Saturday, March 11, 2006

I have a lot to think about right now. I've been reading my friend's xanga for a lot of tonight... and I just... it's wierd. I feel like I've known her longer now, almost. But when I was reading it, I kept having to remind myself, "You're not reading a book. You know a lot of these people." I'm so disoriented right now... I can barely type, because I'm shivering so much.... I don't know why, I don't really feel cold. I'm kinda lonely too, cause everyone signed off at midnight. It's almost 2 now.

Right now I'm at a point in my life where almost every decision I make will affect my life. I'm desperately trying to understand just what it is I feel now, trying to figure out what it is that I believe in and understand, the types of people I like, or the types that I can't stand; the friends that I can trust the most, the things I've learned that apply to my life...

If there's one thing I do know, though, it's that my current friends are one of the most influential factors in my life right now. Without them, I would still be nearly friendless, but have the illusion of a lot of friends at school. Those "friends" that I made the first couple weeks aren't "real" people. I'm beginning to see different sides of them, and I'm noticing the people they talk to and hang out with. Just this week I realized that there is almost no one in my second, fourth, or fifth hours worth talking to. In fact, many of the people I've met and seemed really nice and outgoing are total assholes.
Take Greg for instance. Yes, I'm mentioning a name, but only cause he's no friend of mine. Anyway, um... I can't really talk about Greg without mentioning Tyler. Tyler went to elementary school with me. I never really talked to him back then. In fact, all my friends up until I was in fifth grade were jerks and manipulated me, coming over to my house to play my games and eat my food because they had strict parents. It's actually still like that now, except my friend in this case is my age and totally emo, though he won't admit it.
Back to Tyler. In the first couple weeks of high school, he was constantly talking to me, saying how we were pals and best buds in elementary school. At the same time, a bunch of other people were talking to me that I didn't know ("Yeah [MB64]!" I still get that in the hall for no reason). There was a good side to this; it helped me to be more outgoing, to actually respond when people talked, to give people high fives (though I hate them). Thus, I met at least 15 people and thought that we were friends. Well, at least I did when they asked me to eat lunch with em. Oh, how I was wrong.
So, Tyler's kind of an ass. He's always talking about how much he hates our geometry teacher and what a bitch she is. She is not a bitch. It's her second year teaching, and she doesn't have the experience needed to deal with idiots all day. Like Tyler. But I lied and told him he was smart to make him feel better. So, apparently this asshole Brendan pours bbq sauce all over Tyler's backpack, and Tyler wasn't even aware of it. Some teacher saw though, and blah blah crap you don't wanna hear about. He was absent the next day, and Greg said constantly throughout 4th and 5th hours that he was crying at home about it. And that he "deserved it." Well, he did deserve it, cause he's an ass, but that's not the point. Also, Greg is apparently friends with Brendan (who, by the way, punched me in second grade for no reason). So now we're dealing with three complete assholes that I thought were nice guys. No wait, I only thought two were nice. Yeah.
So, realizing that I'm not good at analyzing people, I tried to re-assess the "friends" that I had. 90% of them are assholes or are just acquantinces that I have no desire of becoming friends with.
....Damn. I swear a lot. Well, actually, I have a friend who swears way more (unless it comes to videogames), but he gave up swearing for lent or something ridiculous.
So many people in this world are mean and ignorant. It's like a room of shouting people, all trying to outshout each other. Nothing ever gets done. Very few people see the world clearly, and all they need to do is open their eyes. The problem is, people are too stubborn to realize that they're in the dark. Oh, and I've derived much of this paragraph from a conversation I had earlier with one of my best friends.
And no one ever listens to the people with ideas for solutions to problems. I'm disgusted that people I once thought were really cool (super far left dudes) have turned out to not be that cool after all. Even my mom, who's mostly moderate, thinks that any solution that involves giving up a right is bad. Solutions for problems like overpopulation and the national deficit. I respect that these people don't want to give up their rights, but unfortunately this is not very realistic. The basis of government is giving up some rights to be protected. I care about the future, both mine and the generations after me.

You would think that as time went on, the human race would get smarter. Instead, we've got a handful of geniuses and a crapload of retarded people. And I don't mean to offend anyone by making a reference to the mentally impaired! To quote Carlos Mencia (he's funny, but he yells a bit too much for my taste): "I'm not making fun of people that were born retarded. I'm making fun of people that were born, and are now retarded."

Which applies to most of America. I'm scared to think of what else these idiots will screw up before it's our turn to take over. Our lives are already pretty much cheapened as it is, thanks to all the shit we have to deal with thanks to the Dumbfuck Administration. I'm not nearly done, and I could probly go on for hours, writing pages, because one thing would just flow right into the next. But I'm tired, hungry, and cold. It's almost 2:30 now. I just want to get some sleep, and have fun with my friends tomorrow. Sigh.... Off to the sleep I go....
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