Saturday, March 18, 2006

3:41 PM- 3:56 PM
I hate it here. I can't really explain it, I just really hate being here. My dad's house is bad enough; the atmosphere in here is choking, and it's constantly full of bad smells, whether it's him smoking, him eating another one of his disgusting meals, or the cat litter creeping up from the basement.

Today, I decided to go for a walk. I woke up in a very good mood, probably because I went to sleep that way too, thanks to Chris. I thought it would be fun. I thought the fresh air would be good for me. I thought that I might stay in a good mood, having the chance to see more of nature. I was wrong.

As I walked, I slowly began to get depressed. I couldn't figure out why, until I began to take in my surroundings. Everything was brown; the grass had yet to change back, everything without pine needles appeared dead, and the houses...

I despise whoever made this awful neighborhood. Everything is bland and brown. All the houses! They're all just different shades of brown, surrounded by dead looking plants! Even the lake was ugly! And I don't care how blue and clear the sky is, it's ruined by what's beneath it. I feel like throwing up.

So, because of all this hideous man-made "nature", I started to think about what it would look like without all the buildings. Hell, humans probably made the lake. It got me thinking about my intense hatred of humans again. Yes, I'm human. But I'm trying to think of ways to solve these problems. I'm not trying to think of ways to build new houses, or get more lumber, or take over other nations. Like those assholes in power. Most humans don't care about the world. They are driven solely by their own greed and ambition. Throughout history, all we have done is take everything from nature, and give nothing in return. Except for a few groups. Like the native americans, who wasted nothing. Who always thanked the world for the crap they got.

And what did the other humans do to them? Moved on to their land. Pretended to be nice. Then, when they ran out of places to live, they decided to start pushing them back. And they kept pushing, until almost all were dead or converted to their disgusting and wasteful way of life.

I apologized to a goose today. I hate geese. But it's the least I could do, considering how much we've fucked up his world. He was pretty cool about it, he just kinda looked up and walked away. I wonder if he understood. Oh well.

I'm always in such a good mood. Everything is going great. Then something like this happens. I hate it. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everyone else that thinks like me, and has to deal with the same crap, day after day. And for those of you who think I'm an idiot, or don't think I'm "patriotic" because I don't think we can solve this. Well, you guys are the problem. Fuckers.









I really wish I hadn't taken that walk.
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