Wednesday, December 24, 2003

...

So, Sera is at Rach's place... it's Christmas Eve [actually going by my time it's very early christmas morning].. I didn't think that was allowed...
They're probably talking about how much of an annoyance I am and how stupid I am and everything else they hate about me.
I wouldn't be surprised if they decided to burn what ever it is they got for me for Christmas and tell me to fuck off and not join them on their movie night and ruin it. I ruin everything I touch, Blegh. I should stop being a moron and just shut up.

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"here i am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded but i see through it all and see you
so i threw you the obvious to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel eyes of a tragedy
oh well apparently nothing
you don't see me"
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Monday, December 22, 2003

Coookieee

"Frustrated, Incorporated
Frustrated, Incorporated
Well I know just what you need
I might just have the thing
I know what you'd pay to feel
Put me out of my misery
All you suicide kings and you drama queens
Forever after happily, making misery"

Me and Rach were just reminising about the time we had a movie night at the beginging of the year. The morning after I was drinking coke, not snorting it, and someone said something that made me laugh and it came up out my nose. I can't remember who said it or what was said. It bugs me so much.
But it's cool... all night until like 5 or 6 Sera and I were making noises and singing and stuff, it was so funny.

We're having a video night at Rach's sometime after christmas so we can exchange our pressies, meaning I have to wrap up Rach's present. I'll try and pick up some extra things for her and Sera when I get Naomi and E's presents. I'm trying to find something cool to get Ash too, something small but cool.


I leave things way too late. Ah well, I'll manage.
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Sunday, December 21, 2003

You can't catch schitzophrenia from a toilet seat
I spent Friday and Saturday night at Naomi and E's. Love those two.

So, first off I woke up friday morning at like 8:30, in a panic cause I thought Brit had left the house to go shopping without me. Turns out she was just watching the Simpsons. Anyway, while she's getting dressed or something the phone rings, it was E, she asked if I wanted to join Naomi and E shopping that day. I told them I was shopping with Brit in town, and E asked what time I'd be over and I told her sometime after 4. So anyways, she had to go cause Naomi had to call Nathaniel and I had to go cause we were ready to leave.

We got Andy and Tamara's present, two quilt cover sets, oh big wow.
Brit also got me a present, I'm pretty sure it's a Powderfinger CD. hehe.
I found out JB have The Crow soundtrack, I be wanting very muchly. CROW, THE!!
Anyways, during this shoppingness I was having a SMS conversation with Sera, cause I sent her a message about my new badge, it says "Dip me in chocolate & throw me 2 the lesbians" I bloody love it.
Anyways, she asked if we were still in town, so I told her we were, and that I was going to the loo for a splash.
Anywho, she tells me where she is and so we go to the shop and after that I was hanging around with Sera. Brit left and went home.

I'm a major dick head, thats what I gotta say. There's this cafe down Hindley Street that has its sugar satchets in glasses on the tables in the street, I took the whole glass with the sugar.
Anyways, I managed to convince Sera to put it in her bag cause I didn't have one and then a guy who works there shows up asking for it back. So we had to give it back. The fag happy bastard whore!!
Yeah, I realise I have no common sense, but that's what happens when your a grade A moron.

Recently I've been inspired to write little descriptive stories. But haven't actually gotten around to do it because I know they'll turn out really badly.

ITCHY! I'm covered in mozzie bites, so annoying.

It was raining for the past two days, that was cool. Soon we're gonna be attacked by a giant H, stoopid giant H!!

I realised that the only time I eat enough food to be considered three meals a day is when I'm at Naomi and E's, other wise I don't eat cause I either sleep in or feel too sick. I don't like to tell them that I'm not feeling too good in the stomach and say that them cooking me food was a waste of time.
When I'm out it's different, and when I'm at home I can be excused cause everyone just figures I eat snacks and what not. Which isn't nessisarally true, but they can believe what ever they want. I'm still fat, and thats all that matters, as long as I stay fat no one will bother to worry about my eating habits.
Even though I don't want to stay fat, but as long as I loose weight slowly no one will notice either.
Anywhoo, I still have to get Naomi and E a christmas present each.

I hate christmas, next year I'll celebrate some religious holiday that occours at christmas but doesn't include christmas cause christmas is bullshit propoganda and it's a waste of time.

Well, thats all for now. I feel sicky and wanna curl up and die.
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Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Every night I burn, waiting for the world to end
I've realised today that I'm a little touchy when it comes to hearing about two of my closest friends going out and doing stuff friends normally do, I mean I should be happy that they're still close and happy to call each other best friends.
But of couse, this prooves a problem. For three is a crowd, and I'm the crowd. I mean they won't say anything about it, of course, I'm sure they'd invite me to go anywhere with them, if they bother to think "Oh, hey lets invite Mo" which of course never happens. And anyways I'd probably say "No, I'd feel like a third wheel and probably just be annoying."
Which they say "No, you're being silly, come." [Yes that has happened once, I didn't go anyway.]
Now, I'd be fine with them two doing stuff, they deserve it.
But my other two friends, whom live together and further away from me than the first two go out all the time without inviting me, but I exempt them because they have it harder than anyone I know at the moment, and they deserve to go out and have fun more than anyone I know. That and they can't always get into contact with me anyway, at least the first two have mobile phones in which they could SMS me and one of them has the net, so they can talk to me there.
It just annoys me how everyone has a buddy and I don't.
I don't have anyone I can spend hours talking to on the phone or sit with all the time at school and never run out of conversation. I don't have anyone I can spend afternoons with or weekends with going out and doing fun things.

I guess I'm just meant to be that loner girl who talks about weird things and tends to not have any real friends but lots of people to just talk to about schoool work or random stuff and listen to their personal "problems" or something to that effect.
I should stop wallowing in my selfpity. It's all a load of tripe. God, why can't I just wake up dead?

I should stop being so petty... they don't care if I feel disjointed... they don't care about anything to do with me.
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Tuesday, December 16, 2003

From the depths of human soul;
In the wasteland of thought
Analytical theories at once spring forth.
One learns to pick and pull at threads,
At the seams of self-control.
The metaphorical pain becomes a disease,
Cancers of depression, spreading like HIV.
The ends never justifying the means,
Selfish acts becoming selfless
Once looked upon in a different light.

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Monday, December 15, 2003

I have green cordial... w00
But enough of that...
I was in a Crow mood last night, so I sat around looking at random Crow sights, ah, beautiful movie. Shall buy it on DVD one day... ONE DAY I SHALL!
But at the moment I'm bent on getting the soundtrack.... doobydoooopdoo.....

My say was spent with me wondering what the hell day it actually was. It felt like sunday, but I knew it wasn't, but I also didn't think it was monday. So I was confused... I just watched TV instead.
Which reminds me, I must call Sera sometime and organise this Christmas thing we're meant to have with Rach...
Speaking of Rach, her fancy-dress 18th party is in April, and I know you may say "That's a long time away" even I say it, but I know I'll put off organising anything for it until it's too late and not go, which would upset Rach cause she wants me to go. So, I have to figure out what I wanna go as.
Malcolm [velvet goldmine] would be cool, but I couldn't get anything to go as him organised.
Magenta [Rocky Horror] would be easy, I got the hair, all I need is the dress, simple to find.
Eric Draven AKA The Crow [The Crow] would be fucking excellent and I'd love that to know end! All I gotta do is get the right make-up and the right clothes, but that'd be the coolest ever.
I could easily borrow Naomi's boots again, and look around some shops for a good enough top and pants.
By the looks of some pictures I'll need Black Electricity tape, cut some holes into the top. I think the pants are vinyl... I'll look into that. The jacket, if I decide to wear one is a hassle... I'll try and get things sorted...

Okay... enough, I'm done. Fnargle!
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Sunday, December 14, 2003

So, I went to Arndale with what remained of my family after I woke up. Which was Mum, Dad and Brit.
We were in Big W and I got all hypo and excited over the cute/cool/adorable/etc. undies, bras and jamies. There were these excellent Froggy jamies and I want them sooo much! And there was monkeys and kitties and butterflies!
And so many cool colourful undies and bras and I'm all "I hate them, they're not in my size, but they're so coool!" [yes, please excuse my materialism and teenyness]

I was just bitching to Ash's friend Alistair about my veiws on how the majority of the female race act and conform, which as he puts it, I go "Butch Dyke" when it comes to the subject, which is pretty true.
But then it is from my own point of veiw which is usually set from my in-born hate for anything of a majority, and flawed ignorance. But ignorace is bliss. I'm the most ignorant person I know. Go me!

So anyway, it's that time of night when I go all "blegh, this is what's bad about me, this is what I hate, this is what annoys me." But to save you the pain I shall leave and live in the beautiful world of Placebo.
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