Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Every night I burn, waiting for the world to end
I've realised today that I'm a little touchy when it comes to hearing about two of my closest friends going out and doing stuff friends normally do, I mean I should be happy that they're still close and happy to call each other best friends.
But of couse, this prooves a problem. For three is a crowd, and I'm the crowd. I mean they won't say anything about it, of course, I'm sure they'd invite me to go anywhere with them, if they bother to think "Oh, hey lets invite Mo" which of course never happens. And anyways I'd probably say "No, I'd feel like a third wheel and probably just be annoying."
Which they say "No, you're being silly, come." [Yes that has happened once, I didn't go anyway.]
Now, I'd be fine with them two doing stuff, they deserve it.
But my other two friends, whom live together and further away from me than the first two go out all the time without inviting me, but I exempt them because they have it harder than anyone I know at the moment, and they deserve to go out and have fun more than anyone I know. That and they can't always get into contact with me anyway, at least the first two have mobile phones in which they could SMS me and one of them has the net, so they can talk to me there.
It just annoys me how everyone has a buddy and I don't.
I don't have anyone I can spend hours talking to on the phone or sit with all the time at school and never run out of conversation. I don't have anyone I can spend afternoons with or weekends with going out and doing fun things.

I guess I'm just meant to be that loner girl who talks about weird things and tends to not have any real friends but lots of people to just talk to about schoool work or random stuff and listen to their personal "problems" or something to that effect.
I should stop wallowing in my selfpity. It's all a load of tripe. God, why can't I just wake up dead?

I should stop being so petty... they don't care if I feel disjointed... they don't care about anything to do with me.
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