Wednesday, May 31, 2006

   yawn

aint much going on right now, havent updated in like 5 days so figured i would, im really sleepy right now its 1233 am. YAWN!! neways aint a whole lot went on so far this summer, my kat came and stayed with me for 3 night! it was fun :D!! yep yep! ive been bored today, ive been messing around on the comp. and i washed my daddy's truck, i got 20 bucks for it too! :D yeah i didnt got to bed till like one something last night, and i had to get up at 9 to go up to city hall, and get a freaking id made, so i can go see my bro. yeah... im sleepy! and i know why dont i go to sleep right? well i dont know! lol EEEEEEEEEE! i geuss that would be too simple! yeah well thats all im gonna type for now! l8rz! *YaWn* ~SmUrF~

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Friday, May 26, 2006

   *yawn*

i just got up about a hour ago, i would have slept l8r if it wasnt for my mom, she brought the dog in there and made it lick my face, that was on heck of a wake up call!! grr. and then she like totally took over my space, she is like in there sleeping in my BED! grrrrr lol! yeah im bored! kat coming over for like 4 days! we have to get her tonight! YAY MY KAT KATINESS IS COMING OVER!!!!!well thats about all my news, yeah im fixing to have to go do chores, once the women gets up! lol well l8rz!

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   EEEEEEEEEEE

no more teachers, no more books, no more bliss' whorey looks. LOL yep the last day of school, yep done with tests, I MADE A 91 ON MY GEOMETRY i almost cried!!! i was so happy. i might have a b in there now! (maybe) yeah im still gonna miss mrs. morgan, mrs.kennedy, and coach russel.though!!! yeah im not gonna get to see hardly any ppl from school over the summer! :( yeah well today has been eventful. yeah dj found out i liked him, he read the evil poem. so yeah, i just got told for real what i have always known, he doesnt like me back. *sigh* yeah and then i saw the ex bf, he came to the school for somehting today, well he walked past me like 3 times and made like direct eye contact with me, and didnt say a word, i hate him. for one thing i was already upset then he pissed me off, and when im pissed i cried, so i went to the br and cried and i had kiwi worried so i stopped. yeah i hate guys. oh well at least its the last day of school! YESH, well ive done got depressed writing all this so i guess im gonna go! ill ttyl L8RZ! ~hmmm i need a personality for when im depressed, hmm whats a good name.....well i guess nicoleus would kinda be the depressed one! ~Nicoleus

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

   EEEEEEEEEEE

i havent posted in what feels like forever. yeah, only 2 days left! im happy to be out of school, but then im sad, cuz i probally wont be able to see any of my friends from school all summer! :( im really gonna miss excel and kiwi cuz i know i wont get to them prolly! especially excel cuz her mom hates me! LOL yeah, next year will be really sad, cuz a bunch of my fave teachers wont be there!! Mrs. Kennedy, my fccla sponsor is leaving, Mrs. Morgan, my drama sponsor, and Coach Russel, my youth alive sponsor, are all leaving me!! im so sad,:(!!! oh well, cross county dont pay teachers like their soposed too, so i would prolly leave if i were them too! but im still gonna miss them. i got the book today that i will have to read over the summer to get into ap english. its called things fall apart or something like that, i wanna read it and get it over with but i will forget it before school starts!!LOL yeah well thats about all my news for now!! i geuss ill go! L8rz!

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Saturday, May 20, 2006

   "your touch i yearn"

"your touch i yearn" it took some time, some effort, BUT I DID IT, i wrote love poem, that isnt talking how cruel it is, sure this one still is semi depressing, but its progress, i have only written one happy poem my whole life, and that was bc it was required for school!! this is a milestone for me! LOL well hope you enjoy! the depression burns for your touch i yearn your icy blue eyes pierces through my heart oh how i could gaze into your eyes forever they are both beautiful and deep for your touch i yearn your dirty chucks sticking out from your ripped jeans for your touch i yearn your curly unbrushed hair your adorable smile and your goofy laugh oh, for your touch i yearn i know one affectionate touch from you would make my depression disapear but this will never happen i could stare into your beautiful eyes all day without you never giving a glance into mine for you dont know i feel and this is how it must be ill just stare into your blue eyes from a distance this depression burns for you touch i yearn

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Friday, May 19, 2006

   I HATE BLISS!

my day was okay until 7 period, and then that stupid slut had to open her mouth and start saying crap. i cant stand her! i told the coach if the she said one more thing about me, im gonna pop her in the mouth! and i will, which i dont want to because semester test is next week, and i have nothing on my record yet, but im so pissed and if bliss and her bitchy tail says something else, i literally think nicholas will take over and i will go into a blackout, and wont quite hitting her until i get tired!!!! ughhhh i hate that whore! neways to make matters worse earlier today i had to take this test to see if i could get into g/t at school, and i dont think i did so hott on it. it had like lines, and unfinshed pictures and crap, and you had to draw a creative and unusul pic to finish it, good thing my gpa is high, i might still have a chance, cuz i bombed that picture thing. im creative, but not when its comes to drawing, if she would have told me to write a story, i would have aced, but drawing ugh! oh well! i was in a bad mood when i came in, and my parents wouldnt quite asking me what was wrong, so i told them about the bliss thing, my mom wigged out threatened to call the school and crap, but i finally talked her out of it. cuz im gonna take care of it! neways i guess im gonna go! l8rz!

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Thursday, May 18, 2006

tear stained makeup as she left the building she knew it would be awhile before she would see him again she hated him but she loved him he hurt her more than i can tell you and at times she hurt him they had a strange, and complicated relationship he was her brother her best friend rather she would admit to it or not when he was sober, they had good times but when he wasnt, she hated him but she knew through all the pain he inflicted on himself and others he would always love her, and she would always love him but in the past year she has felt numb towards him not knowing if she did miss him or if she was glad that he was away from her but today was different after the conclusion that he would be gone for 9 months she knew she would miss him as they stood in the in the dirty white room they hugged with tears rolling down from their eyes she knew she had always missed him just the pain, blinded her they stood there in the sibling embrace both hoping that this would change him back into brother she loved the one she told everything too the brother she hated was finally gone or at least she hoped she was finally able to give rid to pain that resided in her heart after they both stood their crying endlessly or at least she hoped so she left the brick building with tear stained makeup but for the first time happy tears, or relieving, but sad tears she left with the hope that her real brother would be back this time actually giving that trust back the first time in along time

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

  

ok just to make things straight! im not gay, nor am i turning gay! i wrote the wrong thing on my last post, it was supposed to say im not switching teams! just wanted to make things clear. well neways! im sick, and i didnt go to school, i had to go to the doctor, she gave me these big horse pills! i can go back to school tomorrow, witch i dont want to but i need to. im behind in geometry enough! yeah even though i wasnt at school im still been doing work on that stupid tree project! grrrrrr! it sucks much, and this weekend im gonna be working a research paper. grrrr why give us this much work? school is about out! just another form of torture on their part! neways i guess im gonna go! l8rz!

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Monday, May 15, 2006

   i am sick!

i havent updated in a while, so i missed telling yall about the senior pranks! lets see they zip tied and put vaseline and icy hot on the junior lockers, they blocked the buses for about 15 minutes < that made me mad, and they released chickens in the hallway but got caught right after that one! oh and they spooned the school by making a big 06 in the grass. THAT WAS ME AMY'S PRANK! GRRRRR, well actually we are forking the school! neways im gonna miss some of the seniors but some not so much. im gonna be a junior next year so their wrath will be bestowed upon me! neways i still havent talked to the stupid basturd, its been about a month, but in my eyes we were broke up about 3 weeks ago when he didnt call me on my bday! im through with men for real this time, but the last chicks who hitted on me for me saying im turning gay. dont get your hopes up cuz im switching teams! neways i still gots to do that stupid tree project and research paper, well im sick and ill work on them later! IM SICK AND IT HURTS! i prolly aint going to school tomorrow, i got to get a shot neways so i might as well and stay home and kill two birds with one stone. i have to get a chicken poxs booster thing, ive never had them and i got to get the shoot or the school will not let come back until i do! im sick, i feel no good! well thats about it for now! i gots to go! l8rz

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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

POEMS

"tired" tired of crying tired of dying tired of fake smiles tired of real sorrows tired of trying to hold on until tommorrow tired of the friendship tired of the hatred tired of the burdens tired of the hurting tired of the scars tired of the cries tired of the lies tired of the ties that didnt hold together tired of being bound tired of being tied tired of you since you didnt reside tired of the tears tired of wasted years tired of the loudness ringing in my ears "love" why does love screw you over? and make you think that your well and another week later you feel like your sinking in hell your at the end of the rope and feel like hanging yourself with it love takes you out for a minute and puts you right back in it back to the heartache and pain where the tears fall every single day you want someone to take you away and you think they do but you were wrong they didnt love you just another way love screws you over and twists the knife in your back around just another way you feel like your falling face first to the ground its a never ending twist of fate when you will never find your life long mate "thoughts of suicide" this is written for a friend, so i do not feel this way, okay kat! this is written for her, i dont have alot of emoition in it, or so said the friend. and she is right it didnt happen to me, it happened to her, so i dont know how she felt, but hopefully she still likes it. so much stress and pressure thoughts of suicide not good enough for anyone so i must resign from this place of torture and where the pain resides all thats left inside of me are thoughts of suicide this mask that im portraying does so well to hide the pain and hurt inside me and my thoughts of suicide the pain embraces me more each night how can my friends take this so light after all the years i have finally made up my mind there is only one way for me to resign which is suicide i slit my wrists from that i died which is suicide im finally away from my sorrows and finnally away from my tears but i left my loved ones with heartache and tears for the rest of there years i was selfish in my actions i did not realized they cared it is to late now there is no turning back i have commited suicide

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