Wednesday, October 3, 2007

   Emo Poems

Now What? When I told you. You were every beat of my heart. I meant it Every word I said was true Now that your gone. My heart has stopped beating You still hold in in your hand, I am still sitting, waiting Are you going to let it beat again? Or are you going to stop it for good? The warmth of my skin was because of you. The flow of my blood was too. The breathe in my lungs. The fate of my soul. Now what am I suppossed to do? At Rest Hole right through my chest. Frayed and empty I can't catch my breathe Tendrils and nerves beared This pain is to much to bear My mind is numb Numb to everything else It's getting bigger and bigger With each intake of breathe With each thought of all the "I love you's" Said Gaping for air Clawing at my chest. My heart will never be at rest.

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Tuesday, October 2, 2007

   Heart Breaks

Can you hear a heart break? Hmm...It is kind of funny on how soon you notice and miss the small things. Things you took for granted. Like Calling you babe instead of your real name. It kills me a little bit at a time, each time I hear her call me my name. In case you couldn't tell Becki and I are on a break. This time it is for real. I mean we are still technically together but we are broken up. I guess we are broken up without seeing other people. I don't know. I am very sad. I have cried a lot. I don't know if I can handle just being friends with her. *sighs* I don't know, it is for the best with our relationship, I guess. I am just terrified that a break will turn into permanance. I don't Know I need to stop before I get more upset! Nikki.

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Thursday, September 20, 2007

Okay!

I am already tired of this background. If I could have found a pretty Tarot Cafe background I wouldn't be. But oh well. Time to change. *goes and looks for Jing*

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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

   Once again...

Once again working on my story. I have had the same character started on like 6 different stories. I think this time I finally found where I want to go with my novel. *Smiles* Ya'll just wish me luck. Cause I am not that confident with my writing. BUt I hope I am good enough. Some people hate my writing, I won't name any names, *cough* Amy *cough* but I get compliments from it as well. lol SO I shall finally finish my story. GO me. GO Xanders!

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Sunday, September 16, 2007

   My Site.

Well I am going to try to do my site in the order that I read my favorite Mangas. First was Hellsing, now It is time for Tarot Cafe. But I can't find a good back ground. So I am going to use a Butterfly Background, witht the little Emo Kitty boy as my Post background. Only reason I am using a buttefly, because on all of the pictures I found of him it said butterfly on it, and the picture I found it had a butterfly. ^^ So deal. Then My avi is a trapped butterfly. SO a tortured soul like the emo Kitty! Oh just in case you want to know, I guess Jing will be next. Then Angel Sanctuary, Then Fruits Baskets.

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   Holy Balls!

Well I just did the white knee to elbow dance, well as good as a fat, uncoordinated person can. xD I was trying to make Becki laugh. Yes Amy, I did our Carliton dance as well. You have to Represent, Yo! Yeah I am bored. Guess what!? I stole a word from the Fuzzy. Adorkable! He called Kayla that! Yup Yup. So Yeah I am the Adorkable Smurf. Betcha You can't find another person like me! In other news, SCABIES! Blood! Nuclear Bombing of Coackroaches?!? Ackers! RUN FUCKERS RUN! o______0 *twitches* Glad we had this talk! Nikki!

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Monday, September 10, 2007

   update

Well the break didn't last long. Becki actually thought I was happy about it becasue I wan't crying Sautrday. I guess I tried to block everything out and try not to be upset. Well, Sunday we talked, we wanted to be together but just "act" like friends for awhile. Well, eventually I told her I couldn't do that. I said we either have to be friends, or have a break. Then she said, "Well I guess we need that break." I started crying so hard. Everthing came flooding down. I realized that I could loose her and I couldn't handle it. We both didn't want a break. We knew we couldn't deal without each other. So we are together, and we are just going to find a way to deal, and work throught it. Also, just let the past be the past. Damn, It kills me that I Almost lost her twice. Until Next Time, Nikki.

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Saturday, September 8, 2007

   The Break.

Me and my beautiful baby are on a break. We have been fighting a lot, and it for the best. We want to be able to fall in love all over again. We are scared if we keep on that we will end up breaking up on bad terms, and neither of us want that. We just need a break to clear our minds and hearts and Hopefully everything will be alright. IF something does happen to us permantly I know in my heart we are meant to be together. So if that happens I know our paths will cross once again in life. But I believe we will be okay after this break. WE love each other to much. The funny thing is we don't know how to go about it, so we are just taking it day by day. Just so ya'll know, I am okay with this. We need this, so I am not going to go all emo and jump off a bridge. lol Until Next time, Nikki.

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   Twilight!

Okay, well I have been reading Twilight by Stephanie Meyer for the last 3 hours. It was an awesome book, can't wait till I can read the other two in the Trilogy. I read for so long and Now the screen is all blury. I might need to rest my eyes. Grrr. On other news I heard something outside my window tonight, it ended up being just the cats. [I hoped] I felt like I was five and my dad had to check for monsters. He went outside and walked around the house. But I swore I heard voices. lol Oh Today is Becki and I's 6 month anniversary. So Yay for us. lol Well seriously my vision is blury, so I think I should stop reading. =[ Until Next Time. Nikki.

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Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Like I said.

My depression was for nothing. I rather not get into it. I still have a worried feeling I can't shake off, about me and Becki's relationship. I think it is paranoia, I hope it is paranoia.

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