Saturday, December 9, 2006

   A slump

dont know what to write, im a bout to pass out im flipping sleepy...well me and her are nothing atm which sucks, but yeah life moves on...i put on another mask and deal yup yup....well im so sleepy im falling asleep well wringt so im going to bed later/

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006

   I saw her this weekend

dont have alot of timke so ill type cliff note style yup yup...so yeah we started kissing at like 1 in the morning in her living room then we go paranoid so we went to her room. We were making out in there(we took pics of us kissing), she took off my shirt, i then took off hers, then i took off her bra, then she took off mine..then we basically rotated kissing, and sucking and biting each others chest...lol she has like 6 huge hickies on her chest, and 2 on her neck lol...um we continued to do that...nothing happened to me though (I was on my period, Damn it >.<) but i did something to her, ...involving my fingers...this is the farthest ive gone with anyone, before her the most i ever did was kiss for a bit and dude touched my boob...first time doing anything with a girl...yeah we are girlfriends now.yeah so to let everyone know im not a whore, but yeah im happy...oh her name is nikki too lol

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Thursday, November 30, 2006

   Getting caught up on poems postage! lol

getting caught up on my poems havent posted any in like the last month or month and a half...enjoy "untitled" We had to write an italian sonnet in english today..well here is mine lol Felling alone like being in the middle of a vast terrain feels like im constantly stuck in the rain no one out there can feel my pian i though i have finally found my gripping now i cant stop myself from slipping i know i need you help from above but at the moment i cannot feel you love I am a silhouetter of my former self nothing but a empty shell i am being dragged through hell please baby, save me from this hell someone please make this depression end doll face, please come take my hand "my apology to God" This is really deep one, and hits me so close, even though i wrote it, when i read it i wanna bust into tears, i just wrote it last night.... "my apology to God" feeling empty sitting on the pew i do not feel like i used too well why should I i dont deserve it you know as well as i do that i hate myself for betraying you weighed with guilt when i walk through the door i do not feel at place here anymore i can feel my realtionship with you slipping when though i had finally found my gripping i finally found a place i felt at home now because of what i did i feel alone through no fault but my own maybe i should just give up because i will always screw things up I do not know what to do anymore i can never say no to this girl Lord, im sorry for being this way when you are there for me every single day "your tormented gaurdian" I wrote this one about a month ago for a girl i liked....yeah and depressingly she wouldnt let me be her "shinobi" "Your Tormented Gaurdian" I want to be your shinobi take you by the hand ill kiss you scars slowly to make the pain end you just have to let me in let me draw close to you give me all your torment I swaear ill take it away ill take it into me so you wont have to anymore im filled to the brim with pain already a little more wont hurt i am your comfort i wish you realize this soon eventually i will start to swoon because i cannot handle the pain without knowing that in return i will have your love so love me whil you have me because pretty soon i may be gone "A massochist's world" Okay i like wrote this a month and a half ago when i got really really bored! XD lol so yeah it is meant to poke fun lol "A Massochists world" touch me feel me grope me hug me kiss me lick me suffocate me bite me pinch me grabe me hold me claw me scratch me make me bleed this pain from you is what i need tie me up and hold me down pin me down to the ground whip me claw me make me cry make this end with one long sigh pain equals pleasure pleasure equals pain in my world its all the same so bring out your chains and bring out your whips and bring out your claws against my hips.. yall im really not this big of a freak i swear lol

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   well...lol

since everyone else knows i might as well tell the net...lol im bi...lol and i have a crush on a beautiful girl named nikki....she lives about an hour away from me...hopefully we can meet soon so we can be together! ^_^ well thats all for now...lol i g2g!!

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Thursday, November 23, 2006

   Turkey Day WoOt wOoT!

Turkey day woot woot! cant wait till my fat ass can get some food yum yum! bunches and bunches of food! :D lol yeah, my uncle, my dads gay friend and his bf, are coming over then it will be my parents and me! yay yay food food! lol well i g2g i just wanted to post something stupid for a change :D!!!

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

   LALA

Well i figured i should update after my last depressing post..hmm i went to a fccla convention in St. Louis..there only had a couple of hot guys that i saw the whole time...but omg there had some hot girls!!! dude... lol there had a lot of bitchy ppl there though omg! anyways..im alot better since my last post..but im still depressed cuz i think i may be alone forever..but yeah i will get better, i just asked out one of my friends hopefully they will say yes but i havent gotten an answer yet...well ill ttyl! oh yeah me and Excel have monocockawhyphillis ITs where your hand rots off and can possibly spread and can possibly be deadlY! lmao we got bored in 5th period..omg i had to get to shots yesterday it hurted! well it just made me sore! lol Oh and the mercury force has a new member the mercury LLAMA! lol well i really g2g now l8rz! &currier;~ The mercury Bat

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Friday, November 10, 2006

   ....

This sucks.....I really suck...Im so pathetic that noone of neither sex wants me...Now that is something that deserves an medal....God i want this stuff to stop...but it never will..I will always be ugly, and unwanted..... I thought i actually stood a chance with her..but i was mistaken...I feel like crawling into my bed and staying there..but i know that isnt impossible...but oh how i wish it was....I just wish for once i could find someone who had the same feelings for me as i them. (why does youth have to be filled with stupid ass drama?) sorry off topic..but yeah i am doomed to walk the earth alone and forgotten...Now and forever...

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Thursday, November 2, 2006

this blows

Well the basturd broke up with me.....again.... i cant believe i let him hurt me..3 TIMES..im a fing idiot, how could he do this to me? but kitty did make me feel better, she kinda got into a fight with his family last night, and told his dad f u when she wouldnt let her talk to will. he said he was gonna call the law on her, lol and at the end she said f u, and he said f u and she hung up, that made me feel better, i swear thats at the top of the funniest things i have witnessed in my life lol. yeah i called him and he hung up, then i called back, and he was like its over dont call her again....yeah im upset, but eventually ill be alright.. the stupid basturd..

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Sunday, October 29, 2006

   Time for an update

Yeah well i guess it is time for an update....SO lets see......Me and will are still together and doing good real good....Me, him, kitty, and devin went to go see saw 3.. It was awesome. I witnessed a car get bananaed! yes bananas. I watched someone take a banana and smash it on a windshield! VERY HILARIOUS, and i have pics, i will put them on here when i get them developed! Me and will like made out from jonesboro to cherry valley, very interesting...he like groped my boob O.o yes very weird. anyways moving on, lol Me and kitty went to a hell house last night with my youth group....It was okay, and very eye opening... the hell scence made me cry, And then this one chick all of a suddened laughed....and that made me laugh, so when it was over, everyone came over and was Like" icant believe you laughed" and i was like it wasnt my fault but neways it was good....yeah well other than that aint much going on,,, well when i was in jonesboro i got the 5th bleach, and The cain saga #1.. yeah i have reading material now :D lol

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Monday, October 16, 2006

{poem}

"I love you" Yeah i know a happy corny love poem by me, but im happy and in love so what can i say? "I love you" I love the way you hate to smile but still you smile at me I love the way your beautiful eyes can stare a whole right through me I love the expression on your face when your playing the guitar I love that your yourself no matter where you are I love the way your wrists stick out and your little ears I love the way your glasses fall and when you tickle me with your beard I love our hands when their embraced I love the way you acted when i licked your face I love your corny jokes and when you poke fun at my voice I love the way you pout and when you twitch and snore I love that you dont expect me to be a whore I love the way you act when I bite even though you tell me no I love it when you touch my neck and in my ear that you blow I love the way you call me beautiful and tell me not to change I love it when you kiss me and you when you grab my side Heck, i even love your boney behind I love it when you grab my chin to kiss me dang you make me want to sin I love you, and everything about you baby Please dont leave me again

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