Sunday, April 2, 2006

10:18 PM- 12:19 AM
Wow. I have so much to post about, it's really... well, this is going to be quite a long post. I think I'll start with how my day went.

So, I woke up around noon, as usual. Except I forgot my glasses and contacts case at home, so I had to get my dad to drive me back. And as usual, he stalled and took about three hours getting ready to shower. Anyway, I went to my house, showered and got the stuff, then came back here and talked and stuff.

So, that's that. The next part... well...

When I was in the car with my dad, he started telling me some things. He... Well, to really explain this, I guess I should give some background.

My parents had a divorce when I was in 7th grade. It was my dad; my mom wanted to stay with him. Shortly after they told me, my dad lost his job. Probably about a month later, he moved out of the house, and moved in with an old co-worker named Jani. Beginning that summer, I began to go there on the weekends, just to spend the night Friday. Then I started staying longer, so it was changed to every other weekend, bla bla bla...

So, he eventually, many months later, got a job at Dick's Sporting Goods. He was later fired, because he used the freaking "family discount" on a friend. So he got another job, many months later... and the contract was terminated or something like a month later. He's... a loser, really.

But I can't stand my dad. He thinks he knows everything, like many adults, but... Well, he won't listen to anything I say that's different than he thinks. And he seems to think I disagree with him all the time for the sake of being difficult. So he's a jerk, too. And he never knows when to stop making fun of things and making lame jokes. He never lets up on anything I like. Ever. I once tried to talk to him about it. He was SHOCKED. Shocked that I felt this way, despite the fact that I know my siblings and my mom feel the same.

So, after a while of awkward silence, I apologized, even though he didn't deserve any of it. I said I just needed to get it off my chest. He compared it to someone who cheats on their wife, then tells them about it to get it off their chest. So he's also an asshole. Somehow, during that conversation, my mom was brought up. He was convinced that she still loves him. Despite everything he's put her through. Despite everything he's put me through. I'll never forgive him for how he broke her heart. SHE'S DATING OTHER PEOPLE AND HE THINKS SHE STILL LOVES HIM.

So today, he tells me that... well, there are two women that want him. That's actually what he said. And, he doesn't want them. One is Jani. I'm not surprised. I still don't like it though. The other... I don't know her. He didn't even try to explain it. He just told me to look in the glovebox. There was a picture of some lady in there. He said that she mailed it to him, cause she likes him. That was really creepy. But no, he doesn't want either of them. He still wants my mom. Even though he's the one who pushed her away. I hate him. I'm not kidding, or just being a teenager, or whatever... I seriously hate him.

*sigh* Well, that's that... I'm done talking about him.

The other thing... well... It's kind of depressing...

Humans are the most disgusting and evil creatures on this planet. When I was driving with my dad... I noticed the street and the buildings and started thinking. How many animals had to lose their homes and their lives so all that could be built? We don't need any of that shit.

This could be explained better with a metaphor, methinks. Okay. You know how a mother cat will leave some kittens behind? Yeah, I know it's sad, and seems harsh... But that's because the cat couldn't have cared for them. They would have been miserable. We humans... we can't do that. We can't let other humans die, for any reason other than old age. We do horrible things as a result... we expand and grow, destroying habitats and ruining our own planet. And all because we can't accept the fact that we can't care for every single fucking kid born.

In the words of a friend: We want to find a cure for things that cannot be cured. We want to stop death. And...it just wasn't meant to be that way. It defies the law of nature.

We are seperate from other animals. But not just because we can reason; it is also because we refuse to let anything go. Most people don't realize that. All they ever deal with, all they ever think about is what's directly in front of them. Their thoughts deal with how things affect them; not others. Of course, there are many who care about others. But that's not the point. Yes, there are exceptions... but not enough. Which is why they're exceptions.

Those scientists and researchers, the ones trying to solve humanity's problems, don't realize that what they're doing is not helping at all. The more scientific advances, the more people in the world, the more the planet is destroyed. And with no planet... We're dead. They can't see that, because their greed makes them blind. It clouds their judgement, making them think that by helping us, they're being kind. Of course, they are, but... By helping further generations of people, they're hurting all the plant and animal life on the planet.

It was better before. Back when all people cared about was themselves. We weren't living everywhere. We weren't using up every little resource on the planet. But going back to that... well, it will be impossible. Or rather, improbable, but you get the point.

The best thing we can do now... Is to try and solve the problems of nature, not humanity. Pollution, mainly. Because... no matter how much our race suffers... We deserve it. It's equivalency for how much we've destroyed and taken. And... If we continue on our current path... destroying forests, stripping the earth of its substance, killing thousands of innocent animals... the price we pay will be far greater.

This is why I hate humans.



This entry is dedicated to Chris, who helped me think through all of this. And Liz, because she would have gotten annoyed if I started rambling about Chris again.


Also... I hate April Fool's day. Especially since Adult Swim had the brilliant idea of replacing every sound effect with flatulence tonight. Bleah.
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