Monday, December 1, 2003

Welcome to "My Otaku" also known as my last resort to blog.
If anyone feels the need to get some sort of background kind of thing on me feel free to go to Violent Sidewalk. It was my original Web Log before the shit hit the fan.

So I sit here in the hopes my parents and anyone else I don't want seeing this, well sees this.

I'll give Ash a link for this or something sometime. She'll be happy to know I'm managing to post some sort of gibbering crap that usually spurts its way out of my mind either when I'm bored off my nut or when it happens to be late at night and I'm not all there in the head.
But I'm sure no one would really give a flying fuck about anything I may happen to come up with from my basic thoughts or contempt. I'm pretty sure if I weren't me and in another person's body with another person's mind veiwing all the things I did, said and typed I'd hate me like there was no devil. But then I figure I'm only thinking this because I spend so much time in my head finding new ways to piss myself off and hate myself by being self-analytical. Could be a down-fall.
But then, I'm sure once I have time to forget about this and then read it again I'll not agree with myself for I probably would of found a different frame of mind on the way I am.
None the less, I still won't like myself any more than I do at the moment.
Perhaps I just feel so wrong for saying "I'm the best I can be and for that I like who I am." I feel wrong for just typing that. Maybe it's from my intense fear of being selfish. I've been told many times that I'm not, but isn't my claiming I am a ways of getting conversation to be about me and thus making me selfish?
What ever it is, I doubt anyone really cares for these thoughts.

I've come to reasoning that most people who blog use it as a means of escapism. Even if by the way they write or what they write about they're still escaping from something. Be it conscious thought or some sorts of problem in their life or with themselves.
The reason many people like video games is because you don't have to deal with what's going on in the real world, it's the ideal place to go and fantasise.
Any sort of obsession would pretty much classify as a means of running away from reality. Personally I'm indifferent to how and why others decide that living in a fake world of perfection is better than anything real and tangible. All I seem to manage to focus on is why I do the things I do. Which comes back to my point of me being selfish. To quote Charles Lamb "How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"
Anyone who say's they don't think of themselves above others when they're sick or know something is wrong with them is a lier. I try to be altruistic, but I still think about myself more than I think about other people. But I'm sick of writing about myself now, I shall go and be merry and make joy with the people whom I share living arrangments with.

Of couse I hate them all.
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