Thursday, March 16, 2006

I just read two of my closest friend's xangas. And now I'm freaking angry and depressed. I can't stand it. Why is there hate among people? Yes, there are different opinions, and many of them. But that doesn't mean we have to go to war, it doesn't mean we have to fight with our close friends.

Today, I fought with someone who was just beginning to warm up to me. We were just becoming good friends. But he had a difference of opinion on a subject that I feel more strongly about than any other. He's a fanatical christian. He apparently holds every single belief to be the supreme law of the world. I am tolerant of most aspects of most religions. One thing I cannot just ignore is a hatred of gays. I can't stand it. There's no reason to. They're not hurting anyone by liking the same sex. No more than other people are hurting anyone by liking the opposite.

It's even worse when that horrible, disgusting "value" stems from the belief that it is a "sin". I really don't know what constitutes a sin. Or why people believe in them. Some things that you shouldn't do are quite obvious; killing, stealing, etc. But hating people based solely on their orientation? How does that help anyone? Why do gay people have to go to your imaginary hell? Do you really think you'll get anywhere in life by hating others for a living?

I don't know why this happens. It wouldn't be as bad of a problem, if only people would take a minute to sit down and listen to the other side. I'm sorry Cam, even though you don't deserve any kind of apology from me. You have a right to your opinion, horrible as it is.

But these words of hate strike me on a very personal level. I used to just stand by and not comment, ignoring the willful ignorance around me. When I noticed my sister fighting for gay's and women's rights, I stopped ignoring them. And I've fought much harder since learning that she's bisexual. But also, because recently I've come to the realization that I might be too. I can't really tell. But as far as homophobes are concerned, I'm bisexual. I don't care who knows it now. I'm fed up.

And before I move on: No, Bryan. I am not attracted to you. Not at all. You're a kickass friend, but that's it. Although, I'd appreciate it if you stopped saying "gay men" and "Tom's gay" all the time. I know you're joking, but now I can't really just respond by rolling my eyes.

So now a friend of mine hates me. I hope that I can work something out with him. But he will never again have my respect. Gordon Cameron Gibbons IV, you have lost any trust you may have had from me. And as long as you continue on your path of intolerance, you will never be trusted again. You have caused far too much pain. But you probly can't see that either.

Now, I'm worried that I will lose most of my new friends. Brian is a good guy; he doesn't neccessarily support gay marriage or understand any of it, but he thinks that people should do whatever makes them happy. I am glad for that. But as for the rest, I don't know. If I can't fix things with me and Cam, I might not be able to hang out in the same group again. And here we were all planning to go out for ice cream in a few weeks. Just fucking wonderful.

But I'm also concerned about my friends. Liz and Chris. If it weren't for them, I'd still be in a depressing pit with no one to keep me company but the manipulative David. They changed my life. And right now, they are my life. I am willing to do anything for them. I would sacrifice my life for them. I am going to do whatever it takes to stay friends with them, and to try and help them heal. And their presence alone is more than enough to help me.

Cam, I hate you right now. Brian, you're a good guy. Bryan, you need to learn when to shut the fuck up. Liz and Chris... Thank you. And I'm sorry, sorry for everything that both of you have gone through today. I think I'll go cry myself to sleep now...
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