a depressing pit with no one to keep me company but the manipulative David. They changed my life. And right now, they are my life. I am willing to do anything for them. I would sacrifice my life for them. I am going to do whatever it takes to stay friends with them, and to try and help them heal. And their presence alone is more than enough to help me.

Cam, I hate you right now. Brian, you're a good guy. Bryan, you need to learn when to shut the fuck up. Liz and Chris... Thank you. And I'm sorry, sorry for everything that both of you have gone through today. I think I'll go cry myself to sleep now...
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